Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi everyone! I am new to all this and I am not really sure if I have OCD. But basically in elementary school a "friend" made an fb account on my name, with a picture of some girl in a bikini. Then I knew nothing about social media and I was naive. Since that profile i started obsessing about it, checking out if she deleted it all the tims, but back then I didn't gave much attention to it. Just recently, like a year ago when something happened that trigerred mw, I stareted searching my name on all social media platforms, looking for a fake account making fun of me. I am pretty rational and chill person and I can not connect this behaviour with my real self. Just that some kind of fear occupies my mind and I get info searching myself, If I have a bad day it might take an hour of just doing that. When I dont find anything I feel relly calm, but quick after that doubts start bombing my brain like "what if you missed it or what if you enter your name with one more letter, or a number". It escalated last year when I was home because of covid, I spent all my time doing that, stoped going out in a fear I will miss something out. This whole situation triggered me when a friend of mine found out she had a crazy ex that was secretly filming their home, and I started searching videos of me on innapropriate sites, in a fear of video of me changing my clothes and convincing myself that I look like someone on a random video, than I see that I dont and I feel better, but within a half an hour new ideas that it is me and i should check it out comes. It ruined my life, i stopped seeing people, trusting anyone etc. Part of me knows that all of this might be a trigger from that profile in elementar school but then my brain is pretty loud that I am only comforting and lieing myself by thinking that. I just cant connect me a really rational being that I know I am and then those thoughts. I start thinking am I right about them too. I couldnt find anyone experiencing something like that around me, so maybe I find someone here that can relate to it.

Does anyone on here happen to have hyper specific health obsessions? Specifically on rare, incurable diseases. I have one in particular but I literally hate even typing the word out! I’m so sick of my brain being like this!! I was doing great for months and all the sudden it’s back after seeing one tiktok comment that mentioned it.

I can’t seem to do anything right anymore. I’m losing friends and people so quick and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My OCD is not helping because I overthink everything. They left without a reason or at least they left without telling me why. Obviously I’m the problem.

When people tell me to accept it, do they mean accept the thought or accept that you have these thoughts. Because I have Suicidal OCD and I get these thoughts and just can’t accept that I could do something like that

Anyone that overcome somatic ocd and what to share his history?

Does anyone else take FOREVER to leave the house? Especially if they are going out of town for the night. Its so awful, I always end up getting to my destination hours after everyone else and miss out on fun things. 😞 It's awful. Leaving the house causes so much anxiety and triggers my ocd like crazy to where I feel like I have very little control over it. Anyone veterans out there with suggestions on what has worked for you! Please help! I've been dealing with this for close to 6 years now. 😪😕😭

My ocd today is so bad ): I got aggravated at my little siblings and now I’ve been getting harm intrusive thoughts. I hate it, I had to go and lock myself in the bathroom because I’m scared I’ll do something. Everytime I walk past them I’m scared of hurting them and I get symptoms of anxiety. Does anyone have any Tips? I try to agree with the thoughts but it just makes me question myself even more. Sometimes the thoughts are statements and it’s getting to the point where I think something is truly wrong with me

After many months im thinking again if my suicidal thoughts are ocd thoughts or ideations... Something bad happened that made me a little hopeless about how i will handle this and i had a thought while i dealt with the strong feelings that "i dont want to live like this,maybe even i want to die" and i started to think if i really ment that or its just ocd... but it made me stressed. Once i even thought its better to die and imediatelly i felt so bad, scared and started to think if its real or not...

I met a guy on THIS app and we talked everyday for months. I was even planning to go meet him in his city. He started becoming distant while still trying to sext me here and there. Today I find out he’s trying to pursue some girl at work and that’s why he’s been distant, even though he was just telling me his sexual desires not too long before in the same conversation. When I called him out on all do this he blocks me on everything. He picked me up right after a breakup where I was on mental disability. I posted on here and he commented to make me feel better, and it went from there. I didn’t need this. My mental health is shattered. I’m tired of feeling used by men and giving my all to them. My self esteem is so down and i can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me. Be careful who you meet on this app even if this is a mostly nice community.

