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I am not seeking reassurance I just am just looking to vent with people who understand. My homework has been to look into late blooming lesbians and their experiences and I feel like I relate so much. I’ve never had a boyfriend and have had this theme on and off but panic inducing since around 14 (now 27) and SWEAR I had crushes on guys but what if that’s comphet? I never got a boyfriend cause I feared it would confirm I’m a lesbian if I started dating one and didn’t like him. It feels like I relate so much to these late in life lesbians post but isn’t that the point? Or else is would be reassurance? How do I accept the uncertainty when it looks like I’m CERTAINLY a lesbian and if I am, why can’t I accept that? Again I’m not seeking reassurance because I know it will get me nowhere but good god this disorder is annoying (if this is my OCD cause or maybe I’m using OCD as an excuse to not come out as gay?)

Hi, I was in NOCD about august 2020 after having a complete episode. I had judt starting babysitting and I honestly had nothing going on bc of the pandemic so it was the only thing I had to do. I started tele therapy about teauma drom my father and my big fear of turning into a narcissist like him (should have been a clue Lol) I get groinL responses for alot of things and one of the kids triggered it bytouching me And one night after playing with my bf virtually on minecraft, it was 2 am I couldnt stop thinking about ir, thus the intrusice thoughts came in. Started vommitting, stomach flopped crying and panicking in my room. I went straight for the internet ans BOOM, POCD popped. Next day my mom had gone to work and I called her to come home bc I was having a meltdown. I started tellingnher everything, told my bf about it, had a meltdown again, called my therapist. She wasnt familiar wirh ocd and tried reassuring me. I started telling everyone, i started being TMI of things that sexually interested me in order to see if thar what led me into being a pedophile. I told my friend that I didn't want to be near them bc of this and told her ALL THE IMAGES i was picturing. I got on meds, but I wasnt feeling better (it was only 2 weeks) and freaked out again around my nieces cause I couldnt help but notice when they ran around in their underwear. That's when I found NOCD. Whoever was the service specialist that answered was not judgemental at ALL. They sent me links to different profiles of theraoist availble. I honestly wasnt sure how ERP was supposed to work. I kept asking for reassurance on reddit and here. My NOCD therapist was extremely compassionate. The kind of lady that seemed like she'd make you baked goods and give you a warm blanket. But as SOON as it was time to do ERP, oh she was straight up make me do insane excercises. Making me write scenarios of what I was doing to kids, read them out loud read them in my head IN FRONT of the kids. IN DETAIL. But all those excercises work. And what happened? BOOM relationship OCD. Started spiraling a bit, she caught me in the act of reassurance. Had to do it AGAIN. It took a YEAR but i got it through my head the tools I need to handle OCD and especially so with an episode. I keep the journal of all rhe pocd thoughts and scenarios visible in my room just to continuously trigger the anxiety slightly to keep me on my toes. Recently I had a zoophilic episode. But it only seriously lasted a week because I went STRAIGHT into ERP mode Im still uncomfy when the thought pop up but it didnt stop me from petting my cats. ERP is the biggest way to work with your OCD. But you have to first accept that you arent trying "get rid of OCD" but trying to have a relationship with it. I cant speak for non pure ocd, but ERP makes pulling your teeth out with a pair of pliers sound like a day at disneyland. But it works. You can have the tools. You can get through it.

