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My brain can’t stop trying to figure out my sexuality and it’s horrible. I can find both men and women attractive so thought I might be bi, but then I don’t often want sex with my boyfriend so I’m worried I could be a lesbian. I can identify with bi or asexual quite happily but thinking about being a lesbian fills me with so much dread and anxiety. On Saturday I had the best day with my boyfriend. I felt so in love for most of the day which was a triumph considering I’ve had ROCD for the whole of the relationship. There was a time I looked at him and I honestly could’ve cried because I loved him that much. Surely I wouldn’t feel like that if I was a lesbian? I’ve always had crushes on boys growing up, but they were always romantic ones. When I thought of love growing up it was always romantic, I always felt a little alienated because I wasn’t interested in sex and sexual acts. Now, I enjoy sexual things with my boyfriend but he has to work to get me in the mood. I’m worried this means I’m not sexually attracted to him and what this means. But the love I feel sometimes is so intense and fills me with happiness. My mind can’t rest until I’ve figured it out

Hello- I have been battling many types of OCD on and off for 25+ years. Medication works but wanted to go off for 1st trimester of pregnancy. I am doing a good job deploying ERP tactics for pure o and real event ocd and it has removed physically anxiety symptoms and I can concentrate in life. However I do have a big sense of fear and all day gloomy feeling knowing that the thoughts that are disturbing are sitting out there and fear I will come up with new ones. Will this get better the longer I keep deploying the ERP tactics? I never have this when I am on medication. Thanks in advance.

does anyone else feel like their compulsion is also their intrusive thought? like my brain says "if you do *intrusive thought*, you wont deal with said intrusive thought again." i really need help because it deals with harm ocd and i really dont want to do anything bad. im so scared. i know it's lying, but it doesnt feel like it and i just feel so stressed and anxious.

I have a bit of a pill problem. I don’t take things without my mom knowing. As in I know where her medication is but I don’t touch it at all. She offers. I should’ve said no. But last night I took a Flexeril, which is a muscle relaxer, and a full dose of Tylenol p.m. I wanted to be unconscious I wanted no thoughts. But that’s just so stupid because both of those medications can cause dreams and shit. Flexeril can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming by itself. I was having the strangest dreams and the strongest feelings but in a weird way it was like supporting the fact that I don’t like women but now I’m scared that I feel weird saying that like it’s not when it’s true and I don’t understand why I feel like that. I definitely don’t like women I kept thinking about like boobs and stuff and I didn’t like it but there is just these weird strong feelings because of the oils. And I feel very terrified. So I’m lying here and I make faces as though I don’t it’s just the innuendo like the way my dreams technically supported the fact that I don’t like women physically or in any other way like that. And I keep trying to imagine pect rolls and I make a face like I don’t want I’m more than like them. And I looked down at my own body and I’m out of shape but I can still see where I once had a very nice body and I’m scared I couldn’t tell if something happened down there looking at my own private and I’m frightened that I make faces as though I don’t want I like the opposite of my private you know like dick. And now I feel really out of it and terrified and I could really use someone to talk to Like I woke up totally dry so to speak down there like the driest I’ve been in days. I don’t know how ovulating works but every time I get my period about anywhere from 9 to 11 days later I’ll be extra active down there for like five days it’s weird. And of course struggling with OCD my body is just doing its normal routine probably but my brain is like why is this happening kind of thing you know. People here know. Please help me because I keep making faces like I don’t I like dick that dream was so strange despite never having had it I like dick I don’t like the way I acted impressed with my own body like I do and I don’t like vagina and I feel very confused. And I’m scared I can’t imagine pectorals like I’m making faces as though I don’t wanna voice like them and I want them to come back and I don’t want to lose it for my guy despite him not knowing who I am and I’m frightened I am I don’t wanna be over a guy bodies I don’t like girls it’s just the dream is so creepy with the way it’s just totally innuendo like the strong feelings I was getting technically supporting my stance of not being gay or like I’m not I don’t like women at all and now I can’t breathe like I’m choking as though it’s a lie when it’s not but the really weird feelings the pills were giving me a scary I’m scared of the way I shrugged like I have and that is I don’t want that to be okay I don’t even want to stop caring about my guy and I’m more than care about him and then I said that without I don’t want him to have boobs I’m scared that’s what the weird innuendo dream actually meant and I keep making faces like I don’t I’m scared I do I don’t like fat deposits that’s all boobs are I don’t like the way they hang. I’m scared I don’t like the building fat sides I am so sorry I don’t goddamn like boobs I swear I need pectorals back I want my guy back and I feel really weird and dumb and it’s all my own fault

