Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same after I recover from this. A huge part of me is gone.

I’m scared about how these thoughts have become so real. I am starting to think I’m in denial and it’s a matter of time til I have to break up with my boyfriend. This is so hard but I’m trying to keep compassion toward myself. He keeps being the sweet, kind soul he always is and it makes me feel so terrible and guilty. I just want to know I like boys even a little bit so that I can stay with him. Whenever I want to enjoy the moment with him I get the reminder that I like girls so I can never really enjoy the moment. I have no feeling of excitement or anything and I just know I want to let myself be happy with him but there’s always something. Can anyone give me advice on what to do when the thoughts are present during a good moment or when I don’t feel anything/ feel disconnected. Or any advice at all. I don’t want to like girls it’ll change everything for me, my whole life will be completely turned around and I don’t want that.

Hey guys at universal theme park with my family and my trigger is attractive women and feeling like seeing them/noticing them is cheating on my fiancé whom I love and really want to be loyal to. I tried doing erp with it but now it’s getting to the point where I am depressed and honestly feeling like there is no hope/ $uicidal thoughts. Could really use some help, encouragement, or advice. I’m so exhausted, so upset with myself, and so sick of being scared and worrying about being unfaithful. I just feel like I’m at my wits end here. If there’s a way to encourage without reassurance that would be great!

Anybody else's symptoms get worse the day after drinking alcohol? I find myself in a hole after everytime I go out to try and enjoy myself😭

does this happen to anyone else?!?? my thoughts keep trying to flip everything i read into something so much worse such as if i see a post stating “thinking will not overcome fear but action will” my thoughts will be like “see it means you need to act on it to feel okay again” like wtf??? everything is literally a trigger with ocd.

Hello, I am a straight girl (as far as I know) but now I am doubting of it. I am not sure this is Sexual Orientation OCD since I am doubting because of something that actually happened. I am going to say something really embarrassing for me so I hope I don’t get ignored. When watching p*rn, I tend to watch lesbian p*rn because it pleasures me the most. And after I did that a few days ago, I’ve starting to doubt of my sexual orientation (and even my identity, since I feel masculine, which i hate). And I have no idea what this is, I don’t want to tell my parents because they will think I am coming out when I am actually not. It is just pure confusion and distress, and a bit of fear and sadness bc I don’t want to be lesbian, don’t get me wrong I am not homophobic. But I just don’t want to, and it feels like denial to me. I have never been attracted to a woman, but somehow I feel like a male, and it really pisses me off, because I do not identify as a man. I’ve been trying to picture myself in my head, with both genders in a sexual context, and I don’t feel anything. I feel really lost please someone help.

thinking about how this is gonna be my life forever breaks my heart. i never in my life would’ve thought that this was coming my way. this is so heartbreaking and depressing. i was barely getting to live one of my biggest dreams then this hit me out of nowhere. what did i do to deserve this?? is this my karma??😞 my dreams of being a mom? went downhill because of this. my dreams of being a ultrasound tech? also went downhill. and the list goes on. i just want my life back..

Can anyone please help me 🥺

Do you guys really benefit from having people here tell you "yes, I experience that too" sort of things? I see it as quite reassurance-y but I wanted to give benefit of the doubt so I'm just wondering if I'm missing something

Someone please help me I’ve never experienced this before smiling and comfort from saying but I’m not a lesbian I’m not a lesbian I’m not lesbian I’m not! There’s no might be why is this happening to me what is the say about me

explsure therapy for a few months now, and things are only getting worse?

Hi I have HOCD Since about 5 years now I would say. I’m just seeking for help and a community. The only way I get better is by distracting myself a lot through working or social media. But somethings even social media worsens it too with the rise of lgbtq communities presenting themselves. They make me question sometimes. But I just ignore. After all exposure gets you to slowly move on so it’s what’s best.

Hi guys, I’ve been suffering from contamination OCD. I’ve been in contact with a therapist and it has helped me a lot. However, I still sometimes have intrusive thoughts when I go to toilet. I don’t want to waste toilet paper, therefore I’m trying to reduce the number of toilet paper squares I use per each visit of the toilet. When I wipe after urinating, it sometimes happens that the urine gets soaked through all the plies. The last square I hold in my hand therefore gets a bit wet, and I can feel it with my hand. However, no drop of urine gets to my hand, you just feel that your hand is touching a square of toilet paper that is a bit wet (it is the same as when you blow your nose). This sometimes happens to me, even when I use 8 or 9 squares of toilet paper, which is quite a lot. After visiting the toilet, I always wash my hands. I don’t want to seek reassurance from you that the urine can’t spread anywhere else and contaminate other things. I just can’t remember how many squares of toilet paper I was using when I didn’t have to deal with intrusive thoughts. Therefore, I would like to ask all women out there, how you deal with wiping after urinating. Does it ever happen to you that urine gets soaked through all the squares, and you get the wet feeling on your hand? Should I use more squares to make sure that the last ply stays dry, even though 10 or 11 squares is a big waste of toilet paper? I usually have to wipe two or three times to get dry, even though I can use less squares for the second and third wipe (usually 3 or 2) because they don’t get that wet, 11 + 3 + 2 squares of toilet paper would be a lot. Or should I use less squares, don’t care about the wet sensation and wash my hands afterwards? How many squares do you use after urinating? Urine sometimes sprinkles on my inner thighs, etc. Sometimes it happens to me that when I wipe after urinating, I accidentally place my hand on my skin besides the toilet paper because the toilet paper square is smaller than my hand. Therefore, it is probable that a drop of urine could potentially get on my hand. Does it ever happen to you that you accidentally place your finger or hand besides the toilet paper, or should I be more careful when I wipe so that it doesn’t happen to me? Thank you so much :)