It’s hard for me to get up and do anything I’m tired all the time I never wanna leave my bed I stay up late and get up late and I can’t just get up early 1 day to go somewere and then go back to this schedule so I make all appointments for really late but it’s still hard to make it to them I feel like I’m scared to get up early Im scared to go outside during the day cause there’s so many ppl so many cars I don’t like seeing the sun I don’t ever really turn on the lites in my house I have insulation things in the windows and curtains I just don’t like it being so bright I’m scared of being tired my anxiety’s worse when I’m tired things are harder to deal wit I’ve had a rough life the past few years which has given me even more fear Im on ssi and can’t afford alot of things so I feel like I have no control over my life cause I don’t have money I can’t do anything witout others help financially and leaveing things up to others and depending on others is really hard to deal wit and I no I need to face my fears and get use to doing things so I can get over the fear of doing stuff but I don’t have the energy for that rite now my life is consumed of ocd I have alot of rituals and other things wit my ocd that are extremely hard to deal wit so doing things to feel more comfortable going outside isn’t my main concern my ocd is I want to work on it and get help but I can’t even get up to go to a doctor and it’s not just a 1 visit thing it’d be monthly visits and then I’d want to see a therapist which would be weekly visits and getting medication if I miss 1 appointment I’ll be out of medication and it causes me so much anxiety constantly be afraid of not haveing medications and missing appointments I wish I could get more than a months medication I wish I could do over the phone therapy and in home therapy I feel like this would help me be comfortable and less stressed and overwhelmed until I could get some thing under control more to were I can function a little bit better I just think trying to do all this stuff at once wit all the stress it causes me I get so overwhelmed and end up messing everything up I feel like noone really understands this I no others stay in bed and stay up late and get up late but I legit can’t just go to bed early 1 day cause I have somewere to go the next day and be normal I couldn’t just go to bed early I can’t just wake up only being in bed for a few hours and be tired cause I just can’t handle it it is to hard for me it’s always been this way even when I was younger I do have insomnia issues i had problems in school and when I had my kids getting up wit them I’ve just always been able to hide that I had been in bed all day I’d eat packets of medications to get rest just something to knock me out when really I think my anxiety is the problem but they make it so hard to get anxiety medication and if you do get it it’s hard to get every month cause your treated as a drug addict I just want a doctor to help me and prescribe me medications for all of my mental illnesses and a therapist that actually cares and helps me wit my ocd I just want to be more normal and have a more normal life I want to make some extra money when I need to I no wat I need to get help and to get better but I can’t get it cause I’m just so messed up rite now and so tired I try to explain to places I can only come in late and tell them the reasons and it’s like noone understands it like I seem so normal to them but they don’t see that I was up all nite nervous bout leaveing the house nervous bout the appointment they didn’t see wat I did to get dressed wats going on in my head just a jumbled mess they just see me in the office not noing I just woke up at it’s 3 o’clock it’s so aggravating and I’ve been dealing wit this kind of stuff for so long that I’m just tired of it things should be easier for ppl.

My mom bought us dinner and I couldn’t eat it because I kept getting thoughts like “You don’t deserve to eat” and “you’re a bad person and shouldn’t eat that” so I put it in the refrigerator and now I’m having an anxiety attack in my room. I feel sick. If it’s true that the mistakes I made in my past mean I’m a monster or if I’ve done something immorally or did a “crime” or “illegal” than I’m done. I can’t live with myself if that’s true. I don’t think it’s ocd I think it’s true and I’m so scared but I don’t know…I can’t do this…💔

i was talking to my sister in the car about my current situation and i asked “do you think actual pedos have intrusive thoughts like ours and they just act on theirs?” and she responded with “no i think it’s their desire it’s what they want to do. but for you it’s different because you’re clearly in distress, you cry and panic everytime you have a thought. you think pedos think like you do? no they’re nasty.” and in a way i was like “you’re right i just struggle so bad sometimes, this convo might turn into a trigger later watch☹️” and she said it’s ok let it pass. it’s been like 30 mins and nothing has passed it’s still in my mind. i just don’t know how to release the thought:( i feel so weird for not panicking about what she said or the fact that i’m not worried in a way? im not sure i’m just so traumatized from my thoughts.

Hey everyone. Don’t really know what’s going on here. Basically my wife and I have been together for a few years now. We’ve know each other a really long time, almost 13 years. At any rate, it all started up when she texted me one night. That’s when the conversation and idea that we would like finally get together and hang out (at the time hadn’t seen each other in almost a decade). I was in single mode really hard at that time and was talking to a few different girls. Now here’s where the guilt, anxiety, and OCD come into play. I never felt like I’d done anything wrong. I have distinct memories of continuing to text girls; and my memory has always been that it was some time between when me and my wife first texted and when she came over. When she came over I remember that I was no longer texting or talking to anyone anymore, but I can’t remember if I stopped texting other girls before she came over, or if I stopped when she did indeed come over for the first time. My OCD has always come up and I’ve felt wracked with guilt and anxiety that I was texting other girls while I texted her. I know that she and I weren’t even dating yet, but that thought still gives me extreme pits in my stomach and anxiety. I can’t remember an actual time where I was texting my wife and other girls at the same time, but it’s the unknown that gives me such bad anxiety. Any advice?

