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At the beginning of January, I started developing really bad anxiety (or so I thought). I am diagnosed with anxiety and have felt like this before, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. The only difference was that I was having these super weird thoughts. It all started when boyfriend made a jealous comment about how I like another boy, and I became fixated on the thought and started panicking that maybe I do like him, even though I have zero feelings for him at all. I avoided this boy, and the thoughts passed. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, the exact smart thoughts started happening with another boy from my school. These thoughts have been around for about a month now, as seeing this boy in school triggers the thoughts every day. The thoughts make me extremely uncomfortable, to the point of panic attacks. I have also found myself questioning and doubting my relationship, ‘do I really love him?’ ‘Am I just attached?’ ‘Am I really happy or do I just think I’m happy?’ ‘Should I end things?’. I know I love my boyfriend and I know I want to be with him and no one else, but these thoughts are making me feel crazy. I have started avoiding going to school, I avoid watching movies or TikToks about relationships, I am constantly researching every thought that comes through my head trying to figure out what it means. It’s affecting my whole life (education, relationship, even my friendships). When I researched about relationship OCD, everything was so relatable to how I’ve been feeling. But then another intrusive thought popped up, ‘Stop self diagnosing yourself because your in denial that these thoughts are real’. I’m so scared for myself and I don’t know what to do. I also started thinking recently about my boyfriend’s feelings for me, worrying that he’s slightly off with me, he doesn’t care about me or love me anymore, he’s getting tired of me being down all the time. I have also started having suicidal thoughts and I am worried that I’m going to give in to the thoughts and commit suicide, even though I don’t want to die. When I shower, I feel like my body is never clean enough, so bad that I feel an urge to actually remove my skin. I wash my body over and over and it just never feels right. My sleeping has also been affected, and I have been having the weirdest dreams. I have also been having weird moments where I’m half asleep and I mix up my dreams and reality (the last night I was sleeping, and I woke up and went to ask my friend to check my phone, but then I realised no one was with me). I know this probably happens to ‘normal’ people, but it’s been happening to me every single night and I just feel so mentally exhausted. Can someone please tell me if this could be OCD, or am I just self diagnosing myself because I’m in denial that the thoughts are real?

Feel like my compulsions have got on top of me. I give in to all of them because it's easier in the moment and I'm dealing with other things. Does anyone have any tips to help stop doing some of the checking? For example washing and scrubbing hands, checking under bed and wardrobe before sleep, checking plugs, locks etc. My intrusive thoughts are more about my actions harming others. Thanks :)

this may sound confusing but nothing seems real, i feel really dizzy in a way, like im going to faint, but im not going to? i cant explain it. i keep looking around and everything seems different, its making me feel anxious. is there any way i could fix this??

I realized that every time I talk about my progress with ocd, it gets worse. Anyone else experience this?

Hey all. I’m new to this site. I’m really hoping it works and I’m wondering if anyone with health anxiety and ocd triggers has really benefited from this site? I have depersonalization type feelings all day where my body is here and I can look in the mirror but it seems like a day dream. Sometimes I feel like my body is floating. I get vertigo all the time. I google symptoms and obsess over having some disease unknown even despite tests saying I’m healthy. I constantly check my heart if it’s beating; and I obsess over my breathing. It feels like I have to remember to breathe or like it’s not natural. I constantly worry about dying to the point it affects my life daily: I always think this is it this time it’s it when I’m having a panic attack. My body gets numb and I feel like I’ll pass out. I just really need to know I’m not alone in these feelings

I have ocd and ptsd. I guess I need to vent to feel like Im not alone. Having ptsd and ocd is hard. Ocd is constantly trying to trigger ptsd and it’s always ALWAYS bad before I’m about to start my period. My period is about to start this week. I just got back from a girls trip weekend with my family and I’m still extremely overstimulated from that. I haven’t left town since the pandemic started so this was hard for me. I’m sleep deprived and I didn’t eat very well while I was away. I can’t do things like that anymore without proper sleep and nutrition bc my ptsd doesn’t do well. Today is my first day back at work since I left for my trip and I feel horrible. I didn’t sleep again last night bc I had a panic attack. I had racing thoughts and images that made no sense in my mind so of course that triggered ocd and made me panic. My brain found out that bothered me and keeps replaying the same sequence even after I’ve woke up this morning🥺 I feel extremely nauseous and just anxious and so uncomfortable. I know this won’t resolve until my period starts I wish it would just start even tho I’m about to be in a lot of pain. I’ve had so many subtypes in the span of five days I’m having a hard time. It feels like I’m gonna lose control or something… I guess I’m wondering if any of you feel like this when you’re due for your cycle bc periods are so unpredictable and confusing and sometimes scary I’m exhausted

