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the NOCD Community

How are you tonight?

What can intrusive thoughts be about? I’m fearing right now that I’m becoming delusional with a thought that popped into my head and now I’ve gone down the rabbit hole and it’s creating so much anxiety. I’m afraid that I believe it or will start to believe it. It’s causing me so much distress.

Living with toxic parents check. Rather than checking in on me and asking if I’m okay with mental health. They wanna say I’m lazy for not coming out room and claiming I want nothing to do with them because i don’t come out a lot as if I don’t deal with the shit I deal with on daily basis . Dad threatened he’ll take my door away . I’m almost 20 btw 🥺yup and still get treated this way. Because I left my recent job and came back to old one dad had gotten wrong idea I only wanna be working fast food rest life . WTFFFF I’ve had talks wit them many times . I want to go to college and not for their sake but for my own because I WANT TO! Why tf can’t they notice realize all hard work I’ve put into these past couple years especially having to deal with all these factors affecting mental health. They have no idea with what I battle with everyday. I hate them . After he had invited me to go out I had agreed to it but now he wants to act this way on me and treat me like this as if I did anything ....NO I’m done . No happy Father’s Day to him . I’m done with him . I am genuinely done.

My niece was having an attitude with me and I told her to stop having an attitude my mom defended her and snapped at me when my niece was in the wrong (she’s 11 and has a horrible attitude with me all the time) and I tried to defend myself and my mom threatened to pull over and slap me in my face and I said whatever to show I wasn’t afraid and then she said it again that she would slap me dead in the face and it’s not the only time she’s threatened me like that. She’s threatened to hit me many times before growing up. She also treats me like I’m nothing and shows no care for me whatsoever and makes me feel unloved and like a burden when it comes to my niece she’s perfect and gets whatever she wants and validation. I get threatened and yelled at. I’m 23 but I’m on vacation with them and I can’t escape. I’m now crying in the car trying to be quiet. I just really need help. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I feel like giving up because why should I even be here if my mom doesn’t care about me or love me. I don’t even know if this would even be considered abuse or not 💔

My wife thinks that I don’t trust her. She knows that I’ve dealt with OCD for several years but I guess it’s because I don’t normally share the details of what my mind is obsessing over that she thinks I don’t trust her, but I do tell her when I’m having a bad day. Although I do have trouble trusting people with information because of my upbringing, I told her that with OCD it’s that I can’t trust my own mind. I’ve had obsessions in the past over events that seemed so critical at the time that I now realize meant nothing and I remember during those times wanting to confess to people so badly for reassurance and then when I did it didn’t help anything. I’ve tried explaining to her how this disease tricks your brain but I’m not sure that she understands it. Please don’t take this as me talking down about my wife because she is awesome. I’m really just wondering if I should be more open or if maybe I should try to help her understand OCD better?

I’m stuck on breathing and blinking manually 😭😭😭😭😭

i just need to ramble i’m a 19 year old amateur self-taught digital artist with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and of course, obsessive compulsive disorder. i see art as my passion, my only talent and purpose. i want to use that art to inspire, bring happiness and create something new for people to enjoy but i’ve always been so negative and panicky about my art, i know logically negativity isn’t going to help, but i think you’ll all agree ocd sucks. I have wanted to start doing art commissions for people since i was 15, and it took four years until i recently got the courage to get myself together and figure out how to be an adult. this year i recently opened commissions and this is rare of me to say but i’m kinda proud to say i’ve made 140$ :) despite this success my brain likes to continue to punch me, usually bringing me down to a place where i once again feel worthless, incapable and terrified. I’ve tried my best to manage myself despite all the “kill yourself”stuff my head wouldn’t stop yelling about. today i got another commission. i was happy and i was friends with that person, but they are so much more talented and creative than i am myself, and so now i feel panic. the conversation was totally fine too, we were just friends talking, and they gave me a totally manageable and a a well explained request and i agreed, but i’m terrified. i don’t want to disappoint them, take too long, make a mistake, embarrass myself somehow (i always find a way), or give them something that looks like crap. I guess my thought process is i really don’t believe my stuff is worth money. “it’s a disgusting absolute disappointment why are you wasting your life” says the brain chatter. I guess i just gotta go with it. just try to wait out the anxiety that will consume me for the next couple days. it’s total agony though, my ocd rots me from the inside. keeps telling me to just kill myself (everything stirs the pot) do these moments of pain ever truly go away? or do we live the rest of our lives getting better, then getting worse, then getting better ocd is telling me to apologize for wasting the time of people reading this. so um yeah, i’m sorry.

