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Anyone with HOCD watch euphoria? I’m so triggered

2 days ago I've had the realization that my cats have become old, that they have already lived two thirds of their life and that they won't be gone too long from now. My mum said that we have to start being mentally prepared. They've been always with me since I was a kid, I cared about them but I never played too much with them. They're very kind and special cats but I didn't give them what they deserve. I set them aside, I took them for granted, I thought they'd be with me for my whole life. I used to joke with my mum saying that our cats were becoming old, not realizing that they already were. I thought we had more time. I never really experienced death in my life. I've never become an "adult" in that sense. I've never dealt with it. I know that if my cats died now I'd be full of regrets, because I didn't make any "special" memories with them. I'm afraid that once they're gone I won't have enough mediums to remember them, to cherish them. I don't have a lot of meaningful photos or special videos about them, they're all generic, random and scattered somewhere in my phone. There isn't a moment that could capture the specialness of my cats. I want to have special videos about my cats like from the videos of that yt channel called Dodo. It pains me knowing that I won't be able to capture the perfect memory of my cats, in all of their details, uniquenessses, the affection they show us. It's not like an ending of a show, a book or a comic, where you can always relive every moment you want, rewatching from the start. Those things are also remembered by many more people, and because of that they're timeless. But this is is something limited in its form, I don't know how to explain it well. I want to keep and remember everything of their existence. Maybe I want to have proof that there was love. It would also be unhappy, who would want to cerish the memories if it made us sad? I'd be holding the memory of their existences. If I forgot them, they'd be gone for good. And if I died who would remember them? Then they'd be gone for real. I don't know if this has something to do with perfectionism OCD. It hurts. Since then I've been grieving the possibility of my cats dying and I spiraled into gloominess, reflecting about death, our mortality. The meaninglessness of things. I feel a bit blank, and a void in my chest. I don't want my cats to die, but one day, not far away, they will. I can't imagine how I'd feel. I literally can't, I tried.

Just got diagnosed with OCD today. Now I’m doubting/wondering if I actually have it. Or maybe over embellished and am making all of it up for attention. Or maybe I’m not REALLY having intrusive thoughts, or not having them enough. Because I feel like maybe they dwindled down? Idk. What a wonderful loop this is 😂 I thought the diagnosis would help lol!

Hi so I’m back lol uhm I was doing Great feeling healed talked to God n it had came back I hate it I jus wanna get rid of it I don’t have the desire to be with women it like them why is it doin this to me if it’s not socd/HOCD it’s ROCD what has this world come too I would rather have ROCD I hate socd

