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working to conquer OCD
I feel bad my mind is like admitting that I am what I think I am , whenever I say I’m straight doesn’t feel right anymore , I’m thinking after a short period of time I’m gonna accept it and I don’t like to think about it 😭😭
Not sure if it’s entirely retroactive jealousy, since I’m not sure if it qualifies as jealousy necessarily or if it’s simply ROCD. Just to give context: my boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. I told him I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex for religious reasons; however, he has had sex in his previous relationship, and this is my first ever relationship and I’ve never had sex before. I used to kind of oscillate between feelings of jealousy, anger, sadness, and even amusement at times at the idea of him sleeping with his ex partner. Now, I primarily feel disgust at the idea. And I feel gross when thinking of the possibility of being intimate with my boyfriend. I have questioned before if I was maybe asexual, and now I’m wondering if this is the case. But maybe not since I believe I was sexually attracted to him at the beginning of our relationship, and I think I do feel attraction to him at times, but those feelings are frequently replaced by repulsion. I was okay with the idea of him having had sex before, until he actually confirmed it, and now, it haunts me. I just can’t fathom the idea of him having a sexual past. Maybe it’s because it’s not what I imagined my first relationship would look like. I simply can’t comprehend the idea of me being intimate with him, and I’m not certain that I desire it either. I just can’t seem to grasp the idea of him in that context. Maybe it’s just because I’ve not had that type of experience yet. After compulsively confessing to him several times, he’s told me his ex was “awful” to him, which inadvertently makes me feel bad since I have been with him longer than his ex at this point, and, even though I am the one who wants to wait, it makes me feel as though something is wrong with me, that he would sleep with her and not me. If he sleeps with her, and she’s awful, but not me, then what does that make me? It doesn’t make sense, since again, it was my decision to wait, but it is something I think about when I’m spiraling. Part of me wants to sleep with him, so I can stop the mental images and everything else, but I know that is not the solution. I just wanted to air out my thoughts since I have been holding onto them for a while, but I’ve never typed them out until now. Hoping this may help me to let go of at least some of it. Thank you to anyone who may have taken the time to read through my long winded message.
I’m not believing that this is Hocd now , I feel ok about being gay/bi but it’s not my thing !!!! I’m feeling like I have accepted it and my mind is thinking that I’m now gay!! Even when I am calm I don’t react to my thoughts even that they feel weird , every second my mind is “you are bi\gay” “you have found yourself” “you are different” “you are looking at these thoughts just to pretend that you have ocd” , I got so convinced and it’s not leaving , NOW I THINK ACCEPTING THAT IM GAY IS A MATTER OF TIME !!!!
Out of curiosity, do most of you think your OCD developed because of genetics or some kind of consistent trauma. For me, trauma definitely. Sometimes I think if I had just been raised in a less chaotic household and not have had so much emotional abuse, I wouldn’t suffer from this. Doesn’t it suck that most of the time we need therapy because of people who refused to go 😑. All we can do is break generational curses. One thing we do have to remember, is we DO have the power to do that! I’m proud of anyone who is fighting their OCD. Even if you have setbacks and struggles, keep going. You are changing toxic cycles whether you know it or not. You are needed here ❤️
Last night had to be one of the worst night for me, I went to bed at around 2:30am and while I was lying down I had these disgusting horrible thoughts, no matter what I did they wouldn’t go away, I put on my tv and stayed awake the whole night hoping it would go away I am exhausted. And scared, I don’t know what to do!!
Do y’all think watching porn can increase anxiety & depression and other mental illnesses? I really think it does. I went from having extreme anxiety and depression and stopped doing it and went a whole year feeling fine then started it back and now I’ve had a relapse with everything. I think it messes with your dopamine or something.
So today, on a hike, I was hoping to get clarity on whether I should stay in my marriage or not (ROCD is rampant these days). Yeah, that's something I feel I'm never going to get. Each answer is terrifying and makes me sick. How do people make huge life decisions with OCD? The biggest life decision I've made is my marriage and I've questioned it ever since.