Anyone that has harm ocd not get the “what if” thoughts anymore and your thoughts are just straight out “do it” which obviously id never and I don’t want the thoughts. Just so scary and time consuming because I spend hours telling myself “I’d never do that, it’s okay”

I told my parents today I have POCD and they flat out didn't believe me. They also told me that all I have are demons swarming around me and that I should pray the demons away. I felt like I wasted my time explaining everything I worked on.

This year, I met a person who I really like. He was all I thought about, but after the end of school I can't see him very often and my OCD became worse. I thought that I made a lot of progress with my OCD this year, but now I think that he just filled the space in my head where my OCD used to be. Should I distance myself from him? But I don't want ruin our relationship. He made me more open. Introduced me to his friends. School didn't feel that dreadful anymore. But my mind says this relationship is bad for me and my ocd i don't know what to do

Can a fear of something/someone always behind you be a sign of OCD or am I just freaking crazy??? I’m nauseous just thinking that I could be crazy.

Does anyone get over a thought but still feel the anxiety over it so you go back to the thought? If so, any tips for it? I’m desperate and tired 😓

Hi everyone, I’m a 17 year old teenage girl and have been struggling immensely with my OCD. I have suicidal OCD and I can’t seem to get better no matter what I try. It’s exhausting to have to deal with and I want it to stop.

I am ruining my relationship as I can’t stop mentioning my boyfriends ex. And got it into my head he’s cheated on mr with her. I am going on and on and have it in my head that I have to message her for confirmation and reassurance even though there’s no evidence he has cheated

Hello there ! I have been suffering from ocd problem since about 10 years old. I think it will pass when I grow up, but now I am 20 years old and nothing has changed. I have no idea what to do, think or feel anymore. i need help maybe you can give some advice? When I went to the psychiatrist last year, she told me I had bipolar disorder. I started taking medications for bipolar disorder but it didn't help my ocd. The drugs just made me sleep more than usual. My anxiety is fear of loving things I don't like and not knowing it. i.e. disturbing thoughts.To give an example, I think that something bad should happen to someone I love. And I'm not impressed because I know it's just a thought. but ocd tells me. "You didn't feel any anxiety because you want it to happen and you let it happen. In your heart you wish it would happen" this time I'm filled with serious anxiety and I start to fear and regret "How can I accept this, do I really want it". When I relieve myself by saying "no no I don't want to" which I think is the compulsive part. my brain or ocd says "No, you accepted this" while struggling with it as a result of long efforts, yesterday I stopped doing ocd by saying "yes, I didn't bother and I accepted it, but that doesn't mean I want it". I was relieved and thought the whole OCD was over. but ocd squeezes me again saying "why did you relax? because you already want it". I say "Yes I want" just to not do ocd. This time I'm going into serious regret, self-loathing, and depression for admitting something I hate.If I still hate it after accepting it, do I really accept it? Or do I just want to accept that I accept? I don't know if I really want these. I really need someone to tell me that I don't want any of this. but this is the compulsiveness of getting approval from others. I don't know what to do, believe what to believe. I know it was a silly fight with myself. I'm sorry to bother you, but I don't share my problem with anyone because I'm embarrassed. I'm slowly drifting into depression. I don't enjoy anything, I question the meaning of life. I always had a tendency to melancholy. Even now ocd is putting pressure on me saying "you love depression, you actually want it, you don't actually want to get better". To sum it up, I need help. thank you for reading. I hope it didn't affect your ocd. with best wishes for your recovery.