Today I start my first session of ERP with an NOCD therapist! Iam very excited but a little scared! Could you share your good outcomes after ERP? Thank you 🙏

Does anyone want to talk, who’s 18+ Really tired and just need some human compassion

Exactly what the title says. Avoid them. Most of the time they give you false information and feed you false ideologies. People spout bullsh*t for people that will follow and believe that bullsh*t. And you know what makes many people vulnerable to also believing and following that same bullsh*t? The false belief that if a crowd believes something is true, then it must be. That is ultimately NOT true. In fact, the whole planet could believe into something wrong with only one person believing the opposite and being right.It's also scientifically proven than they worsen mental health. There is literally zero benefit in them, you're just addicted. If you want information, read books and find the information your self. Don't settle with second hand, passed from mouth to mouth by people that starve for attention, information but settle with the type that you've found yourself. Learn how to trust yourself little by little, develop your critical thinking skills. While this won't necessarily help much with ocd since it doesn't listen to logic, it will help you to grow as a person. Good luck.

My fear of germs got so severe that I am freaking out when I have to go somewhere inside. I'd rather stay the whole weekend at home than go to the museum or shopping center and it makes me feel frustrated. And when I finally decide to go because I have to face my fears the anxiety is almost unbearable afterwards. But I know if I won't face my fear it will get worse. Is here anyone else struggling with this? If so, please is there something that helped you with anxiety after exposing yourself?

If its possible that i found out im gay through hocd then realizing im trans through im trans too through "tocd" is not far fetched is it. Im so tired, its everyday im on the edge, gettimg triggered by guys and by girls. It seems like i didnt have full unferstanding of myself and the world before ocd and after ocd Ive been shown the reality and found out my real self. Ive said this here so many times but its all i can think about

My son suffered a brain injury after HS football and his attempt to self medicate in 2016. We are winning now, however he is still not talking. Mitchell is now showing severe OCD. All our therapist now see the intense intrusive thoughts. We feel this is why he's not able to get full sentences or thoughts out. As a mom, I am looking for others to help me understand how best to help my son. And myself understand.. Thank you for this group.

What do y’all do when everything you think and feel is dread towards seeing your spouse? Like you have to fake through it - like they’re the one that wants it and you’re the one struggling. I don’t want to feel this way. How do you choose through it? And have you gotten on the other side of that specific thoughts and emotion?

Me and my brother both have OCD. Here’s how I’ve helped both him and I navigate through our lives with it. This isn’t reassurance but rather an attempt to rationalize what we go through - (Contamination) Though you should always be careful, it’s still rare for, say, an animal to carry rabies. There’s no need to avoid every squirrel, just don’t approach it. If it were that likely to carry rabies and chase you just to bite you then it would be a much bigger problem and it would be a genuine disturbance like COVID, for example. Worse than that, actually. But if no one else is preoccupied or being infected en masse then… - (Being harmed) Shocking news is shocking for a reason. (Someone getting seriously injured under seemingly normal or minor circumstances) This is because it is very, very rare. There’s a reason you only see it happen in the news and seldom in real life. It could be a horrible freak accident, but once again, if it were as common as you may think it is then it would cause another pandemic. It’s safe to say that as long as you keep as safe as the average person you know then it’s never going to be a problem. Wear sunscreen. Read medicine labels before taking anything. Don’t wear your contacts to bed or in the shower. You’re sturdier than you think. - (Seeking reassurance from people) STOP. Just live with the temporary distress for 30 seconds. Let the anxiety pass by. It is uncomfortable but important. - (Not wanting to move) Count to 10 and move a little more as you count up. - Try verbalizing your thoughts they do sound ridiculous lol. Oh, so I can’t enjoy doing something because I’m a bad person and have thoughts I can’t control? Bull. Live your life as authentically as you emotionally are able to at the moment. Even through my worst of days I at least try to do little things that make me happy. - (Intrusive thoughts) Intrusive thoughts are a coping mechanism developed by the brain because we never, ever want to do it in real life. It is a debilitating, isolating experience. It leaves people upset and confused. But it is manageable. When you know your psyche well enough, you will know that you are entirely incapable of doing what you’re thinking about. That is the first step to getting better. You are not alone and, regardless of your thoughts, you aren’t the only one having them. - (What if something horrible happens?) Then you’ll learn to face it. You can’t be preoccupied about it right now. Sometimes the things that feel the safest are unhelpful and unnecessary. Easier said than done but it’s almost always beneficial to break through our comfort zones. - (I can’t focus with all these people crowding me) (yes this is a thing) Google the spotlight effect again. People don’t care about you as much as it feels like. They’re preoccupied with themselves or paying attention to something else. It’s ok not to be perfect and to slip back into obsessions. Though it shouldn’t be a goal there is nothing wrong with relapsing or feeling bad and it doesn’t mean that it will be permanently the case. We are stronger than we like to think we are. I thought I’d be dead by middle school from cancer that I never had and here I am in high school, healthy as the average person my age.

