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anybody willing to talk religious OCD and the fear/obsession of going to hell?

I took medicine for 4 years each year I changed medicine cause the medicene wasn’t working I wasn’t getting better I even had my mom come in and tlk to my doctor wit me cause I was so miserable I couldn’t function I was so depressed to and I was telling everyone I was miserable that I wasn’t getting better and everyone just moved on wit there lives I had no support from family I have no friends trying to get a therapist was difficult I could barely get up during the day let alone leave once a week to tlk to a therapist I was barely able to make it to my doctors appointments to get my medication to it was like I was screaming for help and ppl just watched I staid locked up in my room and since ppl couldn’t see me it wasn’t happening there lives go on and they live they work they have mental freedom i eventually admitted myself into a mental hospital which haveing contamination ocd and haveing all your stuff touched and then takeing all your stuff out of there individual bags that I worked so hard to seperatly pack and wash my hands when touching certain things to keep them clean was so traumatizeing to me and they couldn’t even help me they had no help for ocd they switched my meds and had made me try to do my dressing rituals in a dirty bathroom floor wit no clean spaces for my hygiene and haveing a roommate I had no therapist to help me wit this I just sat in there and suffered just for them to discharge me telling me they didn’t have the resources to help me and a referral to an ocd facility in Chicago which I couldn’t go to cause they didn’t accept my insurance and I was in a horrible relationship that I couldn’t get out of cause I was barely able to function my ocd has always been so debilitating I’ve never been able to work so I couldn’t work I was on ssi but then it stopped for some reason I appealed it but round this time I was so sick I couldn’t do anything which made it worse they took my only way of provideing for myself so for a few years I just suffered alone then finally my mom helped me get my ssi back it’s very aggravating explaining my ocd cause ppl don’t understand it and they don’t understand that it makes my life very hard but I got it back since I was technically homeless they only gave me 533 dollars they told me to get more I’d have to show I’m paying rent then they’ll give me more since I’ll be paying more but you can’t save any money to even be able to move into anywere and nowere is gonna let you live there if you can’t afford it so that made me feel even worse I can’t even function and they were makeing it so difficult for me to just get the money I needed to live there’s no places I could afford that were clean there mostly all dirty and bug infested which kept me in a horrible liveing situation to even be able to get better from my ocd my life has been so difficult just from my ocd all I ever wanted was to get help I’ve always tried I’ve always had to pretend and then I gave up I’m tired of working on things that are so simple to normal ppl I was tired of the way doctors and hospitals were treating me I was tired of begging for help and noone listening I just found out of exposure and response therapy and that there’s actual ocd facility’s and that there’s ocd specialists out there but nowere will accept my insurance and I can’t afford to pay for any treatment on my own it shouldn’t be this difficult to get the proper care I need!!

When I was younger I hung out wit friends and I’d watch them get ready and change there clothes and shower and I could never do the stuff they were doing they weren’t giveing things a second thought they didn’t have a strict routine and rules to follow and I was hipnotized by it I could barely dress and shower doing these extra things like eye liner and mascara and styling there hair differently putting clips and Bobby pins in there hair doing there eyebrows seemed so hard I wanted to do those things so badly but I stuck wit dressing concealer foundation and straightening my hair I still looked nice but those things were hard to do and it took me along time just to look like that the rituals and counting were very mentally exhausting I wanted to sit there thoughtless and do these things like everyone else I’d go threw hard times were I could barely do anything extra so dressing and showering were the only things I could do no make up no hair straightening my ocd made these rules driven by some kind of fear like when straightening my hair was to hard and I’d atleast want to wear makeup my ocd would make me feel like I could only wear makeup wit my hair down so then I’d have to straighten my hair just to put on makeup so there’s a rule rite there and I can only wash my hair and straighten it once then the next day I can restraighten it but I couldn’t do anything the next day I’d have to wash my hair if it needed to be restraightened I can only do that for 2 days so there’s another rule I have alot of these rules to follow though I have very strict rituals I no a girl I saw on YouTube had similar rules like she couldn’t do everything in 1 shower she’d have to wash her hair in 1 shower then shave in a different shower I was the opposite I had to wash my hair and body and shave in 1 shower I couldn’t split it up so everytime I needed to do my hair I had to take a shower wash my hair and shave every couple of days and I had to shave the same way I couldn’t just shave my legs I have to shave wat I need to every time so some ppl that would just sit on the side of the tub and shave there lower legs was a dream to me this girl also could only use 1 make up pallet at a time she couldn’t use different ones till the first 1 she was useing was completely empty she couldn’t wear different lipsticks till the 1 she was useing was empty and I do the same thing wit stuff and it’s so depressing and restrictive there’s no freedom in the simplest of things stuff that’s suppose to be enjoyable has restrictions it’s noway to live there’s noway to take a relaxing shower my mind is just doing rituals and counting and trying to make sure I don’t touch anything that’s dirty there’s no free will inside my own brain getting ready to go somewere and trying to look nice is so hard when there’s all these rules and restrictions when girls get ready together and are haveing a blast I’d be at home focusing trying so hard to be excited but it’s just a hassle and I’ve had to pretend to be normal all these years I had to force excitement and I always had all this mental stuff going on in my head sometimes I’d be better sometimes I’d be worse but I’ve always tried getting better my rituals and ocd habits and these rules were always there though they just kind of stick and all I want is to feel normal not worry bout contamination and order and these rules I just want to by and wear and do watever I want I’ve applied such strict rules on myself it’s like abuse I hate it so much I just want my brain to work normally I’ve gone all these years watching normal ppl round me do watever they want and I’m a slave to myself and I can’t make it stop please don’t be mean to me I want to share!!