I have a fear of my therapist not responding to my question before I go to sleep. I have harm and false memory ocd. My fear is over taking brain meds or supplements, being in a state of confusion, and acting on my harm fear or religious scrupulosity fear (basically something that prevents me from being saved). Yesterday I messaged my therapist about a new wave of thoughts I was getting. If-then thoughts. Example) if you stand next to this smoker you will act on your fear. Therapist told me to ignore those thoughts but didn’t answer my question of: if I get a thought that says if you send that text you will act on your fear then do I send the text anyway? I know the therapist would say yes and send my texts anyway, but the fact that I did not get a response makes me feel like something has happened because I had a “if the therapist doesn’t respond then you will do your fears”. I feel like it’s different when you are intentionally doing what ocd tells you not to do vs. not being able to get a response from the therapist and not really having a choice to choose to do the opposite of what ocd says to do. I feel like this could mean that something has happened and that I am ruined. I feel so hopeless. I am not sure what to do but I feel like giving up.

Should I change my therapist? TLDR; Therapist keeps ignoring my issues and has triggered a serious obsession twice without prep or anything. Advice would be great. I've been seeing her for around 4 months, and not only have we made absolutely zero progress, I feel like she keeps ignoring the problems I bring up regarding my absolute need to be hypervigilant with my thoughts to make sure no "wrong" thought enters my mind, my obsession with my memory that makes me unable to read or study and multiple other issues I've faced for years that are debilitating. Twice now, she has brought up the possibility that I might not have OCD after previously agreeing that I do have it. Every time this has happend I spiral into self-doubt, guilt and shame for having potentially deluded myself and others that I'm sick and a lot of old, painful themes keep coming back because I start to doubt their validity too. Not to mention the actual loss of reality sometimes.. I feel betrayed and angry at her for hurling a massive trigger like that at me twice, while knowing how much this hurts me and what consequences it brings. Had she told me and prepared me that she'd like to work on my fixation on being certain that I have OCD I would have gladly worked with her. But it always came out of nowhere and I don't know anymore who I should believe now. It takes so much work to convince myself that I do have OCD and trust this feeling I have deep in my bones that it is really OCD. I feel like I've lost a lot of trust in her and I'm not sure how to proceed. I had to call an emergency service today, because I had been crying and panicking for hours and felt like I desperately needed help from someone that believed me. I need therapy desperately to get my life back on track, but I'm not sure if I wouldn't be better off on my own. I will attempt to have a serious talk with her next session, because I'm not ready to give up yet. Has anyone had similar experiences with therapists? Does anyone have any advice on how I should proceed?

How do those of you with ROCD manage the feelings of guilt etc when you don't fight your doubts? For example, I often have this nagging thought that I don't "really" love/like my partner, even though all evidence is to the contrary; I know that the best thing to do is to avoid engaging with these thoughts, but then I just feel so awful for having them, especially as my partner is so considerate, caring, and everything I could want and need. I also worry that allowing these thoughts to stay in my mind without disproving them will mean that I will start really believing them, and I really can't stand that idea. How do I continue to not engage with these thoughts when they feel so awful, and like they will have horrible consequences???

I have so many mental compulsions I didn’t know I had. I strait convinced myself that I had no compulsions (basically just self gaslighting). I have been in mental health treatment for like almost 8 years now and I haven’t even begun to address my ocd yet and I’m yearning for relief. Everything in my life is made harder by ocd and things seem impossible to achieve. Questions for the community: 1) Has anyone here been married while they are suffering? How can I properly explain to them how I feel and my triggers without exploding? 2) How do any of you guys get relief? I feel like I’m always wound up in a knot and I can’t eat or sleep and it’s painful honestly. 3) Have any of you ever overcome mental compulsions? I feel like it’s so much easier to hide than physical ones and I’ve been doing them since I was a small child I just had no idea. (Definitely not invalidating physical compulsions though).

