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Went through my bf’s phone after I told him I’d never do it again. I had an urge to go on it and had the opportunity to do so and I did find something that wasn’t okay & so I asked him about this girl without mentioning I went on his phone to see if he’d lie and he did. I asked if he spoke to her recently and he said he didn’t speak to her. When I agreed to not go on his phone, he agreed to not speak to her. He eventually showed me the messages & he told her he wasn’t allowed to talk to her but that was during a scream match we had that escalated. I’m starting to feel guilt and and a huge urge to confess to him that I went on his phone. I can feel it’s more OCD related confession because I feel like my relationship isn’t real if I don’t confess this. I been looking stuff up online to make my brain relax. As a person, I don’t think he needs to know as I genuinely vow to never go on his phone again, and because I actually found something on there. I know what steps I need to take. he also fucked up, I don’t feel the need to confess, realistically but my ocd is telling me I need to confess or else it’ll bother me forever and my relationship isn’t real cuz if I confess I know he’ll leave me and I’m taking away his right to know. It’s just really bothering me. I’m so sick of wanting to confess every fucking thing. If I make any mistake that I even feel the other doesn’t neee to know, I feel the confession even stronger & I hate it. Sometimes ITS OK TO JUST KEEP THINGS HIDDEN BUT THIS FEELING IS JUST SO STRONG.

I need ocd inpatient care 1 doctor in 15 years has told me that I had never been told anything bout my ocd by doctors and therapist everytime I took the meds and did the therapy I always felt like I wasn’t getting better that this wasn’t helping but thought it was suppose to so I kept trying I’d always be wiery of getting help cause I’d be like I’m not sure wat they can do to help me stop fearing bug sprays and thinking things are dirty but in a chemical way not a dirt and germs way and help me stop doing hours of complex rituals and hand washing and many more cause I had been to therpay it was just always tlk therpay like tlk bout feelings there wasn’t anything I related to to my ocd that could help cause I was obviously being treated wit the rong therpay I needed an ocd therapist and exposure and response therpay I just was unaware that existed back then I always assumed regular mental health places and hospitals and therapists is wat everyone does for help but recently learned ocd is different but in Tennessee there’s no inpatient ocd places there’s not alot of help for ocd and there’s nowere that takes my insurance and nowere close but my main complaint is there’s not an inpatient ocd hospital is Tennessee and I have tenncare which can only be used in my state but I’d have to go out of state for inpatient care but can’t cause I can’t use my insurance other than my state so for the past 2 months I did so much research calling and emailing ppl trying to get any ocd help I’ve contacted nocd been on the international ocd website and the psychology websites of lists of professionals in your are I’ve done everything for 2 months and nothing so I decided out of desperation to go to a local place I’d been to in the past to atleast get something to help me feel less depressed until I could find the proper care so I went for evaluation told them I had ocd anxiety and depression when I tlk to my doctor I told her I have already been refered by a doctor in a mental hospital that I needed inpatient care rite now but that there’s none in Tennessee so I can’t get the rite care rite now that I’m aware I need more help but it’s been 2 months looking for an inpatient ocd place to accept my insurance out of state I’m desperate and need some relief till then I explained alot of things to this doctor that I have Bee to similiar mental health places as this one and had also been to this place years prior and that they’ve all given me an antidepressant and tlk therapy but that I no learned that tlk therapy can make ocd worse and isn’t the therapy ppl wit ocd need and that antidepressants alone mite not do the job for this huge anxiety disorder called ocd and the many types of ocd and wat comes wit ocd raceing thoughts late nites agoraphobia guilt shame uncertainty worry intrusive thoughts fear and phobias that ocd isn’t a big enough term for all of that and an antidepressant alone doesn’t seem to help majority of sufferers and tlk therapy shouldn’t be recommended that exposure and response therapy should be recommended that these places should learn this so they don’t hurt ppl wit ocd even more than they already are but obviously places like this don’t have the resources to get ocd help and hire ocd ppl so they just continue the same bullshit regiment wit little to no success in ocd patients that they have the ocd doctors and ocd therapist and ocd inpatient mental hospitals for a reason cause regular mental hospitals just don’t and won’t understand ocd there’s to many ppl on here suffering wit the same story there has to be something we can do as group the ppl who can’t afford help and whose insurance won’t help and ppl who live in states witout ocd help there’s gotta be something this just doesn’t feel rite.

