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everytime i try to see the light at the end of the tunnel by telling myself “you got this! you have graduation coming up & you can finally join beauty school” my mind tells me “you’re a monster no one wants you there”. i don’t wanna live like this. i wish i could just escape my mind.

Has anyone with relationship OCD had a fear of their partner Masturbating while in a relationship with you? I seem to have had this all my life & mentioned it to partners before. A few have lied about it & admitted it later after agreeing for us to both NOT do it. Found out my fiancé of 2 yrs has lied about it & I am crushed. He told me that it’s normal & that he doesn’t like to do it or want to but all guys do. That he just wants to be a human being. I have a desire to control this because of my fear. I have not done it since we have been official & feel betrayed. He refuses to talk about masturbation with me. Anyone have a similar issue? How did you cope to get thru it?

For any subtype- when you’re doing exposures, is there a small (or maybe big) part of you that knows the fear is irrational, and does this help motivate your exposures? Or when you do them are you always mostly thinking the threat/danger is real. I feel like the threats are always real and not irrational at all. Will this hold me back from erp?

I no there’s online support groups but I need more help than that I admitted myself into a mental hospital a few years ago I had been on medication for 4 years and changed them every year cause nothing seemed to work so I admitted myself getting admitted was so hard cause of my ocd touching my stuff and only allowing certain amounts of clothes and couldn’t bring certain hygiene stuff I have dressing rituals that I use more clothes than a normal person I wear my bras and undershirts in order I get all the stuff I need for the ritual and lay it out on my bed then wash my hands prior and threwout dressing till I’m done wit the ritual I do certain things during it like turn circles and spin my clothes a certain way that’s hard to do wit a roommate and haveing to use the bathroom to layout my clothes like I need to and haveing nowere to keep my hygiene stuff I have to keep my stuff separated and In a clean spot if it has a clean spot I don’t have to clean the items everyday but that 1 ocd thing causes so many issues wit just being admitted and I was left for those 3 days no therapy no help just left traumatized and struggling wit this ritual they discharged me in 3 days and told me they didn’t have the resources to help me and gave me a referral to an ocd facility in Chicago which denied me cause of insurance my insurance can only be used in my state but there’s not any ocd facilities in my state so it’s very frustrating so I no I need a residential care but can’t get it cause of insurance so wat am I suppose to do I’m already doing wat I can but I no I need help I want to start medication but don’t want someone who doesn’t really understand ocd to prescribe me something there’s no ocd specialists that accept my insurance and everywere is so far away I can barely get up during the day and go to the store to get grocery’s there’s no way I can drive hours every month just to get medication and see a therapist every week if I could do over the phone stuff till I could get more stable so I can get out more and do more then I could get more help I just feel so misunderstood and invalidated bout my ocd and wat comes wit it I just want help though I also have a hard time wakeing up on time to call and I have a hard time calling and answering the phone I just don’t think it should be this hard to get help.

Guys Do u really need therapy to beat ocd. I know therapy can help alot but rn in mine situation There is no way I can access therapy so please if u have any tips to beat ocd without therapy I would love to hear from u. BTW I suffer from real event ocd and maybe false memories ocd. I just want to be happy and live a normal life again 😣😢

TW real events and POCD 18+ please: Getting hit left and right with memories of past mistakes, past intrusive thoughts I’ve had and past memories of things I’ve been triggered with and so on. Like this time it’s about how I was watching a video one day it was two guys talking kind of like a podcast I guess but you could see them and they said the “p” word and I remember I got really triggered and all of a sudden had what I guess was groinal response but really strong but I was panicking and I all of a sudden had an urge to masturbate and I told myself “I’m going to wait 10 minutes to let this all pass before I do that” and so I waited for the anxiety or whatever it was so calm down so I wouldn’t feel bad or weird about it even though it wasn’t my fault I got triggered. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I’m spiraling all over again. OCD has been attaching and not letting go of so many things in my past and it’s starting to worry me again. Just times I’ve had intrusive thoughts and got triggered or filled with anxiety, or when the feelings or thoughts felt so real as if I “liked” them when I know deep down I never did, most definitely don’t now and never will in the future. I wish I could be free from this horrible, torture of a disorder 😭

