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HOCD Below i feel like my whole brain has been rewired by HOCD and pornography, its like i have two different things speaking for me in my mind deep deep down ik im straight and i could never see myself with a man but these random “fantasies” appear in my head, it makes me think i like my friends, random classmates, and gives me slight ghroinal responses. ik theres not much u can say but if theres anyone who had a longer expired then me that could give me any advice it’d be appreciated. (ive been dealing with this for about half a year).

Im having a really hard time and was triggered, can anyone talk please!!

Today is super anxious. With some thoughts like im "girly" ex. How i walk,talk,move,sit,stand basically everything. Then the thought of im stressing out bc i am bi . Its all uncomfortable and im irritated

so i took a hiv test today and the result was negative, i should be relaxed now but i am still a little worried that something went wrong

so i dont really know where to start this off other than saying I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but it’s the only label I can associate with. For the past two weeks I’ve felt extremely anxious and keep thinking “What if I’m using my boyfriend?” Or “what if I just see him as a friend and not my boyfriend?” Or “he deserves someone who truly loves him” even though I know deep down I love him. we’ve been dating for a month and these thoughts just started occurring two weeks ago and it pushed me into a mental drought where I couldn’t eat, focus, and I lost the motivation to do a lot. it’ll get so bad where I just wish I was back to my normal happy self but then my brain questions whether I was ever truly happy or just lying. I feel like a terrible girlfriend and Ive communicated to him that I haven’t been feeling the best mentally and I’ve reminded him that if he ever wanted to end things, he has every right to but when I tell him those things, my brain immediately says that I’m just saying those things so he can break up with me so I don’t have to feel guilty about breaking up with him. But I don’t want to break up with him. I don’t know what to do anymore and it all feels so hopeless

Please tell me if I’m completely in the wrong: When u get in a fight in a relationship, there’s 2 sides and usually it’s not oh what u did was worse, it’s simply, hey that hurt me and hey that hurt me. Both parties are valid. Unless one reallly fucked up and the other didn’t at all. Me and my bf been together a year and we were on & off for 4 technically, he talked to so many girls during the “off” periods. He wanted to be single back then. He did what he wanted with no regard to me. I forgave all that cuz we never officially dated and I had my own shit too. Anyway, officially together and he hasn’t fucked up once by flirting or any of that. Or so I think. But he has spoken to people even tho he knows I don’t like it. My two biggest and ONLY boundaries are: don’t talk to any girls we’ve had issues with/new girls like that. And don’t like half naked pics of girls u know. Lol it may sound dumb but it’s HOW I FEEL. I’m not gonna change my boundaries for anyone. Maybe they’ll change one day but now? That’s what they are. So he spoke to this one girl 3 months ago just asking what bar she was at cuz it looked cool & I was upset cuz why is he even responding to her? We got into it, he wanted a break. Cuz I was accusing him of something, when I just simply was explaining hey this hurts please don’t do that. It’s a boundary. U broke it. I was in the wrong tho cuz it wasn’t cool to “accuse him” we worked it out. I changed my bad behavior going on his phone and proving it to him. I had a slip up but overall, no urges like that. Then last night. I had saw he snapped her again. But this time it was very recent. And I was very upset seeing her damn name again. I mean I asked him not to do that out of respect for me months ago. And he clearly didn’t care. And so I asked him like have u spoken to her and he said no. I asked if he’d show me proof and he got so mad he kicked me out his house. (During this time his dog had a huge accident he’s very old and it was just so bad) I thought he was finished so I asked him about it but then when I went down, he was still cleaning. I should’ve left but I couldn’t and I tried to help him but he told me to stay away from them. The fighting continued and yelling came in and he showed me their messages. He deleted what he sent her (asking what bar she was at) and she said she saw it why did he delete it and he said someone always finds out they speak and he isn’t allowed to talk to her cuz someone thinks they wanna fuck each other. And he sees nothing wrong with that. He thinks he was just telling her oh that’s why I deleted it and why I don’t talk to u. And I don’t get how he doesn’t see it that way. But u can’t force someone to see things ur way right! So after he was denying that he was in the wrong and yelling to kick me out I impulsively yelled out “im done we’re done”. He ran with that and he hasn’t given it up. So we broke up. He says me bringing it up at the time I did, with his dog, is what broke his heart & even when I explained I didn’t know he wasn’t done, it didn’t matter. And that I broke up with him & I couldn’t take that back. Even tho he has said the same to me before in the past. And I didn’t run with it. I thought we were a lot stronger to get past it in the moment but he just always wants me gone when he’s mad. I get space, but I even tried to go in the other room and talk in an hour. He said he feels hatred for me and oh yeah he was drunk when this all happened and when he drinks he’s a diff person. But he sobered up and still feels this way. And he still doesn’t see my side & thinks what I did was way worse and we’ll see if we still wanna be together in a few days. It just sucks. Cuz now I’m putting my feelings to the side cuz I fucked up more?