Hello, everyone. My name is Josephine, and I suffer from Relationship OCD (ROCD). I have previously suffered from HOCD and Contamination OCD. -OCD Timeline- The first Pure O’ OCD subtype I suffered from was Contamination OCD; however, I did not discover I suffered from it while I did (I commenced college and cleansed my mind miraculously; the OCD vanished on its own once I had began college and began to center my mind on my grades), I did last year. Similarly, I did not know I suffered from HOCD for much time, though I did discover later on while I still suffered from it. HOCD was disastrous, alright. It all began with a comment a homosexual acquaintance of mine made regarding an anime character of a animated series she watched on Netflix. Yes, it all began because of a female anime character. It’s duration was of eight/nine months. How did I overcome it? Miraculously once more. The Lord united me with the love of my life ( I insist on calling him all of the names I had given him before ROCD despite being unsure because it helps grant me more certainty, in a way). Naturally, all of my attention was centered on him, thus vanishing the HOCD. It began with a sexual affair in New York City, and it progressed to pure love. I recall just stretching across my bed and shrieking of excitement for seeing him. That was the first stage of love; infatuation (I’ve overcome this love, lust, obsession, crush, infatuation obsession phase). Anywise, I am stressed. Stressed, I say. Yesterday I accompanied my mother and my grandparents to the airport (they decided to pay a visit to our relatives in our homeland) and, coincidentally, the tire exploded. I ringed the road rangers and they were very brief. The man they had sent was very slim and somewhat taller than I was (only two inches), just as my boyfriend. He was unattractive, but it was his figure that reminded me of Michael (my boyfriend). I felt my mind attempted to fool me into believing I was genuinely attracted to him, but, having suffered and overcome OCD previously, I knew these were sheer intrusive thoughts (I am determined to overcome this, as I am in the earliest stage and I refuse to allow ROCD to destroy this love). When I composed myself, I realized I could not even spare to have sex with him (and I’m incredibly hyper-sexual, more than the men of my family, and they have a high libido). Anywise, the issue is I’ve started to question if I’m enamored of his physical appearance. I recall titling him “world’s most beautiful man.” In fact, I genuinely believed he had the most beautiful smile (and I insist on believing that even with the intrusive thoughts present). I do, indeed, feel I am in love with him (the feeling of deep affection), but why don’t I stare at all of his photographies? Why don’t I like all of his haircuts in the pictures? Does this mean I’ve lost the physical attraction? I, too, have the issue about my “type,” as I originally aspired to marry an elder womanizer, and he is just a year older than me and the most chivalrous man. As a matter of fact, when our romance began, I didn’t seem to be attracted or even need to masturbate to the concept of elder men anymore. It all centered on him. My “type” is certainly him now, but could my history with this signify I am destined to be with an elder man and this relationship is just an “young adventure?” Please, help me. P.S I apologize if I wrote any words incorrectly or misused punctuation/grammar. English is not my native language. I am originally from Monaco.

I noticed sometimes when something is too much and i get overwhelmed, i feel a little bit of hopelessnes and a thought comes that says "i want to die" or "theres no point to live" and i imediately notice this and then i feel bad, why i thought this, and then im affraid that these are true feelings(bc i felt them) and i could've do it or in the future i can get really hopeless and i will do it. And this feeds the fire more and more... Did y'all experienced this as harm ocd or this might be a real feeling and i have to be careful??

Why do I lose feelings for guys when they like me back? I cant stop obsessing over this and I really want to let it go. I’ll have a strong crush on them, imagine a potential future, and then if I get an indication they feel the same way it’s like I get cold feet. Feelings of overwhelm, physical anxiety, doubt. This used to be massive fuel for my HOCD and now it feels like evidence for my current obsession that I could be aromantic or asexual. According to social media it’s quite a common thing but surely there’s some explanation for it? It’s so irritating and doesn’t make sense to me and causes me so much distress. It’s such a conflict in that I want to move closer to someone but also my body would be telling me to run for the hills. Anytime I find an explanation for it online I serially doubt it and feel so anxious, like I’ll never figure it out. Please help anyone!

Please help, i feel so trigerred right now. I was on facebook watching some short videos about mental health and one of them was saying that loneliness is bad for you and can cause depression, etc. I have an obsession/fear of loneliness and this triggered me really badly. Also, in the comments of a video about psych wards, people were talking about their traumatic experiences with psych wards. I also searched on the internet and saw the headlines of many articles abt psych wards. Now i am horrified and seriously freaking out. What if i never get better, what if i am sui*idal?? I was also trigerred by a quote that said to be honest with your therapist. One of my obsessions concerns lying and a fear of lying to myself/others. It is also linked to my suicide obsession. So now im completely panicked

