- Date posted
- 19w
OCD
I feel like the worst kind of person and I am ruining my husband. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to change.
I feel like the worst kind of person and I am ruining my husband. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to change.
I am always here for you! It’ll be ok💕
@sshafer89 Thank you
@PastSelf25 You are welcome!!
Hi there, thank you for sharing this and seeking support. I know how tough it can be to feel this way. Were you aware that this core fear is incredibly common in OCD? Here's a blog post on the topic, in case it helps https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-being-a-bad-person
@Jennifer Dalimonte Thank you this makes me feel supported.
OCD always tries to make people feel like a horrible person or monster who runs everything. That’s what OCD does. OCD lies to us to make us attack ourselves
@Tea and Honey Thank you this makes me feel supported.
I feel the same way. I'm ruining my marriage bc of it. I feel like I'm snapping. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm a complete mess. I need a shower and to take care of myself, but I don't have it in me. I feel like I'm going insane! I hope your day gets better.
@Speckles This is exactly how I am. Down to needing to take care of myself and not being able to. We are the same
@PastSelf25 Sorry you are going thru this too. My husband has been trying to be understanding, but I know he's frustrated with me and I feel like a burden. I hope things get better for both of us. I'm here if you need to vent or talk. I know exactly what you are going thru
If you have OCD ask him to be understanding and become familiar with some of the things you are dealing with. There are also lots of good tips on the Patrick McGrath Wednesday night webinar on the NOCD page on YouTube. Or really any NOCD webinar can be helpful. Go ahead and check out some of the videos. In addition you can contact NOCD for a free 15 minute call to discuss further. They can offer more detail than I can here. https://www.treatmyocd.com/about-us/contact-us
That sounds like a really difficult train of thought. I am sorry that you are struggling with that. ERP is a great form of treatment that can help tackle that thought and OCD trained therapists can help assess for OCD/ anxiety and talk with you about all those types of thoughts. You are not alone in this community!
I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.
Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.
My ROCD is at an all time high right now. I have an appointment set up, but the wait is awful. My husband found one of my erp exercises where I write a sentence about him maybe not being the right partner. I had forgotten to throw it away. Of course it made him sad. I feel so ashamed and like I've damaged our relationship beyond repair. The sad part is, the thought comes,"if he ends it, at least I might get some relief". I feel like the worst wife.
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