I feel so sick. I just had this dream with the person I'm worried I'm going to cheat on my gf with. We hugged and it felt nice and had banter in the dream but I feel so sick!! I don't want her, I want my girlfriend but even saying that doesn't feel real anymore. What if I'm in denial. I feel really really sad because I can't even tell my girlfriend. Surely this means I like the other person, it felt way too real man. And I know OCD can feel like that too but I felt nice during the dream. But I don't want her

Here for you tonight. Prayer requests from a Christian with scrupulosity. Post here and I’ll pray and respond. I’ll stay up as long as I can and answer any others in the morning. Paul

It feels so hard to live in a body. I’m always scared I’m going to get blood clots or have a stroke or a heart attack. I’m always checking my ankles for swelling, my skin for changes in tone (like if I turn yellow etc), my pulse, my veins. I just pulled my boyfriend into the bathroom to “check my veins” on my thighs because they looked bigger than they should to me…. My mind was saying they were dilated because of a clot because my left leg and arm have felt weaker off and on the past few weeks. But I feel like I get a lot of physical symptoms along with ocd and anxiety? Maybe? I don’t even know. Maybe it is real? But he showed me the veins on his thighs too and he compared them to mine and told me they looked fine. I feel so lost in this journey because I know I’m not supposed to give into compulsions and seek reassurance and he wants to help me so he will reassure me when I ask him questions to calm my compulsions. I have no idea what I should ask of him if he wants to help instead of reassurance. I try my best and every day I maybe ask him for reassurance once or twice out of the millions of times I want to ask but get through it myself. So I guess that’s something? I’m just sort of rambling and sharing now… I just feel like it’s so hard living and my head always feels spacey and I’m not sure what to ask of my loved ones to help. When I told my mother I had ocd she seemed understanding. Then just the other day I was sick and staying with her and she laughed and said “you know I’m a little ocd too, I hate germs!” And both of my parents have a very “it’s something wrong with you that you need to change” attitude my whole life and have never understood how I struggle. If I try to explain that ocd isn’t just “hating germs”, she dismissed it and gets angry and either would say something like “it was just a joke. You’re so sensitive!” Or “well how do you even really know you have ocd? Everyone is a little ocd!” So I can’t go to them. I feel like I have nobody sometimes just my boyfriend and he does an amazing job but I feel like I shouldn’t be asking him for reassurance. Just unpacking here. Not really sure how or if I’m expecting any responses I just needed to get this out to a community I know understands. If you read all this…. Thanks haha

Does anyone have false memory/real event OCD around the fear of being abused as a child? I know logically I wasn’t, but I recently had a random memory pop up from childhood, that my brain started thinking about and worrying that maybe I was abused. It has now turned into an absolutely horrible OCD obsession and I feel so alone. It consumes my mind 24/7. I KNOW the thought isn’t real, but I keep worrying what if I have repressed memories that I just forgot about? I never once have had the thought that I was abused. I have a wonderful relationship with this person and my biggest fear is believing this thought and ruining my life as well as there’s. It’s extremely scary

I also wanted to ask if anyone wants to share there lexapro experiences? Or even other medications they’ve taken that have helped!

Is there somewhere I can just go to for OCD THERAPY? I am so freaking exhausted . I had just came back from work due to anxiety attack. I was off to a great start through my day until my mom triggered my ocd and anxiety . We had discussed a lot on the way to work, Having to do most with my mental struggles . She pointed out that I hadn’t cleaned my room , at first it was with her judging me for having messy bed head too. I was openly , sincerely explaining to her why can’t mentally do things sometimes . I basically told her straight up to he bit open minded . Something along what she had said triggered my ocd anxiety. I have no idea why I was anxious , maybe because an intrusive thight crossed my mind as she yelled something out . Giving me false feelings leading up to my anxious mood. But ever since, I had been soo out of focus . Ruminating and just feeling like my ocd completely took over my head .

Anyone with race ocd that I can rant too ?????

Hello everyone! 👋🏻 Today I have off from work so if you have any questions about OCD, leave them below! I’ve recovered from OCD and my other mental illnesses after 3 years of intense therapy. I’ve had nearly every OCD theme you can think of too.

Okay, so I took a delta 8 gummy last night expecting similar effects to a cbd gummy just maybe a bit stronger and it made my ocd so scary and it was awful. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Anyone ever have a hard time with thinking about your spouses sexual past? I’ve known about about it and it never bothered me before getting ocd. I don’t care at least I don’t think because I do love her but sometimes my brain won’t stop thinking about it and this morning is one of those times. I just meditated and my brain went to those thoughts.

