Struggling bad

In no way am I trying to say anyone has it easier than anyone else, becuase I know how exhausting and distressing any theme can be. But I’ve been struggling with pocd and false memory so bad the past few months and sometimes I just wish I had health ocd the worst or something because then I couldn’t be considered a monster. It couldn’t get me in trouble. I wouldn’t be an awful person or question myself then. I just feel so unworthy and ashamed so much for having these thoughts I hate it.

Iceberg Climber

Date posted: 3d

Hello friend. I am very, very sorry you are struggling. I have been where you are and I understand your frustration. Unfortunately, I think you said it best. No one has it easier than anyone else. Comparison is the thief of joy. And the grass always is greener. To be honest, you don't know you wouldn't have just as much shame and guilt if you had existential OCD, health OCD, or whatever other theme you deem less shameful. It's really not healthy to even think like that. But I know you know this. And I know your suffering. That's where this comes from. Plain and simple. You're suffering from unwanted thoughts like many others here. And that is the hand you've been dealt and it's awful and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I truly, truly sympathize with you. But I want to encourage you. You CAN ignore those thoughts. You CAN live meaningfully in spite of them and pay them no mind. You CAN decide who you want to be and live according to your values without OCD dictating your actions. And you CAN deal with the anxiety, and shame, and all the rest of the lies your mind might try and throw at you to keep you stuck in its horrible loop. And I know it may be hard to see right now. But you can very much wake up one day and get a horrible, terrible thought and laugh at it. And not let it bother you. And you'll wonder why you ever let such thoughts have any control. And you'll look back and realize just how much better things have gotten. You are stronger than you think. Remember that you always have a choice. You get to decide what to do. And your thoughts don't define you. You are not your thoughts. You are what you decide to be, what you decide to do. I sympathize with your struggle and I can't wait to see your progress. I will pray for you my friend.

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d

@Iceberg Climber Thank you so much,truly. 😭 some days I can ignore it and get through it, and others it’s just debilitating. I will try and keep a positive mindset and push through. I appreciate this ❤️

[Deleted]

Date posted: 3d

Comment deleted by user

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d

@Creatureofthenight- Thank you, I will try and stay hopeful that it’ll get better.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

I have pocd and health ocd and they switch out from less intense to more intense. When my health ocd is more intense it's truly hell on earth. I'll worry all day that im getting a heart attack, a stroke, dying etc. It's really awful, honestly no matter the theme. I've had most themes and yeah they all suck but I get what you mean, I also wish that a lot, getting some other random theme when my biggest ones get too much

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 24w

I feel so much shame

I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 20w

I don’t want to keep doing this

some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame

TurbulentSaq112

Date posted: 12w

POCD without guilt or shame

I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that

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