I genuinely think I contracted food poisoning . I had barely eaten throughout day until I got home from work . Had a sandwich and fries. I felt so stuffed afterwards , that I started to feel shortness of breath and nauseous. I felt better a little agyer but still felt full, I then stupidly continued to ate despite that. I had a pint of ice cream I had been saving since I got home. My main symptoms I’ve noticed have been Alor of dehydration, nauseo, and shortness of breath. Drinking water isn’t helping . I’m scared I’ll die in my sleep. I don’t wanna have to ruminate and get anxiety and possibly have to ask parents to rush me to hospital .

ZOCD 18+ TRIGGER WARING I was moving my water over too my side of the bed, and my dog was laying in the middle of the bed and I didn’t feel like telling her too move and I when i reached over hear my private part touched her and I don’t know if it’s because I felt my area touch her when i was reaching across the bed too put my water there but it felt like I wanted too keep my area there and had this weird feeling and as soon as I felt that I quickly moved, and now i’m scared and worried that I didn’t move fast enough, that I should’ve just moved her towards the bottom of the bed, I know I didn’t intentionally go into that wanting to do that, but those feelings just bothered me, I feel awful and Now i don’t even wanna pet my dog, I feel sick and disgusted😭

Anyone else not feel girly enough? I can remember growing up feeling uncomfortable trying to look cute and wear makeup. It was like I didn’t want the attention. Like I was scared boys would make fun of me. Makes me wonder if I was self conscious or I didn’t like being a girl. I feel good about being a girl now but I still don’t love being girly, like trying too hard to look cute.

I remember a few months ago my boyfriend cousins were coming to pick him up and I remember feeling like I wanted to Show off meaning like walk outside and let his cousins see me . They were in the truck waiting for him.And I believe I questioned myself about it but I’m not too sure . I feel like I was emotionally cheating . Honestly before I met my boyfriend I used to walk in places thinking everyone was looking at me bc I was cute . Mainly males . I guess I’m a bit narcissistic. Everyone has narcissistic tendencies but I feel like I’m a little bit more narcissistic than usual when it comes to looks . I felt like I was trying to fish attention from his cousins and now I feel bad and that I’ve cheated . Deep down I don’t desire to be with anyone else but sometimes I feel like I be showing off and maybe those tendencies are linked to it . I guess it’s an ego problem but I’m also very insecure so I don’t exactly know what to call this . Hopefully someone can relate

I suffered for a really long time (approx 2 years) with Real Event/False Memory ROCD. This led to a long period of chronic guilt, rumination, mental review and confessing. I sought help last year and finally realised I had OCD (hurrah) and wasn’t totally losing my mind. I felt as though I was (prior to diagnosis) when I told my therapist… “no matter what, I’m having the same thought over and over and every time I think I’ve found a way out of it, it comes back”. I felt really suicidal and could not see my way out of it for a while. I found a lot of help online with Instagram which led me to finding NOCD and a number of their therapists. I actually started NOCD therapy last year and was finally ridding myself of these horrible shackles and seeing that my life didn’t have to be defined by memories, mistakes and fears. However, unfortunately I fell ill and a number of life changing events happened (lost a beloved pet, was in and out of hospital, my stepdad became seriously ill and hospitalised) so I gave up therapy for the time being. Since, I’ve found myself distracted from my fears, I suppose I had a new theme to focus on (my health), I’d not realised it had become compulsive but I suppose it had. Anyway, it’s been a few months and I am still unwell but finding a way around it. I also have some great news in my life, I found out I’m pregnant and am beginning a new chapter in my life and am adapting to the changes and fears that come with that. Unfortunately 2 days ago I was floored by my old obsessions, back with vengeance with none of my old tools able to help again. I’m catching myself ruminating, I am noticing old patterns of mental review returning, here I am with that gut wrenching fear in my stomach constantly and words on my tongue ready to confess to things I may or may not have done (who knows!?). I feel so unprepared for this return of old fears… I thought I’d done well and almost become un-fearful again? I’m not sure where to go from here, I’ve enquired about some ERP again and am taking those steps. I’ve grabbed my old OCD books and am ready to remind myself to step out of those cycles. But I can’t help but feel devastated that the same old scary patterns have grabbed me again. Anyone have any top tips for coping in the meantime whilst arranging some ERP again 🪴

Me and my wife both have the day off and all I want is to spend a nice day with her but all I feel is anxiety and frustration… why can’t I just enjoy this.

