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Hi it’s all in the title I know it’s actually so hard…

I have a family member who has a mental health degree but seems to use their knowledge to label all of our relatives as narcissistic or as having other negative psychological traits. This usually happens whenever someone disagrees with her. Recently, she told me that if I feel guilty about a recent argument we had, it's not her problem that I haven't appropriately dealt with my OCD. I feel like this was a strategy to get under my skin and to use my OCD against me, because this relative knows how important my recovery has been to me. Has anyone else here experienced this type of gaslighting (disregarding your feelings or opinions based in your OCD) & how have you handled it, whilst maintaining fidelity to ERP?

I have been experiencing the same repeated thought cycle for 9 months since a certain event happened where I don’t have complete memory. I was on a night out with colleagues and got drunk to a point I blacked out (I have not done this since, and this is one of the only times I have done this). At the end of the Night a colleague who I remember trying to get with me throughout the night said ‘do you remember when we kissed?’ , to that I felt instant guilt and asked if I had cheated on my boyfriend, he then explained that he tried to kiss me but I turned away and said no I have a boyfriend. I rang my boyfriend straight away to let him know this had happened, and he forgave me and accepted it. I also was apologised to the next day by my colleague and he said I did nothing wrong and that it was his fault. However no amount of reassurance I got from people would stop me from feeling so much guilt. 9 months later and I still feel the same amount of guilt as when it first happened and I can’t get over it. I spend so much of my days trying to remember what happened and going through possible scenarios like imagining me being the one who initiated it and it feels so real. I never come to any conclusion as I don’t have a Memory, but I feel like I need this to move on. I feel as though I have cheated on my boyfriend and I need to end our relationship because I don’t deserve anything good due to what I could have potentially done. I would never be able to forgive my self for cheating. It’s like having the same thought over and over of myself doing something which makes me hate myself. The only time I feel okay is when I ask other people if what I’ve done is wrong and they tell me I wasn’t in the wrong or by reading online forums (this sometimes makes it alot worse). I also get triggered in social situations when people bring up the topic of cheating and get very anxious and upset. Sometimes it makes me not want to live anymore if I always feel like such an awful person. I want to focus on my studies and do well but this is stopping me. Does this sound like OCD or am I just a bad person unable to deal with what they have done?

I made the mistake of googling why do I sometimes not feel in love with my boyfriend and I shouldn’t of because everything is just tell me because I don’t love him and that just scares me. I seriously can’t remember ever feeling like I fell “in love” but when I’m with him I can usually push bad thoughts away and enjoy the relationship. I’m so scared this isn’t an OCD thing :(

3 days ago I started to feel better after 10 days of intrusive thoughts. I thought yayy I did it. And yesterday I had a session with my psychiatrist. She told me it's too soon to know if the crisis is gone or if it is just 2 days of peace. She said I may need to take paxil (I took luvox for 2,5 years)that is a similar drug, more sedative, but it is easy to take it off later. I felt kinda sad cause I thought I was doing better and I'm afraid of trying another meds. Last night I couldn't sleep cause the thoughts returned. I just felt as "this is it, I failed". I had so much anxiety and the thoughts keep telling me, just accept it, you're trans. I just want to feel okay again

Hello Everyone. I am suffering from this disorder for last 6 years. One reason for its long term is that i didn't know about it until recently i came to know that this sort of disorder is known as OCD. I am suffering from this beyond everything that i can explain . Most of the time i am concerned and worried that i would get a serious disease or infection if i touch something or do something that i deem "just not perfectly clean ". I mean i have to wash my hands in a particular way and manner to make myself believe its clean and safe otherwise no matter how much i wash my hands i am not satisfied that its clean. I spend hours in my bathroom even for the smallest daily task. Its torturing me really bad and even my family is affected. Its this way that most of the time i am in the bathroom doing my stupid rituals and my family members are unable to go to the bathroom. Every time i feel so much guilt and sadness i cannot express. I am always trying to be fast and finish my work in the bathroom really quick but everyday i encounter only failure. I am always late because of this , i miss many opportunities because of this , i am unable to go anywhere, i always get ashamed in front of my friends because i am always late, i am afraid to use anyone else's bathroom because i might take too long and i have to be ashamed and face mockery even there. Its consuming my life and also it has consumed most of my time till now. I don't know what to do. If anyone has any suggestion or similar experience or anything please help.