Does having OCD mean that the thoughts are not true like there are many on the idea if it’s ocd that means it not true and everything is fine and everything ocd says is a lie and stuff?

oh my god, i just feel so..nothing. i don’t even know how to describe what my mind is going through right now. i just had one of the worst intrusive thought ‘episodes’ at dinner and my mind feels like it’s about to actually explode. i really feel so helpless. my family was laughing around me because of course none of them have ocd. none of them know about even a fraction of what’s going through my head. i was trying to laugh with them but in my head came the intrusive thoughts immediately. just like clockwork. im having intrusive thoughts at this very second typing this. i cant deal with this. it’s too hard. i don’t know what to do. i want to cry but tears won’t come out because it’s like i know they’re not real, but my ocd is convincing me that they are because i’m obsessing over them. i DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP. I REALLY DONT AND ITS DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE. i KNOW at the back of my head that i cannot give the intrusive thoughts attention because they’ll just keep torturing me. but it’s like nobody ever recognizes how truly hard it is to just ignore your thoughts. it’s physically impossible for me. there’s no way around it in my brain. my mind is completely wired to IMMEDIATELY respond to the intrusive thoughts as soon as they enter my head and keep them thriving so i can repeatedly obsess over them. i cant not think about them, i cant not do my mental rituals. i don’t know how i’ll ever get over this. i want therapy so bad but the thought of my family ever knowing that this is what i go through is truly terrifying. i would really like to ask others here if they share similar intrusive thoughts as mine but i am too scared to type them out because my ocd is convincing me something “will happen” if i do. i don’t even know what “something” is. at this point the intrusive thoughts are a blur. my mind is just associating typing the thoughts out with something negative, whatever that is, just something. i don’t even know what. the ocd part in my brain is having an absolute field party right now because it’s gotten control of me. im truly ashamed to say this but ocd really feels in control of me right now. the intrusive thoughts are controlling my emotions and i can’t stop them. im giving in, i don’t want to, but i can’t not. the intrusive thoughts are so severely affecting my mental state right now and it’s so difficult. i don’t even expect a single person to read all of this here. i don’t expect a response, im typing this out because getting my feelings out like this makes me feel more mentally in control. im a fucking mess right now, and it was triggered by the smallest things ever. i cant express this enough: i miss more than i can put into words my life before all of these intrusive thoughts. it wasn’t even 2 years ago or so that it was this bad. i miss my life. i miss being mentally healthy. my mind is all over the place and has been for almost 2 years straight and it truly feels like it’s gotten worse. everyday my mind goes through hell and back, today was one of the worser days. what did i do to deserve this, i want my life back

There anyone that’s been on clomipromin the doctor started me on it I got to 50 milligrams only been on it 2 weeks and the doctor switched my meds to a medication I’ve been on twice already Luvox I was prescribed Luvox and abilify when I was younger then I tried it again a few years ago but just Luvox by itself no abilify and now this doctors giveing me Luvox and abilify And I had little relief on Luvox and abilify as a kid the second time I was on Luvox alone I got no relief at all I was actually getting worse and the next 4 years I changed medication each year cause nothing was working then I stopped all medications once I admitted myself and was discharged in 3 days and told they didn’t have the resources to help me and a referral to an ocd inpatient place in Chicago which ended up denying me cause they didn’t accept my insurance I got on drugs for 3 years trying to get some peace I’ve been clean for a few years now and still have significant ocd I’m miserable and have just learned bout exposure and response therpay so I’m hopeing to find help from a therapist but want to be on medication that’s gonna help I’ve been on Luvox twice already I had never tried clomipromin should I ask to continue the clomipromin is there a reason she stopped it so soon and switched to this medication I’ve tried twice and this is a new doctor I just started trying to get back on meds so I no she sees me as a new person and is gonna play Guinea pig wit me but I’ve been suffering for 15 years and I’ve tried everything and was told I needed inpatient but can’t get inpatient cause noone accepts my insurance if I could just get some medication to help wit ocd anxiety and anxiety attacks panick attacks social anxiety agoraphobia and depression and did therapy to help I could get better enough to go do outpatient do something till I could get into an inpatient place.

New here. Looking to hear from people with SOOCD. Im a woman with a cis male partner. For several months, I’ve been convinced I’m either bisexual or lesbian. It all started after seeing tiktoks of other women questioning their sexuality, talking about how they watch wlw porn, and so on. I also only watch lesbian porn. I’ve learned a lot about comp het and thought maybe this is why i’ve never dated another woman and i’m actually attracted to women instead of men. Ever since then, i’ve felt extremely disconnected from my partner and even almost broke up with him. I find myself constantly googling searching to find my true sexual orientation. I constantly try to imagine if I could be with another woman. I’ve imagined coming out as bi or lesbian. Just recently, I learned of SOOCD. Suddenly everything is making sense. I felt relieved when I started learning about it. Though, I’m still worried I could just be bi or a lesbian in denial. Everyday I am consumed by these thoughts. I’m exhausted, confused, and depressed. All I want is to find myself again. And find answers. I love my partner, and I just want to feel happy again. If you’ve experienced anything similar, please share. I’d love to hear from you. I’m not looking for advice or answers from you, I just want to hear from others in the community.