Has anyone ever thought about the list of mental and emotional disorders they have and occasionally been upset by it?

I’m really struggling rn and I have nobody to talk to. I don’t know what to do

So this guy at work asked me out except he's kind of creepy. He's like a decade older than me and I know for a fact that he's addicted to meth and relaxing. And in general even before I knew that he just had a really not great vibe. And I declined saying simply I was taking just to make it easier. And when he did ask me out I kind of panicked a little bit and I said what I said but the panic was internal. And I said the same one I don't want to be taken by the same sex. And so I try to ignore it I'm scared I might be out don't want to be bisexual. I try to ignore the thought and since it was really slow I'm on my lunch now and five minutes into my lunch while waiting for my food to be made I looked at some Facebook videos and saw Zendaya When she was on Disney Channel. Just now I said I thought when I don't wanna think she's cute. But she has a really slim body and I said oh my God I'm scared. I was scared I do I don't want to like boobs I looked her up and I said I did I don't wanna like how perky her boobs are she has a nicer body than me but that's it. And before I looked at pictures I kept saying that I did I don't I called it but I don't want her body to be hotter sexy and I'm scared I was smiling awkwardly not feeling like I actually like her boobs at all keep thinking of how they point and stick out like boobs do and I never felt like I like them and now I kept saying that even though I didn't feel it. And I kept thinking of boobs naked and I'm scared I smiled like a psycho and said that I felt like I love and I keep nodding up and down but I wasn't wet as in turned on but I was frightened something was happening down there I couldn't totally tell. I felt slight stuff but I didn't think it was a big deal I definitely didn't feel turned on nothing else of that nature was happening. So I went to the bathroom and there was more moisture than I would like and then I looked at her in some see-through dress I didn't I don't know I didn't get turned on but I'm scared I smiled and said like I don't wanna look how pretty your boobs are and I said she wouldn't take me but I wouldn't take her and now I can't stop making a face like I can't take when I love pectorals am I I'm scared of you I don't wanna be bisexual I don't want boobs to. I don't want triangles I don't want to I'm scared of who I am I don't wanna see myself I don't wanna look myself in the mirror I can't stop obsessing about triangles and when I thought of triangles my female nipples get hard and I'm scared I am I don't wanna be over man. I can't stop obsessing about her boobs stick out and the fact that extra stuff happened down there scared me even though I didn't actually feel anything I didn't feel like I liked what I was thinking about even though I was saying shit like that I didn't. I'm scared I am I don't wanna be done with men/My guy and I can't stop obsessing about how I said help but I don't want them to be hot or not I don't wanna be bisexual and I'm afraid of how I smiled at her chest i'm frightened I'm changing and I can't control it and I said I don't I want to change it and make it go away I don't want to change I’m scared I have to and I said she’s not hotter than him I don’t want him brace by sexuality I don’t wanna be here I want my old heterosexual sexuality back and I’m scared I said and friend I imagined her I’m fine she would I don’t know I wouldn’t take her i’m scared I don’t want to like her boobs more than I don’t her boobs i’m smiling like I’m considering them like I would I don’t want to suck them and I want pectoral bag and I’m I’m scared like would you and I feel weird I don’t want to I would not do her and I acted like I put my head off to one side and raised my eyebrows like maybe I don’t wanna I’m scared I don’t I am scared so I make faces really opening or considering it I don’t want to consider shit I’m not I want guys but I don’t want girls I just said I’m scared I do and then I wanna make it stop and it’s not that I want to I don’t want to i’m scared I keep thinking about her poops and saying but she’s not hot I want to go away I wanna die I keep saying she’s but she’s not hot and I’m frightened I don’t want the way boobs stick out I need help I miss pectorals I need help I’ll keep smiling like a psycho scared I’ve been lying to myself all these years and I am scared I should I don’t want to go but I’ve seen women be intimate with each other and I’m never gonna turn on

