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Please be kind because it's really hard to type this. First I'd like to say that I am not a violent person. I have no history of abuse, animal abuse, or any criminal history. The idea of people or animals suffering deeply upsets me, I've always been that way. I have had a history of ocd with themes of religion, harm and pedophilia for years. I would have my times when it got really hard but it always passed. I've taken medication for years too. At first it was Prozac, then I switched to zoloft and just started wellbutrin with the highest dose of zoloft. My newest fear/obsession is by far the worst though! I am a stay at home mother to a 7 month old and am currently living alone because my boyfriend is working out of state. I love my duaghter with all my heart and up until about 3 weeks ago I was really happy and loved spending our time together and doing our daily routines. Then all of a sudden I got this fear that I might snap and strangle my duaghter. Not hit her in the head, Not break her bones, strangle her! And it keeps playing over and over in my head. Never have I had such anxiety before. It gets so bad that it feels like I'm actually going to do it like "urges" I read about with other people and that's the worst part. I can't stand to be alone with her now. I've had people staying with me everyday and night, which I know is an avoidance behavior and it only makes it worse but at the time it's the only thing that brings slight relief. I even got to where I felt like I had to test myself, like put my hand on her (not hurting her at all) and see how I felt and I had to get away from her, broke out in a sweat and panic. This became a compulsion which I did stop. I started a new medication and felt a little better one day last week and I made myself be alone in the same room with her, not home alone with her just in a room with me and her. Sometimes I felt fine like "this is stupid, why am I freaking out?" The next minute, anxiety attack! I'm so up and down and the only time I feel slightly normal is after I put her to bed at night. I've never seen a therapist, I'm so afraid to, but its not getting any better and I can't go on living this way. I want my life back. I wanna be the best mom I can. I don't wanna be watching the clock every evening counting the minutes until I can get away from my baby. That's so fucked up. I hate this disorder and it's roobing me of my family, happiness and sanity! Has anyone else had this? How would ERP for this problem work? Am I lost cause? I feel like I am.

Hi all- I’m new to NODC but I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember (I’m a straight guy in my 30’s from the Uk) I wanted to write a post to share my story briefly I’ve suffered from every subtype out there and suffered undiagnosed for most of my life The ocd was severely impairing my life and I was avoiding many of life’s big changes such as getting married, having kids, moving house, going on holidays etc etc I saw a couple of different therapists over the years and they helped to a certain degree but I never got treated for ocd directly so some of their tools and techniques actually increased my ocd symptoms. 18 months ago I found a specialist therapist in ocd. Today, I find myself living a completely different life and the happiest I have been. I finally have the tools I need to ensure that I respond to my thoughts appropriately now. I also no longer feel at the mercy of the dark anxious cloud coming over me as I realise now that my previous unhelpful responses (mental, emotional and behavioural compulsions) are what cause me to go down the scary dark rabbit hole. Another very useful tool was to sit with any anxiety I may experience from an intrusive thought- If no response is engaged with, the anxiety dissipates and goes away every time- if the anxiety persists, it means you are responding in some way- (Some responses may be very very discreet and you may really need to pay attention to yourself and be mindful of what ways you are responding) I still actively engage in exposure tasks and I have ticked off some of the triggers right at the top of my hierarchies - this seemed impossible to me at the beginning! When I feel particularly stressed or upset, I know that will be a time when ocd pops up and has a little attempt at getting me to ply its game again so what I do now Is I actually go out of my way to trigger myself with exposure tasks to really show ocd who’s boss. (It’s taken a bit to get to this point but bloody hell it feels empowering my to do it!!) I hope this post gives anyone still in the midst of ocd’s torment a bit of encouragement to carry on through the dark times because if I can come from where I was to where I am, then I’m sure you can. Disclaimer- I am just a normal guy sharing my experiences of ocd - I’m not a therapist or healthcare professional.

Any Relarionship OCD stories/experiences anyone wants to share?

