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working to conquer OCD
Why do I find that there were some very long time periods in my life where I had next to no OCD, and then it just comes back with full force? Is there a reason it stayed away for such a long time even though I didnāt do anything?
I was having a thought and I'm not sure if it was bad or no. My brother was sleeping on the couch and Idk if I was thinking about playing with his cheeks or basically annoy him or actually had this entirely different bad thought which had nothing to do with playing with his cheecks that included my crush or anyone from school (I mean sexual thoughts) but then I turned to him while having the thought or maybe after and felt as if I was actually gonna do whatever I was thinking but I turned away then (the thought was definitely sexual or included rape so I'm terrified) I had all my themes recently on my crush and I always say I don't want it to be about him but today I sort of confessed my feeling through a friend and it didn't turn out well and I feel like maybe I actually meant it that way because I was feeling angry or sad. And I was sitting with my brother outside and he wanted t sit next to me but I said no and I tried to scratch him and I feel it was in a sexual way. Now I was also trying to turn the water on and a bad thought caneso I said I'll do it again and this time I had similar bad thought but about my other brother (I don't wanna explain it but it's about man part sizes) I'm going insane
Whenever I walk around in public, I feel like a total weirdo. My harm intrusive thoughts continue to scare me and they feel almost real and itās scary. They fill me up with anxiety that lasts throughout the entire day, and they do not disappear. Iām 16 and Iām afraid of telling my mom because some of my intrusive thoughts are about her and she would probably think of me differently. My harm OCD thoughts at first were not that persistent, but they have worsened now to the point where I have them everywhere I go. Iām so tired of them.
It seems I canāt post pictures but this is a follow up about the post about seeing a spot on my hand it it overwhelming me. Want to cut the area so it heals normally I know I canāt. Kinda crying over it but I think in part thatās my period talking. Do you think getting a tattoo would be running away from the problem? I want to cope so I donāt listen to my head and harm myself to get rid of thisā¦figured it was a better alternative to that.
I feel like there is no hope, like I don't know anymore what I feel of what I want. Like I forced that from beginning for wrong reasons and know only seeking excuse to not confront reality. I only want to cry. I see any light.
Triggered by therapist Hi, Havenāt been in this thread in a minute. Anyways, I thought I had recovered from this .. but here we go. Iām F22 and virgin with no experience e.g kissing/dating. Anyways, I was trying to find a new therapist and while explaining my triggers and grievances, she says - how do you know you really like guys ? This was really triggering and I felt in the conversation she was trying to get at that because of my past Iām suppressing my true self. Just to give context, I was bullied by guys when I was younger. Anyway, what really got me is her saying that I should be open to both and that in her professional opinion I donāt know my sexuality because I havenāt experimented. I said fair point as dealing with this Iāve had to accept uncertainty. Leaving the call, I even asked her āam I lying to myselfā, I felt paralysed. I felt like she was saying that I really donāt know if Iām straight which has brought about this outdoor spike. In terms of dating I came far last year - I even went on a date and this other guy .. I really liked him - still do .. But I just feel like Iāve taken a step back because I havenāt even thought about this in so long ! She even suggested that having some interest in lesbian porn when I was 15 means something but I suppose she doesnāt know me. As I said to her, sexuality is a spectrum no one is 100% anything .. Iām not the only woman that watched/watches lesbian porn. I donāt want to be in a relationship with a woman, I donāt desire to kiss/caress another woman - I donāt envy lesbian relationships ! When I go out - I donāt want to be hit on by women, I want men to find me attractive. TMI- but on two separate occasions - men have got me .. excited/wet I feel frustrated as she also mentioned how the black community - lesbianism is a taboo - I get that but I wanted to scream thatās not me .. I even told her I was propositioned by a friend last year and that wasnāt for me. I feel scared to go through with this therapist as I feel sheās going to try and tell me that Iām in denial. People donāt understand, Iām uncomfortable with this idea of being a lesbian/bisexual as it donāt sit right with me. Like Iām not homophobic - I can watch things involving lesbians and not be triggered because I accepted that woman can be attractive but that donāt mean I want them. Instinctively, I think we all know our sexuality .. if sexuality was determined strictly by experimentation - then everyone must have the capacity to be bi/gay - as they havenāt tried it ! Sounds stupid right ?! Has anyone had this experience with a therapist? Am I taking her questions to personal ?
I am so scared to start getting treatment for my OCD because it would mean that itās realāI do have OCD. Not to mention how scary the thought of facing my horrible intrusive thought and potentially uncovering something devastating about myself that I wouldnāt be able to live with. Iām so scared that Iām secretly hiding something horrible about myself and Iām just unaware of it.
