existential crisis

This is a major theme for me as well. I’ve been dealing with it for the past 20 years. I thought it was normal until I talked to my therapist about it and found that this level of obsession about it is, in fact, not normal. It can really be debilitating. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this as well. I understand your thoughts about praying, I do the same on occasion. I feel that it can become a compulsion however as I seek reassurance through prayer. Sending you good vibes.

What has helped me is to 100% lean into the fact that we're all going to die, and try to purposely reflect on that fact once a day. If you don't mind me bringing up a little Buddhism, this is actually a practice that was taught by the Buddha himself. It's called the "5 daily reflections" or the "5 remembrances." Basically, you reflect on the following facts: 1. I am of the nature to grow old; I can't escape old age. 2. I am of the nature to become sick; I can't escape illness. 3. I am of the nature to die; I can't escape death. 4. Everything and everyone that is dear to me will change, and will become separated from me. 5. The only thing I really own is the quality of my actions. What's pretty cool is that this is essentially a 2500-year-old ERP exercise. You're instructed to reflect on these facts daily and really allow them to sink in without resistance, even if they bring up some anxiety. In today's society it's often viewed as "weird" or "depressing" to think about these things. Most people live their lives trying to deny or ignore these facts, only to be completely blindsided and unprepared when these inevitable things happen. By regularly reflecting on them and accepting them, you train yourself to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. You may think that this mindset would simply lead to nihilism, but in my experience it's quite the opposite. It serves more as guidance for living your life fully. Since I've started this habit, I've become much more compassionate and empathetic towards those around me. I'm also not as bothered by many of the little things that used to bother me. It gives me a goal every day: what can I do that will make this impermanent existence better for myself and for those around me today? Please note the major difference between reflecting on this topic, and obsessing on this topic. The goal is to deliberately bring these things to mind on a regular basis as a means towards acceptance. If you're constantly worried about them and obsessing over them, then that means that deep down you are rejecting them and trying to get rid of them. As we know through our OCD training, trying to make thoughts or feelings go away has the opposite effect. So aside from ERP therapy with a licensed therapist, I would suggest maybe setting aside 5 minutes every morning for these reflections, even if you end up obsessing over them all day. Then when these thoughts do inevitably arise during the day, you can respond with something like, "I see you, and I will think about you tomorrow." You may find that the thoughts slowly quiet down after a while.

It's normal and something we all question. But obsessing is harmful. There are real answers to these questions, once your thoughts are calmed down