Struggle with affirmations

I have a problem with saying affirmations in my head. Like for example I’ve had bad intrusive thoughts calling children hot, which is disgusting and I feel gross typing that. But I guess because I’m afraid of it happening again that sometimes if I have a bad thought I’ll affirm “I don’t find children ___” or “I don’t want to hurt them, I don’t want to harm them” to make myself feel better. But sometimes, like I just came across a tiktok about Coraline and I without thinking affirmed in my head that I don’t find her attractive. So then I was uncomfortable because I realized wait a minute, I didn’t even have a thought saying that she was, I literally don’t think she is at all she’s a child character. But it bothers me because I’ve done this without thinking several times now. So then I guess because I said that in my head, I feel like I brought on bad thoughts because I had the thought that she was attractive, which is a lie but I feel like I forced the thought on accident because I affirmed to myself that I don’t see her that way. And to make it worse then I had a thought saying “see, I can have intrusive thoughts saying that she is” and that really freaks me out because NO. If I want to have an intrusive thought saying that, then it’s not intrusive it’s wanted. And it’s completely unwanted. I feel so defeated this is so hard to deal with, it feel so real and that I’m just looking for excuses. I DONT like these thoughts and I don’t want them. It’s so frustrating I literally have no attraction to children and I have no desire to be this person my brain is trying to convince me I am. I don’t have an OCD diagnosis and it just makes me feel like I’m saying oh I probably have pocd as a coverup. I apologize I keep writing so much on here lately I need to take a break after this.

POCD

Liam45

Date posted: 1y ago

Those are all just compulsions. You’re fine. It’s gonna feel real when you’re doing the affirmations, especially also if you review the thoughts in your head to try to ensure you feel disgusted or reassure yourself you don’t want those things. Hang in there!

bloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

@Liam45 Thank you, I’m going to try not to do these affirmations. I’ve realized it’s making it worse. It’s just so hard to break out of, because I end up saying them without even thinking sometimes and don’t realize until afterwards and exactly like you said I start worrying about if I really feel disgusted. Thank you so much.

StayCalm

Date posted: 1y ago

I think we have these specific things pop in our heads bc we don’t want anything to do with them and they aren’t who we are that’s why they happen in the first place. All the thoughts I had were always everything I would never want to be or do. I think that’s kindve how it works whatever you think is the worst thing that you can be that’s what you will obsess over. Try to see these thoughts as passing thoughts that popped into your head bc it just happens and has nothing to do with you and that your ok and it’s ok to let the thought pass by. It’s not who you are and you’re not alone.

bloominglotus

Date posted: 1y ago

@StayCalm This helps a lot, thank you so much.

Kumiakumia

Date posted: 33w ago

The fact you feel disgusted by these thoughts, is a good sign tbh! I’m so sorry

daveypoo

Date posted: 25w ago

I’m scared I’m being a disgusting person

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

King silly

Date posted: 13w ago

Bad again

Pocd feels real again and I can’t tell if I’m actually attracted or not. can’t believe it got this bad again. I used to be able to go “no I don’t like that, go away” and now it feels like I do like it and want it, and it’s starting to linger longer so it feels more real. I’m avoiding checking but I’m so scared that what if it’s true. Is it because I have not been doing my exposures? I’m not sure, but every time a 14 year old person comes to my head, I keep hearing something go “they’re attractive” and it sounds like me so I panic, and it makes me even more scared because I’m not feeling bad about it??? I saw some kid at Walmart that had long black hair and my brain kept saying shit and no matter how much I say I don’t feel that way, it won’t shut up, i want to check 1000 times to make sure. But I know it’s not worth it. I’m trying so hard

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 11w ago

I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

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Struggle with affirmations

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