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I see myself smiling and killed all of my family members. So scared right now! I also feel that I want to do it even I really don't want. You know what I mean? Huhu please help me.

I’m really anxious right now because the thoughts and feelings feel extremely real. So much so it’s like I actually convinced myself I’m trans. I thought I was doing better a few days ago but the fact I’m still worrying makes me feel like it’s proof I’m trans bc a cis person wouldn’t obsess over gender. I keep worrying that the OCD thoughts Ive had about this theme aren’t OCD but real feelings, and proof that I’m trans. I’m so uncertain about my identity, I don’t know my gender, my sexuality, what feels good, what feels bad, or who I am. And I have nothing to reference anymore because OCD has worn it down so much. Does anyone have any tips or thoughts? I need help.

Something I've noticed about myself is that whenever i feel anxiety (due to obsessions) or excitement, i feel them in extremes and I'm unable to get out of these states. My heart beats fast and i get this intense feeling on my stomach and chest. For example, it's been 3 hours and i still haven't managed to get out of this extreme excitement i currently feel. I've been in a constant state of euphoria to the point it's become a problem. Can anyone relate? I don't know why this happens or if it's cause by ocd. If anyone knows something about that, please do reply.

So I was at my boyfriend's house & stayed over the other night. I'd had a long day & was tired but didn't want to tell my boyfriend that I didn't feel like sex in case he thought I was going off him. Anyway we started kissing & in the middle of it I told him that I was tired & didn't feel like sex & then he got really annoyed with me. He said that I wasn't tired it was anxiety & then went quiet on me. When I tried to defend myself he just cut me off & it was a really awkward night. He did apologise the next day but later in the day he kept bringing it up & saying it was concerning for him & he said that if there's no sex, that's it for the relationship. But here's the thing- this is the first time I've turned down sex & I was having anxiety (as well as being tired) because he keeps disapproving of everything I say. I am a bit aspergic as well. He knows this, and he knows I have OCD & performance anxiety when it comes to sex. Is this normal relationship stuff? Am I being too sensitive? I really don't know what to make of all this.

So I was at work. And was putting some dishes away because I’m a dishwasher. Then I decide to use the restroom. I go to the employee restroom which is in the back of the restaurant. Close the door, put the chair against it because the lock is broken and the employee bathroom with a working lock is being used, and I use the restroom. Then I noticed a phone lying on one of the shelves in the bathroom. Because there’s this like stack of shelves that holds like toilet paper, paper towels, toilet seat covers, cleaning products blah blah blah. I touch the touchscreen to see if I could identify who’s it was based off whatever wallpaper they were using sometimes people put themselves or you know I don’t know just thought that might help. And I saw this and I said don’t and I just now thought don’t want to I want to watch mind I don’t want to start liking the way boom stick out like I don’t like that I was impressed I don’t want her body I don’t want it I mean I’m envious of it but for me to say I don’t mind it scares me and I really looked at her I feel weird. I feel hot and hole in my chest. And so don’t I don’t mind I don’t wanna like boobs and I kept looking at how they stick out and going different directions I feel really horrible. I took a picture of a compulsion. I kept staring at the moment to chat and I don’t want to be but I keep thinking strong we might I don’t want there to be a might be able don’t wanna be bi. Is that I’m scared I keep looking at it like I don’t wanna come to appreciate it I’m not starting to like I don’t wanna be by and now I’m scared that I can’t look at my guy I don’t want to and said besides she wouldn’t I wouldn’t want her to take me I wouldn’t take her! I almost had go back to I’ve never liked me because I don’t want to ever do so. I’m just gonna keep sitting here in the electrical closet taking my lunch because I don’t want people to hear me. I’m scared I keep saying can’t help like I don’t want to like Women I don’t want them I don’t want boobs but I don’t want the knot in my stomach to go away sitting can’t help liking when I don’t like it but I can’t stop staring at the I’m scared there exactly the kind I I don’t like any kind shape or you know whatever but at the same time I’m friend I feel like I don’t want anything to change what kind of straight woman takes a picture of that !? How do you wanna be bisexual and I keep saying can’t help I’m not by please help can anyone help this go away? I said never thought I didn’t than my eyebrows went up like I was impressed and I’m scared I am I don’t wanna start considering I don’t wanna start liking I don’t want the opposite directions they going I’m scared him I don’t wanna start liking the way they stick out I’m trying to Canterbury I keep leaning forward as though I don’t want to imitate what guys and babies do. I don’t wanna start liking women or not hot or sexy cut I’m scared I’m looking at I don’t like that I said I don’t mind with eyebrows raised the one impressed I don’t want to be impressed with this I feel like screaming. I I feel like I’m ripping my stomach out my eyebrows keep going up like I don’t I want to mind I don’t want to start liking them they’re not hot and I keep saying they’re not hotter than men and they’re not but they they’re not hot at all! I keep on scared I keep saying I don’t wanna start liking the points I don’t want them I want boys not both sexes is I want to go back to being gross I’m scared there I feel like ripping my stomach open I don’t want them to be hot I don’t wanna know what surrounded curves I don’t want to appreciate the pointed nipples and I said I should I don’t wanna embrace by I don’t like acting like I wouldn’t go for any I said she wouldn’t I don’t care if she wouldn’t I don’t wanna go for her I don’t want to like I keep I don’t want to appreciate the boobs I don’t want to point and I said I I’m scared I don’t know I’m scared I don’t want the rounded so I 10 and make faces like I but but I always like pe and I don’t want that to change this scares me

