- Date posted
- 1y ago
it's so tough
my thoughts are based on real events that i remember so when i have what ifs it's that what keeps me reeled in, i'm trying to push through the intense feelings it's just so hard
my thoughts are based on real events that i remember so when i have what ifs it's that what keeps me reeled in, i'm trying to push through the intense feelings it's just so hard
I understand going through the same thing
The fact that you’re pushing through is good, and I know it’s so hard not to seek reassurance. By pushing and pushing (and with some growth in wisdom) you’ll hopefully learn that these feelings are *just* feelings. The illusions will show its true face, you won’t be deceived by ocd any longer. Keep boldly optimistic in order to persevere, I wish you the best with this. If you believe in God, Pray for help with this issue also. I’m fully confident that God helped me to get to where I am today in terms of anxiety management.
On the same road - no word of wisdom other than you’re not alone with being at war with your mind.
Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.
sometimes, to try and prove my fear wrong i’ll be like “ okay, let me think of this REALISTICALLY. would i REALISTICALLY feel this way or do this thing? “ then i come up with scenarios in my head on how i think i would realistically ( or logically ) do something but then my feelings go against that thing i thought of then i start getting anxiety and start to fear that i would actually want my fear to happen or that i’d feel a certain way that proves my fear true. it’s basically just checking how i feel about something i think of to try and prove my fear wrong, checking my emotions or checking how i think i’d realistically feel towards it.. but then i may react “ unrealistically “ it goes wrong and i freak out
I don’t know how to deal with the thoughts that come and barely gone. Usually, the brain often remembers and forgets things. People with OCD however struggle with trying to forget the intrusive thoughts because of the imbalance trying to convey what is real and if the thoughts in your head will come true. Just for the past few days, I was having fun and suddenly hit with a wave of obsessive thoughts and making me stuck with nowhere to go.
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