My whole entire life I’ve been boy crazy, and I have always always dreamt of having a husband one day and having a family. That’s all I want. It’s a dream of mine, and I feel like it’s being ripped away from me. My OCD makes it seem like that’s not who I am, or that I don’t want that anymore. It’s so hard. I just don’t feel like me anymore. I don’t want to be with a girl, it just doesn’t feel like that’s who I am. I don’t want to marry a girl, it’s not what I want. But OCD twists that, why does it feel like I want that sometimes? I hate saying that because I don’t want it. I’m so confused. I don’t want to be with a girl, I want to be happy with my boyfriend. He’s so lovely. I wish these thoughts could go away, I wish I was normal sometimes. I wish I didn’t have OCD! Like a few days ago, I felt confident and I felt okay and I felt hope. And today it just feels like it’s back to square one. I feel hopeless, I’m tired, and I just don’t know! I’m so scared I’m just lying, I’m so scared I’m using OCD as an excuse, I’m so scared that these thoughts are true or will become true I just don’t realize it yet. I’m struggling so hard.

Somethings wrong and I feel a lot of guilt right now from something I’m not sure is OCD or real and it’s really worrying me. A friend of mine is with someone has a kid and is bi, I’m straight and a Christian. I keep having these thoughts of scenarios of “what if” we ended up together or if really am bi or what if her son becomes mine too and if I hurt people or if I did become bi that people would hate me and that because I had intrusive thoughts about my niece and my friend that they are linked that that if I because bi it would be because of my niece. I’m freaking out. I don’t want to be bi, I don’t want feelings for woman I just want to be normal. I’m not saying it’s wrong at all to be bi but for me I don’t want to be. It’s just not the me I want to be. I don’t know if it’s ocd or not but it feels so real as if I actually do have feelings for my friend and I really hope that’s not the case 💔

TW Omg omg omg please help. It’s bad. Really bad. And I can’t go anywhere because I’m at work. It started off because I’m working with a coworker whose lesbian. And so I’ve been ping-ponging back-and-forth arguing with myself. I know I’m hetero I don’t like women like underneath this but something bad happened. First I passed her because you know I work as a dishwasher so there’s a corner where we stack the dishes when they’re clean and had to pass her and I imagined kissing her and I don’t like it but I’m scared I felt something in my chest. And I’m scared when I try to imagine kissing a guy I didn’t do much of anything but I feel exhausted and I’ve been taking Flexeril and Tylenol p.m. almost nonstop for a month so I’m like OK you know what not only is this probably messing with me like the OCD it’s probably also the Flexeril the Tylenol ganging up on me as well. And I was really excited about the Batman like I’m incredibly excited it’s not past tense but I’m scared I do I don’t like Zoe. I don’t like Selena. I’m scared I do because I’ve seen her I don’t like her boobs I’ve seen her basically naked and I don’t like it. No I’m imagining her in the dress from the 2021 met gala I keep saying don’t or do you don’t or do I don’t but I keep imagining them facing the camera covered in that sparkly should family coming anything and saying as I imagine hurt I’m scared it’s becoming so I feel weird in my chest describing it as but it doesn’t feel hotter delicious her boobs sticking out I didn’t like it. And then I was excited about the BATMAN right and then I said it’s even better with Catlin and it’s not better with her and there’s a scene where they’re walking through club and I love his walk because he’s serious and then said better with her like I’m it’s not better with her except I’m sorry. The thing is I’d liked his walk his shoulders are moving and he obviously has chest muscles so I’m scared I’m changing I’m sorry. He’s walking and then I said I did the imitation of his walk and since I’m not a guy I have boobs and I said better with her I don’t like her boobs. I don’t want to change and become self! I’m not bisexual that stuff is not hot. It’s not done with her I like his chest but I’m scared I have been not lying to myself I don’t like boobs! I saw her boobs basically I’ve seen her completely naked in the structure of her comfortable boobs they’re natural so they sad but she doesn’t wear bras and friends I don’t like her nipples I don’t like her boobs and I’m scared I’m becoming so and I don’t wanna be! I’m not bisexual I did not better with cat woman I don’t have a thing for her and I don’t understand cause I said so excited. Like when I was younger Halle Berry and play woman and I wanted to be like her but that’s it now I’m scared I keep imag managing her like she is she’s not hot as sexy I don’t want boobs to become sexy I don’t want to see them naked and it keeps imagine Halle Berry as a per year I don’t like her boobs I don’t like nipples I don’t like the ones that kind of turn up words I don’t like boobs they’re not it’s not better with cat women I swear I’m excited about Batman not Catwoman I’m scared I’m becoming so I don’t wanna be bisexual and I’m really freaked out I’m really scared to do I don’t like boobs I don’t want to develop anything for them I’m scared I’m I’m not bored of his I’m scared of you and I’m smiling I don’t like the way they stick off the chest or swish around when a woman walks I’m scared when she was walking all bad as I’m scared I don’t like it I said I don’t mind it I do mind I don’t like it I do mind I don’t want to do anything with girls I don’t like the way to stick off the chest and im frightened I am I don’t wanna start liking the way women walk and shit or the way they look naked I don’t like this shit I’m scared he is I don’t want him to go away