I am 19 years old and Latino . I am also gay and live with strict conservative catholic parents. A while back when I came terms with ocd and had the realization, I decided to open up to my parents about my mental health. Let’s just say things didn’t turn out as expected , both unfortunately didn’t believe me . Also, theh believed it had to do with me being on my phone too much that I wanna believe anything I see . Neither of em wanted to listen to me . Mom said she’s sees me just fine . It was so deliberating and everything felt so collapsing because I felt anxious to tell them ebeytjjng about it , but they didn’t want to hear . So, ever since I haven’t mentioned it to them considering that . Over the past couple of months , they haven’t been so strict on me for things I didn’t want to join in on. She’s very pressuring srill about going to church and her religion. I do believe in God, but I do not interpret God way they do. I believe God loves me even if I’m gay. They will not ever accept me if I come out and I feel so alone because not only do I have to hide myself, but I have to live with this mental disorder they don’t believe of and/or know of and think I’m simply being lazy . I just want boundaries - they can treat me and view me as a child still🤷🏾‍♂️I want to become an independent adult . My goal rn is to get my drivers license and buy my car. But I literally know notning bout adult life . I am nervous, scared , worried...I do not want to rely on my parenrts all time and live with them . Everything is so hard rnn. Ocd is the one factor to all my problems .

Has anybody else became someone totally different after your ocd experience? I miss the old me but some parts of me have changed for the better

I'm too scared to start meds because of sides effects and the fact that most people experience a relapse after a couple months of stopping.... Your brain literally comes back to what you were before the meds so what's the point? More than 50% who start SSRIs need to keep taking them forever. Has anyone recovered without meds? Or natural remedies? I believe in science and doctors, but the risks are wayyyy too scary.

This is embarrassing to wrote but I will write it because I feel better after writing about my ocd. So school starts tomorrow and I've been feeling afraid that a thought will ruin it for me. But thoughts and feelings don't bother me anymore...actions do. Most of my themes if not all of them had been about my crush and a family member (sexual theme). I was walking past the bathroom today and my mom was there cuz it's in her room, I inhaled air and now I think what if i did that cuz i wanted to smell...pee. I panicked even tho my back was facing the bathroom and that I had themes about this and so I hold my breath around bathrooms. I still thought that maybe I did cuz I had a thought related to my mom and my crush and me and that I liked it. Then now my mom was sitting next to me and was showing me a funny video on her phone and I was facing her leg and I inhaled...thinking maybe I did cuz it's her private part. And then I stood and my back was facing her and I thought what if I did that on purpose to show her and that again it's related to my crush. Even now I'm still sitting in the same place and I inhaled air thinking that she as sifting next to me and that I would smell it and my brain is telling me I got closer to her place but Ik I didn't. Am I crazy? I think I'm crazy.

i’m okay now my soocd is calming down and i just accept that they are thoughts i remember when i was so bad and i’m happy i can look back and say that i’m okay

I’m so scared my partner is cheating on me. I just want to give up :(

I am just so sick of the anxiety. Sick of being afraid of trying medication that could help me. Wish I could just snap my fingers and not fear side effects and just take it. I want to be myself again.

Oh guys, the worst has happened and I simply cannot wrap my head around it. My bf has depression and has been pushing me away for a few weeks (even months) and he finally broke down. He broke up with me and says he needs to focus on himself in order to get better. He says he still loves me but he is not in love with himself, life or anything anymore and can’t give himself to the relationship. I feel like I’m dying. Slowly and painfully.