I got ocd when I was younger I had alot of rituals they took me hours to do I was riteing and reriteing my homework and going over letters and words and counting and getting that just rite feeling I was also confused on wat was going on wit me I didn’t even understand ocd myself and as all of y’all no some of your ocd ppl can’t see even if they do it doesn’t compare to wats going on mentally so at 1 point when I was younger things were getting worse 1 of the things I struggled wit that was more noticeable that burdened others in my house was takeing 2 hour showers I was doing rituals and getting that just rite feeling and counting and it took me 2 hours to shower and that mite sound relaxing to normal ppl but the water was ice cold I couldn’t just stop and wait for the water to warm up to continue I was stuck in ocd cold water for 2 hours I was scared I was confused I had to plan my life round these 2 hour showers so that ment getting up earlier staying home more spending the entire day getting ready for school I was less motivated to get up and go to school cause I dreaded getting ready and showering not only were the showers takeing long but dressing and doing my hair and other things took even longer so it was takeing me hours to get ready 2 of hose hours was just spent showering things were so hard for me my mom washed my hair for me and my face I stopped brushing my teeth though cause I felt like I could t ask someone to help me brush my teeth to and then avoiding it for so long it became a frear for me if I brushed my teeth something would happen i would try to find ways round not being able to brush them like useing mouth wash and useing baking soda on a qtip but nothing really lasted I was embarrassed to tell anyone plus noone noticed that I wasn’t brushing my teeth cause noones realy round when your doing that and noone new that I was takeing along time to dress and shower and noticeing the wierd rituals even when I gotten better like things not takeing as long I was still doing the rituals I was just able to do them and move on they were like a habit I had to do a certain way but ppl weren’t in the shower watching me and they weren’t standing there while I dressed to notice I was doing rituals still the only thing ppl would notice is if I was takeing a realy long time doing something and if like me takeing 2 hours showers kept others from getting in the bathroom to get ready themselves so the only thing ppl noticed was stuff that interfered wit there life so the first time I got help my parents admitted me into parkridge valley hospital were we all thought they would help me the next day shower time came round and I told them I took 2 hour showers that I couldn’t do it in the time frame they were giveing us patients they all yelled at me told me that’s rediculous I can’t take 2 hour showers there as if I was wanting to take 2 hour showers standing in ice cold water but I was a kid I didn’t understand my ocd at that time but I had this mental hospital doctors yelling at me for my mental illness something I new I didn’t want to do something invisible makeing me stay in the shower and do wat I was doing I thought maybe I’m makeing excuses for myself maybe I can make myself stop showering then I would panick thinking bout not doing rituals being forced to shower normal even rite now typeing this I’m panicking it’s so scary and everyone wit ocd understands the force behind there ocd it’s invisible but strong I was so scared I tried telling them I have ocd that I’m here cause I was showering for 2 hours and needed help to stop like this is the reason I’m here but they were just yelling at me and threatening me and then they punished me for 2 weeks they made me sit in the hallway on the cold tile floor everyday all day they brought my food up to me I wasn’t allowed to tlk to anyone there were a few other misbehaved kids that would get in trouble but we weren’t allowed to tlk I literally sat there just starring my legs and butt started to hurt from sitting cross legged on the cold tile floor for 2 weeks everday I woke up I had to go straight to the hallway and sit if I didn’t take a short shower so that’s wat I did everyday for 2 weeks everday that shower time came round they would yell at me it got worse and worse as the days passed they threatened me that if I didn’t take a shower they would have someone come out me in the shower I not only was being punished but I was being threatened everyday and now that I’m older and have dealt wit abusive bf I no that wat they were doing was abuse they were scareing me everyday I was so scared I can’t even explain I was already sick I was already struggling that’s the reason I was at the hospital and they were trying to threaten the ocd out of me I still can’t understand wat they didn’t just help they had to of been able to do something for me to help me shower like do exposure and response therapy at the time I had no idea that ocd therpay existed I thought it was all medication and regular therpay I had no idea till a couple months ago that ocd is so hard to treat and that there’s help out there spacifically for ocd but surely a mental hospital new bout ocd and new ways to treat it besides scareing me I myself didn’t understand my ocd and thought maybe they just don’t understand it but every week all of us patients had to individualy see the doctor when I saw her she asked me spacific questions bout ocd she new bout rituals and counting and all kinds of ocd stuff that I actually related to and in that moment I new they understood ocd they new it was an illness they new it was sever and they still had those ppl punish me by sitting me in the hallways for 2 weeks I can’t even explain the fear and horribleness of sitting on that fuckign floor scared to death at 15 years old I thought I was actually a uncooperative kid I thought my ocd was makeing me a horrible kid I believed that for many years to and again I’ve been in abusive relationships now and the trauma revolved round mental and verbal abuse is real and it stays wit you it causes ptsd those ppl remind me of abusive exs I’m scared of going to mental hospitals going to doctors and therapists getting on medications I’m scared there gonna do that to me I just panick everytime I get close to getting help I’m scared and the hospital wasn’t the only thing that happened to me so many ppl punished me and gaslit me doctors and therapists were rude and dismissed me and just a couple months ago when a huge ocd trigger happened in my home that affected my contamination ocd I tried getting help again so for 2 months I’ve called my insurance I’ve called inpatient and outpatient places I called and emailed so many ppl and therapists and none of them accept my insurance I’m already on ssi and make 500 something dollars a month I’ve already been struggling for years wit my ocd I no I need help and couldn’t even get it I was doing research on ocd and learned bout exposure and response therpay I learned that there’s ocd hospitals and ocd doctors and ocd therapists I learned that ocd is hard to treat that not all doctors understand ocd all they can do is prescribe medications and regular therapists can’t help that none of the professionals I had seen for the past 15 years that I trusted to help me get better were even helping me they were just giveing me medications that they themselevs didn’t understand ocd and the different kinds of ocd and the cripppling anxiety and panick attacks that come wit it and all the mental shit that goes on when haveing ocd when doing ocd stuff so much mental shit goes on invisible shit in your brain that exhausts you and stresses you out even just sitting can look like sitting but someone wit ocd could be doing mental rituals and haveing intrusive thoughts and raceing thoughts that just sitting is exhausting but that my life shouldn’t of gone the way it did just cause these ppl were ignorant I have no childhood no friends no Partys no school memories no work memories like I’ve not lived a normal life I don’t shower normal I don’t dress normal I don’t do alot of things normal I’ve had to plan my life round my ocd I have to get rest to be able to deal wit my ocd I’ve just struggled and tried getting help from ppl who shouldn’t of been allowed to treat me and shouldn’t of been allowed to do wat they did to me and cause me more trauma and stress now I’m here still suffering and dealing wit everything I’ve been threw and trying to understand the reason these doctors aren’t trained to understand and treat ocd properly and that if they can’t help to refer them to an ocd doctor it should be illegal to treat patients and not inform them of the ocd help that’s out there I’ve had my life ruined by these doctors that have just waisted my time and caused me more issues all I want is help I want medications prescribed by an ocd doctor I want therpay from an ocd therapist I want to get better I want a fucking xanex.