Ive relapsed pretty hard with my anxiety and depression, and ocd thoughts. I was doing so well for months and just suddenly everything feels so hard again. This week has been extra hard, I haven't had much energy do to much at all. It's like I've forgotten all the ways to handle my thoughts. I don't think I'm looking for tips or anything I just want to write this and maybe talk to someone here. Anyone here who's in a similar situation?

So I know I have “just right ocd” and the need to even things out and do things “correctly” including body movements and stuff.... does anyone experience it worse at night? Like before they go to bed? This might sound weird but it always comes at me the worst when I’m trying to go to sleep. I’ll lie down and my ocd will tell me that I “didn’t lie down correctly” and I’ll have to sit up and lie down again. Then it’ll tell me I did it too fast and that if I don’t sit up and do it again then I’ll die. Then I do it again but it tells me some other excuse like that I had a pain in my chest or head and it was because I lied down wrong so I have to re do it, and so on. The cycle goes on forever. Sometimes I even feel like I got into bed wrong completely, and I’ll have to get up and walk around my room for a second and re enter my bed until it feels right. But I have a lot of back, chest, head, and neck soreness/pain (I’m only 18 I don’t even know why :( and it happens a lot when I lie down, and for some reason when I feel a pain or sensation, my ocd makes me get up and re lie down or else “whatever sensation I felt will kill me” I literally don’t understand any of this, but it would make me feel so much less overwhelmed if I knew this was normal for ocd. I told my therapist about this stuff and she acted all shocked that this was ocd