Welp. Woke up this morning and it was alright . Realized I had to come into work 10:30 . Then realized last minute I didn’t have clean uniform. I began to over analyze my entire life and how much of a failure I am . I work with bunch of HS kids and most of which know how to drive and/or have their vehicle unlike me . Meanwhile, it’s been over a year and all I been doing was working which feels tiring to a certain point - it’s not always bad jusr some days I get real exhausted from normal work stress or even sometimes the fact I’m not at higher position as the other workers are . Which puts me to think “geee not only am I not able to drive like most people do (including my own siblings) but I also can’t manage to be as good as other employees for other managers to realize. Not to mention, on top of all this I have to deal with the non stop episodes of my ocd . It interferes with work, my chores, my inability to drive , etcccc. I’m not in a relationship which does stress me out because I know I am not ready until I have stop stressing about my low self esteem and social anxiety . I have also have anxiety of not having my goals done and just not being organized . I have a list of goals I wanna accomplish . How will I be able to manage all this stress /anxiety when I get to college? Especially with all the work I’ll have to be doing during college . This is just so much for me it feels impossible . I haven’t even started erp . I feel hopeless. I feel like a loser . It’s the bare minimum that I can’t even do such as driving - I understand it takes time blah blah it’s a essential thing eveyone needs to know unless given the circumstances one is in. Even with my case, j feel like I should’ve been knowing and I only blame me for it . I’ve wasted many of my youthful adolescent years . Gee I sound like a grandpa and I’m barely 20. All of this just stresses me out so bad ...I envy the kids at work . I’m just done at this point. I called off work today . I’m qutting my job ...I am DONE. But hey , bright side is I’m still trying to do the bare minimum, I’m switching to an alternative job for moment being while I have 3 months left of college . I’m starting my drivers Ed this upcoming week and I am taking my drivers test by end of this month. Only thing that is getting to me is not managing my ocd ...episodes come and go and once I’m out of one I feel so relieved and happy and all sudden I feel like stuck again . Another one of my top stress factors is my low self esteem . I desperately want to lose weight for the sake of my mental health and more in depth with social anxiety . I just wanna be happy . I’m trying to balance out everything.

How detailed can thoughts be? Can it make you question if it even is OCD or just denial? I have talked to friends and therapist in the past and they have said based on everything you've told me you aren't what you think you are. And it felt like a weight had been lifted. But doubt creeps up saying "you are a pedophile, you are just in denial!" And that feeling comes in my gut followed by intense anxiety. I've heard OCD can make you question who you are as a person and I think that's what is happening now. I'll get a thought like "even if you are one, its not that bad" the I think but I don't feel like one and I've talked about this with mental health professionals in the past and they have agreed based on everything I've told them, then my mind claps back with but what if you are? It is a back and forth I get so exhausted having. I know I have to be ok with never knowing but it is hard to not want an answer because of the fear you may become your thoughts one day.

