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I have now started erp and it’s very hard and draining all these thoughts and feelings have come to the surface and I don’t know how to deal with them

need help please since I have hocd I am obsessed with 1 person and as soon as I see them I have a lump in my stomach feeling unwell from stress, nausea... I'm fed up because the fact that my obsession goes towards 1 person disturbs me even more.. i don't understand why I react like this and it scares me that it means that I am attracted to her..

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs like every couple has and we have both brought baggage from both our past experiences me more then anything. Story back track: I was in an abusive, acoholic relationship before meeting my partner a few months after ending this one. With the previous relationship I was constantly parrinoid and constantly worried. I found out I was being cheated on but everytime it was brought up with my ex, he wasn’t doing anything wrong and I was being crazy and obsessive and I was destroying the relationship because I didn’t trust him. Even though I saw message between him and other girls when he was out getting drunk that he had kissed them etc. it came to a case where he had got drunk and did stuff with a girl and he got in a taxi that passed our house where wel lived together to go to this women and stay the night with her. He adventually turn up back at our house at 2pm to which I confronted him and he said nothing had happened and I was being crazy. A day or two when by and he ended the relationship with me because he felt he wasn’t being trusted. 3 and half years I felt went down the drain with all the stuff I put up with, his acoholic abusive, him fighting with me, him saying to me that I blamed him for my nan’s death. I was constantly in fear and worry and panicking everytime he didn’t come back. After we broke up I moved back in with my mum and tried to start my self healing and I did start talking to guys and was just having fun and fooling around. I wasn’t looking for anything, Mabye in high sight I was just looking for company and some attention because I had been deprived of it for so long in my previous relationship. Which I then suddenly fell into the arms of my current partner. I honestly didn’t expect to fall as hard as I did for him. I have opened explained that I didnt think it was gonna go anywhere and that he wasn’t gonna even get a second date. But something in me just gravitated towards him. He felt so different and felt sooo much light and healing inside, because he was also having a hard time as well with other issues he was facing. I fell hard, and I think he did as well. We dated for 3 month before we became official and started our journey. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 16 and have had previous issues. When exploded in counselling that I find I love something so much I have a cycle where I then lose it and greive the loss hard. Me and my partner have got throught the pandemic together which was very hard being long distance for 1 half years of our relationship. We have moved in together which was and is still amazing being able to have him to wake up to. I then had a metal breakdown relaps. I think it was something that was a long time coming after everything I had endured. But this is where I found my intrusive thought kicked in……. I was questioning whether I was in love with my partner, did/do I wanna be with him, I have cried sooo much because I didn’t think this could happen. I can see how hard it if for him and the shear pain that my body goes through when these thought go throught my head, my body feels like it’s on fire but cold at the same time. My heart hurts so much that I feel like it breaking constantly. I’ve been dealing with these thought for pretty much a year now. People telling me they will go they will fade. And I have found at time they disappear for a long time and then come back with hard or they are continuously there. Me and my partner where talking last night and I got into histerics because of these thought coming throught. I was crying and crying into him telling him I don’t wanna lose him, I can’t lose him, he’s my everything, I don’t wanna be without him, how much I love him. All the while my thought are questioning should I break up with him, do I wanna be with him, do I love him. I have noted I look for reinsurance with Google search and doing quiz about if I am in love or not or should I stay or go. And they help for a moment of time. I’m so scared that I’m pushing myself to the point of losing my partner and I’m scared that I’ll make a decision that I will regret. My past trauma hangs over me very much and I know that I currently have got that to contend with but I don’t wanna live in this fear anymore. I don’t wanna question anymore. It also feels hard because I feel I’m alone thought all this because no one can understand. Anyone else know this feeling ??

No matter how much I try to tell myself these thoughts aren’t real, I still feel like they’re real, it’s so hard and it’s such a terrible feeling I have to deal everyday

