Bad place

@Courage2Continue What I’ve been experiencing has been coming in waves. The feeling is always in the back of my mind but sometimes it just flares up like it did yesterday. I’m doing okay now and I do have a therapist but I haven’t seen her in over a month and I just don’t wanna share to much and be admitted to the hospital.

@tay_may19 Oh good, I’m glad you’re doing better! It’s okay to not be doing great too, that’s why we’re all here! OCD can be brutal most days, and the point isn’t to necessarily feel happy all the time, but to feel less alone and have permission to feel all the emotions as they come up, and know you aren’t going to be judged for it. There’s a reason a lot of people who are depressed don’t seek out help, and it’s usually because there’s this huge weight of “you need to change because you shouldn’t feel x/y/z, and if you can’t feel better then there’s something wrong with you,” but no one really asks why it’s so hard for someone experiencing depression to talk about their feelings. Usually depression starts because the individual already doesn’t feel like they have a right to be able to experience all their emotions without getting punished or backlash for them, and it’s really important that we build up a community for each other where we can openly talk about these things! I don’t know if your therapist is a NOCD therapist, or an OCD specialist, but I know once I opened up more to my therapist about what was going on with me and told her the details of everything, I felt better. Weirdly enough, what looks like planning for a suicidal person is actually compulsions for others, and I always felt so weird that I needed to keep self harm things around to feel better. Especially because I didn’t use them! And it turns out I was using them compulsively to show myself that I wasn’t going to follow through. I thought my therapist was for sure going to send me to inpatient, but she was extremely understanding and we worked it out! It was nice to finally speak to someone who exhibited trust in me to be able to handle my own emotions, and it was very liberating to experience that! I really hope that you can experience that too!

@Courage2Continue Thank you for sharing that I really do appreciate it. I’m gonna try my best to schedule something with my therapist and psychiatrist to talk about my symptoms.