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Sometimes I ask myself "Did I always have horrible thoughts like this? We're they always in my life? If so, how come I weren't so focused on it like I am now?" There are so many things I regret when I were younger but at the same time I've done good things. I always strive to be a good person. Not perfect, but good. I always worry that I'm not though. Why does this happen? Why do these thoughts always go to the worst things imaginable? It's never anything polite or positive. Most of the time it's just occupied with negative thoughts based on pretty much anything that would make me sick.

I'd like to hear people's recovery stories with harm ocd. I need some encouragement.

Tell me the story what triggered your OCD the first time? Mine was when I had pneumonia when I was 13 and it was really scary experience so I was afraid that I was going to die.

There are no OCD specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD teletherapy. Would I be better off trying to find a regular therapist, or performing ERP by myself at home? My OCD is not severe at this point in time, I don’t know if that makes a difference

Pls help.:: Soooo my bf and I took a break 2 weeks ago cuz I kept accusing him and being crazy. And he needed me to stop. He cried and everything to me. I took that break (it was a week) to focus on me and feel good alone in case he decided to leave me for good. So he didn't & we got back together. It's been 2 weeks and it's been good and I been good. Tonight tho we had a small minor occurrence, he unfollowed this girl next to me and then I noticed he re followed her and so I asked him if he was sure he did it and he got mad at me. I didn't tell him I saw it cuz that woulda caused more stuff. This was on me for going back to that toxic behavior. Clearly I didn't learn too much. It turned into a hugeeee thing and he practically said the same thing that he is afraid to leave me because he doesn't feel like I'm stable and that I'd lose my job and apartment and all of that. He thought of leaving me but didn't cuz he loves me and all these things. In the end he just said I don't even wanna talk about it I'm just gonna have to deal with this, I'm a sucker and u just walk all over me. And that my ocd was ruining our relationship & he should've left me a long time ago. Some background for the last 2 1/2 years we were on&off exclusive but not OFFICIAL and he was fucking up constantly talking to girls and hooking up with them! (We been dating officially seriously committed for a year and he hasn't messed up once) but my point is I didn't give up on him cuz I knew he had some issues and he got better and I gave him that chance. He hasn't fully given me a chance and now knowing he just expects the worst from me and is afraid to leave me makes me more worried now. Like what if I get better and he still leaves or he just will end up being with me even tho he just feels scared to leave? Like wth. I'm so confused and upset and he's asleep so I can't even figure it out. We are such an amazing couple but these issues have arouse a lot and it has to do with me not behaving this way. When I say he changed, mean he CHANGED SO MUCH. He is such a different man and amazing to me and I never wanna lose him but I also don't want him with me for the wrong reasons, being he's just scared I won't be ok.

Soooo my bf and I took a break 2 weeks ago cuz I kept accusing him and being crazy. And he needed me to stop. He cried and everything to me. I took that break (it was a week) to focus on me and feel good alone in case he decided to leave me for good. So he didn’t & we got back together. It’s been 2 weeks and it’s been good and I been good. Tonight tho we had a small minor occurrence, he unfollowed this girl next to me and then I noticed he re followed her and so I asked him if he was sure he did it and he got mad at me. I didn’t tell him I saw it cuz that woulda caused more stuff. This was on me for going back to that toxic behavior. Clearly I didn’t learn too much. It turned into a hugeeee thing and he practically said the same thing that he is afraid to leave me because he doesn’t feel like I’m stable and that I’d lose my job and apartment and all of that. He thought of leaving me but didn’t cuz he loves me and all these things. In the end he just said I don’t even wanna talk about it I’m just gonna have to deal with this, I’m a sucker and u just walk all over me. And that my ocd was ruining our relationship & he should’ve left me a long time ago. Some background for the last 2 1/2 years we were on&off exclusive but not OFFICIAL and he was fucking up constantly talking to girls and hooking up with them! (We been dating officially seriously committed for a year and he hasn’t messed up once) but my point is I didn’t give up on him cuz I knew he had some issues and he got better and I gave him that chance. He hasn’t fully given me a chance and now knowing he just expects the worst from me and is afraid to leave me makes me more worried now. Like what if I get better and he still leaves or he just will end up being with me even tho he just feels scared to leave? Like wth. I’m so confused and upset and he’s asleep so I can’t even figure it out. We are such an amazing couple but these issues have arouse a lot and it has to do with me not behaving this way. When I say he changed, I mean he CHANGED SO MUCH. He is such a different man and amazing to me and I never wanna lose him but I also don’t want him with me for the wrong reasons, being he’s just scared I won’t be ok.

Is anyone else having a really difficult time with their Real Event and False Memories? I’m having a horrible night right now. I’m terrified, terrified of “what if”. This is horrible, I don’t know what else to do.

How do you set good habits without them turning compulsive?

I think I’m afraid to get better but I don’t know why because I hate ocd

I’m not sure if it’s insomnia but I haven’t been sleeping very good lately. I’ve been going to sleep around 3-5 in the morning because I just can’t seem to go to sleep at a decent time and the next day I’m really tired (unless I have coffee) but isn’t insomnia where you don’t sleep for multiple days at a time? But one of the side affects of my medication is insomnia so I wonder if that’s what’s causing it or stress. I do know that so much is bothering me right now. It’s my first Christmas without my dad he passed in February of this year and I wish he was here. Also just OCD itself is too much right now for me to handle with some mistakes from my past bothering me, intrusive thoughts sometimes that bother me although I’m starting to handle them better it’s mostly the real life stuff that’s bringing me down. People keep asking what I want for Christmas and I keep telling them nothing but they don’t understand that I feel like I don’t deserve anything and that I would feel guilty if they got me anything. I feel like I’m living a complete nightmare. I just want to be free.

