Whenever I get in an argument I can never tell if I’m exaggerating, being over the top, or if I’m being reasonable. I can’t tell if I’m standing up for myself or if I’m being stubborn. It feels like I either think I’m wrong and stupid and bad for being wrong, or I’m right and everyone else is wrong, stupid and bad…
I wish i had an answer for you but most i can say is you’re not alone. It’s so hard to tell when you’re one or the other. I try to listen in my head, to what I’m about to say before i say it. It works some times. Please know, you may be wrong at times, but you’re not stupid or bad, nor is the other person. You’re just trying to figure it out. And yes, totally agree, arguing us exhausting and pointless for the most part. For me, nobody is a winner of an argument. But they do happen, no doubt.
@Someonemaybe Honestly, the most frustrating part for me is when I feel like other people can’t meet me where I’m at… other people often seem to be so certain/ justified in their thoughts and feelings, and I just sit there thinking “Can’t you even entertain the idea you might be in the wrong?”
@Dontmakemechoose😭 I get it, i truly do. It’s so frustrating when your thoughts are garbage and somebody else is the only one who’s right. A while back i caught myself doing the same thing. I didn’t even know i did that. As much as it pisses me off, i would think i wouldn’t. Regardless, it’s true. What that made me realize is the other person may not realize it either. We might both be doing the same thing that frustrates us about one another. How crazy is that?! Thinking along those lines has helped me considerably. Taking a step back and saying, hold on, i believe I’m right and you’re wrong, and you believe you’re right and I’m wrong. So let’s talk about why we see it how we do so we can work this out. It helps at times, when I’m thinking about it. Other than that, it’s just the same old same old. I prefer to discuss things as much as possible, so i got to be listening as well as talking. Wish i did that more, for sure. Of course, with some people, discussions are never an option lol.
@Someonemaybe Right! It’s hard to let go of sometimes, then I keep thinking there’s something I could have done differently to help it go better
@Dontmakemechoose😭 I end up replaying those conversations/arguments in my head, thinking of different outcomes… I either do that until I feel some resolution, or in other cases until I’m mentally/emotionally exhausted
@Dontmakemechoose😭 There are times where it seems impossible to let something go, which sucks because then we only hurt ourselves and the one we have unresolved arguments with. It’s also ok to break off for a moment and regain yourself before coming back to it. You’d be surprised how often you’d find yourself asking, what the hell are we even arguing about lol. Not everything needs to resolved in one sitting. Some things need a chance to breathe in between. One important fact, we don’t always have to be right either. It’s ok to be wrong, that’s where we learn.
@Dontmakemechoose😭 No doubt. And those replays can last way too long. That’s why i got to where i got tired of arguing. If we can’t talk it out, we need to stop and come back when we can. That’s not always possible though. Honestly, i believe there are times when need to express our anger as it is in that moment. We need to hear it the same way at times. If we’re not willing to take it in, we shouldn’t dish it out, its how i see it. But preferably, just talking is so much better. I don’t want to carry that with me and relive an argument at any point really. Especially with those i love. They deserve better of me and i of them. I hope all that makes sense lol. I appreciate you posting this, it’s good to know we’re not the only ones🥹.
Everyone is frustrating me at work and I’m about to crash out😭!! Maybe it’s how I grew up and have been gaslit a lot but does anyone ever feel like whatever they do they are in the “wrong?” I don’t know …my coworker made me feel like that. What’s wrong to her might not be wrong to me and vise versa. I just wanna scream and throw hands lol. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this. And they wanna have this conversation in front of customers and then I look like the “bad guy” 🙄. So over it. Workplace is toxic asf and I’m trying to find a new job but it seems impossible these days . I feel like I’m not the best at conversations on the spot. That’s why I keep quiet so ion look dumb, but both coworkers came up to me and approach me. I feel like I try and smile and nobody really smiles back. Or when I say thank you and go to places like ulta, all the girls are bitchy. It makes me think am I not smiling enough? Am I doing something wrong? Etc. Maybe it just the people I’m around . I just feel nothing but anger and I’m trying to calm down but I really just wanna go off
I honestly can’t tell when thoughts are being affected by OCD. Sometimes I think I have what I think are normal “grey” thoughts, but then OCD adds so much weight to them and I spiral. I had this thought that I wished my boyfriend was more confident or independent. I felt so guilty for thinking it. I told him, and of course it hurt him. He told me it’s a normal thought to have, I just dwell on it too much. And that it’s the kind of thought most people keep to themselves. That’s the thing. I don’t know what’s okay to keep to myself and what isn’t. I think sometimes I say things out loud not just to relieve anxiety, but because I genuinely don’t know what’s okay to think or say. I do not know the line between a normal grey thought and something that’s “bad” to think. I don’t know how to tell if it’s something I should process privately or something I need to be ashamed of. I get this confusion with intrusive thoughts too, but those are easier to spot and evaluate. This is harder, because again, it is *my* thought. That makes it harder to sit with. Maybe the intrusive part is the voice that questions what kind of person I am for even thinking it. I don’t have the same telltale signs anymore. My physical anxiety isn’t there anymore, it’s all in my head and that makes it so much more confusing. But I don’t know. The line between honesty vs compulsion is so blurry. I just feel lost
I’m ruining my relationship, and idk if it’s OCD or if I’m just an awful person. I’m tired of constantly fighting with my boyfriend. but I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t stop picking apart everything they say, I can’t stop being so negative, I can’t stop overthinking and obsessing, I can’t stop feeling like they’re lying or being inconsistent. I constantly ask too many questions to the point where I feel he thinks I’m stupid. I’m starting to feel stupid myself. It seems like I can’t understand basic conversations with my boyfriend anymore unless they’re super black and white. He deserves better. I don’t deserve love. I feel like I’m destroying the one thing that makes me happy. I don’t feel happy with him anymore because we’re constantly fighting. And it’s all my fault. I think I’m just an awful, crazy person
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