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I haven’t really had real friends in years, except for my cousin which is like my best friend. But for all of these years at school when I would be alone with my school friends, I would constantly talk, but in my head. It was like my mind was my comfort place kinda. I didn’t really talk what was on my mind so I said a lot of it in my head. I would have thoughts such as “she’s/he’s cute” even when I wouldn’t think that and would say no in my head, but I would still constantly get these thoughts. Now, I have Harm OCD so it’s very tough because I feel like I can’t control my thoughts and it feels like sometimes I force these intrusive thoughts. What if my intrusive thoughts never go away and they just act like the thoughts I had before?

Hi everyone, I have recently found out that what I thought for years was anxiety or phobias is OCD. This came about only when I was unable to function. I am now working with a therapist and using ERP. This is all really new and would love to hear any stories of hope. Especially if anyone out there fixates on anything that could affect their health - because right now delaying my compulsions is basically fighting the feeling of dying 😔 Right now I feel entirely overwhelmed. I feel like my nervous system has been on edge for weeks. I do get small windows where it seems to relax a little but I am exhausted. I am a few days in trying to track not responding to my anxiety. But it isn’t like it always disappears after some time. I spent most of yesterday feeling so anxious. It can persist for hours and hours and sometimes it feels like days. Is this normal? Has anyone had similar experiences? I am trying to bring my overall anxiety down hoping this will help - decreasing caffeine and going to do some mindfulness today. This feels so futile right now 😞 guess I need to hear that’s normal

Real Event OCD has been kicking my butt the past week. Got covid so i’ve been stuck in my room ruminating and alone. Does anyone else have real event ocd over so many different events? it’s like i have the same memories and events that bother me that my ocd will throw at me, then i have to engage in the same ruminating and rationalizing to calm myself down and be able to move on.

I need dire help i am not okay or am i ? Idk anything anymore..I am at a point where i am convinced this isn’t ocd and just my denial and because its denial i am nervous and anxious and scared to accept the fear which I don’t even treat as fear anymore. Whatever thoughts i have during the day I usually write them in my notes and then at the end of the day post them but now i don’t even care if i do that and that just tell me that all this fear could be a lie… i had a dream with this guy which turned into the guy being a girl and kissing me and it actually felt like I didn’t want him to continue to be a guy but wanted to be a girl and even on this platform there’s one person who said all these thoughts and fear and nervousness just lead her to accepting who she was later on and therapy helped her and now i think if i go for therapy its going to tell me the same like anyone who reads this is going to say you’re not straight but bi and i am at point where I won’t even think just accept it and be like oh i can explore more and just reading all that i am writing is a proof of who I actually am and not…i had a dream where my friend who is straight and hopefully i am too cause I don’t know anything anymore we were talking in my dream and then she just came over me and i woke up from the dream its like i felt this giddy kinda feeling in my dream and nervousness and i feel i would feel the same it real life too I don’t think anyone can tell me that this is me still being straight i am not even anxious anymore i am at point where i think what happens if i come out and all this makes me think i have lost…. Thinking about a guy doesn’t feel normal like i am pushing guys away and its making me thinking all the past liking towards the guys were also fake and its was never this and cause it seems easier to be bi its more believable like I don’t relate to the guy stuff crush anymore and constantly just notice the same sex and then have this constant thought of like i know i force myself to feel the anxiety and force myself to write all this because these are compulsions and they tell me its still ocd when i think with everything thats its not and even if i stop these compulsions which I actually rarely do i still have these thoughts and if just one day i act upon them feeling like a possibility then all this was a lie this life was a lie.. my mother talks about bf and i all i think is thats a lie do i even want to be with a guy what if i am not with the girl because if society family and my own thinking and these are valid questions so how are they just intrusive thoughts I don’t understand it seems like i want to be something else cause that might give me peace and being straight doesn’t feel real anymore my friends try to set me up with a guy and all i feel like no and people on here write stuff like i know i want to be with my guy but these thoughts are bad I don’t know anything anymore all the future stuff i start thinking what if a girl and these i fee like are somethings a person coming out would experience not with ocd and earlier i would never accept it but now cause i feel like i can when people with ocd never can as they panic i feel like it was never ocd?!? Pls help tell what i should do?

Wouldn’t wish this shit upon my worst enemy, I went from having no anxiety in life, super outgoing dude for 27 years to a shell of himself. At my worst I had 15 themes, you cannot let it go haywire. Fight through it, it is possible to be 100 percent again. Do not bring it up in your head, do not say maybe this maybe that, it is the wrong principle. The key is non rumination. It is possible to be yourself again, it will be the hardest thing you ever do I cannot lie. But if you don’t ruminate it is possible. I got better 100 percent in a month after battling this for a year and half. Any questions I am here to help.