Sorry for the long post but I wanted to give a full explanation if my ocd hell. It started at 13 with harm ocd , rituals , magical thinking . It then moved to pocd…. The last and current theme I have is making me feel really ill. I basically had a panic attack 11 years or so ago and a thought / sensation came into my mind ‘ I don’t feel like mea’ … this then extended to ‘ if I’m not me , who am I , who’s reality is this? Am I in a dream ‘ … I went into full panic mode with dp for months . Took myself to a and e to be told it was high level ocd and anxiety . Since then I have been on fluoxetine for 10 years but every 6 months or so this comes back. It’s now extended to me convincing myself I am in someone else’s dream trapped in a false reality … how the hell does this get reinforced by feelings? I feel like someone else !!! The brain is a crazy thing . I have a full time Hugh level job and a beautiful daughter but feel like I can’t relax because as soon as I do I get the panic thought/feeling ‘ I am ‘ a another ‘ I need to panic and address this paranormal episode I know deep down this isn’t real or right but it doesn’t stop the horrible sensations and questioning hitting me hard I have had cbt but not erp… if someone can relate or help I would really appreciate it ‘ a final note is I think this is all fuelled from being scared of psychosis and researching how a psychotic person wouldn’t question thee Ed thought but be adamant of false beliefs ‘ Urgh

Does anyone have their past “proofs” and make it feel like denial because of the past

I’ve had a couple bad days this week. Anyone have tips to not ruminate and how to learn to just accept OCD and not take it as a thing that’ll just ruin my life..I’ve got 3 boys and my beautiful wife and I just want them to get the most out of me and enjoy life with them. OCD as of late has made some events kind of hard..I do find joy in being around them. But at times the anxiety that comes with it can be tough. Please only share positive feedback! God bless everyone

Do any of y’all feel like your focus is gone because of OCD? I’m in school for law and currently working through a couple month long OCD episode after getting Covid and I find my focus is gone. Or my mind just feels so tired and forgetful. Is this common? It’s making anxious as I obviously over analyze everything I feel. And also a question for women do you find that closer to your cycle you get more anxious and triggered?

for the longest my ocd had been fixated on harm ocd and then on developing schizophrenia and then on psychotic disorder in general. I first feared that maybe I would start hallucinating. But I never did and the ocd got board and moved on to delusions. I've read so many delusions that my ocd intrusive thoughts have "mimiced" it's not even funny. The one about the world being a simulation/people poisoning things/what if people are out to get me/cotards. All ONLY appearing after I've read them However I also have bouts of exestinal ocd and dpdr the fuels the fire to not only the exestinal theme but the psychosis one as well. Sometimes when the dpdr kicks in it feel as if my husband (who I love very much) is a stranger or a different version of himself. I also have moments where his face is completely unrecognizable. But I still know who he is. I feel disconnected from my emotions at times as well as my memories. I have worked with many people with my mental helath. It used to be a compulsion of mine to seek reassurance from New provoiders. All of them had said I'm absolutely not suffering from anything on the psychotic spectrum nor am I close. But you know ocd makes you doubt. Anyway before I started seeing my ocd specialist I looked up "mental helath problems that can cause people to feel like stranger" of course dp/dr came up but so did a "fun" little delusion called the capgras delusion. I had never heard of this so I was like huh let me read about it. BAD.DECISON. instantly I was convinced that that was what I was suffering from. I freaked out then my intrusive thoughts switched. "What if your husband has been replaced" I didn't know wether to laugh or cry because of course he hasn't been that doesn't happen so then why was I thinking it? Did I beleive it ? Is that why I was thinking it over and over again? I told myself of course not. It's not like I was trying to get away from him/aliens don't exist and I don't beleive in clones or doppelganger. And I definitely don't think even if they were real someone would waste their time with fucking with my life. But the thought kept creeping in making me anxious and worried that I was going psychotic and the feeling of disconnect from the dpdr didn't help. When I got calmed down I was like duh I never beleived that it was just my ocd playing with my fears. People don't get replaced But then the ocd was like "what if they do though" and the cycle started again. I don't beleive it but sometimes the fear makes me wonder if I do. This is so stupid I want it to stop. My therapist and psych again said this is all ocd not a delusion or capgras. I've also had a mri done and my brain is perfectly healthy. I guess I'm just looking for anyone with a similar experience?