I don’t even know what sexual attraction is anymore. I get turned on when my partner touches me ? I’m actually just responding to sexual stimulus. I want him to want me? I just want his validation. I find his body attractive during intercourse? I’m only thinking it objectively not because I actually it I am turned on during phone stuff? It’s just another reaction to stimulus. I like picturing scenarios with him where he’s written the things he wants to do? I’m just enjoying being wanted since the scenarios were written I like feeling his warmth? I’d like it more with a woman. He smells bad sometimes or his hair itches me a little? That MUST mean I don’t like men. I don’t get instantly aroused seeing him naked?Yup, definitely hate all men. I notice his flaws constantly, and it feels like I’m repulsed by him but I love him with all my being and I want us to have that sexual attraction so much. I cry sometimes because I don’t want to not have that. Also since the beginning of our relationship I have been prone to notice his physical flaws and it makes me so anxious when I do so. I don’t know if it’s ocd or not because 3 months into when we started dating I would cry and obsess because he would send me selfies and I didn’t know if I felt something or not like I expected myself to feel insanely in line when he’d send a simple selfie. And when he’d send body selfies or stuff I didn’t feel anything and I’d obsess but in reality I just struggle to get aroused on visuals alone but I love his body immensely and I’m so happy he sends me those pictures. Then I’d obsess over whether or not I was in love with him and I’d cry and write myself letters about how much I wanted to love him but I couldn’t because of my intrusive thoughts. there are some parts of him I don’t find attractive and he may not be “objectively” attractive but when I’m not feeling scared none of those things matter to me at all and when things are really good I know 100% that I love all of him and his flaws make him even more amazing. It really sucks having this

How’s everyone feeling today?

I feel really panicked about school Monday . I did two facials and the whole time I had unwanted urges and thoughts toward choking my client . I'm freaking out that I won't be able to do this career and if I actually act on the thought . I'm panicking any advice?

Is it not incorrect for someone to write, “I prefer to work on Friday’s.” ? Or, “Friendly dog’s wanted!” ?? I always see people add ‘s to days of the week or when discussing multiples and it seriously makes me🤬👹👿 I suppose it’s because those rules were taught in school when we were very young, and I hate to break rules. It infuriates me when I see adults or bosses/managers do it. Like, aren’t you supposed to be smart? At least smarter than me? How does one earn a master’s degree and still not get this? I know how absolutely annoying and ridiculous this sounds, but trust me, I keep it to myself. I know I make mistakes too. Especially adding commas where I should just end the sentence, that’s my favorite. Seriously, I never embarrass or correct someone unless they ask for help. I’m just here to vent in case anyone feels this too.

Peace be upon all of you, guys there's an assignment which has to be done in two days and the professor said we should write the assignment in our own handwriting and hand it in to him, after I finished writing the draft on my laptop, I started transferring and writing it on paper in my own handwriting but since last night I was only able to write one paragraph out of hundreds because of my obsessive compulsive disorder OCD, the handwriting was supposed to look PERFECT in my eyes but it didn't I've even re-written dozens of times !!! So today i thought about telling my professor to allow me to submit the assignment electronically, but at the same time I STRONGLY FEEL THAT I AM LYING TO HIM because I didn't try enough even though I tried, I don't want to tell him that i have obsessive compulsive disorder OCD because deep down i know he won't truly and completely understand and I don't want to lie to him on another pretext, i don't know what i should do!!!! Should i tell him ? What if he said no? Please HELP ME!