OCD INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS? In July I was isolating for 10 days and then I got bored because I have a girlfriend. I then went on PH (porn hub) which i know is a legal site. After browsing for a little bit I decided I didn’t want to use the site anymore because I wanted to give it up. After not being in the best emotionally situation as I was being emotionally abused by my sister everyday after loosing my mum and my house. for the first time in my life I was guilty for going on PH which I do not understand why. Well maybe I do understand I think it is because I’m a Christian and I wanted to give it up. After I came off PH I started thinking to my self what if I typed in something bad or what if I watched something bad which doesn’t make sense because I have never felt like this before in my life. After telling someone about what I did they said everyone watches those stuff and that’s it’s fine. But I just couldn’t let it go for months I’ve just been worrying what if I watched or typed in something bad. I even saw on Twitter someone typing a bad search on PH and it had a message that they violated there terms and services. When I went on PH that didn’t come up so clearly I didn’t type in something bad. But still I worry I don’t know why. I even went on a website called just answer and asked a question and a lawyer said it was fine but I still worry and I don’t know why. After a few months I stopped searching for answers because it wasn’t doing me any good. It was like a loopwhole. After a while I think I was getting a bit better knowing I was also going to get help Because I do not know what’s is wrong with me. Just a few days ago I just wanted closure again because I’m tired of worrying. It got so Bad at one point that I remember getting head pains because I wanted reassurance so I was going to go to the police to tell them everything but it just didn’t make sense because why now it not my first time going on PH? Anyways 2 days ago I went on to QUORA and asked do google allow illegal searchers. I was looking at different answers why? To get reassurance. After clicking on different questions i remember scrolling down to see answers but other questions were also there. Someone asked a stupid question and posted a picture which I don’t know if it was Illegal. I closed the browser straight away because I didn't want to get in trouble. I wanted to report what I may have been illegal so I decided to look up my history and see if I could find the question but because the question was bad and the image I didn’t want to click on the question because it would then be saved into my search history and I don’t want to get into trouble I wanted to report what I might have seen that could be bad but I don’t want to click on the question that may have been bad. Now I am searching if you see something that may be illegal on the internet can you get in trouble. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’ve never felt this much worry before. If it gets too much I may just go to the police and tell them everything. I’m not worried because I know I have nothing to hide I know it’s just my thoughts getting the better of me which is why I’m seeking professional help so I can live a peaceful life.

I am describing my condition I am in a state that I am calm that unwanted thoughts are there bother me a lot make me confused but I do not know what to do with it seems like I lost because before it was really difficult but also more real while now with it seems a farce or I am in a farce and I am causing it myself or I have created this myself and it is not ocd then I am stupid or it is ocd but one thing I know for sure that men do not attract me and that I do not want to be with them but in the mind it is the opposite I have lost interest in girls or anything sexual I know I want to be with girls to make love with them to have a wife child but now I do not know who I am I am transformed so much that now I do not I know myself and above all I feel like in the future I will be with men and why I do not want to because I will not have success with women I am spiritually dead everything happened in 1 day between yesterday and today I hate myself that every thing is being repeated as it started at the beginning by a thought h umba mind now the desire to live I do not know what happens but I look at the girls and I do not feel anything the thoughts are less slandered are fewer than before it seems to me that I am becoming gay every day I am converting what is happening to me what I have fear is becoming a reality I know that one day I will kill myself I do not know when

I'm separate from my long term partner for over two years now. He didn't treat me very well and leaving him had been the right thing to do. I wasn't sad about it in the last year, only disappointed in him for neglecting me for years and not having the guts to end it himself. In March I had a health crises and as he is an MD, I reached out after about a year of no contact. He helped me, which I'm grateful for, but since I saw him again, I think about him every day. I am certain, I don't love him any more, but the - Why did you treat me like that? - Why did you search and find someone new so quickly? Why did you marry her not even two years after we split up? Why are you happy now and I'm a lonely wreck, when I left you so I can become happy? I posted it her before, when we saw each other again, he confirmed that me suffering from OCD ruined our relationship and now I feel reluctant to meet people, it is one thing to be cut out for being oneself, but another for being cut out due to an illness oneself hates and struggles with. If this obsessing about it, thoughts about him popping up in my head constantly, is OCD, how can I get over it? I do pick up on the thoughts and I also cry a lot due to them. ERP doesn't mean pushing thoughts away, but engaging in them and going down the rabbit hole many times a day for weeks now didn't make them pop up less frequently either. Any tips, or ideas?