This situation just happened and I can definitely remember how it went but my brain is telling me otherwise and I know you guys said to sit with the uncertainty but what if the intrusive thought is so bad like disgusting, I can’t sit with that. Maybe it’s false memory but this just happened. I don’t even know how to live with this
Hey! I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know these feelings all too well. As for advice, I know it might sound wild but... sit with it anyway. I know it must be horrible and disgusting and I don't blame you at all for NOT wanting to sit with it.... but just sit with it anyway. I used to have a thought that would come up when I meditated. Every time. And it was HORRIBLE -- mean-spirited, disgusting, all of it. So many of my meditations would be spent just trying to block out that recurring thought, but I couldn't. Then, one day, I decided to try something new and just accept the thought. To look at it dispassionately; as JUST a thought which is all it really was. To not try to change it but to just let it be. The second I did that, I kid you not, it went away within a couple days. It's so much harder to sit with these awful, awful thoughts. But you can. All of us can. Hang in there and just sit with them, trust me!
Thank you
I'm sorry you have to deal with that... Just wanted to say that it can be better. Just believe in yourself, not in OCD...
Thank you
Every breath of uncertainty is a challenge! You are not alone!
Thank you
Are you seeing a ERP therapist?
No, kinda can’t afford it and they don’t accept my insurance.
Hey there. I can see that you are having a hard time and I am so glad that others in the community have jumped on here with support and helpful resources for you. It can feel so difficult to sit with intrusive thoughts as they come. Having a therapist to support you can be a very crucial part for a lot of people. I have a link here that I think might be helpful for you when thinking about the cost of treatment: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-ocd-cost-me
Did you try iocdf.org and nocd ?
Been trying to catch one but I’m always at work. Thank you for giving me resources though.
I went to bed one night in November, and I can't quite say what happened, but I believed that I had a "memory" from childhood. I won't discuss what, but I had "remembered" doing something sickeningly awful. This thing came to me almost as clear as a real memory. I remember thinking something along the lines of 'How could I forget doing something like that?' followed by a feeling of complete horror and terror. I have moments of "clarity" where I can't believe that I'm questioning doing this thing, and it appears obvious that it's false. But now, I'm more than often believing that I did. I am spending 24/7 fighting my head, and it's taking me to dark places. I know this is the worst thing to do, but you don't understand, if this is real then I am a monster and I can't just adopt the 'maybe I did, maybe I didn't approach'. I just can't. I have to know. I'm so scared. My entire life is on the line. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Literally no one. I feel like I'm insane, like I'm a monster, like I'm hiding my true identity from everyone I love. Does this sound like False Memory? Or am I in denial, trying to convince myself this didn't happen? Why does it feel so real? And why do I have moments of clarity? I also had my first nightmare about it last night. Please someone help me.
Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty
I don't think I can go on much longer. I'm fully convinced that my false memory is real. My logical brain isn't even putting up a fight anymore. It must be real. When it first came to me, it was like a video in my mind and I believed it. But, I thought to myself "How could I forget doing something like that?" Then I learned about false memories and I had many, many, many realisations that this didn't happen. But now? I just believe it. It's solidified itself in my mind. My brain feels numb. I'm a monster. I don't understand... I remember so much from my past, but this escaped my mind? How didn't I remember? Can OCD totally fabricate an event in the mind that feels like a memory? There's no way? I can't go on anymore. I'm a monster that needs to be put down.
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