Ive posted on this app a few times this week, and I don’t like being a negative person, I just feel like I need to vent to people who get it. I’ve had ocd since I was a child, and I’ve been doing ERP for like 6 months and I’m still STRUGGLING. The spirals are horrible and I just worry I don’t have the strength to recover like a lot of other people have. Has anyone else felt like this and gotten through it? One of my motivations is to come out the other side and being able to post my success story here to hopefully inspire others. Curious to hear your success stories if you’re comfortable sharing.

I’m writing this to let you guys know that there is hope. I literally cannot believe that I’ve overcome OCD. I feel like I’m 90% better, and I see myself becoming 100% better than I was even before OCD very soon. This isn’t a boasting update, but simply to let you guys know that there is hope. I literally last year was on the verge of dropping myself over a bridge (multiple times) because OCD convinced me that I was the worst person in the world and 24/7 constant pain & torture - I thought I was a pedophile, a different sexuality, an incestual freak, and absolutely obsessed with everything & being perfect. If you asked me a year ago If I would have ever imagined myself getting to this point, I would’ve said no, and I possibly wouldn’t even still be here. But I persevered and I did a little bit of therapy, lots of YouTube watching, book reading, and I taught myself how to get better. The most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but 10000000% worth it. So there is hope, and feel free to ask me any questions below

Comphet is literally killing me. I can’t stop thinking about it and can’t stop reading it. I’m freaking out I’m suffering from comphet and that I’m not really straight or suffering with HOCD. Anyone else get this fear

So my OCD has been horrible lately...I constantly feel like I'm a bad person...I got bullied a lot...and I had abusive ex's and friends...who I would get bullied and treated like absolute crap..all the manipulation and gaslighting has really got me questioning everything...I also have PTSD...I have constant flashbacks...does anyone have any advice? Much appreciated..

Anyone here considers themselves recovered from ocd? How does it feel?

NAC for intrusive thoughts? Has anyone on here had any positive experience taking NAC (N-acetylcysteine) for reducing intrusive thoughts? My naturopathic doctor recommended for me to take 1000mg in the morning at night and I feel like I have had a major reduction in thoughts but I am just wondering if anyone else has had that same experience too?

Some days ago I had the realization that my cats weren't going to stay forever with me. They reached a certain age and it won't be very long until they pass away. Today these thoughts spiralized into the fear of losing my mum. We didn't make any special memories. I don't have a lot of photos with her. I'm actually crying as I write this. The realization that my mum isn't going to stay with me forever hit me hard. That she too is going to pass away. I don't want to forget her face, her voice. Doesn't that frighten you? Forgetting the very person you love? Even a photo or a video wouldn't do justice to a person's entire existence. There isn't a perfect way to remember every single detail of someone. And if you forget one detail, that it's gone forever, because you're responsible of holding the memories alive of thar someone. Even if you had a photo that would be just it. It wouldn't be enough, or anything remotely close to having that person beside you. It wouldn't bring them back. I don't really to know how to put this in words. Maybe it has something to do with perfectionism ocd. That I want the perfect memory

