Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Is this OCD? Ever since I was a child I'd had a weird dark obsession with tobacco and cigarettes. I would experience a lot of intrusive imagery of death dying, tumours, lung cancer and the concept of addiction. It terrified me and I would spend hours rumentihg on it. Neither of my parents smokes and I would try to avoid situations where people were smoking as it weirded me out. It was the 90s and they begun playing anti smoking commercials on TV. These would fill me with dread and to the point where I began leaving the room during and breaks incase I saw one. At point I went in a public rest room and saw an anti smoking poster on the back of the door. It sent shivers to my core and from then on I refused to go in any rest room without checking if there was a poster on the back of the door or now. I took up smoking as a teenager as away to gain control over the anxiety and carried on doing it until I was around 21 when I quit. The whole time the obsessive thoughts out if the blue would come and go regularly I would rument even when not around it At 25 I had a partner who smoked and everytime he did it I'd be filled with emense anxiety. After I'd been dating him a few months the anxiety of atchi v him do it became so intense I started doing it again myself. I then became obsessed with figuring ou how muc he was smoking so I could smoke the same amount. If we were in public I couldn't focus on conversations because I would be too busy watching him to figure out if he was going to have a cigarette so I could have one at the same time. Even though I knew it was rediculous I couldn't stop myself from doing it. Even the thought of not performing this compulsive behaviour filled me with anxiety beyond belief. This went on for about a year and a half until he out of the blue quit smoking and I did the same as soon as he did). This happened in exactly the same way with another partner I had a few years later. When it happens it's debilitating and it takes over my life. I have anew partner we've only been togethe r a few months an I had resisted the compulsion to start doing it along side him and he's just quit and I can't stop obsessing over whether he's doing it or not. Last week he had a relaps one day and he came hom Frome work smelling like it. I had a complete meltdown. I felt like it was all over me room a million showers and spent about 2 days unable to leave my house because of anxiety. There are other things that have caused the kind of distressing/obsessive thoughts over the years. At one point I became fixated on the idea that the world was about to end. I would have nights about it. And diialy intrusive thoughts about what if the world is ending. Everytime I heard an aeroplane in the sky I would go outside to check it wasn't a comet. I would spend hours googling super volcanos to make sure non were about to erupt. I knew it was extreme and rediculous but I could t get the thoughts out of my head. I also experimenced a bout of health anxiety where I was convinced I was going to get a tumour or something and would prang out and scan my body at any sign of pain. The latter two obsessions have since subsisted but the smoking one has been there since I was a chil and has as much if not more anxiety now than ever. I'm trying to figure out if this is an obscure form of OCD or something else because I'm trying to find an answer for what to do with the excessive and extremely obsessive thoughts. I have other exampled but for the sake of length I'll leave it at that for now

Does anyone have a type of OCD where you go down a rabbit hole of researching random terms using an endless amount of sources on the internet? Not sure if there’s a name for this. The thoughts associated with it are typically, “I need to figure this out and become an expert on this.”

I’m so sorry. I just wanted help. I feel like I’m spiraling again 💔

If you’re constantly fearing and panicking over harm intrusive thoughts, can you get to the point where you have little to no anxiety? I’m having that right now and I have not seen a therapist not even once. It’s so weird. Right now I’m just having fear over why I’m not having the anxiety anymore. I still get some fear from the precedes of the intrusive thoughts but it’s been going down. I’m confused.

I feel so alone now more than ever and no one will help me. I can’t do this

Feeling very triggered right now. A bad compulsion/habit of mine is to snoop on my partners Instagram and look at the people (ahem….women…) he’s following. I did a deep dive into one woman and found a couple of comments he posted on her photos from just over a year ago. They were a little bit flirty, but nothing too over the top- mostly friendly, I think. However, I’m deeply, deeply triggered by this. I’ve been to her page multiple times now, hunting in case I missed any more comments or seeing how many photos he liked, etc. He doesn’t know her in real life but now I’m worried that maybe they were talking privately? I know comments are usually just comments, but what if it was something more? It also makes me panic about what other comments there could be? He follows over 600 people- I’m not about to go through everyone’s page but I feel like I have to. I have to make sure there is nothing else. I’m not sure if I should bring this up to him or just try to let it go. It was so long ago, but for me, it’s happening in current time as I’m just seeing it. If I bring it up, I’ll also have to admit I was snooping hard Half of me feels like this isn’t really a big deal- it’s just a couple of comments. And the other part of me is deeply troubled and very anxious about it. Im not sure how I truly feel. Thanks for reading

i’m so annoyed, every time i read a trans story they always say it’s something they wished and wanted since they were born i never wished or wanted that was always happy with who i was and some others say when they got a bit older and found out what transgender meant they were happy and wanted that but i’ve known what transgender was for years and i never had any meaning to it i supported it but i didn’t react i’ve never felt gender dysphoria either or hated my body most say they do as a kid i never did i’m not the most masculine man but i’m not very feminine either i’m like maybe in the middle? i’m like bi/gay as well so i feel it’s harder to have tocd when ur bi/gay this tocd all happened a month ago and it’s just been annoying me since and it’s making me think i must become a girl and change who i am and it kills me and makes me so sad like i don’t want that and just want to stay me.