All I do is ruin everything. I’ve ruined friendships because of trust issues and anger. My family hates me because I ruin holidays and vacations (my mom has told me this many times so it’s true) and I wish I could just leave forever. I can’t do the alternative but I wish I could pack my car and just go away so no one would have to deal with me anymore. Ever since my mental health has gotten so much worse, I have no good days anymore. I get called horrible names and I get made out like I don’t matter so it must be true. I don’t. There’s nothing for me here anymore. I tried getting back into college and was so excited to finally make a change in my life and start fresh but that failed. I’m independent since I turned 18 so even though I live with my mom and grandma, I financially depend on myself. I don’t make much at all at my job and there’s no way I could afford living on my own although it’s a dream of mine to get to. I have two cats that I absolutely love and they are my entire world and I can’t leave them because they wouldn’t be taken care of. I take care of them everyday probably more than myself. I hate myself. I hate my life. Im not saying that my life is worse than others at all and I hope no one takes it that way. Im just so lost and upset. It seems like no matter what I do to try and fix things, it comes crashing down all over again and it’s always my fault. I don’t deserve happiness or love.
Honestly, I feel so confused right now. I previously had socd in March and April. The thing is, idk what caused it start but ever since I was very young I always had a feeling that I wasn’t straight and I think that insecurity made my anxiety and fears worse. The only way for me to overcome this was to accept that I wasn’t straight (I still don’t exactly know my sexuality). After that I experienced pure ocd and harm ocd for around a month or less, and now I’m struggling with tocd. This theme has been going on for a little over a month now and it’s been getting worse. It started off as something I mostly ignored, but now I keep obsessing over my pronouns and whether I’m nonbinary, trans, etc. This really scares me bc I know a lot of people who have said that once you think about your sexuality you start thinking about your gender and it’s just so scary. Prior to this theme I have always felt comfortable in my skin as a woman who uses she/her pronouns but now I feel like I don’t even know myself. Something to consider is I’m going to college in 2 months and I’m 18 so I could be stressed about college and going through some sort of identity crisis, but I just feel like don’t know anything about my identity or who I am.
I really need help. This isn’t ocd related but I don’t know what to do and I have no one to go to. I think my mom is verbally abusive and I don’t know if I’m overthinking because I’m told all the time I overthink things but I can’t calm down. My mom has treated me horrible my whole life she doesn’t pay attention when I tell her things I’m excited about, she dismisses my feelings or when I’m upset and makes me feel like I’m a problem or that I don’t matter and that her problems are always worse than mine. She has threatened to hit me many times throughout my life but never has except for once when I was little I had a horrible headache and was crying from the pain in my room and we had company and she came in and hit me and told me to shut up that I’m worrying the company. She’s called me so many horrible names and just did today. We were playing cards and listening to music with my grandma and when I made a music suggestion she had a strong opinion about a singer that she has also listened to and when I got irritated about it she stopped playing and said I was a “little bitc*” said “another holiday ruined” and made a comment about my friends at work and that I treat them some way is why I lost them or whatever and she’s always called me much worse. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and I want to escape so badly but I can’t I have no where to go. I’m 23 and live with my mom and grandma. I can’t afford to move out and if I did I would have to live in my car. I’m so scared and upset. I hate myself. I wish I could just give up and I’m scared if I do that than it’s going to get much worse for me but at this point I don’t care. I have no one who loves me or cares about me and I definitely don’t have my mom because if it were any one else she would be so kind to them and treat them so nice if they were going through a hard time because I’ve heard her do that for many people but in real life when no one is listening and I tell her what is going on and why I’m upset she yells and screams at me saying I’m a ungrateful bitc* and that there’s nothing I could possibly be stressed about and many other things. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I could be free
I have been medicated for OCD since I was 7. Now I am 29 and my husband and I are wanting to have kids soon. I am worried about how being on medication that long will affect my fertility. I am also worried about if I will be able to get off of my medication while pregnant. I think I need to be medicated for my mental health but I am terrified at what the medication could do to my baby. All the Drs I have talked to say it’s fine but honestly I don’t trust them. I have been reading medial articles and studies that say that the medication I am on (Lexapro) can cause harm to my fertility and to an unborn baby. Has anyone else dealt with this?
Any parents on here struggle with intrusive thoughts of their spouse or children?
