Like imposter syndrome?

I don’t know how to explain this so I’ll do it to the best of my ability. Does anyone experience “co-intrusive” thoughts that try to negatively support the initial intrusive thought? Example: Me: “Thank God I never acted on (scary intrusive thought) & I’m getting better!” Intrusive thought: “What a shame you didn’t” These types of things send me into a spiral. It makes me think that it could lead to a desire instead of staying a fear. Like an intrusive disappointment that I didn’t follow through with the thought? It’s been a long fear/obsession & I think my OCD is trying to trick me that the only satisfaction would be to act on the thought. (I know that’s bs) But IS that why it sends me the negative co-intrusive thoughts? That’s the only explanation that makes sense. Then I wonder is it something else? Am I a grenade waiting to explode??? I simply cannot relax in any moment because I think what’s the use if I’m just going to (xyz) one day?

Anyone else really wanna pursue their dreams, but imposter syndrome and OCD thinking holds them back? For me, it’s my art. I’ve had some success with my art, and it’s been really exciting, but then I think of all the things I regret and the mistakes I made, and I’m terrified, so I recoil. I never feel like I deserve it. All those artists who’ve been praised for their art by the masses, I imagine them as being perfect. I know it’s not true, but I mean, how can you put yourself out there these days and not know you have no skeletons in the closet?? I see people making reels and they’re so confident and carefree, and I think, “I bet they’ve never made any really big mistakes, or else they’d be terrified of having themselves out there.” I’m probably projecting. Maybe they’re just as terrified deep down. Maybe that’s what drives them. Maybe that’s what makes their art so touching. All I really wanna do is impact other people with my art. Maybe there’s a selfish part of me that relies on the praise, and that’s the part I need to let go of. Whether I get praise or not, my art should just be something I’m proud of. If I can help someone with my art, that would be amazing. Like you guys. I feel like this community is my demographic, and even if the rest of the world turned away from me, the ones who’ve been in my shoes are the ones I should write for. Anyway, this is a huge issue for me and my OCD. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would really love to hear them, because I feel pretty stuck.

any of y’all feel like every single thing you say is some sort of manipulation. like you’re not genuine at all and everything you do is to get something out of something? the same with therapists too. i feel like ever since i was a kid i’ve manipulated my therapists in some way, like to look like the victim or so they’d think about me a certain way. like therapy could never help me cause i can’t tell when i’m lying or manipulating or whatever. i’ve seen someone mention something similar on here and just wanted to see what y’all thought!