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Can i talk to someone please?

So my husband told me the other day that all he hears me talk about is OCD and my mom and dad. They are both turning 80, and not in the best of health. I am an only child. They were all I had before I met him 20 years ago. He was always a huge support for me with my OCD. Now I just feel like a huge pain. I can’t talk to him at all about anything because I feel like he really doesn’t want to hear it now. I finally found a therapist that gets me. She’s amazing! And I wanna be able to tell him about my sessions, but I don’t anymore. Im back in my shell again. I don’t wanna talk to anyone… just wanna disappear. This sucks.

Lately I've been having a lot of groinal responses, don't want them to be there. Before any of this even happened to me, I don't think I ever had a groinal response looking at another man, it makes me convinced that I've always been gay. I don't wanna be gay. This morning I had a dream about a rapper, it wasn't sexual but for some reason I was hard? I have always been a fan of his music and that's it. Now that's fueling my thought process even more and convincing me that I'm gay and I've been in the closet for a while At the same time i keep crying looking at my ex cause i miss her so much. Another thing to note that whenever i see good looking men or men that are gay i get groinal responses, whereas before this I don't think any of this happened to me. Whenever i look at these men i have to actively take a few deep breath's to catch up my breath, i can feel my heart beating. And most of the times I'm not even thinking anything sexual when ilook at these men it's weird. None of this brings me happiness at all. At this point I'm scared of my own groin cause i don't know what to expect or what's gonna happen. My brain keeps going you're in denial I've always been into women, as far as i can remember, I've lost complete attraction to them especially after my break up and getting depressed and having anxiety. And i keep thinking find a man attractive and if i get a groinal response, " wanna have sex with him" where as before any of this happened to me, these thoughts never even came to my mind, my 22 years of life feels like a complete lie and i hate myself, I've lost all motivation to do Normal things, i feel sleepy, i don't feel confident, loss of attraction, loss of libido, loss of will power, my thoughts keep morphing from " you might be gay" to "you are gay" to "you're bi" to "you're gay" to " you're in the closest" to "how are you gonna come out?". None of these thoughts make me happy, it makes me more confused and scared and kinda uncomfortable, and weirded out too. Another thing i did was since December till March i watched gay porn and barely got aroused and didn't really find it all that hot.? But my brain ignores that i understand now that it was a compulsive thing that's why i stopped but now i get so many groinals it's so weird Can someone tell me what's going on with me? Please please please someone take the time out of their day to read this and respond, thank you! 😩😩😩

So tomorrow I’m starting a diet plan and I’ve done it before but could never stick to it and I gave up but this time I want it to be different. Not only do I want to lose weight but I want to feel healthier and also have more energy and not feel blah all the time (besides how OCD makes me feel) but I was wondering if dieting helps with ocd or anxiety especially with symptoms? I’m so worried I’m going to put myself through all this and then it’s not going to help me mentally (along with ERP and medication) and then I will feel so much worse and more hopeless…also I was thinking about starting meditation and maybe even yoga or something like that to help too but not as a compulsion but for stress relief. If anyone has any success stories or any advice about this kind of thing let me know!

I was diagnosed with Pure OCD in 2020 and have been able to conquer most of my fears since. However, I recently started Zoloft and it had caused me to not be able to eat as much, sleep, focus or do much of anything. I began to have intrusive thoughts as I do but this time I assigned a "scary" voice to the thought after reading about Schizophrenia. I only hear the "voice" when I'm actively thinking about it but my fear is that it will evolve into something out of my own control. I've been extremely anxious since starting Zoloft and I'm aware that it can heighten those senses of being aware or "freaking ourselves out" but I can't stop googling if anyone else has created this monolog or given it a voice after the concern of Schizophrenia.