The only way to get better is to not ruminate, if you ask yourself maybe or maybe not that is rumination. Bringing it up anytime will continue the cycle even if you say you are your worst fear. I couldn’t get 100 percent better until I just didn’t respond to anything. When I did that it took a month to get 100 percent.

So afraid of not being anxious anymore or not being anxious enough from the beginning, when everything started. I don't want it to be truth. I want to love him and be with him. I want it to only rocd, but I'm not anxious..

Hello everyone, I really need help or advice (advice that isn't triggering please). My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and I struggle alot with ROCD. I get scared that I don't love her anymore or I'm just in denial. Alot of the time it feels like the feelings aren't there and I I even get uncomfortable at times whenever she tries to kiss me or anything. On the other hand whenever I imagine myself getting better and the feelings coming back and having a future together it seems like it's what I want. Sometimes, it's like I have urges to break up and get scared I'm better off like that, now I don't know what to do but I do know that I want to just get better and stay with her. I just want to know if anyone here feels like this or maybe gets these urges and gets uncomfortable with there partner. Again, please no triggering comments. I would really appreciate it.

Does anyone else deal with having friends who don’t really understand the severity of ocd. Like for example I can explain something I do because of ocd and they’ll be like oh omg same. And it’s like no not the same lol.

How do you let go of the past the right way? For me it mostly includes intrusive thoughts of past events in my teen years or anything sexual in general. Is there an ERP way to get out of the cycle?

Does paying attention to the thoughts count as rumination? I used to think that I ruminated and confused myself into thinking Im gay but now I believe It was just a discovery process. Bascially the entirety of 2021 I paid undivided attention to the thoughts and practically lived inside my head 24/7. I probably did also try to figure out the thoughts but I think I was genuinely trying to decode what they meant rather than as a compulsion, not sure and I started saying "Thats it, Im bi, Its over" anytime a proof came in my head, this went on for a while, and there were really specific proofs from earlier in life. I was also in heightened states of anxiety pretty much all day throughout the year. Now im at a stage where I believe/know my attraction to women was never real through these realizations and understanding of sexuality and attraction and that im actually gay. Heres an analogy, say person A does a job for a long time, they never question it and think their way of doing it is fine but then person B comes along taps on their shoulder and says "hey, your actually doing it the incorrect way and this is how its actually done" and then it dawns on A that "Oh shit this B is right, i was doing it all wrong this whole time" A is me, my job=sexuality/wanting a gf, B is hocd who came along to tell me I was doing it wrong this whole time chasing girls thinking I was straight and making me realize i never felt real attraction. There is so much more proof, sorry for typing so goddamn much but this is where I am.

TW- covid and gems. Vaccine mentioned and workplace mentioned. . . . So my work has been pushing our in person date bc of covid. And just now they literally said most of you will get covid anyway. So I'm actually for real though high risk. So I feel like I've taken several steps back in my progress with this. Reassurance is one of my compulsions so please none of that. Just wondering what you all did to help move your ERP along with cOCD and having to be in a place with other people?

tocd is making me feel like i’m faking my identity i hate this

I love my boyfriend. I feel like I have a very strong connection with him which has developed over time and I want to marry him and have children with him . That being said, in the beginning it wasn’t easy , I wouldn’t say I was infatuated with him , I knew I loved him early on but it made me want to run a mile if I’m honest , I have major trust issues and I struggle being vulnerable. I think I found all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us in my head to push him away but I was fighting with the fact I know I love him.which probably kick started my ocd . Anyways for the last few days Ive had no intrusive thoughts about him and I feel very in love with him. Then earlier I panicked and googled ‘ can you fall in love with someone without having gone through infatuation’ all I can read is people saying that love at first sight is real and people who say it takes a bit of time are just faking it, that love just happens. I now feel really defeated, I’ve had to really work on my ROCD I’ve had some major struggles with negative intrusive thoughts about my attraction towards my boyfriend as he is not my usual type and stuff but deep down I know I love him on such a deeper level. I am scared that I am labelling what is going on as relationship ocd when in actual fact I may be denying my relationship may not be right. I desperately want things to work out between us and for us to marry in the future which is something we both talk about. But I feel sick in my stomach as the initial deep infatuation wasn’t there it’s more of a slow growing deep love but I’m worried one day I’ll meet someone who I feel that ‘love at first sight ‘ everyone is talking about and that I will destroy my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I am attracted to my my boyfriend , the sex is very good and he is very good looking but he’s not my usual type , I usually go for someone slightly taller and a bit different style but in a way that makes me love him even more because I’ve learnt to love the person he is rather than picking someone who fits a picture in my head if that makes sense. I’m so scared to lose him or to mess it up I want to cry so badly

Can ocd lead to psychosis?