I’m scared I may be attracted to my friend or have a crush on my friend bc I have a really good time with him and I feel like we get along really well but I’m scared when I have a really good time with him it means that I like him.. :( and I don’t want that? So then it comes to feel like I suppress my emotions bc I don’t like that I feel that way for him? And I don’t see dating him or like in a relationship and I’ve thought about it before and imagined us as a couple and I just feel weird and uncomfortable like something isn’t right and I just no it bothers me.., and I’ll have to admit that when I first met him I was attracted to him and maybe only liked him alittle bit and then I got to know him and then it just kinda like oh cool friend yk like the attraction was fading away and now I see him as a really good friend I can talk to and have a good time with, and the worst part is that my friends keep on saying “oh you say that now but watch when you guys do get together “ it’s just so annoying and it’s making me paranoid honestly bc I don’t want to be with someone like him yk 😭 and I stopped likening him bc they’re were just things that made him ignorant and no I wanted to keep him as a friend, yk? And it’s just stressing and making me feel like I actually like him?? And idk what to do or think but I’m just scared bro and not bc like “oh you’re just afraid to get something good “ or whatever like yeah he’s super nice and sweet but I just don’t want to be with him like I just no- and now I’m just thinking about sex and the city when charlotte didn’t like harry and she fell in love with him omg what if I’m going thru this and I’m really denying this 😭 ighhhhh I’m so scared bc I don’t want this to be my future I think it’s true maybe I am in denial ? And what if he’s like the one idk it’s much harder bc he’s not a girl and this would’ve been sexual orientation ocd but no I’m straight and he’s a boy so ugh omg I’m scared this is the true and I’ll have to be with him 💀

Hello everyone, I want to talk about a habit or ritual that I'm struggling with for the past couple of years. Whenever I start working on some task that holds a lot of importance to me such as studying or applying for jobs. I start having these thoughts: • I'm not doing this properly or in an orderly manner • I'm not putting my best effort • I'm not working hard These thoughts become overwhelming. I feel bad and start hating myself for not working hard or properly. As a result, I often stop doing that work and just start doing useless things like scrolling through my phone, listening to music, or masturbating as means of escapism from these unpleasant thoughts. After wasting hours or a whole day like this, I decides to get out of it so that I can do the work I need to do. Here, I do some kind of ritual. I feel like my thinking is not organized or it's all over the place or I'm not thinking enough. To get out of it, In my head, I say something like "Ok, calm down" or "let's do this" and then I change my thinking. If my thinking is still not organized or in the proper direction, I repeat this ritual again and again. I call this calibration or reset. I feel an urge to do this to make things in order again. It's frustrating. I often abandon important work because I keep having these thoughts that I'm not doing it properly or the way I'm working on it is not enough. I need to put more effort. It's like wanting something perfect or not at all. After that, I spend hours doing useless things to distract myself from unpleasant thoughts. Then I do this ritual to "organize" my thinking so that I can get things done. But, the problem is that I am never able to work "properly" or in an ideal way and I keep repeating this cycle again and again. This has messed up my head a lot and I feel stuck in this loop. I've wasted the majority of my time during the past 4 months and couldn't able to get important things done. I have also developed a fear of working on these important tasks and started avoiding them because of how overwhelming and unpleasant these thoughts get. Another thing to note is that I often make promise to myself that tomorrow I'll work on the thing that I need to work on but whenever there is a tiny slipup for example If I decided to wake up at 8:00 am and unable to do so, I feel like my whole day is ruined or things are not in order. So, I end up wasting whole day. I keep repeating this most of the time. As a result, I hardly finish any of my important work. From what I know, it looks like symptoms of OCD. I want to know if anyone experienced this or performed this particular ritual. If yes, how can I manage or overcome this? Any advice/help will be greatly appreciated.

Okay so I guess I can share a bit about today, I get obsessions about people, and my friend who came home for a visit I obsessed over and it made me nervous seeing her. Idk I just make that person my whole world In my head whenever I start thinking zbout them no matter who they are or what they've done, that is my obsession and I kind of feel embarrassed lol I asked her a question about therapy whenever I already knew the answer, point is does anyone do the same? Obsessions about obsessions and obsessing over people, certain people or certain things? Thanks.

it’s so funny how i’ll be so so confused about something, and then my theme will change to something else and the uncertainty around the initial theme completely goes! for example, i’ll fear i’m gay and don’t like boys. it’ll ruin my life for a few days, and i’ll be so anxious, constantly questioning everything. then i’ll fear i’m a narcissist, and the first fear about being gay completely subsides and i don’t question the fact that i’m most likely straight. when you’re wrapped up in a question, it completely consumes you. you’ll find all these intricate little doubts and hypothetical nuances. but when you take a step back (perhaps unintentionally because your theme has changed) it all becomes clear. ironically, i’ve just begun to fear i’m gay again. gotta love the way ocd gets you!

