Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Brokw up with my boyfriend so he doesnt have to deal withh my rjocd or rocd anymore

My ocd has always been active in my life, constant worry and obsessing and checking compulsions and I mean about literally everything. Before I didn’t know it was ocd I just thought to myself that I’m Just a super worrier lol I thought it was normal to just worry and expect the worse. My brain literally expects the worse and I’m so negative, hardly positive about situations I always feel something is going to go wrong and I feel like I have to check certain things to make sure I didn’t mess up or cause harm and if I think positive that the bad thing will happen. I didn’t know I had ocd until I had sexual orientation doubts even tho knew I was straight and comfortable with that, I completely felt the horrible feeling after one thought… what if I was gay. I remember the time and place when I had that thought and my life changed after that, for two years I struggled with trying to figure what was going on, constant anxiety doubt and unwanted feelings. Starting to believe I was gay even tho I told myself if I was gay I’d be gay but I’m not, just didn’t even make sense to my brain, literally nothing did. I’m not the manliest man either so anything that I did that was considered Feminine killed me. I was so tangled in this that when my friends joked about gay stuff I felt like I was dying. Even if someone said “your gay” as a joke I think to myself “oh see, they see it and your just in denial” it got so bad I broke down a few times and consider ending it but I got the hope to keep going and found out about ocd and I didn’t get help right then I just lived with the uncertainty and I did my absolute best to just trust myself and I don’t remember when exactly but I felt better I got a grip on myself and gay stuff didn’t bother me none I even laugh at it now because it was so silly but it almost killed me. Unfortunately Ocd just doesn’t go away and I’m now dealing with a heavy set of ocd. And knowing you have ocd, that will become a doubt, so even tho I have some tools on how to tackle this, ocd will find a way to fight hard. Im here now to get the help I’ve always needed because when Ocd came back I had a feeling it was Ocd but the doubt will make you give in and try to fight with your thoughts. Trying to gain certainty will make you less certain. My ocd topic this time revolves around harm. And ocd will attack you where it gonna hurt the most, you will doubt everything. Thanks to NOCD I’m able to finally get the right help I need to really put my foot down on ocd.

How can I get rid of my severe pure o and magical thinking without going to any professionals?

I've had to delete all of my social media apps because I couldn't go to sleep each night without checking my stories and accounts several times to make sure i hadn't posted or said anything inappropriate. I feel relief that it's not something I have to check or worry about anymore. But i feel like it's made me more lonely and disconnected from my peers, and I feel like people might forget me. I have kept apps without story options to keep in touch with close friends and family. But the amount of interaction with people has gotten so much smaller.

I have OCD where my thoughts mostly revolve around loss of control. Like I'm worried ill lose my mind. Lately the thoughts are more loss of cognitive function where I'll eventually develop dementia. I actually feel like my memory isn't as good as it once was or my recall isn't as sharp anymore. I cant figure out if this is really happening, OCD is playing with my mind, or my mind is literally so exhausted from all this worrying that it really is experiencing some brain fog. Anyone else have any experience this this type of thing?