Currently freaking out. A friends gay brother texted to me āYouāre a lesbian right?ā I actually could throw up. I literally feared that he could āsenseā I was gay, and he obviously did. I donāt want to be gay. Iām so upset. Literally my heart dropped to the floor when I saw that text. I asked him if he was being funny and he said āyes I know you like menā and I said āI feel like you werenāt being funnyā and he said āI wish I wasnāt being funny. I wish u were a lesbianā. Then he told me I āhonestly give bi vibesā I literally canāt take this I want to throw up
I keep thinking about something I did when I was a little girl,and wonder if Iām a twisted piece of shit,I feel like this event has marked me for ever,and determines the kind of person I am now,I am at a loss,Iām 50 years old and Iāve had this my whole life,and it never gets easier.Just putting it out there,I think this is real event ocd,has anyone out there experienced this?
Itās really bad. Like I canāt enjoy guys anymore and I hate it like my guy finally gotten solid shape and I feel bad for saying that because I wanted him skinny and now Iām making faces like I donāt even when I like milk body parts I like pectorals so the fact that itās I donāt want to think Iām not as obsessed with him as a I hate thinking that Iām not as when I am Iām frightened heās going away and I donāt want him to when I do love him and he doesnāt know me but Iāve known him for years so thatās a thing.
Is there anybody that can offer me advice or tips on how I can lose 20 pounds ? Iām a male and just want to get slim body . I am currently weighing 150 and 5ā5 . I donāt like sitting and doing nothing after work especially when Iām just working part time . I wanna do this to build my confidence and have new look experience . I like cardio and intend on only using it for weight loss . I want to go 3-4 days a week and aiming to lose 4-6 pounds a month. Ik that is a pretty accurate time in losing weight over a month . I read online that it is realistically possible to lose 10 pounds a month but ofc Iām gonna start off slow and considering Iām not a very active person Iāll try and at least do the bare minimum I can to meet my goal. I will also want to be at the gym least 2-3 hrs a day . I will do rest days. My ocd wants me to do everything precisely and perfectly so Iām assured that Iām doing it right and donāt mess anything up. Can someone please tell me how I can lose weight?
Iāve always had a hard time getting up and getting ready for the day cause my ocd rituals were really aggravating and time consuming even when I was better I still had rituals I still had to do like dressing a certain way haveing to lay out my clothes in order on my bed put them on in the same order then doing hygiene which also was done in an order and symmmetry way so just putting on deodorant Iād have to count do the left armpit then the rite and count the amount of times I went up and down I couldnāt just put on deodorant staright out the shower and then dress somethingās kind of make sense to dress then do hygiene but I made it a ritual and rule to do it in a certain order I got dressed when I woke up and that was it for the day there was no reapplying deodorant and touching up my makeup in the bathroom I had a hard enough time doing it once a day and it was somewat normal to get up and get dressed I new I had ocd and that Iād always have somewat of ocd even when I got better so I didnāt really get upset by it I just kind of kept going and liveing like that i didnāt realize I was creating ocd habits and the years passed and Iām still doing the same things cause I never new I could get help to stop and dress like a normal person I feel like itās inbedded in me like this is my normal and for 15 years Iāve been doing some variation of these rituals wit dressing and showering doing my hair and makeup itās aggravating and time consumeing and itās made me feel like less of a person growing up was hard dealing wit this while my friends were all playing dress up for the fuck of it I was doing my dressing ritual and haveing to do my makeup and hair a certain way I was so focused on trying to just be normal and present that the way I was doing these things was just the way I did them and Iād get them done and look presentable for the day and I just wanted to spend the day liveing like others were liveing I wasnāt really focused on stopping ritualizing my dressing and grooming habits and I thought this was the way it was gonna be atleast I could shower and dress and do hygiene in a normal amount of time they werenāt takeing up my day I just did them a certain way and went bout my day but the past few years my ocd has gotten worse again and I felt like I canāt get help hospitals and doctors and therapists hadnāt really helped wit the stopping of rituals I had gotten better at points being on medication and getting things down to were I wasnāt spending alot of time on these rituals but I still had to do them cause noone was helping me wit that part of it but things have been so hard the past few years and I found out bout exposure and response therapy and that thereās actual doctors and hopistlas that deal wit ocd and Iām hopeing I can get help cause I no at the times weāre I was better that if I couldāve gotten help to stop doing the rituals that I was doing I couldāve been even better and not continued those rituals all these years but hopefully I can get help.