Hi. As a partner of someone with rocd, how can I help him?? How can I make his life easier? What should I do when he has a "down" moment? He has ups and downs with apathy and feelings, and sometimes I took it personal and I feel used because of it... he has an avoidant attachment stile I think, and he tends to rationalise everything!

Feeling triggered because someone on the NOCD app Literallt just said the reason I think my SOOCD is ocd is because I’m brainwashed into thinking that. Can someone talk me through this I am so angry

I’m at the point where everything feels like a trigger. Even quotes and things that don’t have to do with my theme somehow tie in. It’s exhausting.

I Could really use some interaction please. I’m so mad because I was doing good and now I’m just back to zero So I didn’t take anything to help me sleep for the first time in anywhere from 3 to 5 days I can’t remember how many it’s been. All I took was a magnesium vitamin because it’s supposed to help your muscles and stuff and I found that it does help me sleep a little. I woke up pretty OK when it comes to OCD arguing a little but if I was to put it on a scale I would probably have been below average. Which was nice for once. But then the longer I was awake the worse ago. I’m scared I saw a video with big round boobs and I don’t like them but at the same time I’m scared I was impressed and I don’t wanna be and then I looked at someone some other woman’s boobs and I said not big enough but I don’t want big round ones I don’t want I don’t want bacon I want small I don’t want boobs of any kind and I don’t like the way I was smiling. And now I’m scared of him and I don’t care if it’s like natural I don’t wanna lose it for my guy because then I look at some older pictures like mixed in with recent ones on my phone and I’m like definitely not losing it for him with the boob thing I don’t wanna be I’m not bisexual I feel funny in my chest I don’t like boobs of any size and yet for me to look at a woman say no big enough I don’t want big round ones and I’m very scared

After being certain, convinced and believing I am my thoughts for many months I tried doing uncertainty last night to stand up to my brain but unfortunately It just confirmed my hunches. I was watching this show and all it did was confirm that my thoughts and feelings are real and they will happen/ stay there once I get past depression/anxiety bc they are my in my nature. I dont think Im capable of being attracted to women and I dont think I was truly attracted to them my whole life even if I was I think Im more gay than straight which is kind of saddening. I keep having thoughts/doubts/feelings that Im a girl inside and proofs from my past keep popping up. When I was watching this show and seeing the girl flirt with the guy she likes it felt like it was me doing that and with ease since ive been comfortable around guys growing up. And it wasnt doubt like ocd doubt it was like when someones discovering themselves. Idk Im just exhausted and depressed, It feels like I want to change and have to change, I cant bring myself to say that I dont want to like I did before when ocd began. I really think this is just my true self that ocd made me realize and now im just depressed about it. Its making me so ßuicidal and anxious.

I am having a hard time with thoughts of urgency regarding my sexual orientation. I am going to a ceremony today and I feel this overwhelming kind of godly inspired anxiety where I think I have too air out my business in regards to the struggles I’ve been having with my sexuality and Hocd. I have told most of my family that I am bi sexual now & most of my friends basically everyone short of a Facebook post with having done barely anything with a man before. In fact I told them all before I ever even experimented sexually. So I wake up in the morning and feel like called by god to air out my business later even though I don’t want too. And than I get this anxiety and back n forth in my mind that if I don’t step up and share everything that’s going on with me I am living in fear etc which very well might be the case and that than if I don’t in like dialing myself. But the sharing of the fact that I’m having a hard time accepting myself whether it be HOCD or bisexuality seems never ending I have come out of the proverbial closet like a bunch of times now and I keep becoming obsessive and getting in this mental loop with myself that is just CRAZY. Like if I just open up to a person about it one more time it will go away or I will overcome it. Maybe that is my form of reassurance seeking who knows. I was talking to a lady about this and she asked me why the need to air out your business to everyone all the time and I stated that I feel like when it comes to things that bother me I can compare it to like jumping off a cliff. I either run full spread ahead and screaming full of fear and just off the cliff or I run around in the opposite direction. Why does everything have to feel like I’m either jumping off the cliff or running away from it, there has to be some middle ground. I would hope that my whole life doesent have to operate from that level of intensity and anxiety when it comes to how I feel about things, how I deal with them, and how I operate with the world. My obsessions seem to just switch depending on what’s going on but if there is nothing going on externally that I can latch on too it seems my sexuality is the baseline from which my obsessions and fears will manifest/operate. Before when I was in a relationship I would operate from the baseline of doubting my relationship

Anyone here also think they have compulsive staring? I (25F) used to think it was me checking for my HOCD and sometimes it is but sometimes I catch myself staring at someone’s body but I’m zoned out. So when I zone back in “I’m like oh shit why am I staring at this”. The only thing that worries me is that it’s usually women more than men, so I worry if I’m bi or lesbian. Anyone else always find themselves starting?

Attracted to female celebrities? So my friends and I were playing truth or dare and a question came up where you have to pick the celebrity you thought was hotter. And it was a male celebrity and then they named the female celebrity and I was like “oh!” In excitement vs the male celebrity I was like whatever. And now I’m realizing I can pick out a female celebrity I like more vs a male celebrity. Does this mean I’m a lesbian? I’ve been struggling with HOCD and ROCD for a while and I was starting to get better but this triggered me. Have I been hiding my feelings towards women my whole life? I don’t ever see myself dating a women but my brain keeps sending me images related to that and I just want to know…

My groinal s feel like I’m turned on by the thoughts

Does anyone else here focus on their partner’s body’s flaws ?