Does anyone else face depression and OCD? It’s relentless I’m struggling so bad….yesterday I just laid on the couch all day long…sleeping, like wtf I don’t want feel like this anymore…

Is there a correlation between ocd and humour? I dont mean to be insensitive, as everyone on here is really going through it, as am I, and maybe don't want to even think about that rn. However, I was just wondering if the common ocd theme of over analysis could lead to a different way of looking at the world. The acute awareness and perception leads me to noticing little details, which outlined, could be funny. I know I definitely use humour to ease my anxiety and ocd symptoms. I feel like using it to shine light on whats going on in my head might help me get a better perspective. Idk. Was just wondering what other people's views were on that. Hope everyone is doing well, one day at a time!

So in my head I came up with a love story ever since I was little I would play it out in my head or whatever or even pretend I’m the main female character but never put it on paper it was just something that I did growing up that just calmed me down I guess I don’t know but as I got older I would pretend I was the main character and the guy that the main character was with was the love interest and well yeah I’m sure you get the idea. We before I met my best friend or even knew who she was or her son, the male main character has the same name as my best friends son and I feel so horrible about it even though I had no idea at the time I didn’t even know anyone personally with that name so when I found out he had the same name I changed the name and moved forward but because the character in the story in my head had the same name and I would pretend to be the female main character and things escalated between characters if you know what I mean kind of like a fantasy sort of thing during me time and when I found out her son had the same name my ocd is twisting it trying to make it seem like it was something else and it never was and now I cringe and wish the male characters name wasn’t the same because it triggers my pocd so badly and I am trying to hard to do exposers especially when her son is around because he’s almost 3 and I’m trying to not be so afraid anymore but it’s hard when I can’t have one second of peace when OCD is trying to feed me lies that I know deep down aren’t true. I do know that sometimes mothers name their kids after the father so I’m sure that’s something other people deal with being uncomfortable wise but ocd takes it to a whole other level of uncomfortable and makes 10x more scary but that’s the best way I can explain it. Im just really worried if I should be concerned even though I had no idea at the time and changed it I just keep remembering using the main male character and his name during ya know time and now I feel so horrible about it like I said I had no idea at the time I would end up with a best friend who’s son has the same name. OCD sucks

It’s so crazy how even though you have been through this a million times, when a new thought pops up or an old obsession resurfaces, it feels impossible to get through. You know the tools and you recognize the feelings, and yet somehow “this one” is different. It’s more serious, more disturbing, it’s a sign of your true desires, etc, etc. Taking the risk of uncertainty is not worth it “this time”because the consequences are too severe. Every time you start to make progress on an obsession or even just part of an obsession, you think you are finally getting the hang of it…and then ocd hits you back and it’s like all the confidence and progress you were starting to feel like you were developing gets blown away and in that moment you are back at the beginning. Ocd is truly diabolical and so smart. It causes so much suffering. I am so tired of making progress or even just maintaining my current obsessions just to get smacked in the face with something “different” and somehow “worse”. It is exhausting. One thing I never considered I would need to fight ocd and use erp was stamina. I really hope everyone out there struggling with ocd is doing ok. If you have ever felt like this, just know that I am in that same place.

My therapist said I don’t have ocd and my intrusive thoughts and mental obsessions are just from anxiety/depression. I don’t really understand it and think anxiety with compulsion is literally what ocd is. I asked my mom to explain in and I kinda got it but still am confused. My therapist also said it matters more if it effects my daily life which it does daily and I think is a big part of what causes my depression. Anyways my mom was pretty upset with me and says she thinks I worry to much about having ocd. She says I want to have it which is not true. Is it possible for me too be like this is an intrusive thought and still use exposures to help even if it’s not ocd? Idk I’m just really confused and need advice.

I am in a really bad spot with my ROCD right now. I have been having terrible fears that I married the wrong person and that I don’t actually love him. One of my obsessions has been surrounding a guy friend of mine from a few years ago and wondering if I would’ve been better off married to him (we never dated, I was dating my husband then). But now I’m worried because If OCD attaches to what we love and value most, I’m concerned that I truly love that other guy - and even if I am having OCD, the fact that I’m obsessing over him/his wife and the idea I might’ve been better with him, doesn’t that mean something??? Anyone else experience this? I feel so beat down.

So I have watched pornography with the same sex atleast once or twice in my lifetime. Also I’ve seen gay scenes in movies & never had any intentions on doing anything with the person or thought too much about the scene. I’ve always been into women from the time I was a kid all the way up to now. Sometime towards the end of lastyear I still watched pornography but straight sex pornography and my mind just shifted with unwanted images unwanted thoughts of things that go against my morals and sometimes those thoughts and images bring me into a loop of overthinking etc. Usually when I have a weird thought it would simply be “ahhh that was a weird thought” & I can move on with my day. It has effected me to the point where I avoid people of the same sex even friends because in my head I’m always questioning “what if this happens? what if I lose control? “ I have a girlfriend and she’s very special to me. I love women. It’s driving me crazy to the point where I can’t even function properly. Does this sound like OCD ? To be more specific SO-OCD ?