I was wondering do you have intrusive thoughts saying that you are already gay? Bc I know ocd is normally about what if… but for me my brain keep telling myself that I am gay and therefore I can’t stop looking at women in the street to see if I’m attracted or not… it’s so hard. Sm when I’m with my bf I have thought coming saying this is wrong you should be with a girl… not a boy… i just wanna know if some ppl have experience the same thing then me… I know I love my bf and I wanna be with him deep down I know it.

Can someone help? I'm in a lesbian relationship with my partner of 5 years in the last 6 months I have been suffering with OCD. I would avoid friends as I believed I had kissed them when drunk or so forth. I asked the friends and they told me no I didn't. But I never believed them because of past. Anyways moving on from that I then would check messages to see if I fancied my friends snd see if I was flirting or find a way that would make it true. I would sob to my girlfriend and confess everything I could of done or thought and asked her to forgive me. I convinced myself of all sorts. I didn't and still don't trust my own brain with anything. I managed to move on from that to then start questioning whether I am gay or not? Or if I love my girlfriend enough? What if I find others attractive? I found reassurance in all of these things I have been testing myself by watching lesbian porn to see if I still was interested in it One day I watched straight porn and that's when the OCD latched on I was obsessed with penises and men and people being naked. I started confessing again to my girlfriend. I was confused I didn't understand what was going on I had never wanted to fall in love with a man or anything I've always found women way more attractive than men. I then started questioning whether I fancy men so I started looking and finding people who I thought were attractive to me etc. I latched onto someone I work with a boy, he's a nice guy he's really loud and funny and reminds me of how I used to be meaning happy. I started thinking I must fancy him he's the boy you would pick out of everyone if I was 1) straight and 2) single. I feel like I'm not myself I would get scared I would try and think of my gf and I would get images of him.popping up. I don't get that as much now but whag I do get is the feeling still like as if I am bad girlfriend cheating on my partner when i wouldn't act on it ever. Its ruining me I don't even want to be in a relationship with a man. I just feel exhausted with arguing with my brain so I tried to accept it ok you might think someone is funny or a laugh and so what if they do have attractive qualities doesn't mean you're in love with them or want to actually be with them. But I cant stop obsessing about them. It feels like too much for me to deal with and Idk what to do. I'm trying my best to be the best gf I can but I just feel like I'm some liar. I love my girlfriend but she's moves away and it feels even more real because she's not here as much. The last thing I wanna do is be with someone else.

I do not know what I think I am very scared I do not know if there is any hope for me I got up quickly I woke up ocd I summed up again I panicked and I do not know how to rag everything was simpler before now I lost myself with it looks like I'm getting gay and why I do not want this I hated I have seen gay porn and I know I do not love it and no one will do it I know I'm afraid to check if I am attracted to women or not because I'm afraid that if I do not I'm going to become gay I'm very scared gay images came to my mind when I was asleep and I did not Ragova maybe I liked these I do not know I do not know who I am I am losing my identity I am becoming someone I do not love it seems I'm in denial every day I'm hopeless now I'm at work I do not know how it will come my day I do not want to work. I want to die he thought to kill himself I think this every day since my dream to have a family will not what is the meaning of living a life that I do not love anymore, as if I am living a life that is not mine, God has given me gone you are punishing me every day better not live do not come at all in this life

I’ve had the same themes (all in the taboo pedophilia/harm/incest/bestiality/etc. realm, with one the worst of them all) since I was a child. They never change. And I hear a lot of people with OCD saying, “I know it isn’t real, I just can’t stop thinking about it!” For me, it isn’t like that. My themes feel 100% real, and they don’t shift around. And sometimes reading things that other people with OCD have written where they say that “I know it’s not real” line, or hearing people with OCD talk about how frequently their themes change, makes me feel isolated even within the OCD community. Sometimes that makes me feel like I’m an even worse case, or am “different,” andy themes are just a real thing for me, like OCD likes to taunt us sufferers about. I’m just looking for some listening ears, and maybe some people who understand the OCD experience that I have, that sometimes seems a little different from other people’s.

I’m wondering what are your guys thoughts on marijuana use and those of us who have ocd who use it regularly