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Does anyone have ocd so severe that it feels like no matter what you’re doing, you’re doing something wrong? For example, no matter how I’m holding my daughter I feel like it’s wrong. If I hold her close to me, far away from me, where my hands are placed, etc. I had to unbuckle her seat straps on her high chair and I felt like i went in too aggressive. The buckle lays right in her crotch and allll I could about, was my fingers being near her crotch. I start to hyper focus on it and it makes me soooo uncomfortable. 😓. If she’s laying on my chest I start to hyper focus on my breasts and how they feel and I start to focus so hard on making sure they don’t move or anything. The slightest twitch will send me into a spiral. Same thing when she’s sitting on my lap. I’m constantly telling myself “don’t move don’t move don’t move” and if my leg does move even the slightest bit I freak out and rush of guilt runs over me. Sometimes I don’t even know if I actually move or not, or if I just imagine it. It’s getting really out of hand. I feel so anxious all of the time and I feel like every move I make is wrong. I’m so stiff around her. She’s two so she crawls all over me and if she straddles my leg or my foot or lap or anything I feel this brush of guilt take over me that makes me want to vomit. Like I could’ve done something to prevent it. And when I don’t take the steps to prevent it, I feel so guilty. Like I didn’t move out of the way because I wanted it. When doing diaper changes, I’m so careful about where my hands are, where the diaper is, etc. My mind and heart are just racing and I literally have to think about what my next Move is, strategically place my hands so that they aren’t anywhere near anything conceivably dangerous. My stomach is in knots right now because I just feel so guilty about every single movement I’ve made today. I’m constantly on edge and ruminating/preparing for every move I make all of the time.

having a hard day :-( has anyones NOCD therapist helped them get in touch with a psychiatrist or is that something I need to do on my own?

I got prescribed Zoloft by an online app. I took one and my anxiety went away for the day, but so did my OCD thoughts. I couldn’t overthink while conversing with my family or overanalyze a movie I was watching (and relate it obsessively and emotionally back to myself) which felt so relaxing, but it dulled my emotions to the point I felt detached from the people I loved. When the first dose wore off, my OCD thoughts flooded back in, trying to cause panic and I recognized them since they were gone. Now I don’t know what to do. I don’t like dulling my emotions with the medication, but I hate the OCD thoughts. I’m also scared of never having in-depth thoughts if I continue to take them. Does anyone have an opinion on using anti-anxiety meds for OCD?

I don’t mean to ask for reassurance but what’s the difference between having POCD and the real thing

Psalm 37 Verse 23-24 ²³The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him. ²⁴ Though he may stumble he will not fall. OCD may cause your feet to stumble but you will not fall for God is protecting you x.

Is fear OCD a thing? I fear everything :( Fear health, my mental health, death. Im tired of being tired. Im just tired. Im scared to loose my job/need to quit cause i cant handle it anymore.

I’ve been really good at exposing so-ocd, and it improved a little but now I feel like I’m back to where I started but I’ve not compulsed and now I don’t feel the anxiety of what I once used to have so now it actually feels like I’m gay, but I really don’t want to be

