@PRIV8 So I’m not a therapist, so I can’t say for sure, but compulsion reduction should help with both OCD and depression symptoms. ERP may not be a good idea until you figure it out, but you should be able to still do compulsion reduction. Maybe if the thought of, “I need to figure this out now” comes up, work on putting it on the shelf? I mean… I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder for over a decade, and they basically tell you to be around people, engage in activities that are enjoyable, put any thoughts like that on a shelf that you can visit later. You don’t have to make a decision right now sort of thing, it’s okay to see if your feelings change over time, and once you see that the emotional pain is temporary, the depression sometimes gets a little lighter. You can always go and sit at a hospital throughout the day if you are really concerned and they just let you hangout until it gets later in the day, and will see if you feel like you need to go inpatient.
I don’t know if this next part is recommended, it’s just what works for me, so you will for sure want to check with your therapist, but I have to give myself permission to live or die. Like, “hey, it’s okay if you feel you want to die. It’s also okay if you feel you want to live. It’s also okay not to know how you feel.” Just giving myself permission to feel whichever way drastically reduces both the OCD and depressive thoughts, because I’m no longer looking outwardly to determine what my next course of action should be, and it just gets a lot lighter for me. I feel like I get to choose, and it makes me feel more empowered, which reduces any feelings of hopelessness and learned helplessness for me anyway, which is what usually fuels any OCD and depression I have.
Life is hard though! Even if you are experiencing real suicide ideation, it doesn’t make you flawed or bad for experiencing that! It’s actually pretty normal, and the only reason people treat it like it’s taboo is because it used to be illegal for some weird reason, and now it’s viewed for what it is. A mental struggle. I think self compassion is super crucial with this, because it’s easy to beat yourself up with this stuff. It’s common for both OCD and depression to manifest in high or near perfect self expectations that aren’t humanly possible, and it’s taken me a long time to realize that I can take myself off that ledge. It’s not only kind to myself that I treat myself with compassion and empathy, but I think of how my son would feel if he heard the thoughts I told myself out loud. I think we often feel like we need to be happy or some particular way to make others happy, and really what people want is to know they have permission to be human, and to know they aren’t alone in their humanness. So when I am struggling with depression, I like to ask myself, “what expectations am I placing on myself right now that aren’t realistic? What rules have I set for myself that I don’t expect anyone else to follow? In what areas have I treated myself feel like I am less of a person because I struggle in that area? How can I give myself permission to struggle and be human, so I can connect with people again? Is there anyone around me that makes me feel unsafe to experience imperfection and the general human experience? If so, how can I give myself space from them and find more people to be around that allow me to be more realistic, real, and authentic?”
I don’t know if any of this helps, and I’m sorry if I make any of this worse! This is just me throwing ideas at the wall to see if it helps you out, and I hope it does, but if not, feel free to disregard it!
