Im so alone

@Someone99 I have now been blocked by someone on NOCD who reassured me and comforted me... Im genuinely done... im tired... im so so tired... i dont know if they think im a P or a MAP now... Im genuinely just done... Im done believing in happiness... Im done believing that good things can happen... because even those who cared about me are blocking me on NOCD... im done... Im done...

@Givenup Just remember most herr are not mental health experts. We're just here to encourage. It's ok to seek professional care

@Someone99 Im done thinking people care about me...

@Givenup I don't know what happened with the person who blocked you, but I'm sorry you're hurt because of that. May I ask your first name?

@Someone99 Joo

@Givenup Hey Joo, I'm Mike. It's your OCD bullying you. I can see that in what you wrote to Drew777. We all go through it, so I welcome you here, and am glad to talk with you. This stuff sucks and it's good to have a community here

@Someone99 I also saw on my past discord messages that I called someone cute twice when i was 19... it didnt lead anywhere and we laughed it off... i cant see their age... my pocd is saying that if this person was a minor at the time, then "im a MAP" when i dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... never in a million years do i ever want to ever be attracted to minors... im 23...

@Givenup One response tools I learned in ERP was to separate the thought. You know it's an intrusive thought. Something like this, when the thought is condemning you and bullying you, visualize a sailboat, like one with a tall white sail. Now in your mind, write the thought on the sail of the sailboat. Like "You called this girl cute, this means you're a ...." Fill in the blank. Once the thought is on the sail, just let it there, look at it, don't fight it, just let it there. Notice the sail boat floating by from left to right, slowly, with the thought there, it sails past.... Eventually out of sight. It's a mental exercise I've done hundreds of times, it's now what I do naturally with those type of thoughts

@Givenup The trick is, when we fight the thoughts we lose, they get worse. Acknowledge them as intrusive, allow them, separate, they will pass .. You've been through hell fighting.

@Givenup There's nueral pathways formed on our brains, our whole lives. That's why we think the way we do.

@Givenup Or why we process the thoughts the way we do

@Givenup Mental exercises like that actually form new pathways

@Givenup It's not easy but it works. And it takes practice and time because we're fighting our own brain at times

@Someone99 I genuinely just want to be happy and not be a MAP or a P in any way...

@Givenup And yes, everyone here goes through the same shit one way or another.

@Givenup I know... OCD torments us. It's the bully here

@Givenup And you will be. It took me about 2 1/2 months of ERP therapy, and I actually described it as feeling sober again. Once the thoughts begin to be put in their place

@Givenup Remember the sailboat..."I must be a ...." Write it on the sail. Acknowledge, allow, separate, no compulsions....it'll pass.

@Someone99 Thank you for trying to help...

@Givenup I hear a "but" coming? Lol. One day at a time... It's not easy, but very possible

@Someone99 No buts... im just genuinely defeated... i dont wanna be the things my ocd tells me that i am...

@Givenup I completely understand my friend. There's a few other tools I'll share with you as we go along. I need a few because sometimes one works when another doesn't. Our brains are something else. Lol. It's 2 am here so I gotta get to sleep. I'll be checking in on you tomorrow

@Drew777 minor attracted person... I dont ever want to ever be that thing...

@Givenup It sounds like you're just more fearful of being a MAP. Their doesn't actually seem to be any real basis of you being a MAP. It's just fear attacking your mind.

@Drew777 @Drew777 This actor was accused of gr*oming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

@Givenup I'm sorry to hear of your struggles, my friend. I don't want to provide reassurance. You know your thoughts are just thoughts though. You keep referring to them as thoughts, so you know them not to be true, only obsessions and intrusive thoughts that are infiltrating your mind. Are you seeking reassurance? What do you mean by getting canceled, though? I don't believe that could happen on the NOCD app. Their is hope my friend. Don't give up. You will make it through. Have patience. ❤️