I’m really worried. This past month instead of feeling scared and doing my endless compulsions I’ve just felt completely numb to my long-distance boyfriend. It’s like I don’t care about him or like I’m not attracted to him at all anymore. A month ago he said it was okay if we stopped doing intimate things over the phone because it makes me so anxious and now I haven’t wanted to at all. It’s not that I don’t love him or want to do stuff, it’s just that I spend all of it testing my attraction to him and it takes out any pleasure. Also sometimes in the past when I’d look at him I’d “force” myself to feel attraction but it’s not that I’m not attracted to him, I just don’t get aroused just looking at him. Well I can sometimes if he’s doing things for me I actually like that but not a lot because of my intrusive. Now it’s been a month where I look at him and don’t feel anything and I’m so scared. I also don’t feel desperate to do my compulsions to make sure I still love him. In fact, I’m exhausted from them and want nothing to do with the anxiety so I feel like I’m just talking to a friend but that still terrifies me because I still very very badly want to be romantically and sexually attracted to him. But I know that the more I chase it the more anxiety it’ll bring so instead I just let myself be numb to him and it’s scary because I don’t want to be numb. I’m also noticing every single guy and wanting that attention but I don’t want anything romantic or sexual, I just struggle with male validation and I want to be seen and heard because I feel so alone right now. I feel so guilty for feeling that way but most of all the reason I feel so far away from my boyfriend is because I feel like my thoughts make me so worthless of him. I feel like I don’t deserve him and that my thoughts aren’t his problem and he should be with someone who can be happy with him without being afraid. I feel like all I do is hurt him and I feel so scared and worried that I’m not sexually attracted to him or that I’m forcing it because I don’t get instantly aroused looking at him and because I have anxiety around sex that makes it hard for me to enjoy it. I feel guilty that I can’t enjoy our happy moments or be present in our relationship and it makes me so numb to him and that’s what causes me so much pain that I feel shut off. Because I want to love him and be with him, I want to be confident in my attraction to him and I want to see him and just have that feeling of rightness. I’m also getting ready to go to college and I’m becoming more independent and it makes me feel guilty too like im moving on without him but I don’t want to. Is this part of rocd and soocd as well? This horrible numbness ?

Has anyone had relationship doubts but subconsciously? And you only had them when you thought about your partner but you weren’t like ruminating on it. Is that even ocd or just doubting? It’s not, like, active anxiety. Just this feeling of it being off and not totally what I want. Like i have this fantasy idea of what i want. But then I get sad and scared that I feel that way. And I convince myself I have to break up with him even though I don’t want to. But again, it’s not like this active questioning or anxiety. Just kinda subconsciously there and not hitting me in the face. Just lightly telling me to end it.

Anyone ever developed OCD of having other mental disorders?

For those with ROCD- let me tell you my story. It was August 2021 and we were having a movie night at my apartment with some friends. Once the movie ended, my boyfriend and I said goodnight and he went back to his apartment. Then, randomly as I was getting ready for bed, I had the thought “I don’t love him anymore” and I went into an intense panic attack. My mind was spiraling and it was terrifying. I knew I loved him, but that thought caught me so off-guard because I had never had thoughts like that before. My thoughts were like: “well, if I love him then why did I think that?“ and I was just so lost. I texted my boyfriend to come down and help me calm down and eventually I felt okay again. I was fine for like a week and then I had a second panic attack about “if you really love him, why are you still having doubts and thinking this way?”. This pattern kept up for about three months. I was so miserable and being a college student, it was hard to focus in class and I felt trapped when I was in my room alone because my thoughts wouldn’t give me a break. There were even a few times I felt like breaking up with him because I was so in my head. It was getting to the point where I was having depressive thoughts like “it’s never going to get better” and “what’s the point if i’m going to be sad all the time”. That’s when I knew I needed help. Finally, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and she told me I have OCD. It was a relief to hear, but I already kinda figured that’s what it was since intrusive thoughts defined what I was experiencing perfectly. She put me on Zoloft and it has definitely helped me. I haven’t had a panic attack in months and I definitely still have days where I have intrusive thoughts, but they aren’t nearly as bad. However, my current thoughts are: “What if I lose feelings for him in the future?”, “Why do I still feeling anxiety if I should be okay now?”. I’ve even had dreams of me cheating on him and I wake up terrified and confused. It’s hard, but I keep going because I know how I truly feel about him and I know I love him. I thank god he was supportive and stayed with me during my low point. I truly couldn’t have done it without him. I hope this helped y’all and please let me know if you can relate. I know it’s so hard, but just hang in there. You’re strong and it will get better. You know how you feel about them and the truth is if you truly didn’t love them anymore, you wouldn’t be feeling all of this fear and anxiety. It would be more of a natural acceptance. Don’t let the uncertainty control you. One day at a time.

