Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hello, If anyone's comfortable with it, could you answer me these questions? Have you had a bad or a good childhood? Did your environment treat you well? Since when have you had ocd? Personally I've been bullied throughout middle school and when i was even younger. My mom went through some difficult stuff when i was 11 and i witnessed first hand some really bad displays of aggression between her and dad. I don't know if that counts, but I've also been traumatized by a bedbug infestation that made me fear insects A LOT. I've had ocd ever since i was 10.

My real event past mistake is bothering me so much. Saying that it’s equivalent to what a monster would do when I was just a teenager who didn’t know she was making a mistake when it happened all because of a stupid fetish. God help me I can’t take this anymore. It hurts. I would do anything to go back and change it knowing what I now know. How could I have been so stupid back then?

Can playing video games, getting on my phone, checking notifications, etc. be compulsions?

My brain keeps obssesing over breaking up with him for new years because it keeps saying you can start off new i hate this.

I need help can someone help me? I thought of kissing a woman and I smiled but I looked away and I pushed it out of my head because I don’t want to and then I said oh it’s just a neetric reaction and I’ve been living alive because of what happened last night and I keep saying my heart says it’s not exactly it is unpleasant my heart doesn’t feel good right now. It’s not just a knee trick reaction so why do I keep saying my heart says it’s not exactly when it is unpleasant! My heart says it’s not pleasant I don’t want this with women and I keep smiling like I don’t want to be bisexual I don’t wanna squeeze boobs and I don’t want to be here what have last night scares me. My heart says I’m scared if you were saying that it’s not but it is unpleasant my heart does not feel good! My body doesn’t want women my heart says this isn’t exactly pleasant this isn’t pleasant

I’m so mad because I got my post count down pretty low and now I’m spiking again I said might be I’m not I don’t think I might be at all I said just because I don’t I do find my guy attractive but I am worried because of the really bad thought I had last night I’m looking at him now like I don’t want I’ve always found him attractive whether he had like facial hair or not and I’m acting like he’s not and I don’t I said I don’t want to I don’t want to find him attractive I do find him attractive I don’t want to not all of a sudden find him attractive. Because I was really feeling it for him over one old picture that’s like technically more recent but still kind of old as opposed to something from years ago and I’m scared that I am and I make a face like he is he is not ugly I don’t he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna ever not find him attractive I don’t wanna lose a friend and I don’t I’m scared I’m treating him like he’s weird because he’s but I’m not gay he’s not weird because he’s a guy he is gorgeous I don’t wanna look at his face and act like not when he is attractive to me. I don’t wanna lose it for him I’m scared I have and I’m acting weird and happy like I’m smiling I smile awkwardly and then I take step back in my mind like mentally like I don’t but I do find them attractive I’m scared I don’t want to change your switch teams I don’t want another guy despite Not being with him I don’t want to I don’t want this. I’m literally making a face and stepping back like he’s not but he’s fucking gorgeous and an awesome weird dorky guy and I’m scared I don’t really and I know I don’t have to but I do love the guy I do love what I know about his personality I was gonna say I wish I could be with him but that doesn’t look to be in the cards it’s not that it’s not in the car it’s just hard to tell So it’s not necessarily impossible for to be in the cards so to speak just really hard to be at the same time if that makes sense but I don’t like looking at him like he’s not he’s fucking gorgeous I don’t wanna female knock

I am back to rocd. I was having g literal panic attacks in front of him and I feel so embarrassed. Now he didn't text me back after an hour after I said I am scared and I am heartbroken bc I I afraid that means he doesn't care about me and I think and ruminate about all the times in the past where a guy didn't text me back and how horrible it felt. It feels so real and I was crying last night so much and I have been feeling anxiety everyday and even talking to him or when he wants to come see me at work I start freaking out and it suck I just want to be a normal girlfriend that doesn't have all of this. I cant tell if my feelings are valid and I'm scared I am crazy. Because after the hour he was very available for me and I just question why would he not text back after an hour and then text back quick? Oh God. I can't tell what's real please tell me what to do please tell me if this is ocd or not????

