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How would I book an emergency appointment? I’m having a bit of an ocd crisis over here lol

Some of the convos on here scare me. Like I genuinely think a small amount of people on here have other issues besides OCD and it’s making me freak out about if that’s me too.

Either it’s the truth or OCD itself but I feel fully convinced that I am THAT. No matter what I say or do it’s always there, there’s no running from it. I of course feel no kind of sexual excitement from these thoughts, but there are times when there’s a brief moment when it feels like I do. I’ve said it so many times but I’ll say it again: I don’t wanna be this person nor do I want to do these things. Nor do I want to feel anything like THAT towards THAT. But there’s absolutely no anxiety happening in my body (other than when I get scared of what other people may think) when these thoughts happen. Not to mention they happen way too naturally as if it’s what i want to think (I have no idea if any of these thoughts are intrusive anymore) I don’t even think I have any compulsions either, everyone has told me ruminating and constantly questioning it is my compulsion, along with of course the reassurance seeking. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know anymore. Then there’s the twitching which might just be me doing it on purpose to prove something to myself like “hey look you’re twitching your head persistently that must mean you ARENT THAT”. I can’t even think about men either. What happened to me being gay? Like it feels like I have to FORCE myself to think about what I’ve always known to like. What does that indicate? it feels like I’ve lost my mind and there’s no hope of returning back to where my mind was before. Maybe I’m posting this for you all to tell me that I’m not who I think I am, maybe I’ve grown reliant on strangers reassuring me that I’m not a pedo lmfao. There’s a long ways away til my therapist to tell me the truth of what this all means. But I do apologize if I have been using OCD as a self diagnosis because I don’t wanna deal with whatever else it might be. And if I am diagnosed, I can’t help it, I’m a pessimist. Good night.

Today I was brave enough to go out, together with my toddler, and walk to the church house, where I was going to meet the priest to have a chat about my struggles. As the Lutheran church has been so welcoming to me, I felt entitled to do so. The priest has been so kind every time I have met him, that I was very confident about today, and despite the very harsh weather (we were -17°C with feels like -24°C) I would much preferred to have stated home, but I didn't. I did my best to be there. Still I didn't make it on time. I had to call the priest 2 times to apologize and let him now we were almost there. I explained him, my baby girl she is still slow to walk in so much winter clothing and shoes, and it was so cold. I somehow knew I shouldn't have gone there. But I thought it was my OCD sending me negative or intrusive thoughts. The priest wasn't the same today, he seemed to disconnected from the conversation, he wasn't happy today, he seemed bored and not interested in talking, I got confused and uncomfortable, since he invited me to go and talk. He insisted me on saying hello to the deacon there, but I was very scared to so so, since she just came back yesterday from Africa, she was there more than a month. So I was so worried thinking: "what if" she brought a disease home? Since no one told me, what was she really doing there and where, they just said on service, it's not so hard to assume perhaps she was in some place assisting people in need and maybe suffering from some diseases. Still they introduced myself to her, she didn't seem any nice, she seemed to not to be eager to meet me, as in the past due to extreme fear and isolation I was into, I failed to visit her and talk to her I guess she must have remained me. She had handshake with me (which I got so nervous) and then she came close to my child to greet her. But I got even more nervous. After all, I came home, took long shower, gave one long shower to my toddler also. I couldn't handle the anxiety about: "what if the deacon is ill without having visible symptoms yet, since she had to take several planes and being at airports, and maybe to have been around people who was very vulnerable and ill? So I decided to send an sms to a colleague of the deacon, I have met her a couple of times and she seemed nice. After I wrote the message, before I even sent it I thought I didn't want my question to be misunderstood and get them upset with me or think something wrong, so I asked to the chatgpt to re write the message in a very respectful way. So the AI did it. I sent it, it took several hours until I got a response. When I got the response I was so hurt by her words. She never even answer my questions. She just said something like this: Paulina, I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way, I'm worried and very convinced you need professional help with all of this... Among other few words she wrote. I felt like she tried to say that I'm crazy. It's something I have noticed here, people tends to be rude or to sharp to say things about mental health. To suffer from anxiety and OCD its not to be crazy or insane. To struggle from this psychological disorders doesn't make me stupid, crazy or dangerous. I suffer from this all the day every day. It makes my life a hell, the last thing I need is someone being rude and treating me as a crazy or mentally impared person. I'm not. After thinking a while about germs words I wrote her an answer and I cried my eyes out. I feel more calm now. But it feels so hard to live in a society where people has so much ignorance about OCD and how badly affects the life on the individuals who suffer from it. I wish people was more empathetic, kind and supportive. Instead being harsh and rude. The only good thing here is I was outside with my daughter, and I tried despite all, to recognize my effort and to feel I did one thing different today. I hope someone can share with me if you