I'm not diagnosed but I've been struggling with my thoughts for almost two months now and I'm not sure if it's intrusive anymore? These thoughts makes me want to die and I want this out of my head as soon as possible, I don't want to stay like this any longer. February or January, I started studying and knowing more about the Bible, It is indeed, the best moment in my life, I really enjoyed it very much, being reunited with your creator is the best feeling. Before studying and reading the Bible, I showed signs of Sexual Orientation OCD and also during those times I studied. I felt so alive when I was with God and now I just feel like I'm slowly falling part. This started when I found out that what I've been doing wrong is not biblical and that's anti-christ, I was shocked and couldn't believe it and said to myself "I'm an anti-christ???" I just went to sleep during that time and thought that I'll be able to accept it when I wake up. Tomorrow, my first thought is praying to God but when I close my eyes, random images would pop up. While I'm praying there's image of evil or the enemy, that of course freaked me out and made me cry. My mother noticed and told me to stop what I'm doing for awhile (Studying and reading the Bible) I did what she told me and as soon as I got better, I came back to what I was doing. It got triggered again when I found out some of my friends are atheists and I'm not sure if it's right or okay to be friends with an atheists so I asked people for advice, they said it's okay and I thought "Yes, at least they're not satanist" that shooked me and then suddenly the thoughts started again and has been going on until now. I think this is my fault for thinking that way. I keep having thoughts that are disrespectful to God, my brain switching God with the enemy which is stupid, having other Gods which is the enemy, wishing to the enemy, offering stuffs for the enemy like food so I often end up praying a lot of times to cleanse the food, drinks, and even things in our house and those things that I saw with my eyes, and other thoughts like worship the enemy, go with the enemy, and other thought. I feel dead inside, honestly. I want to get better as soon as possible and don't want to stay like this anymore, these thoughts makes me hate myself. I've been not having that much sleep and I keep having those thoughts that I offered food to the enemy so I can't eat properly, the only way I was able to eat properly is by thinking that God prepared it for me. My dream is just to follow God, I was ready to leave anything for God but then I had these thoughts. There's some times I was doing fine, coping with these thoughts and then I would fall miserably again because of a verse that I heard that evil thoughts came from the heart? I honestly feel hopeless and there were times my intrusive thoughts influenced my mind. I really don't enjoy anything except spending time with God but even that, I can't do because of the thoughts that I keep having. These thoughts are really making me hate myself, I heard an advice to stop doing compulsions but then I worry about not doing compulsions. I get harmful thoughts about other people too, I honestly can't live like this. I don't feel like myself lately. I always feel like I'm lying too everytime I'm asking for help.

I was manipulated into experimenting with my friend when I was 14 or younger… he was constantly telling me that what we were doing wasn’t homosexual or wrong at all… he was my friend so I believed him… it only lasted for a couple seconds because I was honestly shaken up by it and I nearly puked… Now my HOCD is telling me that i wanted it and that im in denial when even mentioning this story gets me anxious… I don’t ever want to be homosexual or bisexual in any way shape or form… 😞😞😞

so basically I had a bad dream about someone killing someone and then was on the phone in the dream, and they told me this other girl could be involved in it, and then i seen the girl she was talking about, and then i ran outside so she wouldn’t hurt me or kill me, and then I woke up, was in a panic basically, and started having all this harmful thoughts about my boyfriend, and it felt like my mind was telling me to act on this things, and it felt like a urge to do something, and then i ended up having a panic attack maybe, and called and talk to the therapist, and she said usually people who want to do these things have a plan and then that’s when my brain came up with this thought ; my brain became up with an idea that after i get off work to kill my boyfriend and put him in a red bag, and that was that, and then now i have a bunch of anxiety about that because why would I even think that, or why would i even wanna do something like that, and it feels like i’m going to but i don’t want too, and these thoughts are really scary for me. but i used to have thoughts like that all the time but they have never felt like i wanted to actually act on them, and that feeling like i want too is what is scaring me, and sometimes if i don’t get this anxiety feeling about it makes me worry even more.

I saw a Tik tok of this lesbian girl saying butterfly tattoos are a sign or way to tell if another girl is a lesbian. I have an appt for a butterfly tattoo in a month and now in’s really freaking out and planning on changing the tattoo :( UGH HOW IS A BUTTERFLY TATTOO A SUGN UR A LESBIAN?!

I’m getting married in six days but I have relationship OCD and I am having some MAJOR anxiety! I feel so bad like calling it off. What do I do??! I just need some help ASAP and some techniques please please!

I was reading a book and the character talked about diminishing romantic feelings or lessened when faced with tough situations and being realistic and I was like "so it's normal" since I often struggle to feel romantic towards my partner after arguments or other matters and now I'm panicking because it said disminishing and I just immediately agreed. I'm scared I don't like him. What kind of person tries to convince themselves they aren't lying to themselves and actually like them? I feel like a fraud and a liar. I feel so uncomfortable but most uncomfortable at the fact that I'm struggling to feel guilt for these thoughts even though I don't want them and don't like them. What if I am faking it and really don't like him? I'm thinking of all the little things you're supposed to do and I just can't seem to be invested even though he's amazing. But then saying this I feel like all those girls say "he is an amazing guy....Buuut" and I don't want to be that girl. Please tell me someone has experienced the same?

i can’t do this anymore my dpdr is so bad i can barely function and get out of bed cause i feel so weird. ugh!!

