Welcome to
the NOCD Community

when we’re little, we’re told of stories that begin with ‘once upon a time’ and end with ‘happily ever after’ but our lives aren’t written out for us, like this. we don’t live in fairytales. however, the original stories of the disney princesses felt less like a fairytale and more like life. whenever i read them, i felt uncertain. how will this story end? why did things have to be this way? i don’t want this to happen! nevertheless, i still loved those stories. just because we won’t know if ugly things will happen to us, doesn’t mean there wasn’t any beauty in our lives at all. i may be confused, i may wander endlessly and still feel lost. my fate may be cursed with bad luck and fortune. of course i’m afraid. but even so, if i keep wishing for something that’ll never come true, if i keep planting flowers that’ll never bloom, if i never wake up from dreaming, i’ll never truly live. i’ll never hurt, i’ll never heal, i’ll never grow up! and when i’m so out of breath searching for a false comfort, my vision will be too blurry for me to see everything i’m so thankful for. i’ll forget how to love. so, i don’t care if i’m not a princess in a perfect fairytale! i’ll love with all my heart, even if it means to suffer.

Any tips on how to not ruminate?

It almost feels like my OCD has gone. But the issue is, even though I have no anxiety, I still have the obsessions. I get horrible awful thoughts but don’t worry about them. And I hate it! It’s like I ‘miss’ the worrying because it proved that I didn’t like them. But now that it’s gone, I feel like a monster.

I feel like I’ve suffered from different types of ocd since like two years ago. I have had religious ocd where the thoughts really bothered me because I’m catholic and all of the sudden I got a thought that I could become a satanist. I used to scream out loud to myself to stop the thoughts. It eventually went away on its own. The thoughts pop back up every now and then but they don’t bother me nearly as much as they used to. Then when I was with my girlfriend at the time, there was a point in the relationship where I got a thought that I maybe got tired of her and that I didn’t love here anymore. That bothered me for like two months at one point but it also eventually went away and we continued. Now, this is where my world crippled and I’m messed up bad in my head. I have been suffering from depression for like 5 years. Keep in mind I’m 20. I have always and I mean always attracted to women all my life. If the thought of being gay would come to my head, it didn’t even last 2 seconds before it went away. This was in late June last year. I was with my best friend at the time (a guy) and we made plans for me to stay at his house for the night since my girlfriend was at a party. We used to do this anyway, we both are music producers so we spent hours making beats on his laptop. We got drunk and high throughout the night. He pulled out some porn on his phone and we started watching it pointing out the features of the girls in the video. Then we started masturbating and there was a point where he grabbed my junk and I did it also. We were like touching each other in complete silence while watching the video. I’m getting all time high anxiety while writing this. I eventually just finished the job on my own and when I was done my friend told me to give him a bj. I immediately told him no way. He went into his bathroom and when he was out of sight I immediately vomited all over his floor. I had to help him clean It since it was his house so. The next day we didn’t mention it and to this day we never have mentioned it. Keep in mind I was still with my girl at the time which made everything 5,000 times worse. I never told her and my head was messed up for like 2 months after that. My girlfriend ended up leaving 4 months after the situation but it was because of some relationship troubles that we were having since about a year ago. The breakup messed up my psyche a lot. I realized a couple months after the breakup that a part of me was with my girl to fuel my own ego and have everyones approval. Even though it seems like I didn’t, I really adored my girlfriend, she was my first everything, traveling, sex, sharing other first time experiences I mean everything. Though Im still working on getting over her, I have been suffering from the thought that I might be gay since like 2 months ago and its killing me. I feel no attraction to men but my mind is almost convincing me that that is truly what I want. I’ve even been avoiding sex with some girl friends of mine because I’ve also suffered from terrible performance anxiety for the majority of my sex life. I’ve tried to accept the thought that I might be bisexual but deep down I know that I’m straight even though my mind is telling me I want men. I’m also a big reassurance speaker and have tried to find professional help but I live in an area where it’s impossible to find some. I want to get over this because its tearing my life apart. I’m not homophobic, I have like 5 gay friends and I’m close to one of them, and I’ve never had an inclination to do anything sexual with men so these thoughts are disturbing and distressing to me. Keep in mind I also suffer from mad anxiety and different types of it. I love women but it seems I’ve become sexually neutered. I hate this I want to go back to how I was before. Sorry for the long message, I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you if you read this.