Okay, I’m not the best at writing story’s. As I always say, I’m the worst person when it comes to even stringing a sentence together 😂 How and ever, this is something I’ve put off for a long time as I try to keep away from any online forums etc related to OCD. But I’ve said to myself this shouldn’t be about me, this is for all you suffering in light for hope. Back in June 2020, I woke up one day totally riddled with anxiety and a voice in my head. A feeling no one should ever bare. I could barely speak or breath. I researched constantly about overthinking not having a clue what OCD even was until a few weeks later. A sigh of relief I suppose when I discovered it was OCD as everyone labels it a “liar”, I sensed I would be fine knowing this is all false signals sent from the brain. I wasn’t fine though. Nothing was ever enough to shut the voice up in my brain. I was always the life and soul of the party who turned into the man who would sit in his bedroom all day waiting for a miracle to happen so this would all end. I wanted my life to end essentially even though I was a person full of life who loved living to somebody who sat in their car almost 24/7 so my family and friends never saw me break down. It was a rocky road from day one. I couldn’t trust myself enough to do ERP because everything felt like it would come to life and turn real if I didn’t protect myself from my brain. This was one of my biggest mistakes which I learned along the way. In January 2021, I finally said to myself enough is enough. I couldn’t pity myself anymore and live miserably. I took myself away from everything OCD had to offer. This included removing myself from forums online and continuously researching and asking other sufferers questions hoping they could relate to my story. Ever since, I’ve never looked back. It has been one of the toughest yet most rewarding journeys to get to where I am. I can finally say I feel back to myself and there’s no better feeling. Yes it still creeps in from time to time but I can dismiss it now and say “here you are again I’ve heard it before and it got me no where so why bother now”. That’s the thing, you must realise, you are the creator of your success. It is upto you to recover. Nobody or nothing can get you to where you want to be other than you. I learnt that trust me I used to pray all day and try all sorts of medication and nothing worked. But I’m living again. Yes me, the person who user to read recovery stories thinking I might never be able to make my own. But I have and it’s something I’m proud of to get here. As I said, I was existing before. That’s the fine line which you must distinguish between to appreciate life. I can actually enjoy spending time with my amazing girlfriend, go nightclubbing again, meet up with friends, go on holidays and relax. Things I used to do before OCD that I can do again now. Trust in yourself and you will get to where you want to be. You got this. I wish you all success in your recovery and know anything is possible once you set your mind to it. And always remember, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Never give up!

i can't accept and forgive myself for having pocd.

As the title says, I've been having difficulty quitting bad habits. I cut out all junk food from my diet as well as alcohol and pornography. I've lost 10 pounds in the last two months and have 15 more to go. However, I'm stuck in a thought loop of telling myself that I haven't engaged in those bad habits "correctly" the last time I did them. For example, the last time I had alcohol was at my friend's wedding in October, and I had two sweet alcoholic drinks. This feels wrong to me because in my mind it should have been a beer, the standard alcoholic drink, during a regular day of the week. This has been circling in my mind since I had alcohol back in October. I guess I could have a beer to make things "just right" but I am on medications and I'm not supposed to drink alcohol. I also have the same obsession with taking medications, I feel like the day I started taking medications was not the "right day" to start and that I should've waited until a different time to start. I also have the same thoughts with junk food. Chips, ice cream, soda, pastries. I keep thinking about how I should've had a bit of a ceremony about the last time I had these items to mark the event instead of just randomly cutting them out of my life. The same can be said about quitting pornography as well - I keep feeling like the last time I used it it wasn't "just right" and that I need to do it one last time perfectly. Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can get rid of these thoughts? I've talked to therapists about this before and it hasn't seemed to help. I honestly can't sleep most nights because of the thoughts that something feels "off". I'm losing hope, life is incredibly difficult most days because I can't get these thoughts out of my mind. I am currently on 112.5 mg of Effexor daily and I'm planning on increasing my dosage until I feel my OCD waning away.

Does anyone else ever ask themselves if they love their partner and sometimes the answer is no and sometimes the answer is yes? Is asking myself this a compulsion if most of the time I don’t get the answer I want? Also, in an Awaken into Love video, she suggested that if you tell yourself something for long enough you’ll believe it so I’m wondering if I’ve obsessed so long over whether or not I love my boyfriend that I truly believe I don’t love him.

It's hit me so hard lately that I have pretty much no support system to support my mental health outside of my therapist. I have a couple friends but they don't struggle with mental health like I do, so I don't really feel that I can go to them for much. What has hit me the most lately is that not even my own girlfriend can be a support for me. Despite her having several mental health problems herself, whenever I am struggling with something, she says that I am doing it to myself and is the furthest away from any sort of support.