Hello, I hope you are well. My name is Josephine, and I suffer from a severe ROCD. Yesterday (at midnight), my mother’s vehicle was crashed in our driveway by an inebriated driver and it was quite a dilemma. We called the authorities, etc. The neighbor, who had overheard the clash, came to converse with us while the others negotiated. And so we began conversing and discussing several topics, many topics. Finally, she introduced the subject of relationships. “Oh, you’re so pretty. Do you have a boyfriend?” she curiously interrogated. I was rather astounded, as I supposed the news of my relationship was statewide (euphemistically) at that extent. And so I replied, “I do. His name is Michael.” She continued interrogating me on the matter and I did not pay importance to it. She simply was curious, I thought. However, at some extent in the conversation/interrogation, she suggested I’d postpone our plans for marriage for the future: “Listen, you’re really young. You’re studying a career, and it is important you devote wholly to that. A man can wait. When you finish your career, and begin working, you can wait some time and then marry. Who knows? Maybe you find yourself a richer and older one then.” That final remark infuriated me. Yes, I am very young. I acknowledge I am also studying a very demanding career. But this-marrying the love of my life- is my dream. I have a part-time employment and so does he. We have many savings and we aspire for a life together. When she made that remark about finding myself an older and richer man (she did it jokingly, of course, but simple jokes like these trigger me) I began thinking of my past. When I was a child, my plans in life were to marry an elder wealthy (and American) man. I have been attracted to elder men my entire lifetime; however, when I met Michael, I only had eyes for him. I began thinking perhaps I should just acknowledge I am exclusively attracted to elder men. But that cannot be true because I fell in love with a man one year older than me. When a person falls in love, they begin feeling that honey sweet sensation whenever they look at their lover. It is inevitable. I have always felt this looking at Michael. When the ROCD began, however, it was somehow “blocked” by the intrusive thoughts, rumination, etc. I have been overthinking this so much, I think I have lost all of my sentiments for him. But then again, when the ROCD began, I felt that way as well. How do I stop these insecurities, this uncertainty, from blocking my sentiments, my love? Help me, please. Thank you all for reading this. I wish you a happy day, and may God bless you all.

Hi everyone! I just wanted to share a little about my story and where I'm at now in my life after the help of NOCD. At 17 years old I started having my Pocd thoughts and I was absolutely terrified! I didn't want to get out of bed, eat, or do anything at all. I was constantly like that for almost two years, daily I depended on my compulsions to be able to get up and do things, little did I know the compulsions were just making me much worse. Thankfully I had someone refer me to NOCD, and I had an amazing therapist. I was pregnant and really struggling so hard to become better before my baby arrived. My therapist helped and worked with me so hard and tremendously, I couldn't thank her enough she was amazing! Now I'm able to take care of my child my OCD is so mild and I get to live the best life I can. If you're feeling lost, or hopeless please get help through NOCD. It is absolutely a life changing therapy. Have faith, stay strong because you too can overcome your OCD!❤️ if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask.

My mind keeps jumping to conclusions that I’m in denial and i have to come out , crazy how a thought went from “what if I’m gay” to “what if I’ve always been” to “you’re bi” to “you’re gsy” to full on statements and conclusions, like coming out and being in denial , as homophobic as this sounds everytime i see something gay i get an ick im not disgusted, very slightly, i was never like this, now I’m contemplating if i ever even liked women when i know i have before. I have nothing against gay people but i just don’t wanna be gay , saying that makes me feel uneasy which makes me more confused. Idk what I’ve become at this point .Now I’m doubting every life decision I’ve taken and gosh i wish me and my ex lasted, i was happy, even when we fought i remember telling myself we’re gonna get through this we’ll be fine, here i am doubting everything, at the same time wishing me and her lasted, regretting how i treated her, then the ocd part uses the fact that i went soft a few times with her and lost all interest in women after the break up against me, and then its basically convincing me to say that i am gay, none of these adds up . My brain keeps showing me images of being with men and happy about it and i don’t want that, i don’t think i ever did, then it’s like oh movies and tv shows have influenced you to think you should be with women , and then I’m here like if that was the case I’d feel uncomfortable and feel out of place , I’ve never felt that, i felt good with women and all as long as she was clean didn’t smell ofc but yeah now I’m so fucking lost.