I've been fixating on this memory for so long. its gotten to the point where i have thought of different scenarios and its so overwhelming not knowing whats real and whats made up in my head. i know i shouldnt be trying to figure it out but its too hard, im not diagnosed with ocd so i keep thinking "i might not even have it, so if i figure it out i wont have to suffer anymore" but whenever i think i figure it out it i just go into a spiral and think "but what if thats wrong? what if u ____" its too much. i can't do it anymore its so hard i feel like let everyone i love down. tw?? i dont remember exactly when this memory was but i think it was about 2 years ago, im 16 currently. and i was exposed to this thing i saw this beastiality thing on tiktok where i saw this girl doing something gross with her dog. and im scared that i had the thought to do that with my dog. i do remember having the thought that my dog would try to do that since she'd try to sniff my private part a lot (when on heat. i wasn't the smartest child, i also thought that if dogs sniffed u there it meant they were on heat. that can be the case but obviously not all the time). but since i was always uncomfortable and would cry when she'd be on heat and/or try to sniff or hump me it seemed irrational for me to think that. but the mere thought of me considering that makes me sick, and i dont have clear memory of it, i feel as if i have different versions of it in my head?? the first time i thought of the memory was maybe a day after i was grossed out about this tiktok i saw about this person proudly in a sexual and romantic relationship with an animal. (3 months ago) it made me sick, and then i remembered something that i did which was a little after i saw that beastiality thing, maybe a few days or so. where i checked to see if my dog would go near my private part and sniff since i didnt know if she'd try to go near it or not and i wanted to make sure to be careful around her coz of what i saw. after i checked, i did it abt 3 times. I'd see her, think "what if shes on heat?" and then check to see if she'd try to sniff me so i could know. i obsessed over that for quite a while, i still do sometimes. "what if i made my dog uncomfortable?" "was that weird?" "does what i did make me a gross person?". but i don't really hate myself for that anymore, as i was curious and didn't want to be uncomfortable. afterwards i forgot all abt the beastiality thing and i wasnt so over the edge on my dog being on heat, i did still cry when she'd try to sniff my private though lmao. but now im just obsessing over what my thoughts could've been when being exposed to that beastiality thing. and i know I've always been uncomfortable with my dog going near my private parts so I'd tell my brain "why would i want her to do that when I'd cry from her just trying to sniff?" but then I'd then think "you've always been a horny child, you'd do anything for pleasure" and it just makes me overthink everything. i don't have worries that I'd do anything to an animal, ik i wouldnt. but im worrying that my past self may or may not have had thoughts of wanting to from after what i was exposed to. the thought makes me want to throw up, and i don't know how to fix this. i just need tips if anyone has any?? it'd be greatly appreciated, i just wanna feel okay again

My TOCD went away almost completely with some EMDR but now my SO OCD is back and I spend all my time wondering if I'm actually sexually attracted to my Fiance (I was, I remember being attracted, but my OCD has me convinced I am not). My heart is breaking. It's amazing how no matter which theme you are dealing with in the moment, you feel it is the worst theme. I would have traded my TOCD for ANYTHING while I struggled with it and now I'd do anything for relief from my SO OCD.

When you feel like you can’t live anymore because of your terrible intrusive thoughts, What do you do? How do you overcome this? I don’t want to do anything to myself but I want this all to end.

hi everybody! i’ve been doing so well these past few months, but i have hit a bit of a stumbling block. i passed out at work after a long stressful month. i also have a slight concussion. i’m having a challenging time with my anxiety right now. im just scared because i’ve been feeling so good. i am so worried that i am going to get stuck in the same place where i started. anyone have any supporting words of encouragement?

After having my first onset of OCD all of my childhood trauma has been eating me alive. Within one month I struggled with harm ocd, real event ocd, intrusive thoughts, gruesome & intrusive images. I guess this could be considered “pure o” because I don’t really have any compulsions. I’ve never told anyone this, simply because it really never bothered me before the onset of my ocd. When I was a child probably around 6-8 years old, an old friend (I no longer speak to her and haven’t since we were that age) told me to do a sexual act with a dog (this act did not hurt the dog in any way). As a child, I didn’t know that this was a wrong thing to do, simply because I didn’t know what this act was, or that it was “sexual”. I’m not going to get into details but I did this as a child because I didn’t know any better. As an adult, these thoughts are now eating me alive. I feel sick to my stomach with disgust from something I did when I was a literal child. (I do not have ocd in regards to doing anything sexual to animals in my adult life) I know that others have probably never experienced anything like this before so I’m not looking for reassurance, I just felt like I NEEDED to share it and I am wondering if people have tips on how to get through something that you did in your childhood.