Relationship ocd - please help... I feel like I don't have anyone to talk about and.. I'm so sorry.... (first of all I'm a gay woman in a loving relationship with another beautiful woman) Last night I couldn't fall asleep..... A few months ago (2 maybe) me and a close friend were playing terraria and we had this enjoyable bond moment... Where we were laughing (the same has happened with other games) and I had the thought of "hey. Is this a crush?" (it was something along those lines) it'd be fine if it thought that and I dismissed it but there's more.... I began thinking "I feel happy, he makes me laugh and maybe we are better suited together" but... I can't remember the aftermath. Did I panic with this thought?? I can't remember what thoughts I had after.... I never remember if I said "no. Not possible" or if I accepted them.... And I'm panicking really bad rn and feeling like crap and very guilty... I think.... (I'm not sure) I told myself "well it's not possible... I wouldn't be able to date him. I can't imagine dating him and do romantic stuff, specially sexual". But I'm not sure.... Maybe I brushed it off!! This is the logic explanation because it's obvious that I have relationship ocd!! But.... It's the doubts..... Again... I'm just afraid I didn't panic or dismiss the thoughts... I can't remember what happened next. It's always like this! I fixate and hold the ugly thoughts but I "conveniently" forget the rest of the thought process. This has happened with pocd too. It's the "I can't remember how I dealt with them" that is what is worrying me... I can't remember if I dismissed them or if I agree with them These thoughts, I feel so guilty.... I am crying so much because I don't want to hurt her.......... I love her so much.... I truly do.... I feel guilty because I think "how could I have such thoughts in the first place? She's perfect!" and I begin to think that she deserves better I fear that this is cheating...

TW POCD and Real Event OCD 18+ please I just got triggered by someone’s post because they said they were afraid of getting bored and doing the m word to a young person or cp and it triggered my real event because when I was younger, a teenager, I got into a stupid tickling fetish and because it’s an everyday kind of thing, I came across things I shouldn’t have during the m word because I was looking into a fetish not the people, had nothing to do with age or anything it was because of the stupid fetish and someone here had told me that it’s not that bad and to let it go but I keep getting triggered and it’s making it harder to let go. I never sough out any certain people or anything just the fetish itself but because it’s such a normal everyday thing and I was on ifunny and YouTube at the time, I came across things I shouldn’t have because it had to do with tickling and unfortunately the m word was apart of it which has my mind racing and worrying me about what if’s like if I’m in trouble or a monster because of it when I never had any bad intentions in the first place.. I was young and stupid and it never occurred to me at the time I was doing it that it was wrong because I didn’t even know what I was getting into like I said it was for a stupid embarrassing tickling fetish. I’m so open to talk about it because I don’t want to hide it. Yes it happened and I would do anything to go back and change it and I can’t. I want to give up because of it because I wish I wasn’t so stupid back then. What do I do?

My theme has switched from SOOCD to ROCD. I’m so stressed because my boyfriend and I have different hobbies and he is a little bit nerdy. I logically know this is ok and normal but I’m feeling scared. Any advice?

Hey guys I tested positive for Covid and I am locked up in my room away from my family, our pets and my friends for 10 days. I can already feel the depression and anxiety taking over. I feel so much more guilt and shame. Anyways, if there are any movies, shows, books, or video games anyone recommends I would appreciate it. I’ve been in bed all day today and I don’t think it’s helping.

Why does it keep feeling better/right for me to leave my wonderful relationship? It feels more wrong and it hurts more at the thought of staying. I keep hearing in my brain I’m just with him bc I don’t want to be alone, but these thoughts and feelings are driving me crazy. I want to cocoon and be alone but of course I want to stay in this relationship. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to be convinced that I love him or want to stay with him. It’s like it only wants us to be alone so we’re no longer stressed about this stuff. I hate that’s how exhausted I am with all this shit😞any tips/help?

Caught myself doing the googling compulsion trying to get rid of the guilt from intrusive thoughts and staring ocd and ocd telling me horrible things or intrusive opinions about my 11 year old niece. I’m stuck in my room for 10 days not only with Covid but this horrible guilt. I don’t know what to do

How do I know if my harmful thoughts of myself are ocd or depression? My mind tells me nonstop to grab a gun and shoot myself but I’m also aware of the fact that I have much to live for, despite what my mind tells me. I also view taking your life as morally wrong (to me). This all started as a thought but now it feels like it’s straight on depression and it could be real. Anyone else gone through this? I fear it’s depression because I’ve internally thought about how no one likes me and it’ll never change or get better, despite knowing that nothing is ever permanent, why can’t I just change my thinking 😭 I fear that my erp won’t help me and I’ll still lose control of myself.

Are you guys comfortable enough in telling about your OCD struggle to your family and friends??

I’m scared I was trying to calm down my cat because she was a little stressed out and I’m like you’re fine you’re fine and then said you’re not but I like but I’m not bisexual and I don’t know where that came from because it was totally unrelated to what I was doing! And then I saw a picture of an outfit I took a picture of like years ago and I said that I don’t love women’s bodies and I imagine them naked and I don’t wanna be bisexual and I’m scared I said must be I’m not gay I’m not bisexual I’m not like my neighbors daughter I’m not like some old person I used to know from school I’m not bisexual! I don’t love women’s bodies and now I’m smiling over boobs naked sticking out like I do and I mostly I’m not bisexual I don’t love women’s bodies I don’t love naked boobs! I’ve been trying to fight the compulsion to talk about stuff by deleting this app repeatedly clearly doesn’t work but at least I try and when I looked up NOCD in the App Store another health app popped up before it in the woman’s boobs sticking out and I’m like I don’t like it I kept looking but it’s like this is not pleasant but now in my head I’m acting like I don’t like naked I’m fine I do I don’t wanna start liking the way boobs stick off I’m not bisexual I’m scared him I’m not bored of guys I keep acting like I don’t want guys to have boobs I don’t want anything sticking off they’re just like triangles I’m not perfect or else I don’t like the way boobs stick out so why am I acting like when they’re not sexy why am I trying to act like that in my head