I can’t stand this anymore. I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I feel so sick from all these thoughts & I constantly feel that I’ve done something terrible wrong in the past and I’m going to get in trouble. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the thought of not knowing. This is killing me😭

What do you all do when you have a handful of tricky weeks? I’ve been feeling pretty good, but the last few weeks I have noticed my SOOCD and Pure OCD sneaking in and have ruminated a whole lot more. Just some background: -happily married to my husband with kids. -All types of OCD in my past, but SOOCD has been the theme now for awhile. -definitely having trouble considering the fluidity of the idea of sexuality in general. Also triggered by later in life coming out stories. -my SOOCD has been manageable but lately it’s just been in the background—like a mosquito—just there enough to notice and I’m definitely attaching meaning to the thoughts. Which turns into a cycle of rumination. Argh! - Returning to my ERP exercises. Is this what most people do? Feeling a bit stuck. Not looking for any reassurance just support—sometimes knowing I’m not the only one is a bit of the push I need. It’s just nice to know we all have each other’s backs! 😊❤️

Can obsessing about the samething over and over again make you believe and feel like it’s true? Especially if you obsessed about it for over a year…. Like I obsessed and tested myself about loving my partner… now I get strange sensations and started to believe I don’t love my partner… but I have moments where I know I love him. Clarity moments.

Any words of hope? My sexual orientation OCD has not let up for like a month straight. Every second of every day I am ruminating and thinking to myself I'm such a fraud, my boyfriend deserves better, I'm ruining everything :/ Makes me wanna cry but I have no tears just feel numb at this point. I honestly can't remember not feeling like this and I'm afraid it's gonna last forever.

It’s really hard for me to let things go. Once I have a thought/obsession, the only thing that seems to help me drop it is saying it out loud to my therapist/talking it out with her/hearing that she doesn’t think the thought is true or out of the ordinary (yes, I realize this is me seeking validation/reassurance). After that, I am able to move on and realize days later how silly/inaccurate the thought was. How does one get past this and manage the thoughts independently? I want to be able to give myself that same validation/reassurance that my therapist can provide internally/independently. The problem I run into is that the thought always seems like such a huge deal, that it would be wrong to ignore it.

I really need someone’s input. And I feel really bad because I feel like I abuse that in another post and the other persons not respond rightfully so. Anyway has anyone ever imagine a scenario and gotten themselves really pissed off or upset or some combination of the two and then that triggers the OCD? I’m scared because I was washing these things at my job I work as a dishwasher. I think they’re for grills where are Japanese barbecue place so you can cook your own food if you want to I’m not sure where exactly is apparatuses go but I have to clean them. And I thought I’m scared I felt a shift inside me and said I do I don’t miss hanging boobs I don’t like them! And I can’t stop thinking about them and say love but I don’t love them I don’t I’m scary simply I don’t simply do I I don’t know I don’t not simply anything I don’t not do but I’m scared it felt like a gearshift but I still don’t feel right and I’m scared I don’t feels even worse like saying the word but I don’t I’m fine I can’t stop thinking about it like I do and I can’t even imagine a guy like doing a push-up without thinking I don’t want hanging I don’t want boobs I’m scared I don’t wanna condition myself too! And I can’t help it like it’s are there but I don’t miss them and find out you make faces like pecs are the really big ones are and then I protested saying not boobs are gross pecs are not at least the patrols that are not really big or not gross I kept saying those aren’t gross but they kind of are to be honest. But what kind of straight person says that kind of thing miss . I don’t miss hanging boobs I don’t even like them! What was that shift

