ROCD intrusive thoughts

no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 1y

I’ve experienced every single one of those, not sure if that brings you any comfort but you’re not alone there. Especially with the 3rd one. - I’ve hyperfocused on the present moment fo the point where I’ll forget my bf exists for like half an hour and when I remember, it feels like this cold shock. My first thought is “oh my god I don’t love him enough, this is a sign of the end of our relationship” (lol, it’s not but it feels real then) - I found that one actor really attractive?? He looks nothing like my bf.. I must not like my boyfriend at all. (Again, silly but it feels so concerning in the moment) - Notices any changes or non perfect attributes (wide fingers, teeth shape, weight gain) or any an occasional bad habit: I can’t possibly love him, I care too much about his ____. (Also silly bc I usually love these traits when my ocd isn’t flaring) - what if he’s being lying to me this whole time and he has another girlfriend or is gay or he’s going to murder me. He’s not who I think he is (maybe this one is more common) Those are some I could think of

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@issphra 🫶🏻 I’ve felt all of those as well 🥲 especially the last one, INSANE trust issues….thank you for the input, I totally emphasize and hope you can find some peace of mind 🥹🤍

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 1y

@anonn We can do this 🤍 you’re never alone

clair_m88

Date posted: 1y

Hi! I feel the second to last one all the time. I’ll picture certain scenarios without my partner in them to see how I feel and then I become terrified and I cycle through that all the time. I also struggle with abandonment issues too, so this could be a contributing factor! So I think for me it’s a checking compulsion and also my trauma. I’m sorry you are going through this❤️

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@claire18 I totally get you! thanks so much for the response, it def helps me feel less alone. I’m sorry for your struggles too and hope they can bother you less and less in time 🥲💗

clair_m88

Date posted: 1y

@anonn We got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

There is comfort to know I am not the only having thoughts like this

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Sometimes I think I am just forcing myself to stay in the relationship and I hyperfocus on this , then I go back to feeling connected to my partner, but then I think am lying to myself it’s torture sometimes

faye1010

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I feel this 100%

LiaExe28

Date posted: 1y

The second one yes. Same with the third. Currently in that phase. And also the 4th. I feel like I’m not present. I feel like I’m not enjoying his touch or it’s too much. I’m worried I’m not attracted to his body when I’m with him sexually, or even just romantically I’m worrying I don’t find him attractive. Sex is really being grabbed. I had to stop cuz I kept having intrusive thoughts regarding what if I don’t like this? What if I’m gay (soocd overlap) I’ve been comparing lists about romance lately to see if I love him enough and lately I just feel ://// so I don’t feel like romance but then I panic and I feel guilty cuz he’s always so romantic and kind with me and I feel like I don’t love him enough. I worry I’m forcing myself to love him or have sex with him when that’s never been the case. I’ve always wanted to have sex with him and it’s always been consensual. But my brain obsessed over the way I used to think of sex as a “keep him happy” tool but it’s not it’s about connecting and even before we had penetrative sex, we were connecting. That was before this. I feel like a liar anytime I do anything romantic cuz I feel like I’m gonna break up with him any second and I wanna cry and sob. I’ve been googling/reading lesbian subreddits for hours. I’m bi but I’m worried I’m just a straight up lesbian even tho I feel romantic feelings that I enjoy for my bf. But I’m scared it’s comphet. And I’m scared I’ll find out I’m a lesbian after I fix myself up. I just feel anxious thinking about that but not a good anxious a “oh god” anxious which I worry is because I don’t wanna accept it and not cuz I’m not a lesbian. Cuz I’m not. But my brain seems convinced I am. Which impacts my relationship with my bf and wanting a future with him. I can’t picture it which makes me wanna sob more. Idk if it’s a me falling out of love thing/not wanting the future or if it’s an ocd thing. I’m scared but I’d like to spend my life with him. I don’t say love cuz rn idk what I’m feeling. I don’t feel overly excited about the future. Idk what i feel

faye1010

Date posted: 1y

I surely have experienced all of these

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Soooo confusing

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

But I know I do love my partner like in my heart

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