I am weak I hate it I’m scared I’m smiling I said overall but I don’t like any girls but the celebrity I went through a phase of looking at women naked and I was gonna say the opposite sex but I actually like that now make faces and I keep remembering I keep saying this one cause I said her she’s not hot or sexy it’s not her the artist by the way it’s some other she’s not and I feel funny and I know I need to stop taking Flexeril just to sleep but it’s just I keep smiling like I don’t wanna do you wanna make out with boys well just I’m scared I imagine making out with them with boys and then squeezing boobs like I do but I don’t want to hermaphrodite no offense to those people because that’s not something they did and it’s not wrong right just unfortunate I guess because it must be like really annoying and I’m rambling. No I’m really scared I quit I don’t wanna enjoy that I don’t want I said I called mine but I’m not bisexual I keep saying my but I don’t want that represents mine when I’m not bisexual I don’t have any bisexuality I don’t want to kiss melon squeeze boobs and I kept can’t stop doing the Home gesture when I don’t want those I just wanna squeeze man and I I keep going funny and fluttering in a :-) I don’t like the celebrity or any other girl that’s how I keep calling I don’t want to feel better she’s not hot or sexy I’ve seen a naked and said she I don’t want to start liking women and I keep smiling weird she doesn’t have a fine buddy she’s not hot or sexy i’m scared I am I don’t wanna be over my guy and I’m not gay and I’m scared I can’t stop I’m straight and I felt something and I don’t know I felt something warm and a smile on my face when I imagine kissing a guy and but I don’t want boobs I don’t wanna squeeze them I don’t want anything like that I don’t wanna be it’s not mine why do I feel flutter in my stomach thinking about her and I keep smiling over her naked triangle I don’t want her small naked triangle or my I don’t want to be I’m not bisexual I’m not bisexual I wanna squeeze boobs I’m scared I can’t stop doing that I’m just done and I keep saying representing my I don’t have how much then there’s nothing for there to be represented I’m scared I can’t stop doing this hand squeezing gesture I’m not bisexual I don’t want to squeeze I’m scared I make faces on front and I do I don’t need they’re not delicious I don’t need fat deposits to squeeze I don’t want boobs why do I smile and I keep doing the damn hand jester and making faces like I don’t when I like slim hardly muscle I want pectorals I’m scared they’re going I don’t want to that’s not how can I say represent how can I call mine when I don’t have any bisexuality I don’t wanna squeeze boobs and make out with me and I don’t I want men and I may face is like I don’t but I like male parts does I called her but she’s not I was getting must be in she is out care she’s not hot or sexy I don’t physically like her she’s not hot or sexy or any girl whether they’re famous or not I made a negative face and said he I love being straight I’m not bye I imagine the male symbol you know what Volvo has it and I said Q in the center but I’m not queer I’m scared why do I feel fluttering and I keep smiling imagining I don’t like I don’t want women I want then she’s not hot or sexy please someone help me

So I’ve been going through a rough patch with my OCD. I am currently on 15mg of Lexapro. I’ve been on it for about two years I think. I feel like it does it’s job but I keep falling into these relapses every couple of months, it’s exhausting. So my psychiatrist wants to add 25mg of Clomipramine (Anafranil) and I read the side effects—especially about the serotonin syndrome—and now I’m afraid to take it. I don’t know anyone on this combination of drugs so I’m obviously worried. I may ask to try something else instead. But if anyone has any information or experience about them together please let me know.

tw* Im in an urgency and im so confused. I dont want to go to therapy but its my only option to get better. But ocd therapy and erp look kinda pointless when it seems like my thoughts are already true, Ive had so many realizations and epiphanies that ive been gay all my life and it just never occurred to me and now it feels like even my gender is not correct and all I need to do is accept/embrace and itll gradually go away. I think Im just certain about it too. I cant fu**ing kill myself either so now im stuck like this, it literally dosent seem like Ocd, I know what Hocd and intrusive thoughts used to feel like but it dosent feel that way anymore not even one percent. Theres tons of proof idk what to do, I know ive been told my many people here to do therapy but wtf man ,i feel cornered I have no choice but to accept that Im gay and i think once I do I wont even care about all this. Wow, this is so dissapointing

Does anybody have thoughts that come out like statements? Right now I keep saying in my head I don’t know why you act like you’re not bisexual when I’m not! It’s not an act! And now I’m scared I feel like kind of like when you get an itchy scalp except much lighter and down there and I can’t move from my car right now. I can’t stop thinking I don’t know why you act like you’re not when I’m not bisexual and I’m not acting! I don’t understand why I can’t just go to sleep. I just want to sleep. And I don’t like the way boobs stick out and I don’t really wanna be here anymore I don’t wanna die but I don’t want to exist