I feel like I’ve flirted with someone else/ been inappropriate and the guilt won’t leave me. I was talking to my boyfriends best friend in the club and had my arms around his neck whilst we were talking. I’ve been so inappropriate

Few months ago I witnessed my father die infront of me ever since then I’ve been obsessed with Death and Mortality , Obsessing over Aging,Death, losing loved ones. I have been trying to Accept it because it’s unavoidable but I just don’t want to think about it 24/7 I’ve been doing ERP by watching Finding Nemo Soul Lion King Matrix The Bucket List The Green Mile Any other ideas on how to deal with it

Please god help me get through this. I can’t take the constant worry anymore!! It’s so physically and mentally draining. I’m so tired of constantly being stressed on and physically ill over this disorder. Please leave any tips on what helps you guys other than compulsions! 😔

Man ik people say not to test yourself or reassure or pray to God but it's so damn difficult my brai is always saying things but I just Wana scream go tf away I'm tired of pray constantly scared I wanted wife and kids but I'm so beat up that I don't want anything a girl was coming on to me but I'm so confused that I just freaked out and couldn't read my feelings idk what I am and saying that hurts just as much as intrusive thoughts if not more I don't want to be in a relationship with a girl then end up being something different and I don't want to be some thing different but right fucking now my thoughts are like ya you do and I can't ever tell if that's me or if those are intrusive thoughts hod I just want this to end what the hell do I have to do and for the love of God if you are one of the few that actually respond to other people's post please leave solid advice but tell me how to actually follow through how to not seek reassurance how to let the thoughts flow and not pay it any mind how to be rid of this I'm so damn scared of this it feels like I'm lost and completely alone God I wish for help but I'm tired of begging God ect ect and I don't want this at all please just make this go away give me my old self back

Is it cheating if I do a homework problem, know how to do it, get my answer confidently, see that it's wrong, understand why it's wrong and make changes to the answer? Is this a bad thing? This is driving my crazy.

I am struggling so bad. I want to share my story because I’m just so confused right now. My boyfriend and i have known each other our whole lives. We always had the biggest crush on each other even after i moved away in middle school. We stayed friends and hung out any time i would come visit my hometown. Of course, life happens and we lost communication with each other for years. He joined the army, got married, and had a baby with his ex wife. All in the same time, I was in a with my ex for 3 years. Fast forward to a year and a half ago. Life had this funny way of reconnecting us. We both ended up back in our hometown after years of being away and we both were going through a breakup/separation with our exes. Long story short, at that time i knew we would end up together. It had been a long time coming and i thought our relationship was going to be PERFECT. Boy, was i completely wrong. We both came with a lot of baggage. Him having severe depression and anxiety and me having OCD (which caused a lot of anxiety for me as well) I questioned everything! If he looked at me the wrong way or sighed because he was having a bad day, i automatically assumed it was because of me. I would question him over and over asking if he loved me still or if i did something wrong and for the longest time he would get so frustrated with me because he was dealing with his own demons from past traumatic events on top of dealing with my panic attacks from all of the questions i would ask because my ocd convinced me that everything was all my fault. He would shut me out (i mean for days), he said really mean things to me when he was really drunk or angry, and never opened up to me about anything he was feeling. I prayed for him to be better and to love me the same way i loved him but it just seemed like it would never happen. Of course, over time i got so fed up with feeling like i didn’t mean anything to him (or at least that’s what my mind convinced me) to where i wanted to leave him but all at the same time everything changed on his part. He got the help he needed and he became a much better person. He apologized to me for everything, cried his eyes out, and even opened up to me about the tragedy he experienced to make him so depressed and angry. He has done a complete 180 and has been doing so good for months now. He has shown me SO much love! It’s even shocked the ones around him because he has never been one to open up in that way. Unfortunately, that’s when my ROCD kicked in 100x harder. I used to feel so much love for him and right now I’m struggling with “did i ever really love him?” “Were we ever meant to be if we’ve been through so much already in only a year? A year is not a long time!!!” And so on. I’ve even checked to see how I’ve felt hugging him or kissing him. It’s so exhausting. The thoughts haven’t seemed to stop and i know deep down i want to experience what this relationship could be without all of the negativity that has surrounded it or without all of the intrusive thoughts. That is why i haven’t given up yet but sometimes i get these strong urges to break up (some i have gone through with and ended up back with him because leaving just didn’t seem right). Through all of the craziness that has gone through my mind, he has stuck by my side through it all. I’m so happy he’s done better for himself but now i can’t stop questioning everything. It’s like my mind has only focused on all the negativity instead of realizing this is what I’ve prayed for. I just want to get out of my head and start fresh but my ocd doesn’t allow me to. I feel so lost but deep down i know he is who i want to be with. I have always wanted him and he has always wanted me. I just can’t stop obsessing over what things were like before. I just wish i had a clear mind so i could just move forward with our relationship in a positive way.

