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someone help me please can someone write me I need to talk to someone

i have worked with children for 10 years. they are so important to me and my life. i think they are amazing. i know this is why OCD decided to target this and make me feel afraid of what i love and am good at and value in life. i have become so terrified of sexualizing or abusing a child, which is of course what my intrusive thoughts are about. some are verbal, others are visual. they are all horrible and panic inducing. my POCD was triggered by a movie i saw about a groomer/sexual predator. i also have PTSD from child abuse, some of which was sexual in nature. i became so scared of hurting a child the way i was hurt after seeing something similar onscreen, and started getting the intrusive thoughts. i googled my symptoms, and was able to book a call with NOCD almost immediately, and get diagnosed/educated/start ERP therapy. when POCD first struck, i had to miss work, i was vomiting and having panic attacks and unable to function, i couldnt look in the mirror, couldnt eat and got so thin, i looked awful because i couldnt groom properly, i abandoned my social life, i nearly resigned from my teaching position, almost took medical leave from my day job, (i was able to keep both jobs thanks to treatment), i could hardly leave my home, i was contemplating suicide, or contemplating leaving my working/social lives and moving back in with my abusive family and going on disability and never speaking to anyone ever again. every day was anguish and horror and pain. now, just 1 month of meds and ERP later, I am able to eat, socialize, take care of myself, go to work, have a will to live, and recognize that these thoughts are not representative of who I am, want, or believe. I am doing so much better, it is shocking. a couple of my friends know about my POCD and have been so amazing and caring and accepting--i could not be healing the way i am without them either. i feel incredibly lucky to have found the help that i have. I still cry multiple times every day and fall victim to the thoughts. they are just so difficult to "accept." but i am getting there. day by day, i improve, but sometimes it is like two steps forward and one step back. it is all still so distressing. it's been helpful to focus on living my values and not letting OCD stop me from doing what's good and important for me. this includes working with kids and being around my friends, two things that terrified me in the beginning. i live with so much shame, and feel like i have a horrible secret. this has been the worst thing i have ever been through. i hope to keep getting better and to surmount this entirely. i have hope now, which i have come to realize is invaluable. and i hope this gives you some too.

I need someone to talk to rn

I grew up being addicted to porn which I’m not proud of! Unfortunately, I watched it at a very young age and I’ve watched ALL TYPES of porn. So, growing up you get desensitized to of all of this. A lot of people think only men get addicted to this but it’s not true! The problem now is that having SOOCD and knowing I’ve watched lesbian porn and all other things can really take a toll and confuse someone! My natural attraction has always been for men and now that I struggle with this theme it’s like my mind goes “oh you’ve watched that so you must enjoy it and would act on it” it gets so confusing and hard because since I was so young I was like “oh I guess everyone else does this etc.” So, when I was young I’d be like “oh yea I’d do everything no matter with who” I’ve never acted on it and don’t want to now because I was seeing people as sex objects! I only have a desire for men but my ocd can’t let go of the fact that I said “oh I’d do anything” but point is I just wanted to post this for anyone else who has struggled with this and might get very confused due to being desensitized to so many things. Also, it’s OK if you’ve watched all types of porn it doesn’t really say anything about you. 💓 Also, I’m kind of at a point where if someone said this meant I was gay I’d just be like ok sure LOL at the end of the day I know who I want to be with. I just wanted to shed some light because it really shows that porn can make you see people who aren’t even you preference as sex objects and that’s horrible.

A lot of people are saying that reassurance isn’t beneficial for OCD recovery because reassuring yourself is only going to make it worse. I’ve done CBT in the past but I’m willing to try ERP with a telehealth specialist that practices the therapy method that I’m looking for. Again, how does one not do reassurance in order to fully recover from OCD?

Why is it whenever I go to church I get so much anxiety and fear. I was doing fine and then as soon as I got into church I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I have no connections here except my mom goes but she serves for the church and I sit by myself which is fine but I also have social anxiety. I just feel so horrible because the horrible thoughts flood in and my past started bothering me again even though I have been told so many times I deserve to move on and let it go and to forgive myself by my mom, my dad before he passed and my therapist as well. I just feel so anxious to the point I just want to go home or go in my car and cry 😭

Does ROCD every start to make you feel and perceive life, or your spouse and the things important to you through this really wierd, unsettling kind of filter or perception? And you just feel resistant, distracted, repulsed and almost like you don’t care but also do. It’s hard. I feel very unfamiliar. It’s like you just don’t want to try when you think I about making action, but you also want to. Ugh. What do you do? Has things changed for you? I wish I could describe this better but I can’t.