MAJOR, MAJOR, MAKOR POCD TRIGGER WARNING (TALKS ABOUT HEAVY STUFF) PLEASE 18+ I’m tired. I feel horrible. I haven’t been able to watch porn lately without being scared of the person in the video being exploited, kidnapped, or r*ped. I don’t go on shady websites, just pornhub, but it’s horrible. I find myself being really scared ever since I heard a while back about how cp and other stuff was being uploaded on porn hub and that they were doing a lot of investigations and taking down videos. I’m terrified that I at some point in my life saw something like that and didn’t know it was illegal, I’m horrified by wondering. It doesn’t help that a couple of months ago, I was reading confession posts on Reddit, I used to read them to maybe feel better about my own real events, and they sometimes did help. But I read one that was horrifying. It was about a man who was confessing to constantly watching CP and using the dark web to see it, I only read the beginning part and the comments replying to him, but it was horrible. One thing he wrote on there horrified me and has stuck in my mind ever since. He said “even when I’m watching the hardcore stuff I feel…” I shook when I read that, because I’ve never thought about a “hardcore” part of awful crap like that. As if anything beyond CP itself isn’t already the bottom of society, but to imagine it as different categories like in regular porn terrified me. Now I’m being flooded with intrusive images and it’s had me break out in panic attacks and feel incredibly nauseous. I stopped reading confessions on Reddit after that, that was by far the worst confession I’ve ever read. It was disgusting and horrifying. I called my friend afterwards and told how scared I was and he told that I shouldn’t feel guilty for the decisions someone else made who I didn’t even know, and that I need to be able to separate what I read about other people from myself. I’ve never seen CP but these intrusive images are so vivid and terrible, I feel like crawling out of my own skin. I also saw a video on tiktok by this hacker group who take down accounts that bully, harass or put illegal content. And while what they’re doing is great, they posted a video of an account that has been posting cp and we’re telling people to go and report to get it taken down, but they didn’t blur the profile picture of the account and while it didn’t show anything, the profile picture was of a little girl and she seemed scared and wearing makeup, I was horrified and I just scrolled away and logged off of tiktok. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering they face and seeing that little girls face triggered me beyond what you can imagine. I feel dead inside, I ended up blocking those social activist groups and accounts because while what they’re doing is great and are trying to get rid of all that and spread awareness, it just triggers me too much. I’m not asking for reassurance, but this stuff has horrified me so much, and my OCD is trying to convince me of truly horrible and despicable stuff, but idk anymore, I just feel like dying.

Having a very scary night I was praying and asked for Jesus's holy spirit and the OCD tried to switch out his name for the devil. I know it's OCD and I have been telling God that I ment i want Jesus's holy spirit and God does know my heart so I just have to trust that God is taking care of me. I feel sick however when I was begging God to stay with me I was given a verse. Trust in the Lord God with all your heart lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6 Your feelings are fickle and the devil will try to minipulate them. Do not let him. You are doing so well keep standing in the armour and the light of God let him pave your way. There is no battle he cannot win. I find being in the presence of God calms me. Worship music helps me so much if you search Jesus. (With the full stop) Into Spotify it should come up. Some specific songs that help me are. Broken prayers - piano version By Riley Clemmons Fighting for me By Riley Clemmons Defender By Francesca Battisteli Back to life By Bethel music Scars By I AM THEY. I would love it if you could put your prayer requests Inn the comments ment we can help each other XX.

Tips for dealing with morality/decisions? I recently found something out about a friend from another friend. It distresses me, but I don’t know where to go from here. My OCD is making it hard to make a choice because it’s saying “this should be an easy, black and white choice. You are bad for not instantly getting rid of this person”. I need help figuring out how *I* feel, not how the OCD feels. Does anyone have advice? I feel like utter trash, I won’t lie.

Hello everyone, im struggling with something and i need your opinion. So for years i said to myself that i have suicidal ocd because i have random thoughts and images about that and i dont want to do it, but i always felt that what if its real suicidal thoughts and i just say that its ocd to avoid the pain. So today i did the "search" in me and i found out that sometimes when life is bad i really think that i want to die, and a feeling follows that too. And realizing that i started to feel soo much shame and i felt depressed bc of maybe im i danger and that how dare im thinking about that. And then i felt worse bc i thought about how my family will react to that, what feelings i would give to them. And then i read about suicidal ocd and i found out that all this shame and feelings its ocd, so i was like what the hell?! So the question is can i have both, i mean suicidal thoughts and suicidal ocd? By suicidal though i mean(i dont want to live, life is mean). Its just that but im even affraid that it will be worse thoughts...😅😅 and i dont know how to accept if i have these thoughts bc i feel shameful having these...(maybe im broking the rules but i want this bc where i live theres no one who specialize with ocd and i need this aswer to know the truth if i have ocd or not)

It just feels like I’ll never be able to get the girl of my dreams... everything’s reminding me how single I am, not to mention the HOCD intrusive thoughts... 😞😞😞

Something really stressful is happening to me and I need your advice. in fact tomorrow i will start again the sport i stopped because of the pandemic, cheerleading. in the team there is a person who is lesbian and on whom my hocd it was attached a few years ago and I really want to start again because I like her but I already know that I am going to have a bad time and I don't want that to change what I have with my boyfriend

I don’t wish this crap on any body. The constant fear, anxiousness, guilt & feeling like a terrible person ALL the time