TW POCD and Real Event OCD 18+ please You donāt have to answer but I would really appreciate it if someone could help me. When I was younger I struggled with having a weird and embarrassing tickling fetish and I would go and search for said fetish but to me at the time that was the only thing that I was after. I donāt know how it formed or whatever made me have such a thing but itās something I regret so much because as a teenager up around 15 to maybe 18 or 19 I would look up this fetish on ifunny or wherever but mostly ifunny and come across videos, memes and whatever about the fetish itself. It wasnāt because of people it wasnāt about whoever was in those things just to me it was about the fetish. So Iām scared because of the things Iāve come across at the time because itās a normal everyday thing that got turned into a fetish for me when I was young and at the time I didnāt have any bad intentions. It never crossed my mind like āhey you might not want to do that because itās wrongā it never even occurred to me at all. Like I said it wasnāt about who was in it. Iām scared of what if because masturbation was a big struggle at the time as well I would look up or scroll which doing that so Iām scared about that too. Like I said it wasnāt the intent to do anything wrong or bad. Usually ābadā people or whatever would know for sure what they are doing and do it anyways I had no clue until many years later I was about to fall asleep (when I was starting to develop OCD) and I remembered the mistakes Iāve made and I started balling and Iāve been obsessing about it ever since. I would never ever in my entire life ever make the same mistakes again. Iāve told my mom about it and my dad before he passed they both told me to let it go that itās in the past thereās nothing I can do about it and forgive myself. Iāve also mentioned it to my first therapist and she gave me advice about it but I donāt remember what she said. Hopefully I donāt have to go into super detail itās about POCD so Iām pretty sure you get the idea but I have so many fears regarding it like āwhat if Iām a monster or pā or āwhat if it was considered or equivalent to the thing on the internet that people with pocd fear the mostā and so on. Iām so sorry to go on about this. Iāve posted about it in the past and I can feel myself spiraling all over again but if anyone relates or can help me I would appreciate it. I promise Iām not a bad person and I never want to be. I know I should let this go but itās so hard to when my mind wonāt shut up about it š
Trigger warning Having a really really really bad episode I found a piece of bloody toilet paper on my bedroom floor. I do have my period right now but I canāt shake the thought that it could be from someone else. I mean, if I could track it from my bathroom to my bedroom whoās to say someone in my household couldnāt have tracked it in from an outside space. Iām just freaking out and I donāt know what to do.
Right now I'm scared i'm scared with attitude towards boobs are shifting like I do I don't want to start feeling like a guy. Like imagine kissing a guy but squeezing a boob in my chest feels weird my heart feels funny I don't want to shift my perspectives I don't want to humans to change. And I imagine talking to the shrink like I'm going to on the 24th at 1pm. I keep putting my hand out and I'm fine I'm thinking of you don't understand how badly I'm scared that I'm changing I don't want to change. I'm scared I'm getting like sensations not like down there but I don't want to start feeling like a guy about boobs and I'm scared I mention talking to her and that my attitude change my attitude and boots changing to keep smiling weird and focusing and I'm scared. I don't want to start feeling like a guy! I don't mean to dump all this on you but here I am thinking of the heaviness of boobs and how big how they sag in the roundness and has said how they are they're not nice they were never nice before! I'm scared I am I don't wanna start feeling like a guy! I was trying to watch something funny and some guys like what is a poop feel like I don't want the firm roundness and when I look at what of woman's boobs it disappears like the scary sensation but I can't stop thinking of them naked like I do and I don't want to feel the warm weight I don't want food at all. I just got home thinking about them and how I'm kind of cringing the way I'm saying I don't want after all but I looked at like a long time ago I don't want all kinds I don't want boobs at all and I'm scared of the way I'm smiling imagining talking about this with a shrink like I am I don't and I don't care if it's OK I don't I'm scared the way I'm smiling I want to start liking boobs I keep imagining palming them and playing with them like they are but I'm not more entertaining than boys like them before and I am terrified that I am changing and I don't want To I'm scared of the way i'm scared I do I don't like the brown some boobs I don't wanna see my girl coworkers I'm scared I just like it's so pretty them sticking out I would not love to see them naked I don't wanna be fine it's just a weird feeling so I keep getting when I'm not exactly I don't know I'm not turned on but it is the way I'm smiling that's scaring me I don't want to palm boobs I don't wanna do anything nothing more that I don't like them there's nothing more I don't like but I'm frightened that's changing and I don't want to do it so bad Iām scared I said I donāt like boobs I keep smiling imagining big round ones heavy ones saving oh my God I donāt like the way I bouncing there a lot more than that more entertaining I donāt wanna seem heavy around naked boobs Iām terrified theyāre not a lot more theyāre not more entertaining I keep saying they canāt like I really need it I keep saying boys canāt think we more than compete I donāt want boots Iām scared Iām starting to donāt want to start liking them all the way to hang and I donāt wanna do anything I donāt like the way Iām smiling Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
Can anyone please help me with my last post
You know how I know OCD is bullshit. My ocd/intrusive thought has morphed into something I quite literally know 100% that I would never ever do. Now I guess I still need to treat it as a maybe/maybe not. That is how I know it is not me, it's my OCD.
Are there any born again Christians on here who struggle with OCD? Been a follower of Jesus since 2017 and my OCD started in 2018 went away for 2 years and then came back in 2021
Trigger warningā¦ Every time the commercial for hiv medication comes on I get a flood of awful thoughts.. there could be plenty of people with the virus living in my town who I donāt know about going to all the stores and getting trace amounts of blood on things, getting blood on the ground, throwing out bloody products contaminating the local trash trucks and therefore the trash can in my garage etc. Iām literally scared of everything at this point.
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