You guys I can’t stop please help me! I keep saying men not women and then adding only like I’m mad but I don’t want women at all! And I can’t stop I keep saying it so seriously I keep saying midnight women only like a man I want man I don’t even want to say I know I don’t and I’m scared I keep saying but I want men I keep saying that women only I don’t want women at all please help me no I can’t breathe you guys please I can’t swallow! I can’t stop saying men not women and adding only but I only want men not women and I keep saying not only I don’t I can’t breathe you guys I don’t want women I want men not women why do I keep adding I don’t want women why do I say only one man I don’t want women I can’t stop please help! I keep saying it seriously men and women only I don’t want women why do I add only! I want men NOT WOMEN I WANT MEN ONLY NOT WOMEN I’m scared of why and how I said that like I was so serious I kept adding only and I can’t swallow my throat is tight and my tongue feels too big for my mouth no I want men not women I’m at midnight women I want men I can’t breathe I want men only not women

I feel like in order to function in my failing marriage right now, controlling my OCD is one of the biggest challenges I can face. My spouse has dealt with it for years and she is over it and me. I confessed something last night and it ruined her mood and she is incredibly pissed off at me. She told me that I am a horrible person. It stings. For every confession I perform to alleviate the anxiety, there are 10 or more that I control. I hate this and living in a situation that is toxic. I don’t really blame her because OCD can be annoying and hurtful to someone else. I just wish she could see through the confession, know that I am trying and realize its the OCD. Oh and I am the most selfish and narcissistic person alive too according to her. So yeah, theres that as well.

What is the worst theme you guys deal with? And what intrusive thoughts come with it? This is totally a judgment free zone

In intimacy I’ve always loved receiving but I struggle to reciprocate the touch I receive and it’s not a natural desire , i do it because I love making my partner feel good and seeing him in pleasure and being able to give that to him. I feel doomed.

Hi... Prepare for a huge txt but I need to vent with someone because I need an opinion of what to do and what to feel. I can't tell if I'm overthinking or not. Or if I'm being a horrible person and I should even feel more guilty. This is about ROCD. I'm gay and I have a gf. We have been dating for almost 5 months and in absolutely in love with her. She's my everything and I'm so afraid to be unfair/cheating. I also have this friend (he's a guy btw) who's overly flirtatious with everyone and he's also super insecure about himself and takes a lot of things people say very personally. I also suffer from a bit of sexual orientation ocd and sometimes I fear that I have a crush on him or something... Even though I don't even want even cuddle him let alone anything else.... We have this joke between us that we are husband and wife (it started before I even knew that my gf confessed feelings for me) and I always feel guilty for not ending the joke with my friend because he'd get depressed and maybe harm himself... And yes! I did tell my gf about this joke and she's OK with it. His nickname is cookie and he started a joke once because I was eating cookies once and he started laughing because... Well... You know what it entails. And sometimes I'm saying I'm eating cookies to make him laugh... But now I regret it because I maybe I'm flirting with him or something. I don't really know what flirting is. I know when I'm flirting with my gf but not if I'm accidentally flirting with others. And flirting for me (yes... This is just my take on it. My choice. But I feel that *me*flirting is cheating and I don't want to do that... I sometimes feel a really tight bond with this friend and it scares me. I try to dismiss my thoughts but they scare me that I may have a crush on him or something... And I don't want that... I just want to love my gf. There was this time... Even before I was dating my gf (but it was after she confessed her feelings for me), I was playing games with cookie (he was watching me), and he said "you are so cute" in a tender voice and I sat there feeling flushed - like those feelings you have when you develop a crush? Idk if I was feeling a crush or not. And I somewhat panicked. I have false memories about that moment. Heck! Maybe I'm just fooling myself that those were false memories. I started feeling worried that I actually was happy with him being this loving to me.... But I do think that I assured myself that i didn't because I don't want to have a romantic relationship him but my memory fails me.... And I have doubts and worries that... I did want to be romantic with him (Im pretty sure I don't but not entirely...) One more event that has been guilt-tripping me is that... Once or twice... I acted or did something "cute" for him to compliment me... I can't remember what! Or maybe I'm having false memories again... And I think it's definitely flirting and therefore cheating! I hate myself... I've been crying and feeling miserable.... And I have been avoiding said friend. I regret so badly ever meeting this friend because I told him that he needs to stop with the lewd jokes about me and he hasn't. I feel like I should break with my gf because she deserves so much better... She's an angel and I don't deserve her. I love her so much... (I don't know if it helps but he's a very loving person and sometimes he says he wants to give me kisses and cuddles and I say "sure" because I don't want to hurt him but I'm always uncomfortable with that idea) Please help me... And please don't hate me... I'm so sorry....