Anyone here with cOCD who had their symptoms almost completely disappear after changing their environment? I'm still on my personal misdiagnosis quest and I'm wondering if it's part of OCD for those diagnosed. I was in a horrible place and moved back home, and a couple family members are currently covid+ and I just wear my mask and have zero anxiety about it.

Hi everyone this is my first time seeking help for OCD or even talking about My OCD. I have intrusive thoughts about harm which has affected every aspect of myself as well as being a mother and wife that I wanna be. My thoughts are so real and so vivid in my mind that it stomachs me even though I have no evil bones in my body and I couldn’t even hurt a fly my mind tends to tell me that I’m not to be trusted that I can hurt someone and my OCD always goes after my kids which I hate the most because it makes me stay away from them doesn’t even let me hug them or bond with them I feel my OCD has taken a lot from me as far as being a mother. Even taking them to school is a challenge or staying along with them is even a harder challenge I’ve literally been dealing with this all by myself for years and years and I feel that at this point my kids might think I’m cold or uninterested in them and possibly don’t even love them which breaks my heart because all I wanna do is be close to them and love them but my thoughts don’t let me do that I’m so gentle with my kids and I try to be there with them in every aspect that I possibly can but as soon as I leave I’m panic with anxiety and worry and there’s a lot of What Ifs in my mind which makes me stay home and miss out on all the great things that my kids are accomplishing. The shame and guilt for having the thought that’s really kills me too I’m in this crazy cycle all I want is to be an involved mom I wanna be without having to worry or stay away or keep myself in a room. I recently told my husband all my thoughts and it was the hardest thing I had to do was be vulnerable and open I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I was gonna get I literally thought that he was gonna pack up the kids and leave me or even worse lock me up in a loony bin somewhere. But when I told him it was the exact opposite reaction he was so understanding and told me that he couldn’t believe I was going through this all alone and he hugged me and embraced me he doesn’t understand my thoughts but he knows they make me scared and he knows I’m in fear 90% of my day he also told me that I’m a great mom and to remind myself that they’re just thoughts I am more defined by my actions not what I’m thinking. I haven’t done any therapy or any counseling but I do a lot of research about OCD I keep a journal and I try to live in this moment forget about yesterday and not worry about tomorrow. My husband also has OCD which was hard for me to tell him my OCD because I didn’t want to trigger his OCD his OCD is with compulsions and rituals and mine is harm OCD with obsession thinking so let me tell you were always in some crazy cycle loop trying to help each other out. It is it easy For us. But we take it as we’re in this together The reason why I downloaded this app and wanted to join the NOCD community was because I want to bring awareness to other moms who might feel like I feel and I want to break the stigma that there’s something wrong with us I want Mom‘s to be open with their thoughts and break the stigma that we’re bad moms because of our thoughts which is so far from the truth. I had to learn how to be more compassionate with my self which is still a work in progress and finding tools that work for me which changes all the time I’m always looking for a better way for a better outlook to enjoy my day a little bit more than I did yesterday. I have bad days and I have good days when the bad days come along I remind myself that it’s just for the moment and this too shall pass . When I have flares I have to remind myself to love myself more that day take it easy and it’s OK if I have to be alone that day when I have a great day I really try to enjoy me as much as I can and hold my kids closer that day. I also informed my kids what was going on with me and my husband and there was a great video that I watched which was called unstuck it’s mostly about kids with OCD so I thought that was the best way to explain it to them so they can get a better understanding of what mommy and daddy go through on a daily basis because we know that OCD is here to stay we just gotta find better ways for the days. I’m always up open for tips and if anybody just needs to chat this is what I signed on for

Would love to pray for you. Please post your prayer requests. Either tonight or early morning I will pray and reply. Take care. God understands what you are going through!

I haven’t really had real friends in years, except for my cousin which is like my best friend. But for all of these years at school when I would be alone with my school friends, I would constantly talk, but in my head. It was like my mind was my comfort place kinda. I didn’t really talk what was on my mind so I said a lot of it in my head. I would have thoughts such as “she’s/he’s cute” even when I wouldn’t think that and would say no in my head, but I would still constantly get these thoughts. Now, I have Harm OCD so it’s very tough because I feel like I can’t control my thoughts and it feels like sometimes I force these intrusive thoughts. What if my intrusive thoughts never go away and they just act like the thoughts I had before?

