- Date posted
- 1y
Please help
I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!
I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!
Idk if you are dealing with a full blown eating disorder or OCD has latched into eating/exercise for other unrelated reasons or both etc. BUT I know E X A C T L Y how you feel rn. I’ve been there. I’m gonna make another comment that is sorta long but bear with me it will get to the point lol👍
I do have this one life lesson (that I still struggle with lol) Every human has intrinsic worth that never goes up or down. The reason working hard matters is so society can work together to survive but the point is not to be productive, it is to survive so we can just be. Even people with CRAZY views that think we should kill others for the greater good, only do that cause they care about lives in the first place. we miss THE answer that is right in front of us: We’re intrinsically worthy. Yes our actions have value in the sense they have a cause and effect, But being in pain or not being in pain does not change your intrinsic worth. We shouldn’t do things to earn worth we should do things to help each-other and enjoy life. I truly think that PRIDE and SHAME are NOT opposites but the fuel of each other Humbleness is the cure. Which is UN-CONDITIONAL love for others and yourself Basically regardless of anything don’t love yourself more or less just focus on helping others💗 and when you make an actual moral mistake have “good-guilt” (which is empathy for the person you hurt that motivates you to change) ANYWAY LOL if you can somehow apply/embody that logic to this OCD eating disorder I think it could heal some of that🤟
omg i had this same thing - i used to do acrobatics practice very obsessively and would feel guilty if i didn’t do like 4 hours before eating. tell yourself you will exercise when YOU want to and feel like it, and have time. You’re in control of your actions and what you want to do, don’t let ocd boss you around. Once you go without exercising before eating for a few days it will start to get easier and you can continue that way and live a happier life
I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
Each night I go to bed determined to stop compulsions and start beating this disorder. Then I wake up and it smacks me in the face first thing and I’m doing a compulsion before I know it. I told my therapist that I would try to handle it like we do in session, but I’ve already failed. It seems like I can’t bring ERP into my “real” life.
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