I just need any encouraging words you can give, I have tried so hard to move past these themes but it’s so hard. I feel in denial and starting to question if there’s some desire on my part. Sometimes there’s a thought that I can’t get passed and I feel like it brings me down to square one.

Needing input plz 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 I’m 29 years old. And if you would have ever asked me if I had ocd I would tell you heck no, my room was always a mess. I did none of the same “rituals” (so I thought) only thing I could say was I hateee to be barefoot 😖 Possible trigger warning ⚠️ Fast forward to this past October. A girl in my town who I knew pretty well took her own life. It was a shock to everyone, including me!! I went to the funeral.. and the family’s house for support & to take food. (Small southern town) then weeks go by and I just could not get her out of my head! & the thought of her committing suicide haunted me. Until one night I was laying in bed putting my baby girl to sleep (my anxiety had been awful that day) and a thought popped into my head. “What if one day you loose your shit like her & take your own life” (I know that sounds so insensitive). Needless to say I went into straight panic mode as soon as the thought happened. I felt like my body went numb, my heart was racing and I felt this feeling of doom. I got up and literally made myself sick I was so worked up. I thought I had just had my first “suicidal thought” this thought has haunted me for 3 months now. I’ve started Prozac for anxiety and depression but I’m not convinced. I’m not saying I have never had anxiety or mild depression bc I have but this. This happened to me over night. In one second my whole world changed. I made myself think I was crazy bc I had that thought. I made myself think I was suicidal bc I had that one thought. And the thoughts continued and continued… I didn’t want to be around guns knives or anything. I have never a day in my life wanted to hurt myself. I kept researching bc I just couldn’t settle with “depression” this was me in a constant battle with my mind telling my thoughts that I don’t want to hurt myself!!!!! I saw someone on a page with the almost same exact story as me and what there diagnosis was. Pure O. I felt such relief when I read these stories and I felt like I wasn’t crazy. This is a actual thing to have obsessive thoughts. That relief lasted about a day, and here I am questioning what my doctor will say when I tell them I think I have “o”cd. I keep thinking they well tell me no I don’t and it’s just me. This is pure hell. Why would this happen. And why now? I feel like I used to do this some about health anxiety and stuff but never to this extreme. Is this anywhere near ocd????

Parents interfering with therapy. Hi all. My mom does not know much about OCD. She wants me to stop using my NOCD therapist and see a different therapist that does not do ERP. She thinks that doing exposures is wromg and makes me worse.

What can you do to prep yourself for exposure therapy? Would it make your ocd worst in the beginning?

Here for you tonight. Prayer requests or just want to hear a reply. I’ll do this until I fall asleep. Will respond to requests posted after I’m asleep in the AM. I’m a Pure / Scrupulous sufferer who is first and foremost a Christian. Love ya all. Paul