…..why.. do I get relief when I agree with not loving him…. 😞

There’s a movie on Netflix called awakenings it’s an older movie but a doctor comes to an inpatient mental hospital and is being shown round the place there’s ppl wit different mental illnesses and other illnesses that required them to be in the inpatient hospital to be cared for but most of them were in wheelchairs and just sitting round in the hallways the new doctor asked wat all the patients were doing sitting round the nurse told him nothing that they can’t do anything for them the nurse told the new doctor they called it the garden cause all they do is feed and water the patients cause there wasn’t any help for there illnesses but some of the patients that were in a paralyzed state in wheelchairs had been that way for years and noone new wat was rong so they just staid in the hospital until this new doctor arrived and realized they all responded to different things like music physical touch watever clicked for the patient everyone was different they all had the same illness this doctor thought maybe they all had Parkinson’s that caused them to shake but the worst case of Parkinson’s were they shook so much all over they just froze so he finally was able to prescribe Parkinson’s medication in high doses to 1 patient and it worked he had been in this paralyzed state for 30 years and once given the medication he began wlk and moveing and riteing and slowly could do more and more like a normal person again and then a nurse told the doctor she couldn’t imagine loseing 30 years of her life stuck like that and asked the doctor if he thought the patient new it had been 30 years so he took a picture of the patient and when he seen it he had no idea it had been 30 years they eventually gave the Parkinson’s medications to everyone and it was helping these ppl get there life back and I just think that I see all the time ppl wit ocd spend years suffering and mostly misunderstood there’s not alot of help for us and being in the mental hospital we’re all just being fed and watered cause they don’t have alot of help for ocd in most hospitals and I’ve heard of ppl missing out on school and work and being able to take care of themselves and then the depression that comes wit that keeps ppl in there homes and in bed and the agoraphobia anxiety and anxiety attacks panick attacks social anxiety alot of ppl just don’t have any quality of life years waisted on an illness that doctors and therapist don’t understand themselves therefor we don’t get help unless it’s an ocd doctor and ocd therapist I just think the movie was crazy seeing ppl suffer for all those years no doctor looked into it they just labeled them watever in there charts and were given the same treatment wit no improvement noone ever tried to do a different treatment for them I think alot of ocd ppl are being treated the same way were all given the same treatment but ocd needs more and no doctors and therapists seem to understand that this is clearly an issue I’ve gone 15 years doing the same treatment from different doctors and therapist been on medications mostly an antidepressant I mean 15 years and nothing changed then I learn a couple months ago ocd requires it’s own doctors and therapists that actually understand it to help 15 years I’ve never seen any ocd doctor I just thought the ppl I was seeing were helping and that maybe I was just wierd but now I no there’s help out there I’ve just been given the rong treatment now I just gotta find a place that’ll accept my insurance.

Anyone else get triggered by stuff they used to love? I really enjoyed matcha pocky sticks but once I was eating them while having severe anxiety and any other time I had them I felt like throwing up and crying. My mom was always around when I’d have OCD so whenever she’d come home from work I’d get really bad anxiety. I of course still love my mom and I got over this trigger. But I’d love to hear your guys’ triggers

My bf or should I say my not fucking bf, got into a fight a week ago and we didn’t speak for the last 2 days and he said we were on a break. He says we’re not together right now. That I could do whatever I want but it’d still hurt the same but he knows I’m not gonna do anything & he isn’t gonna do anything. But it’s the mere fact that he labels the break almosf like a break up because it wouldn’t be considered cheating if one of us did something. He’s going to San Diego this weekend with his friends and I’m not gonna lie I wasn’t worried before but now that I know there’s that little bit of room to do shit, makes me scared he’ll even just flirt with girls. It really scares me cuz I’ll never know & I don’t like it. We are talking about everything on Monday & most likely gonna get “back together”. He says it’s simple on his end where it’s a little short break from the relationship as in talking every day and doing relationship stuff, and then he comes back and we’ll talk. And I hate it. So much. It makes it hard to not over think and worry.

My partner and I are currently broken up/taking a break. Has anyone with ROCD dealt with this? How did it work out? I’m scared and relieved but I know I love them.

i don’t understand, i try to fantasize about guys but when i do it isnt like how it is with women, its more so forced.. and know i feel like im bisexual when i csnt even fantasize about men.. i was watching these videos about desth and it made me think like “u have to accept ur bisexual before u die” when i know im straight but i wasnt even as anxious about it i didnt pay it any mind and that made me think that i am somehow attracted to men when ive never even gotten w literal full on erection to a man..i just want anyones advice i feel like dying bc this is becoming to much. i cent do anything in life with this thing holding onto me, i wanna do better in life and play my sports as a student athletes but i cant do that anymore because this just completely swarms my mind with everything i do snd watch. ive just started thinking of ways to end it all unfortunately. i’d rather think about that then think ab being a gay or bisexual honestly