I’ve recovered from OCD and my 4 other mental illnesses. I’ve had almost all sub-types, so if you have any questions, ask below! 🙌🏻

Hi there, does anyone have any tips for dealing with constant mental rumination. I did something that I despise myself for and i can’t stop playing it step by step in my head (though I’m forgetting loads now/ false memory is occurring). I can’t eat or sleep or work as all I’m doing is going over and over this event. Any tips are appreciated Thanks x

Do your thoughts feel more real when you’re depressed? I’m just feeling like I hate my boyfriend. I don’t get enough from him, like he doesn’t meet my basic needs like texting me when we’re not together, he doesn’t make plans, he is monotone so he isn’t always super kind or caring (he’s not mean just doesn’t show emotion), he doesn’t make me feel special unless we are together, and I feel like since he isnt meeting my emotional needs, and probably wouldn’t be open to showing more emotion or going out of his way to be more kind (makes him uncomfortable) it just makes me feel like we will never work unless I give up that need. But on another hand it feels like I need it more because I can’t give myself enough love. I just don’t know what a good relationship is supposed to look like and I’m really tired and I think I want to give up even though I know that doesn’t solve the problem and I don’t feel like myself right now. Idk I just feel like I’ve been forcing something and now that I feel more depressed, I’m not able to convince myself it’s working.

My ocd usually focuses on my faith. It’s either I’m not a real Christian, my faith isn’t sincere, I don’t really believe, or it’s obsessive doubt about if what I believe in is the truth. Basically fear that maybe my faith is misplaced, Christianity isn’t true, etc. Of course the second one (doubting what I believe in) only makes the first one worst (I must be a fake Christian). I’ve also been having a lot of obsessive thoughts about dying and it seems to be on my mind constantly. Like just constant hyper-awareness that I and everyone will die. (Sorry, I Know that’s a downer.) This is kinda new for me and I don’t know how to go about dealing with it. I think it’s likely related to the obsessive doubt in Christianity, because obviously that makes the thought of death scarier. I feel like other Christians will think I’m a very bad Christian for having obsessive doubt that the Bible and Christianity are true. I know people don’t really understand that it’s part of OCD, because it looks like I just don’t have any faith. My compulsions for this basically look like ruminating and researching if the Bible can be trusted or if it’s accurate. And it’s rational, because obviously I want to believe in what is true. And I’m so obsessed with making sure what I believe in is really true. So yeah, any thoughts or advice would be nice. Thanks guys

How does anyone go through erp when your thoughts feel so so real ? What do you tell yourself? How do you push through?

I really need someone to talk to… just to vent… if not.. i just need get this out and everything can ignore if they want.… I don’t know what to do… I know I’ve been severely obsessing for 2 year about if I truly love my partner or not for 2 years… I am severely saddened about how I feel right now…. Before I knew I wanted to love him and stay.. it felt genuine like I was really mentally sick… but now… my partner looks like a stranger to me, I get annoyed at him easily even if he’s just sitting still… it’s like he’s a different person to me and I hate it… I wanted so badly for me to know if I love him or not… and it’s like our time together never happened… I don’t cuddle talk or do much of anything anymore with him and it bothers me… I feel no emotional connection with him… maybe his flaws are too much for me… 😢😢 I don’t know…. I want to love him again like before but I completely feel like I’m lying to him and myself… I don’t wanna end my relationship I really don’t want to… I do t know how badly ROCD can get but… this is the worst I’ve ever had… my relationship is gonna die… 😢 I’m sitting here quietly crying while he is asleep….

Dear brothers and sisters, war is scary and should never happen. Unfortunately it's happening now in Ukraine. Some of you might have family or friends there. I want to extend my prayers to all and pray that they remain safe. I want to write this to let you know that you still matter, your problems matter, you should not stop the treatment you're in, keep going with therapy. Do not fall trap to the lies that will come with ocd saying that your problems don't matter compared to the people who suffer the violence of war. Ocd will try to convince you that you are not worth it. It's all lies. Everything ocd says is lies. Keep pushing forward against ocd with therapy, with prayer. God loves you. Want to help people in Ukraine good, there's official sites you can donate to but more importantly, pray for them! A simple prayer from the heart is enough. If prayer is something that gives you lots of anxiety right now then pray in the simplest way possible, look up to the heavens and smile, that's a prayer, a tear that rolls down your cheek that's a prayer. Talk to your Heavenly Father who loves you. War cannot and will not win. God's grace and love are sufficient and His light overcomes the darkness always. Keep working on your therapy push harder if anything. Do not be afraid. The Almighty LORD is with us, pray for mercy for those who started the war for they too are children of God. Do not despair! Let the thoughts come and go, resist compulsions and put all your trust in God your Heavenly Father, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. God bless you

I have scrupulosity (religious) OCD and I always want to google if something’s a sin (im Muslim btw). I know that googling is a compulsion and I try my best to avoid it but then I feel super guilty and uncomfortable because I feel like I’m not doing my best to find out what’s a sin. (I don’t mind anyone commenting but I just stated that I’m a Muslim so if any Muslims want to give me specific advice they can but anyone is free to say something).