I’m in the stage of really wanting help. Anything I try I just “can’t”. I know that’s negative, but it feels so impossible. My therapist recommends meditating, I get sooo many compulsions because the whole time I have urges. It’s like “don’t press the red button” I feel like I have to move around. Cars freak me out so much. The thought of losing my boyfriend literally destroys me. It’s so severe. It feels like the end of the world if I don’t do compulsions. It is taking away my life. I can’t live in the moment. It’s my birthday on Thursday, and I just want to enjoy it. The compulsions are painful, distressing, time consuming, and embarrassing, yet the thoughts I have feel worse than that. Something that has helped is thinking, “you can’t control what happens”, but any quote I hear can’t process right. It’s almost like I’m addicted to compulsions/anxiety. I don’t want this anymore how tf do I get passed it.

I spent a long time completely lost in my OCD. I’ve had a few themes, and all of them completely distorted reality for me. However, when I reflect on my time spent with HOCD, it’s truly baffling to me just how much having HOCD completely distorts reality. I’m sure that anyone with HOCD automatically recognises what it means to have the theme. Fundamentally, it’s no different then any other theme, be it perfectionism, germ OCD, the list goes on; but there are superficial differences that make the theme seem much different than others. I’ve always considered myself straight; I never really contemplated the idea. It was just a quality I had, just as trivial as having blue eyes - people don’t truly meditate on the fact that they have blue eyes, generally. Of course, that was until the advent of this theme. It was like the ground beneath me fell apart, and all of a sudden, every single aspect of my once clear sexuality became imperceptible. I began, for about a year and a half, constantly questioning and attempting to reassure myself of who I was attracted to. At times, I’d be completely convinced that I wasn’t straight, and that I was at the very least bisexual. Even in those moments, a voice in the back of my mind disagreed, but I always doubted it to be valid, and my HOCD regarded it as a desire to be heterosexual, rather than actually being heterosexual. As the months passed and I grew more acquainted with obsessive compulsive disorder, I began to figure out ways that I could get over it. I learnt to stop avoiding my triggers, and to stop using reassurance to settle my triggers. This was enormous for me, and I no longer struggle with HOCD, basically at all. OCD is a chronic condition, so I’m not free of obsessions, I have the occasional doubt, and admittedly engage in reassurance behaviour every so often. But, if I was to be assessed, I would not be anywhere near the threshold for diagnosis - which is huge. I know I’m straight now, and the idea of my sexuality wavering in the future doesn’t bother me. Everything that used to trigger me barely effects me anymore. It’s true that HOCD stifles your attraction to your preferred gender, which is just the result of OCD being so good at completely distorting reality. Everything you feel with OCD, and everything you start to believe, is just OCD. I’m aware that may be reassurance, but I know that so many people NEED to hear that. I was in the gutter, and I did not ever see myself climbing out - but I did, and if I could, then there’s no doubt in my mind that everyone who was in my position CAN TOO.

i had a therapist who was a not good fit for me. anytime i told her my thoughts or compulsions she yelled at me for not resisting them even if they really scared me and i was really trying. this lead me to not want to tell her my thoughts. i then got yelled at for not being open enough. i really wanted to switch but she is trained in erp, so my parents wouldn’t let me. last session she told me i wasn’t getting better and have been doing therapy for too long. my therapist said she had no hope and found no way to fix me. this left me crushed. she also didn’t schedule another session at the end like she usually has always done. i’m so worried. am i uncurable? i’m trying so hard, i just want to get better? what do i do? has anyone else had a similar experience?

Gosh, I don’t even know where to start. I appreciate anyone who will read this whole thing. I’ve been having such a hard time with one specific intrusive thought and it’s suicide. It scares me so much that I’m thinking about it. I constantly have those thoughts because it genuinely terrifies me. I think of scary thoughts of what would happen if I ever did something like that. I tell myself it’s not true and that I never would, but I feel like my mind is trying to convince me that it’s true and that I’m having these thoughts for a reason. I always think “well I’m thinking of suicide for a reason, so it must be because I want to do it.” Gosh, it’s so exhausting. I even think of the scary ways to do it, mainly hanging and when I think of this, it puts me in such a bad mood. It’s so scary that I get sick to my stomach sometimes and feel so much anxiety. It even got to the point where I started to feel depressed and didn’t want to get out of bed. I wake up every morning and it’s the first thought that pops into my head because I know it’s something that’s just stressing me out so much. I’m in a place right now where I’m just thinking “I don’t want to think about this but why am I? Does this mean I actually want to? Maybe I do. I have no idea.” It’s putting me in such a bad place where I feel like it’s something that could actually happen. I pray that this thought goes away because it’s so tiring for me to go through this. Sometimes I’m even on the verge of crying because of it. Thank you so much if you’ve read all of this. I appreciate it