Has anyone taken Zoloft for their OCD/Anxiety and did it help? Did you have to be on it forever? Did you have any side effects? Thanks in advance.

LITERALLY ALL the girls I see whether it's on the networks or in real life (even sometimes from afar or I don't see them..!) I have the impression that I like her or somthing.. I wonder if they are lesbians (and if I learn that they are it freaks me out!! ) if yes if i can imagine myself with her ect…

Why do I feel like my subtype or worry keeps changing? I love this app but I feel like reading everyone else’s just makes my OCD a lot worse. It’s so annoying. Anyone else go through this?

im writing this at 1am because i feel the most intense fear ive ever felt in my life and i need some kind of support and/or advice, so fair warning because this may be very triggering for people with this particular trigger ive been dealing with the fear of cheating on my partner for a long time now, but recently ive become more fixated on the fears of emotional cheating because it’s something that i think is more likely to have happened in the past than physically or romantically cheating just because i know there’s no way that i’ve ever done either of those ive been obsessing over a time last year where i used to contact this male friend of mine about my relationship problems but mainly my relationship obsessions (my main trigger has been ROCD) because i wanted reassurance and advice about them and he would give me good advice on how to go about dealing with those obsessions. this friend and i used to flirt and dated for like a week in high school, before we realized we were kinda just using each other to get over our exes and we weren’t really into each other so i never counted it. because i opened up to him about my relationship problems, i would obsess over how that was inappropriate and it was emotional cheating because every article i’ve read compulsively says that if you open up about your relationship to someone outside of your relationship, then that’s emotional cheating, even though i know that the real reason i opened up to this friend was because i couldn’t just confess all of my ROCD thoughts to my boyfriend. i thought i had that under control until i did an exposure and read a story about emotional cheating and then i had a random memory pop back up in my head that wasn’t there before about how i may have accidentally, or intentionally flirted with him, which led me to review my old texts with him, and i found some things that could definitely be considered flirting…and now i don’t know what to do…i don’t know what i was thinking when i sent those messages and i definitely never had feelings for this friend while i was going to him for advice, so there’s that small chance that it may not have been flirting but it really feels like i did because looking back at it i don’t know how i would have interpreted it otherwise… i feel like the worst person on the planet and i feel the strongest urge to confess to my boyfriend because this feels so real and i’m almost certain that this is evidence that i have emotionally cheated on my boyfriend. part of me feels that he would be understanding but another part of me feels like this would break his heart and that our relationship wouldn’t be the same anymore,especially since we’re both victims of our parents being cheated on when we were kids and how that affected us and our families and i just cant help but feel like id be inflicting the same pain on him than my the kind that my mom did on me. i wish i had never read those messages otherwise i wouldn’t have even remembered that i said those things. what should i do? do i tell my boyfriend? i feel like if i were to not tell him i would just feel absolutely undeserving of his love every time im with him and the guilt would consume me to the point where i couldnt enjoy it. it doesn’t help that we might be about to enter a long distance relationship within the next two weeks after almost two years of being together, so this news on top of the fact that he’s about to leave and we’re supposed to be enjoying our time together makes me feel even worse. i also blocked that friend on everything, but should i delete our messages too? i would really appreciate the help because im losing my mind right now. just last night my boyfriend and i were talking about how lucky we are to have each other and how we can’t wait to see out future together after all that we’ve been through. he’s known about my cheating obsessions and just about every other obsession about him ive ever had but he’s decided to trust me and support me no matter what, he’s been nothing but kind and understanding…but this time it feels like i would be confessing the truth rather than just another obsession. i’m terrified.

Is it only me, or does anyone else see everything negatively? To me nearly everything is tiring and a burden - work, family, household, taking showers, brushing teeth, eating, using the bathroom, keeping up with insurances and bills and of course work. I used to love to experiment in the kitchen, bake and cook. I used to love my job and being good at it. I used to not even feature taking care of my body in as an annoying necessity ... My sister complained, that I have turned completely negative, but I only thought, of course I did! I have no partner anymore, no friends, my family (my parents and sister) is one of the biggest stress factors in my life and OCD and anxiety issues wear me down constantly, how to stay positive in that situation. I think my negativity hit rock bottom a few weeks back, when my ex confirmed, that OCD had been the reason our relationship failed. Then shortly after that, I found out, that I got catfished. It felt like me lying on the ground already and people kept kicking me...

