- Date posted
- 23w ago
What caused these thoughts
at 15 I develop pocd and I still don’t know what caused these thoguhts , I’m horrified with myself
at 15 I develop pocd and I still don’t know what caused these thoguhts , I’m horrified with myself
My ocd really got bad at 15 too. That’s when I first noticed it picking up. You don’t need to have all the answers as to why many times I am horrified by myself too and even at times hate myself for some of the things I think and do. But that is not us, ocd is not who we are. You will find ways to manage this, I am now in college and some days are better than others but it has definitely gotten better than how it was when I was 15. Therapy can help though I also understand the thoughts can be unbearable. You are not alone and you will get through this. 💕
I know how it feels but trust me you’re going to get better. Even if it takes months or even years, you’ll be okay.
Officially, nobody knows for sure, but I have a personal theory that many people find reasonable. As you might be aware, our brains continuously record everything happening around us, 24/7. Think of it like having a "memory maid" who constantly tidies up your mental space. This memory maid is responsible for regularly recycling memory space because our memory capacity is limited. She works by reviewing stored memories, opening them up, and discarding those deemed insignificant. However, if a memory is related to your core values or something important to you, like family, faith, or morals, she brings it to your conscious awareness for consideration. For most people, they do not react strongly to these memories, allowing them to be discarded. However, someone with OCD might fixate on the content of the memory. In an attempt to assist in decision-making, the brain presents "what if" scenarios, which can increase confusion and trigger anxiety. Typically, this emotional reaction occurs because the person feels responsible for recalling these memories. Unfortunately, this cycle perpetuates and distress escalates. Often, the individual resorts to compulsions to alleviate these feelings, further fueling the emotional turmoil. I hope this explanation makes sense.
@hanysm@gmail.com this makes so much sense , thank you for this 💜
@anonymously0123 I wish to add that the same mechanism is normally kick in during sleep and cause those weird dreams we get. That explains two things. First, there is a closet correlation between lack of sleep and OCD flares. Also with OCD this mechanism kicks in during awake, making those thoughts as vividly as a nightmare while eyes open.
@hanysm@gmail.com whenever I try to sleep the thoguhts come more and more and I get restless
@anonymously0123 Let them be, they are not from yours, Just think, whatever, it is a dream. If you wake up think of a happy ending for your dream.
@hanysm@gmail.com thank you (:
Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
I look back at all past interactions with others and think “what if they were a minor” even though there is no particular reason to think that they were. Is that a common obsession with Pocd? Has anyone else had this intrusive thought? It’s so scary and exhausting.
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