Hi Everyone, I am new to the group and was diagnosed with OCD in December 2021. I struggle with harm and relationship OCD. I have limited social/emotional support from my partner (this is a work in progress) and I am trying to do all I can to heal/recover, so I am posting here on the reccomendation of my NOCD therapist. Although I experienced rumination and obsessive thinking for years, intense anxiety and past trauma brought on intrusive thought symptoms several months ago. This is my first time talking openly in a forum like this about my OCD.

I'm 16, can a relationship at 16 last? I surfed the web and the only thing that the web says is that the relationships at 16 wont last forever, it will only last for maximum 2 years. Can someone please give me tips. Also, i know that feelings come and go in a relationship, but the thing is that my feelings go too often. We are together since 4 months. My honeymoon phase ended after a month or two, after then, the fluctuations of feelings coming and going have been a lot. Please help😔😔😔

Today on my way from work to home, I had terrible panic attack, I felt like crying. My heart was like 160 BPM. And of course my thoughts...I want to believe that this is just POCD, as my therapist said, but I can't. I can't because when I'm in public transport, bus, metro, whatever, and a lot of people around, and childs, I can't understand what do I feel...I this is OCD, why it feels so real, why do I look at young girl and feel like I'm might be attracted, or already attracted, or something else. I feel anxiety at moments like this. Sometimes I just wanna stay home and don't go at work, just not to see childs and young girls...I'm 29, had HOCD before, now I'm having this shit and I want to scream. I always loved adult girls and womans, and everything was normal, but now...everyday I wake up with thought: This is not OCD, you becoming pedophile, If that was OCD, you would not feel like this when you look at children. I can't say that I feel real arousal or attraction, but It makes me think like I do. Help.