Currently struggling pretty hard :/ I have so many different intrusive thoughts I couldn’t possibly ask for enough advice on this forum, i just hope I can start treatment soon. My fears and anxieties have left me house ridden. I’m unable to socialize and only leave to get my partner to and from work. I can barely go to the grocery store and have developed an eating disorder from my ingredient obsessions. I’ve been unemployed over a year and the idea of feeling THIS paralyzed leaving the house while also being expected to go to work and perform makes me feel ill. I’ve had dermatillomania my entire life and my “nails” are nothing but fingers with teeny unbelievably thin slivers of nail matter left and I have a bad habit of getting lost in my nail biting or taking sharp objects to my face for hours on end. I have to ask my boyfriend are you still alive every few hours. I feel like any angle from which OCD could attack you, I’m being crippled from. I’m uninsured and I have been relying in emergencies on a bottle of beta blockers from three years ago, I have four left and I’m very scared. I’m feeling very low guys. Wishing for relief.

Does anyones OCD make you think that people think your OCD thoughts were real even though they realised how much you were suffering and helped you out of an episode? This obsession is driving me nuts. I am doing erp but think I am obsessing that this episode wont go and it is sticking around for so long this time. When I listen to the erp I dont think I am doing any compulsions but I suppose I am trying to remind myself that these people would never think this of me. I am so sick to death of this obsession now.

Can someone help please? 🆘 I’m really scared I don’t want to lose my love for guys and I don’t wanna start any thing with the opposite of guys. I want the opposite sex I don’t want girls I don’t want the parts! I can’t stop thinking but I don’t want a combination of the two things that’s for sure lol. Sorry just trying to be a little lighthearted but it’s not really working. My palms are sweaty I don’t understand. I said I don’t want you and I’m scared like can I have it I don’t like girls I don’t want to add a team so to speak I want pectorals come back and I keep acting like but I don’t want torpedoes. I don’t want boobs I am scared I almost feel better thinking saying how I don’t want women and focusing on the W like but I don’t want women but I can’t stop thinking of the letter W as though I do. I don’t want women I don’t wanna feel better saying as thought when I don’t!

I’m scared you guys. I don’t want this to be a possibility and I almost said that I am but I’m not really prepared for. Can sexual orientation change? I don’t want to switch or add a team! 🥺 I’m scared I don’t want to I know it’s part of life but I don’t wanna fall out of love with my guy. Definitely don’t wanna add girls to the team I felt funny saying that but I really don’t wanna do it. I wake up arguing with myself which is unfortunately normal but what scares me right now is that I was trying to say guy/guys I’m scared I see these phrases right and that’s one of them. I’m trying to feel better saying but I don’t want women/men I don’t I don’t want women. And yet I’m afraid and I feel better I don’t want to be bisexual but if I’m straight why would I feel better saying that one I don’t wanna I’m scared I don’t want women. I’m scared I feel better saying that and I feel worse leaving them out and I don’t understand what that means! I don’t want women I want guys/men And yet I almost started to get anxious in my palm starting to sweat leaving them out I don’t trust anything and I feel confused I don’t want women! I’m scared and I’m scared I’m so tired I said so what I don’t wanna start liking women I don’t like their parts. And yet my throat closes no I’m leaving them out and I’m simply must be I’m tired and I feel like giving up at and can’t stop I don’t wanna lose my feelings for my guy and I don’t wanna have any I don’t like women’s parts I don’t have any for women they’re not simply anything boobs are not lovely. So I don’t understand how come I feel worse excluding them and I’m afraid of how I felt including I don’t want it I don’t want to feel better saying that I’m sorry I can’t breathe. I don’t don’t want women sexually I don’t want women in any kind of way. I don’t want women! Yeah I’m scared I do I choke up when I expose them I don’t want girls I don’t want to feel it better saying it like it doesn’t I don’t know if it feels right but it’s like for some reason I just have this really strong urge to say it and I said it in my head but I don’t want girls if I’m straight why would I say that in my head? I’m fine I am I don’t wanna look at girls differently I don’t want to see them in my head naked and feel different I don’t want to look at them different I don’t want to change. It almost feels wrong to say no I’m scared I am now I’m not resisting for anything I’m scared it almost why would I feel wrong if I’m straight?! And there’s no if I’m not attractive I’m not interested I’m not I can’t breathe I’m so sorry. I’m not and I don’t understand why would I feel better adding I don’t want women