No minors please. None at all. Do any adults (and ONLY adults) on here feel like they aren't confident with their sexuality? This isn't necessarily about what one may identify as when it comes to attractions, but more of how they feel with sexual topics in general? In most areas of my life I don't feel so bad about trying to engage with whether things go in my favor or not. When it comes to sexual things, I just can't seem to get a grip with it. All the time I have sexual intrusive thoughts, I tend to think in black and white when it comes to the topics, and being exposed to p*** at a young teen age didn't help with this either. Everything feels compulsive and shameful. I can't seem to enjoy anything when it comes to the topic and I don't feel confident upon knowing what is the right way when it comes to sex. I don't really know how to get this point across but I'll try. I just don't feel good about myself when it comes to sexuality. All other areas are fine except this. I compare myself to others who have successful relationships, (while I'm great for those people, whether they be friends, family, or happy strangers living their lives, it often hits me with thoughts that just don't help me. I'm often filled with shame when it comes to the past of sexual topics. Experimenting, flings, and hook ups. None of them were worth it and I don't look back on any of those experiences and say to myself "I'm glad I did that. I would like to have that moment again one day" I feel like this is the only area in my life where I just feel 100% stuck. PMO is also a compulsive problem since all my mind thinks about are sexual thoughts. Whether intrusive or not, both don't help. PMO is a coping mechanism that has been around in my life since the day I was exposed to p***and numbed to it for an escape out of reality. Is there anyone that feels even a remote sense of understanding with this? I've had thoughts of considering sex therapy along with therapy for OCD from time to time. I find myself worrying too much about the past, the future, what could become of me if I'm not careful, and how I can prevent all of this so it doesn't feel like I'm not in control.

So I have this thing where I get really obsessed with a certain person. I've had it a few times in my life and I can feel it starting again. This person becomes the center of my thoughts then. They're always present in every thought, everything I do I do with thinking about they're reaction. It even goes as far as me talking to them even though I know they're not there. And of course my brain tells me I'm in love with them even if I know I that's not true. It doesn't feel like thinking about someone in a normal may. It's involuntarily and feels much more intense and real. Last time that happened it basically took 10 months of my life and got me into a really dark space for a few weeks. Does anyone have ideas for erp exercises? Last time I felt it starting I actually went out with the guy and the second I kissed him I was "healed". That was good for me but he was obviously sad I rejected him so that's not the way to go with everyone.

Hey guys hope y’all are doing well. There’s something that’s been going on with me lately and I wanted to know if this has happened to any of you before. So, these past few days I’ve been feeling kinda down and unmotivated. I really didn’t know why, but I was just feeling down. Since I didn’t know specifically why, I started ruminating, google searching, etc. I would feel like something was off in the way I perceived life but I didn’t know what it was either. Was I losing my mind? Do I have depression? Am I developing schizophrenia? I felt like I was going crazyyy, and until now, I feel this great discomfort because I feel like something’s off and I can’t tell what it is. Please let me know your thoughts, have you experienced this?

i don’t know what to do. Sometimes I start off having a good day and then boom all the intrusive thoughts hit me at once. My journey with ocd first started after a panic attack. I felt like I was going crazy and questioned myself about it. It was so bad I spent 2 days constantly crying and in bed. It spiraled after that. I later developed a theme of pocd after changing my niece. I feared that I would make her uncomfortable. Days of researching online and using it as a outlet to make me feel “ sane “ caused me to fear myself. I now have developed a fear of harming others or myself. It’s so bad I sometimes keep myself in one spot because I fear this will truly happen. I am so scared of myself. I’m so scared of things I say that I would have said before in my mind as a joke. I now analyze everything and it’s even gone as far to me questioning if I wanted to die. I don’t of course, but it’s so hard to just forget about it. My head hurts everytime i think about it and I tend to space out. Nothing feels the same anymore. Everytime i get upset at something there’s a guilt in me which says “ what if I wanted to kill them for this “ or “ what if I want to harm them because I’m so mad. Will it cause me to lose control “ Im not sure what to do. I know my thoughts are just thoughts but I’m so scared. I’m afraid of not getting better. I’m afraid of being a unacceptable person. I’m afraid of being alone and I’m afraid of not being “ normal “. It sucks

I have horrific harm ocd towards myself and my son. I’m so sad and distressed by it. I cry often because I feel like a complete monster. The thoughts just won’t stop. I have issues with other themes as well but harm is really the main one that beats me down!!! I was doing okay. but the tragedy in TX has triggered me and I am really suffering! Does medication help? I’m trying to avoid compulsions but I believe I have mental compulsions as well. I’m just over it!!! This is not a way to live!

Life is literal hell for me with having to suffer from compulsive/peripheral staring ocd no one knows much about i even just found out what was wrong w me 2 months ago i wanna say 99 percent of people are inconsiderate of what im going but its 100 percent of them even the people that know that i suffer from this type of ocd are staying away form me everyone either laughs at me or looks at me w disgust and some of the men use this against me and sometimes touch themselves in front of me i hate myself i hate life i have no future of this continues on happening im just so done with life i just want to sleep and never wake up life is really a living hell and for the people who don’t suffer with this type of ocd please appreciate it im burning from envy from any person who doesn’t have this sickness.