Haven’t been on for a long time because I feel like I’ve been doing some progress. Or should I say half progresses. I say half because they’ve not necessarily been for me, they’ve been because of someone else but nether the less it means I’ve faced a compulsion and not done it or faced an obsession and not given in. Examples are... 1. I haven’t been able to wear knickers for about two years. The last time I did I had got to a really obsessional stage where it could take me hours to find a pair to wear that wasn’t ‘too germy’ and if they were I’d obsess about it getting too close to down below and it being inappropriate. It got to the point where it was endless arguments in my family so my mum took them away so it’d cut the obsession. It was probably the wrong thing for her to do because now I’m terrified of trying them again incase I become obsessed again. BUT since seeing this guy I’ve become quite aware of the fact that it’s probably going to look really weird if I’m not wearing any so I bought some pairs and wore one on our last date. It took me a few changes and 2/3 I had to throw away for being germy but I managed with the pair I wore. I’m tempted to buy more as I feel I could wear them again I just don’t feel I could deal with them going through the wash with other peoples clothes just yet. 2. TMI but I managed to get intimate with this guy and not obsessively wash my body afterwards because of germs and I just chucked a pair of pyjamas on without my rituals when getting clothes on 3. I wanted to make my part of the garden I share look nice so I plucked the courage up to move my neighbours playhouse. Albeit with gloves on to avoid germ transferral but usually I wouldn’t have been able to do it even with the germs on 4. About 30% of the time I can ignore my intrusive thoughts 5. My self care is improving. Again TMI but I was able to shave my intimate area with a razor that wasn’t completely ‘safe from germs’. I’ve taken time to paint my nails, do a face mask, watch a sad movie with a hot chocolate 6. I got drunk. Getting drunk has been a fear of mine because I’m terrified I may blurt out intrusive thoughts and look like a weirdo but I did it and got the hangover from hell to prove it 7. I unfollowed someone that greatly influences my ocd. They tweet their thoughts and compulsions during their panic moments and I find I latch on to them or it flares up my worry more but I’ve always followed them because I’m like ‘same ?’ when really I should have unfollowed, not to be mean, but to step back and be like ‘I won’t be same, I need to be different and beat this’ 8. I’m trying to get over my fear of certain numbers so I will stop now at one of them and I won’t stress and worry about using it I don’t know if these are necessarily progresses because it’s probably things I’m doing for others and not me but I’ve felt proud that I’ve done them and can’t wait to tell my therapist as it’s like ERP I’ve set myself and done. Hopefully this can help others to try some of their ERP today and feel as proud as I do right now, because it’s a nice and different feeling

I have a problem maybe you guys can help, Im 27 years old and NEVER doubt that about my sexuality before, i was (i think im still) girl crazy and i have nothing against gay people i have friends how are gay, i was working nights shifts like for 3 months straight and not sleeping at all, and one day i was drinking and smoking weed, having a good time and from no where this thought that i might be gay appears, and have been struggling for about 5 months from now, i now i have a crush on this girl we are even dating but some times it thoughs feels so real like im on a denial and get depressed i used to be a happy person with out doubts about my sexuality i mean im 27 years i should have seen this coming long time ago if its real right? At this point I don't know what to do i live in a country that therapy is hard to find especially this kind im taking some medication but i need help this is taking my life and im afraid that im liying to my girlfriend, what should i do ? Is this HOCD or im on a denial? ( Sorry about my English, is not my first language)

Hi everyone. Ive been having the same OCD thought for weeks. How do I move on? I feel like my brain is stuck. Sometimes I think about it so much I get dizzy and my head feels like I just came up from underwater.

I fail to see why sex should be allowed at all if its responsible for so much pain and suffering in the world throughout history.

My Therapist says that first I must not analyze my thoughts and then start erp is this truth?

Having one of those days where my thoughts are getting to me Pocd tw As some of you who have seen my posts already know... I’m a nurse and today I was helping my 14 year old teenager use the urinal (due to his condition he needed help) and he had an erection and ended up not be able to pee and I was having so many intrusive thoughts and ocd kept trying to say “you know you like this etc etc” and even know my mind is trying to say “you did something to him” and I know I didn’t but ocd says “what if you did “accidentally” I’m sure he was just hard because he’s a teenager etc, maybe just the fact a female nurse was in the room Trying to tell the ocd bully I’m accepting the uncertainty Just harder to do that today :(

i have always been attracted to males and and have always been boy crazy. but my ocd won’t stop telling me that i’m bi and i hate it so much. if feels so real at this point and i feel like my ocd has changed everything

I’m in a state of psychosis can someone help me or give me advice.btw no ones told me I have psychosis but it feels like it But i do have ocd .

So I've been told that the difference between hocd and being gay is that when you are gay your only fear is with regards to how your family and friends will react to this. But me on the other hand, I've caught myself a couple of times thinking that if I were gay, I would dissapoint my family and I would get treated badly. Please tell me I'm not the only one

Ocd is like this bully that leaves you alone for a while and then come's back worse every time. This morning I just switched my tv on and for some reason I had this thought pop into my head that what if someone on the tv told me to harm someone... what if the ground is lava, man... I was doing so well last few weeks... then this. Worst thing is I feel alone in having these weird thoughts... feels like everyone's thoughts are normal or can atleast happen in reality while mine is totally out there... and I just started getting motivated again to enter modelling, now I'm scared AF is I can even do it with my mind always doing this shit.

How to accept uncertainty for a thought that pops up randomly-being molested while sleeping during school trip ? ?

Is depersonalization a sign of OCD? Like questioning who you are?

Hey, weird question: Can OCD make you freak out over thinking someone in a video (where the camera perspective is in front of them, with them attacking the screen) is attacking you? I have a weird anxiety over getting nasty looks or being in attack direction from characters in movies and videos. Really messes me up and I’m actually scared of sharing this because I don’t know if anyone will understand, or they’ll judge me.

Lou and Lewis, new thread guys ?

Damn I hate this OCD. Every day I wake up feeling guilty like I've cheated on my wife even though I never have. This guilt is ruining my whole existence.

I hate that we have to suffer with sexual orientation OCD. Heck in the way, way past I was aroused by Lesbian porn but it never made me doubt my heterosexuality. But now with this OCD subject and the constant mental rituals ocd tells me that because of what I did in the past it means I’m a lesbian and I just haven’t realized it yet. And during ERP when the behavioral specialist tell me to imagine that the thoughts might be true (that’s what you have to do in ERP) it terrifies me and makes me so so sick. I just don’t want it to be true. I’ve always dreamed of having a husband, even now in moments like these I wish he was here to hold me now and tell me everything will be ok...