I've had a diagnosis of bad depression a couple weeks ago, which I didn't really agree with, because I more thought I was mild/moderate. But since that diagnosis alongside with Health and Rocd, I've started to obsess about depression... I'm googling, reddit-ing, confessing, asking everyone around me about the symptoms, the medication, the treatments and if it is curable. It hasn't left my mind. It made me feel like it was the end of the world, it feels like terminal cancer now, feels like I'll never recover, that I'll have horrible side effects from medication, can't drink or do drugs not to exacerbate it, can't wean off the meds if ever taken... Today it clicked for me, I have OCD about depression. I created an ocd about depression for myself? It was to me mild/moderate, never stopped me from doing anything really, but now that I'm obsessing over it and it's ruining me. I already knew I had health ocd (including fear of mental illness), but I never thought I would have one of my fears. And like a cycle my OCD about the depression is making the depression worse and so on. Has anyone ever had OCD about depression? Is our ocd brain just wired to worry about that kind of things? If so, do you guys have ERP exercises for that?

i’m not sure if this is an ocd thing or just an anxiety thing but i find it very hard to sit comfortably with being not anxious. i used to be involved in a lot of stressful/anxiety inducing relationships or situations in the past and now i’m in really good relationships with friends and my life is a lot less stressful but my brain is stuck in that anxious zone. if i have a good week and i think my life is going really well then the next week i start overthinking everything and searching for something to be wrong and then i make myself anxious over these problems that don’t even exist. it’s like i can’t relax because i expect something bad to happen. i’m not sure if many others have this issue but any advice is appreciated

has anyone here ever fully recovered from pocd?

I am struggling with a relapse of OCD after years of feeling much better with CBT and Sertraline. I took Sertraline for 7 years and stopped a few months ago, but found my OCD has come back as strong as ever. I have since resumed the medication by titrating back up to what will hopefully be a helpful dosage (under the supervision of my doctor), but I would like to know if anyone else has had a similar issue of relapse after stopping an SSRI. Additionally, did anyone find that resuming the same drug was effective in returning them to their previous baseline? I am new to NOCD and look forward to getting started with my new therapist in March. Thanks for any and all responses in advanced!

Hi everyone, not completely sure if I have Pure OCD or not but damn everything I read is extremely accurate. My things are: - confidence and body issues - basically being a no one - toying with the idea of suicide sometimes but completely afraid of pain so never happening - scared of telling my emotions (romantically) - my sexual life in non existent - broke I've always thought of myself as an overthinker, I've been told I'm too in my head about things ( jokingly but there's always a little truth in them) and overly sensitive. I'm just an analyzer of everything around me and always doubt things cause I somehow think of a way something will fail me or the image of me failing won't get out of my head. I never knew it could possibly be OCD till this one video came into my life. If anyone has any tips on how to control my "triggers", it'd be extremely appreciated. Much love and respect to my new OCD homies!! :) (Just finished typing this and almost deleted everything cause do I really have those things? Are those things truly my triggers? Is it just cause I'm weak??) ^ My average thought process I have with literally any idea or thought. Yes those things are real, no I'm not doubting myself anymore, no I'm not weak

i don’t know how much longer i can do this, i feel like my life is pretty much over. i can’t afford a therapist and i’m only getting worse, im scared of myself and i don’t trust myself. i’m scared that i’m going to eventually have to kill myself because i don’t want to hurt anyone else. i don’t want to go through this anymore and i don’t want to end up going crazy

My retroactively jealousy is ridiculous. Why does my girlfriend’s sexual past cause me so much pain? It’s not like I thought she was a virgin before we started dating. She told me about things and at first it was fine and then it became real and it’s been my biggest theme ever since. I feel like the only way I could ever feel relief is to reach into the past and erase the events. I get such vivid images of her fucking other guys in numerous different ways. Of how they felt her skin and how she sucked their dicks and how her first time was with a boyfriend who was horrible to her and how all those men are out there with the memory of having penetrated her, how her moans sounded, having spread their sperm inside her and all over her body. I fucking hate this so much. I am going fucking insane. I looked all over the house yesterday for my knife so I could cut myself but I gave up because I couldn’t find it. How do you even apply ERP to something that already happened? To something that you don’t even know why it hurts you so much? I don’t understand myself. It seems so ridiculous and irrational. I’m such a joke.

Has anybody with SO-OCD experienced their general obsession honing in on one particular person? For me, I’ve started having thoughts of “you’re in love with your best friend” because my brain is telling me that any feelings of affection (even platonic ones) equals romantic affection. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this particular obsession? I’m finding it impossible to hang out with her which sucks.

I keep getting very bad graphic images in my head I don’t want to tell anyone about. I don’t like this please please go away I don’t want to hurt no one!!!!!! IM NOT A BAD PERSON please

Can ocd make you think you want to harm someone cause they did something to you?