- Date posted
- 23w ago
What caused these thoughts
at 15 I develop pocd and I still don’t know what caused these thoguhts , I’m horrified with myself
at 15 I develop pocd and I still don’t know what caused these thoguhts , I’m horrified with myself
My ocd really got bad at 15 too. That’s when I first noticed it picking up. You don’t need to have all the answers as to why many times I am horrified by myself too and even at times hate myself for some of the things I think and do. But that is not us, ocd is not who we are. You will find ways to manage this, I am now in college and some days are better than others but it has definitely gotten better than how it was when I was 15. Therapy can help though I also understand the thoughts can be unbearable. You are not alone and you will get through this. 💕
I know how it feels but trust me you’re going to get better. Even if it takes months or even years, you’ll be okay.
Officially, nobody knows for sure, but I have a personal theory that many people find reasonable. As you might be aware, our brains continuously record everything happening around us, 24/7. Think of it like having a "memory maid" who constantly tidies up your mental space. This memory maid is responsible for regularly recycling memory space because our memory capacity is limited. She works by reviewing stored memories, opening them up, and discarding those deemed insignificant. However, if a memory is related to your core values or something important to you, like family, faith, or morals, she brings it to your conscious awareness for consideration. For most people, they do not react strongly to these memories, allowing them to be discarded. However, someone with OCD might fixate on the content of the memory. In an attempt to assist in decision-making, the brain presents "what if" scenarios, which can increase confusion and trigger anxiety. Typically, this emotional reaction occurs because the person feels responsible for recalling these memories. Unfortunately, this cycle perpetuates and distress escalates. Often, the individual resorts to compulsions to alleviate these feelings, further fueling the emotional turmoil. I hope this explanation makes sense.
@hanysm@gmail.com this makes so much sense , thank you for this 💜
@anonymously0123 I wish to add that the same mechanism is normally kick in during sleep and cause those weird dreams we get. That explains two things. First, there is a closet correlation between lack of sleep and OCD flares. Also with OCD this mechanism kicks in during awake, making those thoughts as vividly as a nightmare while eyes open.
@hanysm@gmail.com whenever I try to sleep the thoguhts come more and more and I get restless
@anonymously0123 Let them be, they are not from yours, Just think, whatever, it is a dream. If you wake up think of a happy ending for your dream.
@hanysm@gmail.com thank you (:
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.
Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore
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