Ive done so much damage to myself this entire year, anxiety attacks everyday, depression and ßuicidality for i dont even remember when it started. Exactly 365 days ago I moved to this new city and today my mental health is damaged thinking about that actually caused an attack last night. I believe Ive also realized im gay trying to suppress it, i think I had hocd but at the same time I was genuinely trying to figure out and understand my sexuality. Worked 9 months at a job as soon as i moved here and have little to no memory of working there, I mean I know worked there and remember it but where that time and those days went I have no idea, it feels strange. Dont know what to do, new year is here and my life and thinking has gone completely backwards.

Its me again with this question :). So whats the difference between Suicidal Ocd/Harm Ocd and Suicidal ideation(which is just thoughts)? bc i found out that both can be affraid of the thoughts and feel shame about it. And the 2nd question can a suicidal ocd sufferer feel like what the thought says like "i just want to die" and feel like it to for a second, and then realizing it and being affraid of it?

I wrote this sobbing last night. Never written anything this easily - it literally poured out of me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the feeling that my own actions could possibly save the lives of those I love. Whether it was my keeping my mom from dying in a tragic car accident and having a mental image of me staring at her casket flash in my mind or if it was keeping my brother safe from the boogeyman, I have always felt compelled to try something. If my actions, or what i later learned are compulsions can make a small difference and help keep someone safe, why would I not just walk back and check the light while counting to eleven three times in a row? It’s nonsensical. It’s illogical, but, yes, I still get these thoughts. It’s because I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD. My earliest obsession that I remember was about telling my little brother the same thing every night. He slept in the bunk bed above me and every night I would tell him “I love you. I have you have good dreams. Please know you can always talk to me about anything.” I said this to my brother ritually because my brain was telling me that if I didn’t my brother would die in his sleep and I’d never have the chance to tell him that. Or worse my brother would die and be mad at me, with me having no recourse to right my unsuspecting wrong prior to his unseemly and early demise. Again, it doesn’t make sense, but to a 9 year old it felt quite burdensome. Then came the religious aspect. It was around this time that I was exposed to Christianity and the idea of being saved. Through learning about the concept of heaven I was also taught that an inverse existed: hell. This would be my OCD’s playground for the next several years. I was taught the Lord’s Prayer and I felt that I had to say it a certain number of times each night in order for God to deem me, a lowly 9 year old sinner, as “worthy” of the kingdom. This number felt absolutely imperative that I complete the prayers otherwise I might die in my sleep and go to hell. So I stayed up and said the prayers over and over. To say the Lord’s Prayer over 100 times in an evening was exhausting for my brain. Then afterwards to have to convince myself that I had met my requisite demands and would be allowed into heaven. Then came puberty and picking my face. I had acne and I was extremely self conscious about it. I picked at my face and created scars only making things worse. I picked at my skin and would put paper clips under my fingernails because the pain allowed temporary relief. It was possibly to ease my mind because it was a distraction from the constant heavy stuff I was considering. This is also when the intrusive thoughts began to materialize and get worse. It would be near constant that when I was speaking with someone I would get strange sexual or violent intrusive thoughts. I had no desire to act on them and I was in fact utterly confused and disgusted by them. They only compounded my confusion - how could I, the person who just thought about pushing someone down the stairs or holding another dude’s hand, be worthy of heaven. It led me to question every sense of my being as a person. I didn’t have a foundation to question but I still felt more confused because these thoughts were coming from me, maybe I wasn’t worthy of heaven. Maybe I was even dangerous or worse a monster and needed to be kept away from people so that I