Anyone have narcissistic parents? How does it affect you and your mental health? In recent years I’ve really noticed how messed up my parents are and how much I’ve been controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, and conditionally loved. I’m on an emotional roller coaster living at home with them. I’m 29 and in debt that’s the only reason I’m here. If I do something or say something that my mom doesn’t like (because she tried to vicariously live through me and make me an extension of herself) she goes into a rage and threatens to kick me out or something along those lines. College was a nightmare because she would see me partying and always threaten to take me out, which made my grades worse, and the only reason I partied so much was because she stressed me out so much and I needed an escape.

Does anyone feel like they will go absolutely bat shit crazy during a panic attack like you will just lose control and run into traffic or do something terrible or insane. Why does it feel so real

I’m sorry I just don’t understand I’m sad and am mourning who I was in the past and speculating if I could become her again. Im 17, but growing up I have genuinely never found anyone younger than me, and in most cases my age, attractive. I would see someone attractive, see their age and then immediately disregard any feelings or attraction I could’ve had. It would make me feel super uncomfortable and sick if I found out someone I thought was attractive was younger than me. I’d lose all feelings. Like it leaves my body. I have always only found men that are older than me or older men attractive. This is quite literally my trademark in my class, everyone knows this about me. It got to the point where my friends made jokes about “being concerned for when I turn 18” as they knew I’d go for any guy I’d see. That’s just my thing. But now I’m scared that I’ve changed. I’ve lost my usual attraction and everything is false attraction. Is that normal? Does it come back? Sounds dumb but I miss “falling in love” with every older dude I saw, it was fun. I can’t tell who I am anymore, if I’ve completely changed. The intrusive thoughts have become something else, (e.g. I lay on a blanket and now my brain is like”your laying on some preteens chest”) like what the actual hell is going on. They are so sticky I can’t ignore them. Am I becoming what I fear? Will these go away. Everything feels like it has a p undertone. I don’t even bother to push away the thoughts because my compulsions don’t even work anymore. I’ll say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ continuously and still be thinking about the thought. I don’t feel ANYTHING almost as if I don’t care. But I do care, I want to scream and cry and cut out this part of my brain and any of the memory I have of it. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to do this anymore. Seriously this is a cry for help, will this all go away, will I become my old self again? Have I changed into a monster? Is it possible for your attractions to change? Is this POCD or am I a really fucked up person. Can pocd become real? Am I what I fear? Will I become that? I can’t keep doing this, I don’t want to. I miss the old me and I’m scared that I’ll never reach her. Please help me. Please tell me

I miss my mother.It’s been 5 fucking years since she has been in prison.I’m going thru so so much.Depression,Anxiety,Ocd,Impulse.It’s like I’m on a balance beam but struggling to balance.I’m so anxious everyday.I’m tired of hearing the same ol “you will see your mother” WHEN?FUCKING WHEN?! I told the mental hospital I was fine just to get outta there and I’m not going back.Then gonna have to drag my ass over there by my hair or knock my ass out bc I’m not going back.yelling everyday.Having anger issues.I screamed so loud today my throat hurts.I want the help I need.I’m not going to hurt myself but I get thoughts and it scares me.I’m scared I will get so fed up one day I will.Ik my family needs me but it’s not fair.Fucking bullies,Child molesters,Rapers,Murders.I just wanna be normal.I try doing coping skills but depression makes me go back in my bed and lay there.I tried cleaning my dressers out and organizing my clothes but I lost patience and just threw them all in there and lauded in bed on my phone.I’m so addicted to technology.But there’s nothing else to do.I live in a trailer park and my grandma is scared to let me go walk around bc she’s scared I’ma get picked up by someone which is understandable.I like basketball but I don’t like being around ppl.I like skating but don’t like being around ppl.I’m anxious around ppl.I always get a feeling ppl are watching me,Even at home.All of this shit weighing me down and it’s not even fucking funny.But I will stay strong for my family.I’m not going to give up.I’m just tired of feeling so weak and crying everyday just to get told “your fine” when I have kids when I’m older I ain’t going to be like that.I’m going to talk to them and not scream at them every five mins like I get.I’m not going to say hurtful things to them.I will give them the best life and I won’t decide to do drugs and hang around the wrong ppl like my mom did and get put in prison.I forgive her but it’s so hard to let go of.I’m 13 now I’m getting depression I’m a teen I need my mom,Not my grandma.As much as I live my grandma I need my mom.My mom understands me.My grandma is old she screams a lot.This is just a vent.Idk which road I’m on anymore.I feel like I’m going on a dead end.But I won’t give up.My family needs me.My friends need me too ig..Idk half of them r rude to me so yea:] if you made it this far Tysm for listening to me.I just need some advise.

