Moral Scrupulosity

@Rachel Owsley Thank you!

@Anonymous2122 It is a distressing sensation, for sure, because your mind doesn't know how to interpret it, and your OCD latches onto it.

@Rachel Owsley Thank you! And no I have not. I am very aware that groinal responses are fake and not true feelings. It's just so scary. I moved back because of the feeling but felt so guilty after. Is that wrong?

I can see how these feelings of guilt are really weighing on you. It makes sense that avoiding swearing or picking up trash feels like the ‘right’ thing to do in the moment, but it sounds like these actions might be tied to an overwhelming sense of responsibility. In ERP, leaving a piece of trash behind could actually serve as an exposure within a hierarchy—starting small and gradually building tolerance for discomfort. This approach is central to the work we do at NOCD. In my experience, when people practice sitting with guilt instead of acting on it, they begin to see that it fades over time, making it easier to let go of those guilt feelings.

This captures so much of what makes moral scrupulosity OCD so painful—it turns even the kindest, most thoughtful actions into something to question and feel guilty about. The fact that you gave your professor a thank-you card during such a difficult time shows your compassion, but OCD twisted it into doubt, making you wonder if you somehow did something wrong. That’s exactly how it works—it takes what matters most to you (in this case, your integrity and professionalism) and makes you feel like you’ve crossed a line, even when you haven’t. It’s really inspiring to hear that this theme isn’t as distressing for you as it once was, even though contamination OCD is taking up more space right now. It shows that progress is possible, even when the road feels long. OCD loves to shapeshift, but every time you resist compulsions and sit with discomfort, you’re taking another step toward freedom. You’re absolutely right—it takes time. But you’ve already come so far, and that’s worth recognizing. Thank you for sharing your experience—it’s a reminder to others that they’re not alone in this, and that healing is possible. Sending you strength as you continue on your recovery journey! ❤️‍🩹

@Anonymous Thanks for that

@Rachel Owsley Thank you so much for your response!! This was extremely comforting to read and I will come back to this comment to remind myself of these things when I’m struggling. I’m extremely grateful that I stumbled upon NOCD earlier this year, but there’s also a part of me that wishes that the me back then had been exposed to this platform earlier. She really would’ve benefited from that 😭😭, but I’m really happy that I’m here now and it’s encouraging to see that you all have such a supportive community here 🥲

@Anonymous I'm glad it brought you some comfort—that truly means a lot! It’s completely natural to wish you had found support sooner, but the important thing is: you’re here now, and you're showing up for yourself in such a meaningful way. The insight and self-compassion you're expressing already say so much about how far you’ve come. And yes—this community really is something special. You're not alone in this, and there's so much strength in being surrounded by people who get it. Keep holding onto that support, and keep being gentle with yourself—you’re doing amazing work. I’m glad you’re here!

Yes, please!

@Rachel Owsley Would this be an example: I've been doing good with my thoughts and everything but then this happened?! I'm such a loving mom, but this OCD has caused me immense issues the past two months. I was bent over the bathtub running my daughters bath water and my daughter grabbed my pant pocket. I wasn't thinking anything of it but I started having a groinal sensation. I honestly don't know what came over me but I moved my bottom backwards toward her due to the feeling I was having at the moment and that caused the groinal to continue. And maybe even amplify?! I then asked her to move her hand off me because I felt guilty for feeling what I felt. Now I'm spiraling (yet again). Did I do anything wrong? Do I deserve to be her mom? Is this bad? Idk what to think. I'm terrified. This is all so tiring for me. Im feeling extremely guilty over this to say the least.

@Rachel Owsley Is that a good example

You’re welcome to share it however feels best for you. I’ll do my best to understand and respond thoughtfully. Meta OCD can be really complex, and if you’re struggling to put it into words, that’s completely okay. You don’t have to explain it perfectly for it to be valid. Just share what you can, and I’ll do my best to support you however I can.

That does sound exhausting. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ROCD (Relationship OCD) can make doubts and fears about your relationship feel overwhelmingly real, even when they don’t align with your true feelings. It often latches onto worries about whether you really love your partner or whether you’re staying for the “right” reasons, making it hard to trust your own emotions. What you’re describing also connects with moral scrupulosity, where OCD targets your sense of morality and responsibility. In this case, it’s making you feel like you might be staying in the relationship out of guilt or fear of hurting him, rather than genuine feelings. But OCD thrives on certainty, and since no relationship comes with absolute certainty, it keeps pushing you to analyze your motives in a way that only leads to more doubt and exhaustion. A key part of managing ROCD is learning to sit with the uncertainty rather than trying to “figure it out” or prove to yourself that your feelings are valid. Have you had a chance to explore ERP therapy? It can help you break free from the cycle of needing to analyze or reassure yourself and instead allow you to trust your feelings as they come. You’re not alone in this, and it is possible to find peace.