Feeling so helpless! This anxiety is causing me to be so stressed to the point where I can’t eat or sleep. I’m so exhausted. Can anyone provide tips on what helps calm you down?

I feel mentally numb. 😞 ⚠️ TW ⚠️ I keep trying to get my post count down but every time I get it back into the single digits something happens. I have had the horrible habit of taking Flexeril or Tylenol p.m. extra strength to help me go to sleep. I’ve been doing that basically almost nonstop for like a month. And the pills do add to things if you know what I mean. They both have the potential of giving you weird dreams. Flexeril can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming by itself it’s not like I don’t have abnormal thinking anyway but it adds to it. My mom walked out and I’m scared ‘ cause she’s looking for sports bra and I’m friend I don’t like her big round boobs! And then I started to say what makes you think I don’t I do I don’t like boobs that’s what makes me think that! I don’t wanna emphasize I do cause I was saying that I’m the one that thinks that I don’t like boobs you know I was trying to positively say that I don’t wow that doesn’t make sense. I’m scared I am I’m not starting to like the way boobs look or are structured. I don’t want to like the roundness and there was some neighbor guy walking behind me I made a face because he doesn’t have it and I’m scared they are and I’m smiling weird but they’re not delicious I don’t like the rounds of boobs on boys and balls and I make a face like I don’t but I want that. I just literally made an expression like I could smell something bad and shook my head in the negative thing I don’t and I’m doing it now shaking my head no I do want boys and balls I don’t want boobs. I’m was kind of just making excuses. I’m scared of the way I’m reacting over guys chest muscles I literally act like something is wrong with a guy because he doesn’t and I don’t want him to have round boobs I don’t want him to have boobs. I’m scared I do I don’t want to start this! I don’t want the round is a welcome to go back to being disgusting mean it’s not like they actually make me happy but I want I said I crave it that’s probably not true I wanted to go back to just being straight up disgusting and up for me to treat guys like there’s something wrong with them because I don’t have round this and I literally acted like they were closed because I don’t have it and I try to copy paste boots but I don’t want heavy roundness or sagging or unnatural perking us or anything. I’m scared I keep shaking my head in the negative but I want balls I want boys I hate acting like I it’s like it’s just so sensory you know like so details so realistic like I do but I don’t want the roundness of boobs and I’m scared I am and I frightened that I keep thinking mean things like go now that he’s gotten in shape and I keep shaking my head and the negative but I’ve always wanted my guy we even when he was super skinny and I don’t understand why I’m shaking my head the negative. I do want him no matter what his shape is I’m not gonna act like he’s not in great shape now! This whole roundness of boobs things really getting on my nerves I don’t want boobs but I don’t like how I’m treating him and I don’t wanna be over my guy and I don’t wanna act like there’s something wrong with the guy because I do I don’t want the strained heavily overly rounded sides of foods and I don’t want any other shape size are consistency they come in

✋ I’m a serial Job quitter. I have my consult call tomorrow. I don’t know why but I go through spells where I work about 3 months and then I call off , anxiety sets in, & I quit. I’m so sick of this cycle. The anxiety is through the roof! It’s no wonder my blood pressure is so high. I hate this. Everyone I love leaves me and I’m lonely. I know GOD is with me but I’m not going to lie. It’s hard to believe at this moment because of what my brain tells me to be true. My mom used to get mad at me when I was young she’d say… “we shoulda got a check for yo ass” It even became a joke when I got older cuz my parents claimed they were worried about me but was proud I was maintaining. Unbeknownst to them… depression was fully onset and my place was atrocious. Lived in a boarding house with the bed on the floor and mice in the ceilings. Room was always dirty. Shared a bathroom and that was never clean and my neighbors were on heroin. Met my wife and she saved me by moving me in with her but my symptoms kept getting worse and now I’m alone trying to figure this out. The only reason I won’t KILL MYSELF is because I want to prove everyone wrong about me but most days I feel they are right. I don’t know why I’m sharing this cuz I usually just help everyone else with their problems and give advice, but I DON’T WANT TO DIE, so this seems to be the right thing to do.