It’s been a month since I’ve started trying to find help for my ocd I’m on ssi and get Medicaid in Tennessee and there’s no help for ocd here in Tennessee and no help that accepts me insurance I recently moved into a really nice 1 bedroom apartment but pest control came and sprayed majority of the carpet wit bug spray and I haven’t had a clear thought since that happened I can barely move the apartment was so clean and nice I hadn’t lived in a nice place in along time cause I don’t make much money and all the places I can afford are always dirty and bug infested so this new apartment was a blessing for me the way I felt just relaxed in this big open apartment wit freshly painted walls and brand new carpet the windows are new the blinds are nice this place was pleaseing to look at but it also made me feel better I’ve been liveing in such small dirty places for years in and out of motels and my car this place was just amazing it felt so relaxing to my brain I felt so free then when he sprayed all of that went away I feel like my eyes don’t even acknowledge wats going on in my apartment there not takeing in my surroundings anymore I barely move all day the more I try to do the more my brain try’s to figure out wat touched the carpet it’s really exhausting and overwhelming I had so many plans of getting better here cause I was finally in a good environment to get better and use the tools I learn at home since I had a clean home for the first time in years but it’s not like that anymore i feel like im slowly dieing im so depressed I cry everyday all day since that has happened I’ve called everywere and begged for help I’ve been on so many ocd apps I’ve called hospitals I’ve done everything nowere takes my insurance for ocd treatment im so messed up my schedules so messed up I can’t even get up early enough to call more places im trying so hard but it shouldn’t have to be this hard to get the proper care I need im begging everyone to please help me I want an ocd therapist I want someone who actually understand ocd to prescribe me medicene that’ll actually work I need and want help and always have wanted help I just thought I was always gonna be like this cause noone actually understood my ocd I still need to finish moveing into this apartment but I can’t my old place is 30 minutes away it’s fucking snowing and cold here im exhausted and can barely manage doing my dressing ritual everyday by the time im done I just want to try to relax I have 2 storage units I need to get stuff out of to put in our apartment to I have a pop up camper I was redoing that I didn’t get to finish and it needs to be popped down there’s literally so much that I need to get done that was suppose to be easy but instead my world and apartment has become so contaminated by the bug spray I just can’t do anything but panick I missed court and a doctors appointment even when I do get better there’s gonna be repercussions of my ocd and it sucks and now I have Covid and have been so sick I’ve not even been able to do my dressing ritual which I have to do everyday to put on clean clothes if I don’t do my dressing ritual once a day then I have to do it twice the next watever amount of days I wasn’t able to do the dressing ritual I have to make up for those days so being sick like this really sucks I just need help and I’m at the end of my rope wit this it’s been almost a month i shouldn’t have to beg for help it shouldn’t be so hard to get admitted into a psychiatric hospital just cause my ocd is hard to understand and accommodate im so done wit this shit.

👋😊

it is easy to get lost in the envy of people who aren't suffers of ocd. i have lost myself in said envy plenty of times. i think what's important is that our experience of life as people who struggle with ocd may be harder than some, but it's an experience nevertheless, it needs to be cherrished and appreciated as much as your ocd brings you down. you're all fighters, and i'm proud of everyone who is still here in the year 2022. much love -<3

I’m just interested to know what approach to ERP people think is the most effective. I know that NOCD and many other therapists like to use hierarchy and a lot of on purpose exposures, but I’ve found disregarding OCD thoughts I naturally have and not responding to them to also be very effective, and I think it makes a lot more sense than the methods therapists use. Does anyone else share that opinion?