I feel like The doctors I see for medications don’t understand the severity of my ocd and wat comes wit it like sever anxiety and anxiety and panick attacks not eating and being up all nite always tired the raceing thoughts and the amount of stress I feel like I deal wit and being naseous and physically Ill from my anxiety I also have sever social anxiety my ocd gets worse in public I get scared to leave the house the extreme fear of uncertainty of everything if I leave the house terrifies me and if I have to go anywere I panick and worry over it for days prior literally scared playing out every scenario in my head even if it’s just to do laundry and go grocery shopping I would rather have dirty clothes and starve than leave my house I just struggle wit so much more than just ocd but ocd is a huge issue for me but for years I’ve struggled wit agoraphobia and social anxiety anxiety attacks and panick attacks that have slowly gotten worse over the years to now I don’t wear bras cause I feel like I can’t inhale I can’t explain the way my anxiety makes me feel that amount of stress and worry I feel bout doing small things I just constantly panick but doctors don’t seem to understand me when I’m tlk to them is there a way to explain the severity of my anxiety and to ask for xanex something to help the raceing thoughts so I can go to bed I don’t have issues going to bed I can’t get my brain to shut off to stay in bed and get rest I’ve taken kilonopins in the past and they helped wit everything I feel like I can’t ask for them out of fear of being called a drug addict and given options to try other drugs when clearly I need them just as much as I no I need antidepressants I no I need anxiety medications is there anyone who can help me better explain to the doctors wat ocd and the stuff that comes wit it and the severity of it all a little better to show them I feel like I’m in constant distress and all day and nite haveing sever anxiety and panick attacks were my throat closed up and I can’t breath we’re it takes me days to tlk myself into leaveing the house I no I have to work on things myself but I’m not eating and I’m the past I lost 13 pounds in 1 months missed my period and staid awake for 3 days didn’t eat for 3 days I was so stressed my brain wouldn’t stop so I could relax and rest and fucking eat I was miserable please is there something I’m not doing please someone help me is there advocates that can help me explain to these doctors I need help more help than 1 pill they act like is gonna solve all my issues.

Just introducing myself I'm not new to anxiety. I've had anxiety for over 6 years but after I had my baby girl OCD walked into my life. Harm OCD specifically. Luckily I knew what it was because both my brother and sister have actually had OCD all their lives. My brother has harm OCD and my sister does the repetitive compulsions. She'll lock the doors a certain number of times etc not sure what subtype that's called. Anyhow, the thoughts ironically don't freak me out like they first did. But lately they seem to be coming more frequently. Because I did get OCD post partum I have heard rumors it tends to get better after about 2 years. Any moms out there with that experience? Basically my entire life is ERP. Im a stay at home mom and my fears are constantly irrational thoughts about my children's safety around any potential harmful object. I guess my question would be I thought recovery meant no more thoughts? Its actually just being ok with them? And I am. It just still sucks that I have them. Even when I dont I do the typical , oh im so happy I haven't had this thought today ..and bam there I go thinking it again...im rambling at this point. Just wanted to know if there is any mamas out there who can relate.

Bedtime rituals lasted an hour this time. I only know this because I put my phone down to start them and saw it was around 4am and now that I’ve finally put my head down to rest it’s 5:05. I think that’s the longest it’s ever lasted, I was biting the insides of my mouth the entire time and now it aches 😓

I hate how many different details and fears my mind has analyzed around the same event eight years ago. It feels endless. It is endless. What happened? How do I know? What are the possible consequences? Have I concerned this before? Did I talk with others? Did I consider it properly? How does it relate to all the other variables? When I decided this was just ocd in the past, was I thinking about it right? Can I trust those people? How can this be irrational when this intrusive thought feels so powerful and real? Can I risk potential harm to others if I’m wrong? Am I remembering this correctly? If I had a bit more information, maybe I’d be content? If this isn’t real, why did I panic about this so many times? Maybe everyone else is just patronizing me because they don’t want me to accept the terrible thing I’ve done. What about that memory? What about that other memory? What about that memory of analyzing that memory? What about this detail that always spikes your anxiety? What if you never get better? Can this really be ocd if it is possible that someone could have been harmed? What if all this ocd advice I read is for other people, people with actual ocd? I’m just so tired.

