And i dont think there ever will be... im genuinely feeling horrible and i dont feel like ill ever recover from today... first the youtuber mocking pocd... to someone on NOCD telling me that im hiding behind a diagnosis and that i need to turn myself in... im genuinely at a loss for words... i am broken and alone... I have no one to turn to... and at this point i dont think i ever will...
I am always here to talk if you need, I can relate big time. I don’t have anyone in my life. That cares or can even pretend too. It’s really hard, and people love to talk about things that they know nothing about, don’t listen to that nonsense if you were some horrible person, you wouldn’t be on here worried about it, trust that. I really hope you start feeling better soon, I’ve struggle with pretty much every theme so I get it.
@Littlerayofsunshine💛 Check my post from an hour ago... if not ill paste it down here to give you context of why i feel this way... then you'll see if im a horrible person or not... I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This youtuber was accused of grooming a minor, flirting with underage people, making weird & sexual comments and jokes towards underage people... etc... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 15... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it... but i needed to vent because i was so triggered and anxious... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...
Yeah you’re not a horrible person at all, that whole story you just told me that you were so worried about makes 0 difference, I see someone genuinely struggling with ocd and beating themselves up. Stop letting your mind get to you, you’re not bad. I know bad people, that do bad things, they’re not worried or feeling scared they might be this bad person, they’re evil people who like and enjoy doing bad things. That’s not you, I’ve seen several post from you worrying and beating yourself up, you’re okay, you’re gonna be okay, everything’s gonna get better and you’re gonna learn how to move past this, I absolutely promise you things will get better!! I wish I could just hug you because I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling. You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re never going to because that’s not you. Hang in there friend
@Littlerayofsunshine💛 Someone told me that I was "hiding behind a diagnosis", that my behavior was unacceptable... and that i needed to turn myself in because of this story...
@Givenup Okay?? This person knows absolutely nothing about you or obviously OCD so why are we even entertaining what they think. It means nothing. It’s not true. There’s nothing to turn yourself in for, you haven’t done anything wrong
@Littlerayofsunshine💛 Sorry if im annoying you or upsetting you... text doesnt convey emotions very well...
@Givenup You’re not at all, I wouldn’t comment if I felt that way. I’m sorry if I seemed that way, I just want you to realize how great you actually are and that you have to stop listening to these people who don’t know anything about how ocd works, it’s not good, I would’ve been in prison for years now if I had “turned myself in” everytime I had a messed up thought or intrusive image it’s just the nature of ocd
wait which youtuber was mocking pocd??? i hope you are doing well though
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...
I genuinely feel so alone and miserable... i had to miss out on an exam because of how severe my pocd got... im currently sick with a fever... and right now my pocd and real events ocd is telling me that im a MAP and a P because of my real events that are pocd related... and people have blocked me on NOCD... so that makes it worse for me... I get scared that Ill be cancelled and demonized because of my real events OCD and POCD situations... i dont ever want to be a MAP or a P in any way... and it legitimately scares me because the last thing i want is to be a P or a MAP...
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