So I’m really struggling right now because I remember a few months ago my 11 year old niece was visiting and I was hanging out with her and POCD is my worst theme so I remember she was standing next to me or showing me something and she leaned against my knee and I think it was the below part and I’m so scared what if I violated her somehow because I remember I was scared to move and I panicked and moved away from her and I’m so scared of what if I did something wrong even though I had no intentions of doing so I was just sitting there while she was talking or showing me something and it was at a time that I was having an ocd attack I don’t know if it’s blowing me out of proportion but my mind is telling me that I just sat there and let it happen and that I violated her and I really hope to God I didn’t. I was panicked and afraid to move because it felt odd and scary at the time

How can I believe that this is ROCD when there are some proof? Like… I know my ROCD could have exaggerated things.. I know when I am calm I love him and hug him. But this morning was bad.. I started crying when he told me he loved me… before he got of the car I hugged him super hard… I can’t shake this off… I wanna accept his flaws… when I don’t overthink I know I love him.. some parts of him I know I dislike and I told him what thoses things are…. I know relationships go thru rough patches.. I wanna fix it! It’s like my brain is trying to force me to run away.. My friend told me that my relationship is fine. It’s just both of our mental states are to blame for why our relationship is struggling…. I just want my relationship back.. if we break up.. I don’t know if I can handle another relationship again.. I can’t… I just don’t want to

hi i’m a STEM college student. i have contamination OCD that i think is pretty severe; i don’t fear germs or getting sick but the thought of touching gross things like trash and toilets i joined this app because i’ve just recently gotten so much worse in the past semester or 2. (i think i’ve always had ocd as a kid but it got worse in middle school, stagnated, worse in high school, stagnated through the first part of college, and then got SO much worse during the pandemic) i can’t read generic information and articles about ocd without crying. it is very very difficult and painful for me to talk about, so i dont unless i absolutely have to. i don’t even say the word “ocd” out loud to people. it seems so odd to me that some people can casually mention they have ocd, not anonymously i know the nature of ocd itself makes people feel shameful/embarrassed, but i think i feel particularly bad shame from it. i have a particularly strong urge to hide it and keep to myself/solve on my own i think because of my family, particularly my mom. i kind of had to figure out on my own that it was ocd. from the time i was 11 or 12, my mom would yell at me all the time in response to me showering/washing hands/doing laundry with too much soap. but it’s not like she didn’t understand the severity or the situation—she knew it was ocd and was educated enough to understand i just “can’t stop”. yet she would shut off the shower, yell at me to stop, push me into my room one time, and complain that i was stressing her out. she would demand over and over throughout the years for me to explain why i did the compulsions i did, but i didn’t even understand it yet; i was just a kid. she made it into a situation where i was at fault because i was withholding information/keeping secrets. i didn’t really realize that my mom had such an adverse effect on the shame part of ocd until a therapist told me the summer before i went to college. it all made sense why i felt like i had been fighting ocd AND my mom, instead of my my mom and me fighting ocd together. it hasn’t occurred to me that people could have family members out there with whom they can casually yet compassionately talk with them about and support them through ocd: “how can i help you?” “how can we get through this together?” otherwise, my mom and i are really close, but it’s really put a strain on our relationship. i have “cut her off” from discussing anything about my mental health (including grieving from 2 deaths this year) because i want to punish her for how she handled my ocd for all those years. i know that sounds awful, but i have a lot of resentment for her that i’ve never resolved or addressed my mom used to put me in talk therapy every year or two from the time i was about 11. i didn’t figure out it was ocd until recently, but i knew something was wrong with me when i was little. i remember crying to the child psychologist and saying “do you think i’m crazy? am i here because i’m crazy?” when i was 11 i find it incredibly difficult to talk about to even a therapist. that’s why i’m here on this anonymous app. i don’t think my mom or family could ever tell i have this app and am doing this. they have not been compassionate; this has been something i’ve dealt with alone so i feel i will try to solve it alone

Those who pick the skin on your fingers- how did you stop? My fingers look disgusting and I want to stop so badly but can’t find a way to stop??? Help!