Anyone else have a reoccurring worry/obsession that they are a narcissist/have NP/are a sociopath?

Me & my ex broke up a week ago but he sort of triggered me into remembering every lie I have ever told. I haven’t lied in like a year lol I feel so bad lying and I mean like big lies of course. And he called me a liar and dumped me cuz I lied a year ago about a detail of my past. Anyway, I’m sitting here & we’re going to have a talk about stuff and try to end it on good terms I’m assuming but I can’t help but feel so disgusting and awful and like a horrible person. I’m remembering another lie I told him when he kept interrogating me for months when we started to talk again about a guy & I lied about it. I want to bring that up for my own comfort of knowing I’m not just sitting here being dishonest. But idk if it’s an ocd urge or a selfish urge to clear my name and conscious or because I genuinely want to clear my name. I know it may do more harm than good but we already broke up idk what I have to lose? I do want us to be together again some day and I do see how we shouldn’t right now but I feel if I just start spitting everything out then it’ll just make him look at me even worse than he already does. I only lied also about my past because he used to lie so much and when we started to talk again I was so used to that prior relationship I thought it was ok to keep it to myself, I didn’t really have that option to say “it’s not ur business” I’m 25 now so I’ve grown a lot since then. Idk… I feel like shit

Having a really hard time because I cheated on my boyfriend (i ate something after a friend and thought about our lips both touching that and thinking as if I kissed them and I did it on purpose and liked it) I hate myself and don't want my boyfriend to leave me. I don't want to cheat. I

at my job my director sent 2 little girls to her room because they were disruptive and I went back into my classroom. Then I had to remove another child from my classroom and as I was seating this child one of the girls walked out the front door of the building and I saw her get out but no other teacher was in my room so all the other children were alone so I went back in. But my director was the one who took them to her room so she said its her fault but I feel awful about the fact that I did not say anything, the child is completely fine. Nothing happened she is ok but I was also thinking about the other kids being alone. Idk if this makes sense but im having a lot of internal anxiety and guilt about it and its making me feel terrible about myself. I'm worried I am going to revert back to how I was when my ocd was first diagnosed. It was awful. I wanted to die and I was at rock bottom. I do not want to go back to that.

She had me read my fears as an exposure but for some reason I wasn’t that triggered idk if it’s because I already know my fears so reading them was whatever or because I was reassuring my self but now I’m worried that it wasn’t bothering me maybe it’s not ocd or I don’t care anymore has this happened to anyone ????

TRIGGER WARNING 18+ I was literally just moving me dog towards the end of the bed, the way my hands was on her was like her lower back and it makes me feel like I wanted too touch that area on purpose, and then same when i’m changing my clothes, or if i’m doing something or wearing things it makes me feel like i’m doing it on purpose or it’ll feel like that, same with if i’m doing something sexual, it’ll make me think i’m doing it because of a wrong feeling, or if i’m trying to cuddle my boyfriend or just stretch out my legs in a way that a certain body part would move, makes me think i’m doing something too an intrusive feeling or thought? and I think why I’m so cautious is because one time I was enjoying myself, i’m a sexual way, and I had an intrusive thought come in when I climaxed or whatever and it felt like I liked the thought, but even then I was trying too do a compulsion too show myself you don’t like that stuff, and then afterwards when I was done, I started too freak out was throwing up, shaking, because it felt like i liked the thought or something like that, but then again I feel like it’s completely different from how my brain is making it, so I usually try not too look into that situation because it bothers me, and it’s so hard for me too tell with the intrusive thoughts and etc because I have sensations or whatever, so I guess when I have that I automatically think I like the thought, but then again there are times where it bothers me or it feels like an anxiety feeling, regardless if i “like the thought” or not, it’s just really confusing, and sometimes I worry, which I have heard so many people feeling like that, but it’s just confusing, and it’s like regardless if I feel like i like the thought or not I still get anxious, because I don’t wanna feel like I like the thought, or just simply trying too tense my body so I don’t have a response or whatever it’s called, Idk if anyone can relate just thought i’d share, because there’s times where I don’t like the thoughts and there are times where it feels like I like the thoughts and I get worried, and then like I said there are times where i’m tense so I don’t feel like I like the thoughts because it freaks me out when I feel like that, but I have intrusive thoughts towards older people, family, my dog, kids, and it was just kids at first but now it’s towards all of the above including my friends.

Anyone recommend a hair shampoo for strengthening hair and stop hair loss . I’m 19 . My hair is not damaged , however it tends to feel weak as I slick my hand thru it I know there’s little follicles that tend to fall out . I’m not trying to make it such a big deal, but I’m convinced my hair isn’t same and healthy as it was before . I like to use head and shoulders, bur it’s not doing me any effect . My hair feels weak and I just want it to grow out healthy and nourished good .