how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)

When i was between the ages of 11-18 i was a very mentally ill and hyper sexual kid. I did a lot pf sexting, sent nudes, and even one video of me doing inappropriate things that haunt me to this day. I have changed a lot since then and realized that this was all jn relation to (TW!!) sexual abuse i experienced as a child/teen. I still feel horrible for the things that I have done and think about this daily. I beat myself up because I know it was wrong of me to act that way growing up. Im afraid that someone will find these texts/pictures/videos one day and it will lead to my complete humiliation. I want to throw up at the thought of people i know and love seeing me act that. Its not who I am or who I ever was. I regret that part of my life so deeply it hurts.

I’m really struggling right now. My mind is racing and I’m panicking about the content that I watched in the past because I don’t have a way to ‘prove’ that it was safe and consensual. I stupidly caved in and googled “what happens if an accidentally saw illegal porn” and I ended up making my anxiety so much worse. What if the images I saw in the past had underage people in them? Am I going to jail? Will my ip address be tracked? My brain is making all sorts of scenarios up and they feel so real. At this point I don’t know if I’m a bad person or not, I just feel like something terrible is about to happen. Although I know I’d never intentionally look for that kind of stuff there’s still a chance that I could have seen things without realising, and I actually don’t know what to do. I’m in total panic mode

Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"