I hate how Rocd makes me not wanting to do anything...I just wake up and want to do things that require no thinking, just relaxing and do anything that will take me away from reality and literally forget myself. It's an like I live in a distance from reality and when it comes to tasks that take action and being jn the moment i get really anxious and I want to stop and go back to doing nothing. This thing kills me as I feel worthless, lazy and so guilty that I don't function like every other people. I don't want to live like that in a constant defence mode, away from reality and locked in my compulsions and extreme anxiety....I am fed up with it...

So im currently living with the fear of what if my door knob falls off of my apartment door? Like I think worst case scenarios. I'm trying not to but this is hard. I did compulsions just a little while ago but my anxiety is going crazy right now. Don't wanna look at my door knob anymore as I feel this will feed more into my compulsion instead of letting me be. Help

Hello everyone. I am from Greece. Is there a therapist from nocd that i can contact to?

Does anybody else look at someone else’s profile here, see the ocd themes they struggle with, and wish that they had those issues i stead of the ones they’re dealing with? I don’t wish ocd on anyone and from me that’s a lot cause I’ve wished some pretty bad shit on people. But I’m just saying I feel like there are some ocd themes that are much worse then others. I have SOOCD and an ROCD equivalent (don’t ask) but what I think is THEE worst OCD? POCD. That shit must be horrible and I’m so sorry for anyone struggling with it

Does anyone take Zoloft for ocd? How is it for you?

Do you guys catch yourselves pushing your partner away in certain aspects ? If so let me know down below

I was so happy being a new father. OCD has taken all of that away from me. I loved taking care of my son and laughing and playing with him. Then 6 months in, OCD got ahold of me, and now I can’t even enjoy my time. It has caused me to be so depressed. When I look at him I can’t smile. I just want this to go away. He’s only a year old and I wonder how long this will last. My wife wants to have more children, and I did too, but now I can’t...I just couldn’t handle it. 😭😭

How do u guys find the courage to do something like ERP. I can’t seem to find it in me

Does someone have religious Ocd and can relate to it?

I usually dont have anxiety or ocd just obsessive tendencies but after some things that upset me a lot, a few weeks later i started having racing thoughts and ir feels like my brain is out of control and all my senses are hyper active , i just became super ocd about the sound of my breathing and like it will drive me to insanety or each breath will cause anxiety ofc its not true eveb if i dont think about it i just have a throbing headache all the time, cant sleep at all… i have no idea whata going on… please help i think something wrong with my brain.. one thought can send a heat wave instantly to my head and feel like burning… i cant sleep and i am becoming suicidal

Someone in my family committed suicide a long time ago. She struggled with schizophrenia and depression, and died by intentional overdose of her depression medication. Because of this, I associate medication with suicide and really struggle with the idea of taking meds for my OCD. I know meds aren’t completely necessary for recovery, but I’m sure they would be helpful if I could get over this very strong association. I’m always so scared I’m going to end up like her. Any advice or does anyone else also struggle with suicide trauma?

I can't understand anymore what is real. I don't understand if I is rocd or not. J would love your opinion! I had for a long time strong anxiety, for rocd and some other reason. In thoose months, i had a lot of time the urge to break up, the sensation of "I should leave; i do not love him enough" and all the intrusive doubts. But every time; it was like a roallercoaster, one day super attracted and in love, the next one wanting to break up. Now, nothing. Every little things he does that I don't approve hurt me like hell, but that's it. I can't have fun with him anymore. I learned it's okay to not feel in love all the time, and I accept uncertainty. But I want to agave fun and enjoy time togheter at least!! But I can't! And I don't know If this is rocd, because there is no more anxiety. But I don't want to keep going this way... a lot of things he does and his personality makes me think that I should leave him; not because he is not the one, but because I think I should look for someone that can make me feel more loved, that show loves in the same way I do. Than why I'm still here?? Why I keep stay?? I can't understand what I want. If I don't want him I should leave. If I want him I should stay. But it is like if I don't want him and at the same time I want him... I am not doing any fisical compulsion. Do you have some advices please???

tw It genuinely feels like Im gay/trans and going to therapy as a lgbt person rather than a straight man with hocd and once therapy is done Ill be accepting myself and coming out happily. Ughhh i was afraid I might end up as one of those triggering hocd stories that I read when it first began. I want to cancel my therapy sessions now and just sleep it away, i dont want to get better. This is not ocd

I’m still so freaked out from last night when I saw adult dolls on reddit. I truly think I wanted to touch them and now it’s so easy to imagine myself doing stuff with girl body parts and like I want to do it and it’s enjoyable but I don’t want to at all and I don’t want it to feel enjoyable at all. I was finally feeling a little more confident in my attraction to my bf and I feel like I’m going insane again. I don’t care I don’t if I like girls, but please I’d do anything to feel sexual attraction to my boyfriend.