sometimes I feel that I’ve gotten something called the mark of the beast, which is something that if you have, then you will go to hell no matter what. I know that it says in the Bible that the mark will only happen after the rapture, but I have fears that you can get it in other ways. I don’t believe in one religion, and I am from an atheist family. These situations where i think i have the mark of the beast are extremely damaging for my mental health. My only way to get relief in these situations is to disprove what my ocd is saying by proving how unfair the way I supposedly got the mark of the beast would be. but I fear I’ll get into a situation I can’t disprove. If that happens, things could get bad for my mental health. I recently had a dream where people offered me satanic goods, and I refused them. I also had someone ask me a favor, and in order to accept, I had to put my hand on a piece of stone, which looked like it would give me the mark of the beast. I decided to kick the stone away, but I noticed that the bottom of the stone had the mark of the beast on it as well. That really scared me, And then after that, I had another dream where I almost pushed more satanic goods away from me, but then I thought, what if touching these goods will give me the mark of the beast? So, I decided to walk away from them instead. Then, I realized, I had satanic items in my pockets, and inside of holsters. The clothes I was wearing looked satanic as well. As soon as I woke up, I prayed to god about the situation, but I felt like i was praying to him wrong, but I decided to ignore it because I thought it was my ocd. But then, i closed my eyes for a second, and saw myself with the mark of the beast, i don’t know if I fell asleep and I was in the dream again for a split second, or if my ocd was making me see things, which is something it can do. anyways, this situation really scared me, but I was really stressed already, so I ignored it. However, out of nowhere, I smelled one of my favorite smells, lego. That made me think about what I was risking by not praying. I didn’t want to Risk going to hell and not being able to experience things I love. Maybe god would punish me for being too lazy to pray immediately? Anyways, I decided to tell god that no matter what, I did not want the mark of the beast, which I have done a million times, but whenever I do it, I always feel I said something wrong, and I have to apologize for my sins and try again. Anyways, after that, I had to go somewhere in the passengers seat of a car. A family member was driving the car, and they know I have problems with praying, so they would stop me. I then thought that I could pray by just thinking of what I want to say to god, without putting my hands together or actually speaking, but it still felt like i did something wrong, but it made me feel a tiny bit better. but then the vision/ split second dream came back, but this time, it reminded me of this creepy pasta I heard once, which has nothing to do with the mark of the beast, but still scared me. I feel too uncomfortable to mention how it reminded me of the creepy pasta. I decided to do the praying without actually speaking again, and it still didn’t feel right.

I hate waking up. Last night I didn't want to go to bed, as I dreaded waking up this morning. I try to push everything that makes my mornings horrible away, but that didn't work... Especially in the mornings, I think about being alone at age 38, at not being and probably never been able to have a partner again, about all the things and people OCD took away from me... I missed out on so much, I lost so much and it is so horribly painful. The day POCD started marks the day of me slowly dying. And again the question: Why get up, if there is nothing and no one to get up for? And I don't only mean getting up from bed now, I mean getting up from the ground I'm lying on for over 1.5 years now. Love had always been my main goal in life and it seems, that OCD succeeded to take it away from me... I'm an empty shell.

At 21 years old I made the decision to get sober. Perhaps it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Sobriety is one of those things, especially being a college kid in America, that not a lot of people understand. People judge, wonder why, and feel entilted to know every detail. I have been sober since November and almost everyday I think about that. That I have to live my life sober. I am surrounded by drinking all the time, all of my friends and family drink, so it has been extremely hard. I lost a lot of relationships and I ultimatley spend a lot of time alone. Being so early in sobriety the road is still blurred. I have never dated in sobriety, I don’t know what sober people do when others go to bars. It seems my whole life was based around drinking and now that I can’t drink I am stuck in the here and now. I don’t regret qutting at all, I feel healthier and honestly pretty happy, but I would be lying if I said that it isn’t hard and lonley. If anyone else is sober, young, or wants to quit I would love to chat!