@Rachel Owsley i didnt actualy did erp because i do t know what to do that will work for me, i went to therapy only one time and she told me to write everything in a book. but even though i know about erp, i dont know what to do to actually help me. Right now im trying to not react to my thoughts because im so over them, but its hard since they make me feel strange and bad and question all my feelings fot him. im scared that if i get better i will realise i dont actually love or like him and also my memories are distorted and i can’t remember how it was to feel love when i fell in live with him, im questioning if i ever loved him or what if i just liked the idea of an relationship

@Mariabae That does sound incredibly frustrating. It makes complete sense that you're struggling because OCD thrives on uncertainty, especially when it comes to relationships and feelings. What you're describing—feeling unsure if you ever loved him, questioning your memories, and fearing that recovery might mean something you don’t want—is so common in Relationship OCD (ROCD). OCD makes you doubt the things that matter most to you, and it keeps you stuck by convincing you that you need to figure it all out before you can feel okay. It's great that you're trying to not react to the thoughts, even though it's really hard. That's actually a big part of ERP—learning to sit with the uncertainty rather than trying to ‘solve’ it. A therapist trained in OCD treatment could help you tailor ERP exercises to your specific struggles so that you’re not just sitting with distress but actively working toward freedom from these patterns. One thing that might help is to start practicing allowing the doubt to be there without engaging in reassurance or checking your feelings. For example, instead of trying to remember how love used to feel, you could say, "Maybe I loved him, maybe I didn’t. I don’t need to figure it out right now." That might sound scary, but over time, it takes the power away from OCD. You don’t need to have certainty to move forward in your relationship—you just need to stop giving OCD the power to control it. You don’t have to do this alone. Finding an OCD specialist who can guide you through ERP in a way that works for you could make such a difference. You deserve relief from this, and it’s absolutely possible to get there!

@Rachel Owsley thank you!

I'm really sorry you're going through this—it sounds incredibly painful and exhausting. The way OCD works, especially in themes like POCD and ZOCD, is that it latches onto the things you fear the most and makes you question your very identity. The fact that you're having these thoughts and feeling distressed about them is actually proof that they go against who you truly are. OCD thrives on doubt, and the more you try to find a ‘satisfactory answer’ about whether you’re different from criminals, the more OCD will demand certainty that can never be fully reached. You're not alone in this. Many people with OCD struggle with intrusive thoughts that feel completely alien to their values, and it can make them feel mixed up with their sense of self. It doesn’t mean those thoughts define you—they’re symptoms of a disorder that distorts what matters most to you. I know this is incredibly hard, but the way out isn’t through finding the ‘right’ answer—it’s through learning to tolerate the uncertainty. That’s what OCD doesn’t want you to do, but it’s also how you take your life back from it. Have you been able to explore ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) or work with a therapist? You don’t have to figure this out alone. You deserve support and relief from this pain.

That’s such a great question, and it shows a deep understanding of how tricky OCD can be—it really can turn anything into a compulsion, even therapy! The key difference between doing ERP effectively and turning it into another compulsion is the mindset behind it. ERP is about allowing discomfort and uncertainty without trying to control it or force a specific outcome. When ERP becomes compulsive, it usually means: You’re treating exposures like a checklist—doing them just to "prove" something to yourself or get rid of anxiety. You’re rigidly trying to "do ERP perfectly," which is actually a form of needing certainty (OCD's favorite trap). You’re using ERP as reassurance, like repeatedly exposing yourself to thoughts or situations just to confirm that nothing bad will happen. A healthier way to approach ERP is to focus on openness to uncertainty rather than seeking a feeling of "completeness" or certainty. Instead of thinking, "I need to make sure I’m doing this right," shift toward, "I’m allowing myself to sit with the discomfort and uncertainty, however it shows up today." It’s also okay to let go of rigid rules when doing ERP. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s normal. The goal isn’t to feel good or “prove” anything—it’s to build the ability to tolerate discomfort without engaging in compulsions. If you notice ERP starting to feel like another compulsion, it might help to check in with a therapist who specializes in OCD to make sure your exposures are moving you toward flexibility rather than feeding the OCD cycle in a different way. You’re doing great by even thinking about this—it shows real insight into your recovery!

@Rachel Owsley Thank you for the thoughtful and helpful reply!

@Anonymous57 You are welcome! Have a great evening.

@Rachel Owsley Thank you for your thoughtful message — I sincerely appreciate it. It’s hard to know what’s OCD and what’s not, I’ve always held myself to a higher standard. My family, peers, colleagues, and friends have always done things that make me feel super uncomfortable. But they have no problems living with themselves, they act like they’re invincible and don’t suffer from extreme guilt or shame. And I’ve definitely been asked to do exposures that I would never do on my own if I was living according to “my own values”. I have a long treatment history, including two well-known intensive OCD programs. I’ve almost given up and started looking into I-CBT, which is not as widely practiced and definitely not provided in an intensive outpatient format (at least anywhere near me).