Today my Rocd is giving me anxiety and nervousness for no specific reason. I just feel like this and don't want to do anything. I would like to go outside and walk just to improve my mood but it's really cold outside today and I don't feel like doing it. I have zero eny and my mood is low. My Rocd is hiding behind all these waiting for me to feel bad again. It's so difficult sometimes havoy this issue

Hello. It's being a while since my last post. I Need your help. Today I visited a psychiatrist, after I got in contact with my therapist, to get a medication because, even though I was getting much better with my obsessions, something happened to me that I can't cope with. I want your opinion about Minitran The therapist prescribed me the "Minitran" which are somehow antidepressant, because I told her that xanax aren't doing anything to relief me from stress. And I read about them and they are both antidepressant and antipsychotic too, which makes me worry about two things First what side effects will have on me Secondly do I have psychoses or schizophrenia? I feel even worse than before meeting the therapist...

I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about a particular fear that actually involves them. I don’t want to be switched to another therapist because I make them uncomfortable or they think I’m weird or something. I like my therapist and I don’t want to have to “start over” with someone else. I know that I have to talk about my fears to get better, but I’m scared. Any advice about talking with your therapist about strange thoughts that involve them too?

Okay so I’m sitting here trying to relax and read my book. Sometimes I feel like it’s almost impossible to get through more than five pages without some sort of intrusive thought. I need the courage to practice my erp right now no just keep reading and not rereading the same sentence. Ugh OCD sucks.

I first got ocd when I was 14 15 years old I had alot of rituals and alot were visible I had alot of repetitive things I’d do so my family noticed something was rong wit me I was also takeing showers for 2 hours so I was taken up the bathroom I was doing rituals and doing them just rite I didn’t think I was dirty I just felt like I had to wash my body a certain way and I also counted it was just hard and my mom also washed my hair and my face when she could to help me not take so long getting ready so I could go to school none of us really new bout ocd and my mom took me to our family doctor and I guess he told my mom bout it and wat to do to help me I finally went to a mental hospital for a week they told us first time patients usually only stay a week which now that doesn’t make sense then I had to go again and staid for 2 months it was very scary for me cause the showering for 2 hours wasn’t allowed in the hospital cause the workers had to get all the kids in the showers I shouldve obviously been an acception considering I had no control over my shower time it could’ve been worked on and shortened but I couldn’t just take a normal shower cause I was being threatened I told the workers hysterically crying out of fear that I couldn’t do it that I had ocd they didn’t really care they were only there to babysit us so there job and go home no actually therapy and work occurred at this hospital so I sat for 2 weeks in the hallway wit the bad kids I ate breakfast lunch and dinner on the cold tile floor and wasn’t allowed to do anything I wasn’t allowed to tlk to anyone so for 2 weeks I’d just sit there nothing to do except sit I was being punished for my ocd so as a child I thought there was something rong wit me that was so horrible it needed to be punished I was already embarrassed and confused being young wit ocd now I was definitely embarrassed and scared to tlk bout my ocd cause even this mental hospital couldn’t help me so I isolated at the hospital and didn’t tlk to the staff I didn’t open up at weekly doctor visits cause I felt so disrespected and invalidated I wasn’t bout to share details of my ocd obviously they couldn’t help me noone there was qualified to assist me in my ocd I told them I had ocd I had rituals I did they wanted spacific details like exactly wat I did which was pointless to tell everyone there this information I have ocd and do rituals help me that’s it but noone liked that but I new the way I was being treated wasn’t rite I new that I was shareing enough information to get help and they just weren’t qualified but they gave me medication which helped I did somewat get better but also I didn’t have alot of different ocd subtypes at this time and I hadn’t ritualized some things yet but if they would’ve told me they couldn’t help and transferred me somewere for ocd then then maybe I wouldn’t be this way now when I developed different ocd and started doing more rituals here and there they kind of slowly crept up on me I could’ve had the tools to fite those urges instead of graduallay getting worse over the years I trusted the doctors and hospitals and therapists I saw for my ocd and thought I was doing wat I needed to get better but never really was getting better and was to scared to tell them this wasn’t working I’ve been on all kinds of medication and seen different doctors over the years and they were all the same cause they didn’t understand ocd they didn’t even no the way to treat it they didn’t have any respect towards me and just blew me off basically but now I’ve learned a little bit more that ocd is very hard to treat and requires it’s own therapy but now no ocd place accepts my Medicaid and it can only be used in my state and there’s no facility’s in my state.