Hi everyone, I have recently found out that what I thought for years was anxiety or phobias is OCD. This came about only when I was unable to function. I am now working with a therapist and using ERP. This is all really new and would love to hear any stories of hope. Especially if anyone out there fixates on anything that could affect their health - because right now delaying my compulsions is basically fighting the feeling of dying 😔 Right now I feel entirely overwhelmed. I feel like my nervous system has been on edge for weeks. I do get small windows where it seems to relax a little but I am exhausted. I am a few days in trying to track not responding to my anxiety. But it isn’t like it always disappears after some time. I spent most of yesterday feeling so anxious. It can persist for hours and hours and sometimes it feels like days. Is this normal? Has anyone had similar experiences? I am trying to bring my overall anxiety down hoping this will help - decreasing caffeine and going to do some mindfulness today. This feels so futile right now 😞 guess I need to hear that’s normal

Real Event OCD has been kicking my butt the past week. Got covid so i’ve been stuck in my room ruminating and alone. Does anyone else have real event ocd over so many different events? it’s like i have the same memories and events that bother me that my ocd will throw at me, then i have to engage in the same ruminating and rationalizing to calm myself down and be able to move on.

I need dire help i am not okay or am i ? Idk anything anymore..I am at a point where i am convinced this isn’t ocd and just my denial and because its denial i am nervous and anxious and scared to accept the fear which I don’t even treat as fear anymore. Whatever thoughts i have during the day I usually write them in my notes and then at the end of the day post them but now i don’t even care if i do that and that just tell me that all this fear could be a lie… i had a dream with this guy which turned into the guy being a girl and kissing me and it actually felt like I didn’t want him to continue to be a guy but wanted to be a girl and even on this platform there’s one person who said all these thoughts and fear and nervousness just lead her to accepting who she was later on and therapy helped her and now i think if i go for therapy its going to tell me the same like anyone who reads this is going to say you’re not straight but bi and i am at point where I won’t even think just accept it and be like oh i can explore more and just reading all that i am writing is a proof of who I actually am and not…i had a dream where my friend who is straight and hopefully i am too cause I don’t know anything anymore we were talking in my dream and then she just came over me and i woke up from the dream its like i felt this giddy kinda feeling in my dream and nervousness and i feel i would feel the same it real life too I don’t think anyone can tell me that this is me still being straight i am not even anxious anymore i am at point where i think what happens if i come out and all this makes me think i have lost…. Thinking about a guy doesn’t feel normal like i am pushing guys away and its making me thinking all the past liking towards the guys were also fake and its was never this and cause it seems easier to be bi its more believable like I don’t relate to the guy stuff crush anymore and constantly just notice the same sex and then have this constant thought of like i know i force myself to feel the anxiety and force myself to write all this because these are compulsions and they tell me its still ocd when i think with everything thats its not and even if i stop these compulsions which I actually rarely do i still have these thoughts and if just one day i act upon them feeling like a possibility then all this was a lie this life was a lie.. my mother talks about bf and i all i think is thats a lie do i even want to be with a guy what if i am not with the girl because if society family and my own thinking and these are valid questions so how are they just intrusive thoughts I don’t understand it seems like i want to be something else cause that might give me peace and being straight doesn’t feel real anymore my friends try to set me up with a guy and all i feel like no and people on here write stuff like i know i want to be with my guy but these thoughts are bad I don’t know anything anymore all the future stuff i start thinking what if a girl and these i fee like are somethings a person coming out would experience not with ocd and earlier i would never accept it but now cause i feel like i can when people with ocd never can as they panic i feel like it was never ocd?!? Pls help tell what i should do?

Wouldn’t wish this shit upon my worst enemy, I went from having no anxiety in life, super outgoing dude for 27 years to a shell of himself. At my worst I had 15 themes, you cannot let it go haywire. Fight through it, it is possible to be 100 percent again. Do not bring it up in your head, do not say maybe this maybe that, it is the wrong principle. The key is non rumination. It is possible to be yourself again, it will be the hardest thing you ever do I cannot lie. But if you don’t ruminate it is possible. I got better 100 percent in a month after battling this for a year and half. Any questions I am here to help.

The only way to get better is to not ruminate, if you ask yourself maybe or maybe not that is rumination. Bringing it up anytime will continue the cycle even if you say you are your worst fear. I couldn’t get 100 percent better until I just didn’t respond to anything. When I did that it took a month to get 100 percent.

So afraid of not being anxious anymore or not being anxious enough from the beginning, when everything started. I don't want it to be truth. I want to love him and be with him. I want it to only rocd, but I'm not anxious..

Hello everyone, I really need help or advice (advice that isn't triggering please). My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and I struggle alot with ROCD. I get scared that I don't love her anymore or I'm just in denial. Alot of the time it feels like the feelings aren't there and I I even get uncomfortable at times whenever she tries to kiss me or anything. On the other hand whenever I imagine myself getting better and the feelings coming back and having a future together it seems like it's what I want. Sometimes, it's like I have urges to break up and get scared I'm better off like that, now I don't know what to do but I do know that I want to just get better and stay with her. I just want to know if anyone here feels like this or maybe gets these urges and gets uncomfortable with there partner. Again, please no triggering comments. I would really appreciate it.

Does anyone else deal with having friends who don’t really understand the severity of ocd. Like for example I can explain something I do because of ocd and they’ll be like oh omg same. And it’s like no not the same lol.

How do you let go of the past the right way? For me it mostly includes intrusive thoughts of past events in my teen years or anything sexual in general. Is there an ERP way to get out of the cycle?