I have OCD where my triggers revolve around contamination, harm, and a few others sprinkled in there. My compulsion is to “confess” to find relief from the anxiety and guilt. My wife is the recipient of the confessions. We are going through a divorce right now and unfortunately do not have another option but to live together until a future date. I have begun to notice that she will respond to the confessing by belittling me. Today, just a bit ago, she told me I am like and 8 year old child after I confessed to “mommy.” This happened after I had cut up some mango and sifted through her bowl with my hand to make sure no rind was there. The contamination OCD came into focus and I told her that I did that and she went on this tirade. I told her it was me just telling her but I knew and she knew that it was a confession. Ot is hard for me to be honest about it sometimes because I feel sick over it when she becomes so angry. She tells me that I think she is dumb for trying to say it isn’t a confession, but that I am dumb for doing it and thinking that she doesn’t see it as a confession. She went on to say that I am repulsive and used that word a couple of times in this moment. She also told me that I owe her an apology. So I said I am sorry three times. I can’t tell you how awful this makes me feel about myself. There are other examples but this just happened so I wanted to share. Thanks for reading.

How do you know if you’re bisexual or it is just OCD triggering you that you might feel attracted to the same sex? This is bothering me so much since I feel like I can’t step into a relationship while I’m still struggling with my orientation

for couples who have been together for a good amount of time is it normal to not always feel “ in love” all the time ? that it comes and goes ?

i’ve talked about this before but i’m still having a hard time lol basically i like this boy and we’re almost to the point of dating but i’m getting the idea i manifested him and i can’t remember if i did or not and i keep telling myself it’s not true but i’m having such a hard time believing it. the guilt is the worst part like i’m taking away his free will, that it’s not consensual, etc.

i want to start erp therapy but i’m so afraid to say my thoughts out loud bc even though i know i don’t be judged i’m so scared bc i feel like the therapist might judge me in her head and that i’ll be extremely embarrassed

The biggest question i ask myself sometimes Is: What if it's not OCD, what if i'm really a bad person and i can cause suffering around me? What if i'm only a burden? And even if it's OCD, who can tell me that one day, tired of all these thoughts, i will or will not harm myself or others? I don't remember who i was before and i feel lost and alone, i just want my life back..

At the end of February I started having very bad self harm ocd. I don’t want to die. I have a great life. Anyways I gave my firearms to a friend and then the self harm ocd went away. Since then it’s been constant harm ocd and ruminations. Basically full anxiety all day every day. It’s unbearable at work. Im scared and getting discouraged and depressed. I hate these thoughts and they truly scare me. Part of me thinks that going to inpatient mental health for a few days would help but the other part tells me it’s just a reassurance seeking thing. The worst part about the thoughts is it makes you think “oh I must want to do this because this thought didn’t cause anxiety” or you should, have to, urges. Things like that. I have my second appt with my therapist on here tomorrow and all I want to do is go to sleep. Life is a wreck right now and I don’t know where else to go. And the self harm ocd Kicks in and it’s like well just have to do it if you aren’t gonna get better which introduces more anxiety. Thanks for listening.

Her ocd is all about the fear of hospitals, medicine, the government is after us etc.. I was in on it until recently. I'm the eldest in a family of three siblings, I talk to my dad a lot more now that me and my mom don't share the same beliefs anymore. I feel like I'm taking his side in this.. and it feels like I'm causing a lot of conflict between my parents. While my mom's behavior is very controlling (she takes his painkillers, "bad" products, instilles fear) etc. And I was in on this.. I feel bad over having been in on it but yeah. I just blame myself rn for potentially causing a big rupture in my family. It's not my fault.. yet I see her side as we both have ocd. She needs help, and she won't get it any time soon. I'm gonna talk to my therapist. Idk wether to keep the peace (in which my dad is controlled, so it's not really peace) or to "side" with dad. Both feel terrible.