didn’t cause pain. I didn’t know at the time that these strange violent or sexual thoughts were apart of my mental illness. A distressing prod from OCD followed by compulsions to pray or reassure myself about everything. My relationships in college included me constantly seeking reassurances from myself that my friends didn’t secretly hate me. I knew that it wasn’t normal because I was exhausted. I can remember thinking to myself why is nobody talking about this? And then I remember thinking, that I didn’t want to talk about it either because it involved weird, embarrassing or even taboo topics that my intrusive thoughts seized upon and weaponized my own worst fears against me. Amazing nobody wants to discuss that with their loved ones regularly. In law school, the pressure ratcheted up and I knew I wasn’t right with all the compulsions I had to do just to make it through the day. Between the mental aspects of dealing with absolute chaotic intrusive thoughts, reassuring myself i was a decent person and physical manifestations of compulsions like repeatedly checking my bottom floor apartment to ensure I hadn’t killed the 300 other tenants in the building - I was exhausted. Luckily, my then girlfriend now wife was able to make it through the mush that is my brain through sheer effort and love she convinced me to get help. I didn’t tell anyone but her and I remember hoping nobody recognized me as I walked in to see a psychiatrist. I’d like to say things got better there and I learned how to control things, but they didn’t necessarily get worse either. That’s one of the tricks that ocd plays on you. It makes you think you’re stuck in the middle of something and it’s incredibly daunting to make it out. You should just give up and give in to these compulsions rather than actually try to fight all this. I got married and had a child and became a lawyer all very quickly. It was a ton of change and my anxiety was heightened. Recently I’ve had debilitating panic attacks and have felt the a sense of terror surge though me that I have never felt before. My panic attacks can feel all consuming and physically manifest themselves with weird symptoms like my hands cramping from hyperventilating. I’m seeing a therapist and trying different medications to get the balance right. I know that I am less anxious when I practice self care. It’s a process that I’m trying to learn because for most of my adult life I’ve lived with this secret that I felt like was all my own. Nobody ever mentions this kind of suffering for obvious reasons and popular culture portrays ocd as a neat assigning of colors and rows. I believe if we talk about our struggles more openly and practice empathy with each other we can help people suffer less. I suffered silently for a long time because I was scared to death what people would think of me if they found out I was broken - but what I was unable to see was that there are others out there suffering too. We are stronger together if we talk about these things openly but it takes courage. I have debated on speaking out about my struggles for sometime but I read something recently and it cemented that I had to speak out. If I recover loudly maybe other won’t have to suffer silently. I believe if someone had spoken to me and told me this was a disorder in my brain, it could have saved me a lot of suffering. I want kids and teens to know that intrusive thoughts and ocd exist. If it means one less kid going to school tired from being up too late saying prayers then it is worth it. My pride is not more important than other people’s suffering. I’m in a position to speak out and positively impact people. If you or someone you love has OCD please know I’m walking this journey with you. I don’t have the answers but I do know we can beat this. Together.

TW 18+ I feel like I’m gonna die soon, whether it be by my own hand or some way somehow. I’m terrified rn, I don’t know what to do, I gave into a massive compulsion today and thought it would bring me peace but my false memories only got worse. I keep checking and asking and it does nothing. I asked Reddit for reassurance and while some did, I don’t know why or how, but some random spam accounts mentioned me on a post with a link, I didn’t see where it lead me to, but I reported and blocked the account. And now I’m paranoid I’m being watched and that I’m going to die soon, and a part of me wants that, nothing is ever going to better. I see that now, I’m not saying that about you guys, but I nothing will better, no matter what I do, nothing will be. I think I’ve finally reached that point