AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d ago

Not wanting to accept

I think what hinders my progress the most is that I just can’t believe that this is the way I think. I deal with these thoughts every day and just feel so disgusted. I understand ocd clings onto what we care about the most, but why with such distressing, vivid, disgusting thoughts?? I hate it. I know acceptance is the only way but it’s so hard. Why can’t I just think normally and not make everything so weird in my head. It’s like I’m not even truly in the moment I’m always worried about how I’m perceived by others if I did something that may make them think of me as a monster because of my thoughts.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

I know.. it’s rough! I sometimes blame myself for seeing and normalizing things that aren’t normal in my younger teen years.. it’s only been a couple of years since I pushed all that stuff away from me.. but god, the acceptance that I was once that degenerate and rotted in the brain, that it moved on to being a fear of a monster? Yikes.. OCD loves to spook you, even if things weren’t entirely your fault. It grosses me out too that I seem to be the only person who gets uncomfortable when I don’t know the age of someone, and my brain starts to go haywire over it. But it’s not us, as hard as it is to think that in the moment. It’s trauma. OCD gets traumatic. Only thing we can do is move on, get better. We are not a result of our thoughts. We are not a result of things we’ve seen. We are responsible for how our actions hurt others, nothing else!

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d ago

@Julian2006 Thank you!! ❤️ it’s very hard, it’s so comforting knowing others relate but I can’t help but feel so sad for us too knowing we all have to go through this.

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

@AAnonymous17 It’s sad, for sure.. but I’m glad we have each other! Genuinely, I feel nothing but love for my fellow OCD friends. We’re suffering, but we’re not suffering in silence! We can get through it, support goes a long way! I know it helped me knowing that people like me are out there, people who I don’t for a second think are monsters. We’re all battling our own demons, our own traumatic pasts, and our own horrible intrusive thoughts! I’m glad we’re here for each other to help with that 💜

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d ago

@Julian2006 Exactly!! I have found so much acceptance from sharing the same experiences and knowing I’m not alone! It’s a daily mental battle for sure. ❤️

Julian2006

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

@AAnonymous17 That’s for sure! It’s not a solo battle, and it’s good that there’s enough of us to share similar experiences and relate to each other!

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d ago

I understand what you feel 😐

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

Totally understandable and relatable, as I've had POCD as well & Harm Ocd. What helped me was thinking of it this way: Everyone gets intrusive thoughts- even horrible ones. But with ocd, those thoughts just get stuck in our heads (because we're afraid of them and they're ego-dystonic). It's just a symptom of the disorder to have these scary thoughts on repeat. I don't shame someone with psychosis for having a psychotic episode. I don't shame a schizophrenic for having hallucinations. I don't shame an alcoholic for having cravings for a drink. So why do I shame myself for experiencing symptoms of my disorder? Why do I make only myself the exception? Our intrusive thoughts are not our fault

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d ago

@OneDayAtATimee Wow, I’ve never heard that analogy🥹 what gets to me the most is I just start to question myself when the thoughts are on repeat, but it is just the disorder doing what it does best. Thank you!!

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

@AAnonymous17 Aw glad I could help then!! 🙏😇 Yeah totally- the questioning is another symptom as well! Ocd is called “the doubting disorder” for that reason because it makes you unsure of your morals and everything and care about. If you value religion- you often get religious Ocd about offending your God and not being a good worshipper. Many ppl with kids in their family get POCD because they’re afraid to harm those children. I’ve even heard a therapist with OCD say she has scary obsessions about the possibility of giving the wrong advice and ruining her patients’ lives. OCD has 0 boundaries 😆 it will hit you where it hurts lol It’s hard having OCD but trying not to place judgement on yourself and instead viewing these obsessions and compulsions as just another medical symptom- can help you 👍

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 3d ago

@OneDayAtATimee That’s so true!! 0 boundaries that’s for sure lol. This truly has really helped me, thanks so much❤️❤️

OneDayAtATimee

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d ago

@AAnonymous17 - Aw I love that, that makes my day :D Glad I could help!!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 14w ago

I feel so much shame

I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 10w ago

I don’t want to keep doing this

some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w ago

Will groinals go away with acceptance

I keep getting these groinal responses when I think about kids or see one and it's really distressing, I only just learned that OCD can make you feel that and it's not actually attraction but it's so hard to remember that and I've seen people talking about accepting uncertainty but I'm so scared to think "maybe it's attraction maybe it's not" instead of "no it's not attraction that's disgusting" and idk what to do

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