I’ve always wanted men I’ve always been straight. My heart is straight my heart wants men well one in particular not really plural but you know. And I just now shook my head and said not but my heart is straight my heart is straight I was gonna say more importantly my body but they’re basically equal my heart is straight my body wants men. So why do I feel this tight feeling in my chest hard area and a rush thing women I don’t want women and men my heart wants men why am I shaking my head in the negative my heart wants my my heart does not want women why would it feel better adding when I just want men. One man I usually go referencing to my guy him/men like men broadly him specifically and then adding him such I don’t want women I don’t understand! My heart want him abs my body wants men. I’m scared I feel so detached like I don’t care I don’t wanna lose it for my guy like he’s not just some other guy I don’t ever wanna lose my feelings and I shrug and say so but I don’t wanna move on. I really really hope that this weird emotionless or really distant feeling has something to do with the meds I took they’re not prescribed to me but they help me sleep. Flexeril. It’s a muscle relaxer I really should take them 😞

Please help me So I am married to my amazing husband and I don’t want anybody else ever. I work with a bunch of guys and I really became attached to one of the guys whom I saw more like a “big brother”. I told my husband about this person who always helps me when I have questions. Recently, a comment was brought up about him and I flirting back and forth. I’ll be honest, I thought he was cute, but would never choose him over my husband. I didn’t think we were flirting though because he was helping me at work with questions I had and he was actually nice to me. Of course my intrusive thoughts came in and sexual images/thoughts took place causing me anxiety. But still would never want him in that way. I told my mom about it and she said “well do you have feelings for him? And think about him all the time?” And my anxiety has spiraled and spiraled about the “what If I do?” and now I’m sitting in a dark hole thinking I’ve cheated on my husband and that I don’t love him anymore and I just need someone to talk to please. Now it feels like it’s all true. I don’t know what to do. I never once thought of getting physical with this person and constantly talked about my husband to him. I want nobody else but my husband.

So now it seems like I get annoyed when I’m attracted to the opposite sex? Literally never satisfied! I hate this disease… making things that weren’t even ‘things’ seem like truth, taking away things that I knew were true and turning them into lies. Everyday I will get 5-10 mins of feeling happy and that the thoughts are just thoughts and that my past doesn’t matter and doesn’t have to effect the decisions I make now. But then it disappears, if I let my guard down for two seconds because I’m distracted it just comes back and feels more real and I spend the rest of the day depressed about it. And that last sentence just sounds like actually the ocd was right all along. Because I have to compulsive to feel good again?!? I don’t understand it. When I feel straight I feel happy (but my brain tells me it’s a lie), when I feel gay I feel depressed and annoyed with my life. What one is it? Surely it’s happiness but the happiness now feels like a lie!

THINGS TO NEVER FORGET ABOUT OCD: (This will not cause distress but may or may not offer relief depending on the person, so read at your own risk) •No matter how small the matter may logically appear, if it causes doubt followed by intense distress, it's ocd. No matter what it is. It could be "why the cheese has three holes and not four?", as long as this causes you distress, it's something you value and therebefore prey for the 'ocd monster'. •The emotional distress followed by the possibility of this thought being real is what makes you believe it actually is. You should let it and once you manage to control this intense distress by constant exposure, you'll be able to think clearly again and recognize yourself as you know deep down that you are, not as the extremely convincing and awful way the ocd presents you. By accepting these thoughts as possible you WON'T become what you fear, you will just grow as a person, you will become STRONGER. •Ocd will do ANYTHING to stop you from accepting these thoughts and try to manipulate you into trying to logically attack it via physical or not ways that will only reinforce it instead. It will use you like a puppet by giving you, a much needed for the vulnerable you, false sense of security. This false sense of security will make you used to a calm, fragile state which will make you easier to break once it decides to also use its "special" moves for a final attack. And then this futile circle will keep on repeating and repeating and repeating until it sucks the life out of you. •You ARE capable of beating this, even if you don't see it now because it's hidden. Hidden doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are the only one that can fight your own self and win.You will feel futile, you will want to give up, you will lose but you will get up again and that is a NATURAL normal process. Don't EVER let it stop you. Remember, you may NOT be in control of your thoughts but you ARE in control of your actions. Not your ocd, not your insecuties and certainly not your fears. Only you.