What are some good resources for spouses on how to deal with their husband/wife that has OCD?

I just was getting better from the last time my ocd got worse 6 years ago now it’s all happening again rite when I was getting better I bought zippered clothes bags to put my clothes in instead of the big trash bags if keep them in to keep them clean I don’t put my clothes in the closets and in drawers cause then my clean clothes wouldn’t be clean to me so I kept them in big trash bags that I could close up but then I was getting a little bit better and bought these collapsible zipper clothes bags you can stack them so i finally was able to organize my clothes in the clothes bags instead of haveing them all in a trash bag which was a huge deal to me and I was finally able to wear neosporin and exzema creams on my hands from washing them so much and cause I had mold and cats and just were I lived wasn’t the best and irritated my skin even more I was able to put the creams on and touch stuff threw out the day not panicking over if I’m transferring the contaminated cream from my hand to other objects so things were getting better less frustrating and my bf had been doing better himself and his anger he had kept his job bought him a car and a pop up camper tools and lawn stuff we had help from his sister getting to live on her land in her camper for free just pay water and electric so it just helped us alot I got my teeth pulled and dentures then shit started getting stressful again trying to deal wit my teeth and getting adjustments my doctor wasn’t being cooperative wit my healing process and I missed appointments and then we had to move cause we had been at the camper for almost a year and that’s wat we agreed upon to stay there for just a year to help us I felt like I was falling apart I just wanted time to heal from my teeth cause it takes time to heal and be able to eat it’s extremely stressful then we moved into an amazing place brand new carpet it was clean and everything was perfect it was the cheapest place in my area that this property ppl had they own alot of apartments in my area and it being the cheapest had me worried bout wat it looked like but all those worry’s stopped once we saw the place so clean balcony storage kitchen counters and cabinets huge bedroom closests nice bathroom dining room free cable included and all brand new carpet then a week into staying here they sprayed the carpets wit bug spray cause I seen a couple fleas and fleas don’t bother me your gonna see them sometimes especially if ppl have animals but they still came a sprayed I had no idea they’d sprayed majority of our carpets I had to shampoo them till 3 in the morning not eating in full panick mode crying scared upset and still to this day I feel the same way it’s been 2 months I’ve called everyone and everywere begging for help explaining my ocd and this trigger wit the carpet along wit my other ocd all I want is some relief to relax to get some rest and wake up in a better mood and live my life and be better like I was getting prior to all of this bullshit these doctors don’t understand ocd and just prescribe medications they don’t understand the anxiety and panick and other issues that come wit haveing ocd and prescribe 1 medication like it’s going to fix your panick attacks and stressing issues and your other issues by just giveing you an antidepressant and then I can’t get help from any ocd ppl cause noone accepts my insurance this is rediculous to be this miserable cause the stupidity of doctors and insurance issues something needs to change.

I’ve not been eating as much I’ve been nauseous hot a sweaty sick feeling realy anxious I just feel like I’m gonna throw up I can’t barely eat even when I do eat I feel like throwing up I have alot of anxiety attack feelings I feel like I just can’t eat like I have a stomach bug but I don’t I’d it my medication I just started is it serotonin syndrome I’m panicky feeling I’m overwhelmed and stressed I want to just relax but I’m just worrying on top of these sick feelings I want some relief.

Do any of you constantly have the feeling that ir cheating no ur partner psychologically? Like if u think someone is interesting that means ur not in love with ur partner! Or if u have a friend of the same sex as ur partner and u love him/her that means ur in love in a sexual way with them! I’m always thinking that I might Love someone either than my partner! It’s an awful sensation!