This is long. But would definitely appreciate thoughts or advice. Not reassurance. I’m a Christian with Scrupulosity, but recently my ocd has shifted from worrying I’m not “really” a Christian to obsessing on if I should be a Christian at all. Obviously wrestling with faith is a normal human experience, but this feels so OCD. My biggest obsession has been about if the Bible is really true. Obviously this is something that cannot be proven (someone on this app actually described it as the biggest test of accepting uncertainty, which I found helpful), but I seem to be obsessively researching things in the world that seem to contradict the Bible and attempting to reconcile them. Obviously we are rational beings, and we want to believe whatever is true. If something isn’t true, we wouldn’t want to believe it. If something we observe in the natural world blatantly contradicted the Bible, we would probably re-assess and change our beliefs (as with Scrupulosity, that feels like a very bad and faithless thing to say). Lately the obsession has been science related and struggling to reconcile scientific findings with the Bible (for example, a very old earth with an even older universe vs. six days of creation in the Bible…a very controversial issue). I’ve read countless things from both sides (both however being predominantly Christian) and found issues on both sides, which has made me feel close at times to abandoning the Bible altogether (which i do not want to do. I know non-Christians don’t have a flawless explanation of the universe either). But it’s not just science. There’s doubt just related to experiences or how I feel about what I read in the Bible (which i try not to give too much weight to, since they’re just feelings). I would like to add that I am NOT looking for reasons to stop being a Christian. I am not trying to find an excuse to stop believing in God. My obsessive research, rumination, reassurance-seeking, etc, is actually looking for things to re-affirm my faith in Christianity. But of course with OCD, it never ends. I’m trying to remind myself that no matter how much I research, I will not find answers that completely satisfy my questions (no matter what side of the argument the answers come from, atheist, christian, or otherwise). But it just feels so important, as OCD often does, because I want to believe in the right thing. I don’t want to be believing in something untrue. Religion can’t be proven right, but my fear is essentially Christianity being something not worth believing in/being wrong.

So im new here but I figured I needed help, as I cant do this alone. I have fought with OCD all my life. Never can I remember not having that little devil riding on my shoulder, telling me what to do. Up until 2 years ago however, I never knew it was OCD. As soon as I figured out I could fix it, I was all for it. I gritted my teeth, and went through months of exposure therapy until...well, it worked! All except one aspect...These darn physical sensations. My ocd has taken on a type of ocd known as Magical Thinking. Basically where my ocd says "Take away X thing that I love" and I "believe" (not really) that some being above is going to do so. Naturally I knew this was crap, so I ignored them, just like I did every other intrusive thought about me getting cancer, dying, etc. Now, small backstory, im a Musician, music is my life. Its one of the few things im actually good at, and I honestly dont think I could live without it. So, naturally, since I love it, my ocd says "take music away from me" and in doing so I will always feel a "ping" as I call them. Basically like a needle prick somewhere in my body. Because this newfound aspect to my once controlled OCD scared me, as it seemingly added "authenticity" to the thought, I went down a rabbit hole. I started to think to myself, to no one in particular "ok, if im really going to lose music, make it so I get a ping in the next 5 seconds". Low and behold, I got one, so the I tried "If im not going to lose music, make it so I get a ping in the next 5 seconds" and I didnt. At this point, my old obsessive self came flooding back. Without thinking of relapsing, I mustve done both of those thoughts about a hundred times. And every time it was consistent and got it perfect. I then tried thinking, "ok, make it so the pings happen on the one that isnt going to happen". And it flipped it perfectly. My question is this, can OCD do this? Can OCD control physical sensations to a T? As one asks for them? Cause while I know that its not a higher being, it is starting to scare me. Its just too consistent.

I work as an ED nurse and struggle with contamination and perfectionism OCD. My anxiety spikes randomly. Examples would be when I worry that I’m not communicating every little symptom detail with the doctors. Or when I’m drawing blood and notice an old blood stain on a tray or drawer that I might have touched while gathering supplies, so I throw all the supplies away and start again. I get hung up in the “what if’s” and seem to not be able to trust my own clinical judgement. I try to gage my response to situations based off what I know a safe reliable nurse would consider acceptable care. I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m a good nurse. I’m looking for tips to manage anxiety in a setting that is, at baseline, dirty and imperfect. Any help is appreciated!

When OCD causes disturbing or uncomfortable intrusive thoughts, one compulsion you may have is to confess them to someone. In return, they can provide reassurance that you’re a good person, or that everyone has these thoughts. This may provide quick relief, but it ends up making you rely on reassurance to feel better, and does nothing to help you deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety long-term. By doing exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, you can learn to manage OCD without relying on compulsions. Read more about how ERP can free you from the vicious cycle of confession and reassurance.