HELLO! EYES HERE! IT MIGHT HELP. My previous posts here were horrible just results of me drowning with my own feelings. (I don't know if yall remember my previous posts) BTW, I'M 2 WEEKS FREE FROM MY OCD!!! ❤ I'm so so so tired and mad of my ocd & anxiety and it just happened that one night I said to myself enough is enough!! my rumination and compulsion was never a help after all, it never answered my continuous problem solving in my head it just giving me more anxiety. That's why I said to myself "okay I will accept the worst case scenario eventhough it is hard to accept it but I don't care anymore! Past is past!!! I'm not my past. I have my good values today. Today is what most important not the past. Eventhough I did terrible things in the past (that I already repent numerous times) some things maybe I don't remember that I actually did (besides I'm not supposed to remember everything) what matters are my actions today (always choose to do whats right) (and I know to myself that I'm a good person today and will forever be! Plus I don't need anyone's validation with regards to my whole being!) AND I REALIZED THAT WE ARE NOT DESIGNED TO REPENT FOREVER. So my fellow ocd strugglers, ACCEPTANCE IS REALLY THE KEY it was really hard at first but pls TRY because at the end of the day the only true friend we have is ourselves. There are still times that I feel uncomfortable but I try to sit with it and accept that "its just ocd that tries to keep knocking on my door but hell no! I will not open my door for you anymore hah! 😝". We cannot change the past guys I wish we could but no, and we have to accept that. So the present moment is all that matters and we can control the TODAY so I suggest we better make the most out of it! ❤ Believe me, we can still live our lives the way we want to live our lives! Learn to forgive yourselves guys, move on and live with uncertainty. I PROMISE THESE ARE THE BEST THINGS I REALIZED DEEP IN MY HEART 2 WEEKS AGO 🥰 Feel free to ask me questions 🤗🤍

It’s a lovely Saturday afternoon where I am, so I’m open to questions about recovering from OCD once again! 🙏🏻 Not sure how long it’s been (2 weeks?) since my last Q&A but if you don’t know me or my posts, I’ve had almost all OCD themes and I’ve recovered from all of them.

I need a bit of advice. I struggle with really vivid thoughts (mental images, sounds, sensations) that just feel horrible in and of themselves. It goes to weird, surreal, disturbing places. So I’ve been trying mindfulness sessions where I just let my mind run wherever whether it be beautiful, strange, violent, sexual, blasphemous, boring, funny, cringe, interesting, ridiculous, plausible, etc. and just describing them neutrally. It’s hard to use standard ERP messaging with these because there’s no truth claims to these thoughts, and therefore no uncertainty, except occasionally when one feels like it’s true in the real world. In addition I do use the ERP message “There is a possibility that these thoughts will make me feel bad (anxious, disgusted, ashamed, etc.).” The idea is that I don’t push the thought away or fixate on it. I am also very sensitive to images and have been doing exposures with genitalia themed memes and just today with movie gore. I feel this might have been a mistake because it affected this mindfulness session and the thoughts were more violent than usual and I had a moment where a harm theme came back. I didn’t compulse, but I feel really off. Is there anything about this that is inadvisable or should I keep doing the exposures and the mindfulness sessions?

I was out with my girlfriend last night and got talking to a group of Dutch people. They were nice and bought drinks and we had fun I got too drunk and had to leave and as my girlfriend was leaving she hugged people goodbye and one guy grabbed her ass i don’t know if he meant it in a sexual way or what but I passed out so didn’t hear this until this morning My OCD brain now has this anger and anxiety swirling around in my head all day, I wish I could punch that guy because all my head is saying that I’m an idiot for being around them and that I look so stupid to my girlfriend! My heart has been Racing all day and the thoughts swirling. Am I overreacting in my head I’m never sure because of OCD tbh? Sorry for the rant just needed to get this out don’t want to say to my girlfriend incase it sounds psycho

Those of you that don’t have kids I envy you. But I hope that this illness doesn’t keep you from having ones of your own. Even now as I start to go into another ocd flare, I love my son so much and he brings me so much joy. I guess that’s why ocd latches onto this particular theme. I just hope things eventually get better.

Picked up my medication that was prescribed by my doctor for my anxiety. This is the second time this month I’ve picked up meds. First time was Prozac and hydroxyzine but after talking to my Dr she though lexapro would be better for my symptoms. I’ve tried NONE of them. Fear of side effects, fear of increased anxiety? Has kept me from even starting. But I’m noticing that even on days that I don’t have any anxiety or panic, it’s still kind of lurking under the surface waiting to poke it’s head out, or I am anticipating it. Or maybe I’ll wake up with “nervousness” that lingers throughout the day. That’s no way to live. I want to get past my fear and take the medication but just don’t know how. I was prescribed 5mg lexapro and Dr told me I could cut it in half and start there. I thought maybe I could even cut that in half and really begin super slowly just to get my system accustomed to it and maybe prevent or minimize side effects. Has anyone had any luck doing the same with the same dosage? I always feel like I’m looking over my shoulder for the anxiety. I get nervous of something happening because I’m alone (which adds to my fear).