Anyone else grieving a lost childhood due to OCD? Also grieving missed opportunities in college.
I have exposed myself hundreds of times since I got this problem with driving. I get anxious for NO REASON and it's even harder when you're with someone in the car. I love driving. I've had a license for five years. I am confident in my driving and have not had this problem before. Yet, random anxiousness shows up when I'm on the road and I have gone to the point where I'm driving for no reason other than exposing myself, but it does not go down. I keep getting it, I accept it, yet it keeps showing up. I'm not anxious on my way to the car or when I leave it, it's only when I drive it. I can't find any possible reason why it's like this and it's annoying at this point.
I'm tired of being worried. Everyday I have a constant fear I won't be able to sleep at night. But unlike other forms of OCD ( if this one here is OCD) that does happen sometimes. I've dealt with many subtypes of OCD, ranging from Harm to Sexual Orientation, but this fear here is different. I know that, during my harm OCD, I couldnt tell whether I would end up doing that or not towards other people, but it never happened. However, I DO happen to lose a night of sleep once in a while. So it's like being scared of seeing a ghost, and eventually seeing that ghost. I just don't know what to do anymore. If that's OCD, I don't know how to expose myself. I can't identify the compulsions. It's even paradoxical: The more afraid I am about not sleeping, the more anxious I get and the harder it gets to sleep. And when I look for tips to cope with OCD, guess what? " Get plenty of sleep" Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
Does anyone else struggle with following religious rules? My therapist is trying to get me to be more flexible in terms of rules but I don’t see how they can be flexible.
I feel so anxious and stuck right now. I have used up all my energy and im so tired of fighting everyday. It seems like no one understands the state of exhaustion im in. Battling with my mind everyday and trying to win a pointless fight. Everyone thinks im lazy but they dont see beneath the surface. Im so burned out and i feel like i cant escape myself. I feel guilty because i want to move out of my house and be independent. But there's no way i can possibly achieve that. I can barely brush my teeth or get out of bed. I feel so powerless and its making me panic. On top of that, i have a new major obsession. It started small but now its eating me alive. I'm just so tired of living like this. Its like im trapped in my own body. I want to live my life and do what i want but how can i do that when my own brain won't cooperate. Im also worried about climate change and the new abortion ban. I live in canada but i heard on the radio that they could ban abortion here too. I feel like the world is burning and we're all going to die. Its so frightening
Not during the effects but after it wears off, my anxiety and depression spike, especially after two repeated days, i feel so strange :/
I’ve been even more confused now, let me explain. Before as a compulsion i would read Reddit posts to get reassurance. In most of them i would read that gay people aren’t scared of being gay or liking the same sex . Instead they’re more scared of people finding out or not being accepted. Now when i first read those posts I’d feel relief, like hey Jai you’re scared of being gay so you’re probably not. I remember the first week when hocd hit me i was basically depressed and crying that I’m gay. As time went on and the power of the thoughts became less since they were the same thing trying to show me proof of being gay . I kept on ignoring them no matter how sad they made me feel. Now it’s basically used my compulsions against me. It’s concluded that I’m gay and i need to focus on coming out, just like they said in the article, any time i went soft , or couldn’t get it up, failed relationships, not feeling as stressed as before all against me. So all this has made me feel like I’m in denial, everything I’ve ever done with a woman, my entire life has been a lie. If i don’t feel as sad as before that’ll be proof that i am what i fear, as of right now i feel depressed about it. When i talk to people ofc i smile and talk somewhat normally. Ocd has completely altered my personality. Even when i go on dates I’d ask the woman are you okay with dating someone bi? They’d say sure they don’t care. And I’d get relief for maybe a day and then boom right back into again. I don’t feel good about any of this. I can’t even tell if it’s hocd anymore, i certainly don’t feel good about any of this, getting groinal responses to these thoughts, or having a dream about it, it’s all so embarrassing, little to no positive emotions attached to any of this . Lastly I’m doing erp but things are getting worse. I can’t tell if i have false attraction or real attraction. I’ve lost libido, when i see a good looking woman i feel nothing, when i go on dates i feel nothing I’m sure the mental block of going limp has something to do with this too, but gosh i was i was just normal again.
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OCD doesn't have to
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