Why Does It Feel Like Denial?

My OCD has found new objects that I should be scared or worried about and I have this urge to hide them or throw them away. When I’m trying to watch tv I get really anxious that I’m trying to focus my attention elsewhere other than being in my own head, trying to sort my thoughts out & when I say I don’t want something I feel like I’m in denial. Does anyone else feel like this

I’m struggling badly. I did something about a month ago which I now realize was probably testing, but what scares me is I feel like I liked it, which is horrifying. What’s even worse though, is after I did it, I was able to brush it off quickly and not be too bothered by it, as I was still very anxious on other thoughts I was experiencing. Now those thoughts are meaningless and THIS is what’s causing tremendous anxiety, but the fact that I didn’t feel anxiety about it after I did it seals the deal for me. I mean, did feel anxious and guilty after I did it, but I was able to dismiss it somewhat quickly, and I remember that memory came up a couple of times within the month after I did it but like I said, it hasn’t too hard to dismiss it. I really feel like it’s denial. The fact that I wasn’t that anxious about it and tried to justify it/dismiss it HAS to mean it’s been denial all this time, there just no way this is OCD :( Right now I’m anxious about the fact that I might’ve liked it AND the fact that I wasn’t anxious about it for a while. It is really just a torment to ruminate on, and I would never do that thing again, but the fact that I did it and felt like I liked it is beyond terrifying. I feel like I have proof now, I’m trying to figure out why I did it and what it meant, and why I wasn’t super anxious the following weeks after, I mean it WAS uncomfortable to think back on, but I feel like the fact I wasn’t super anxious about it means I was in denial or repressing my true self. I am so so scared. I’ve been worried about this for the past week and a half :( (This is all centered on the same theme btw.)

I suffer from religious ocd. My only goal in life is to live in God's will and to serve Him - to live and enjoy His eternal purposes & His presence. Jesus Christ is my life. That is my only desire on this earth, this short trip into eternity, and it's being stripped by ocd thoughts and intrusive thoughts 24-7. I have read many times that ocd can 'feel real', and this is true, our minds lie to us because of fear and anxiety we can't and were never meant to carry. I have begged and tormented myself in every way to find an answer from God. I think His answer may be that this is OCD, but I'm not sure. I started therapy again because I am so exhausted and this had stolen so much of my life in a spiral of negativity, depression, and constant anxiety & intrusive thoughts. I have spent about 2 years trying to figure out if my thoughts are real or not, especially with ocd it can deceive so easily as a spiritual matter when in reality it is just a thought, which is confusing and scary to say the least. Can anyone share their experiences with this sensation? No matter what the theme is... Thank you & Praying for your comfort