Even when I do something I think is justified, like setting a boundary or confronting someone, I have to ask other people if I'm doing the right thing. What's worse is that although I'm constantly battling my thoughts I often doubt if I have ocd because I don't really do a lot of compulsions to avoid them, leading me to think I don't care enough and therefore evil

I just want to start by saying—you are not alone in this. Everything you described is classic moral scrupulosity OCD, and I know how exhausting it can be. OCD has a way of making you question your own goodness constantly, trapping you in a cycle of doubt, guilt, and mental ‘checking.’ It latches onto the things that matter most to you—your morality, your faith, your relationships—and convinces you that you must analyze every thought, feeling, or reaction to prove you're a good person. But here’s the truth: having intrusive thoughts doesn’t mean anything about who you are. Intrusive thoughts happen to everyone, but OCD makes them feel like urgent moral crises. The more you shake your head, make faces, or seek reassurance, the more OCD demands. It wants certainty, but the harder you try to get rid of the thoughts, the stronger they come back. It makes total sense that you feel like you should react a certain way or that you must disprove every comparison to ‘bad people,’ but that’s just OCD setting impossible rules for you. What if you practiced letting those thoughts just be there without reacting to them? What if you reminded yourself that thoughts aren’t actions and that your discomfort doesn’t define your morality? I know this is hard, and I know OCD makes it feel like you have to figure it all out, but you don’t have to live trapped in this cycle. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) can help you learn how to sit with these thoughts without engaging in compulsions like reassurance-seeking or mental checking. Have you ever worked with an OCD specialist or tried ERP? You deserve peace from this, and recovery does not mean losing your values—it means being able to live by them without fear controlling you.

@littlecreek24 I hear you, and I know how incredibly frustrating and exhausting this cycle can be. OCD loves to make you question yourself, even about things that most people wouldn’t think twice about—like setting boundaries or making decisions. The fact that you feel the need to check with others if you’re ‘doing the right thing’ is a sign that OCD is creating doubt where none needs to exist. And that second part? The fear that you might not actually have OCD because you don’t do enough compulsions—that’s another common OCD trap. OCD isn’t just about physical rituals; it can be deeply internal. The constant questioning of your morality, the fear that not reacting a certain way means you don’t care, the feeling that you have to ‘prove’ you’re good enough—that’s all part of the OCD cycle. The fact that you’re battling these thoughts so much shows that you do care; OCD just makes it feel like you can never be sure. One of the hardest but most freeing steps in recovery is learning to accept the uncertainty OCD throws at you. Instead of trying to find certainty about whether you’re ‘good enough’ or ‘doing the right thing,’ what if you practiced saying, ‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I don’t have to figure this out right now.’ It won’t feel good at first, but over time, it teaches your brain that you don’t have to engage with OCD’s demands. You’re not evil, and you don’t have to keep proving that to yourself. Have you ever worked with an OCD specialist or explored ERP? It could really help you step out of this cycle so you can live your life with confidence, not constant doubt. You deserve peace from this!

@NOCD Therapist - Rachel O. I haven't had the chance to see an OCD specialist, I've been in talk therapy for years which helped with panic attacks and depression but I wonder now if I've just been using it as reassurance 🙃. Luckily I talked to my doctor and I'm on a waitlist to see a psychologist who specializes in ocd, just waiting now!

@littlecreek24 I'm trying out the "maybe I am, maybe not" thing with my narcissism obsession, but I feel like the second I'm done thinking that I'm back to ruminating about it. Any tips?

@littlecreek24 It’s great to hear that talk therapy has helped with your panic attacks and depression! It makes sense to reflect on how therapy has shaped your experience, and I’m glad you’re exploring specialized OCD treatment. Being on a waitlist can be challenging, but it’s a big step toward getting the support you need. In the meantime, if you ever have questions or want to discuss your experiences, I’m happy to chat. Wishing you the best as you wait for your appointment! Best, Rachel

Hi, It sounds like you’re looking for a therapist to help you better understand what you’re experiencing. While I’d be happy to discuss your experience, I cannot provide a diagnosis to someone who is not my patient. However, if you’d like to speak with a professional for an assessment, you can book an appointment by reaching out to our team at care@nocdhelp.com. Let me know if you have any other questions! Best, Rachel

That sounds really frustrating, and I know how exhausting it can be when thoughts just won’t stop repeating. OCD has a way of making certain thoughts feel sticky, like they’re demanding your attention no matter how much you try to move on. The more you fight them or try to push them away, the stronger they seem to come back. One thing that can help is shifting your response to the thoughts—instead of trying to get rid of them, what if you allowed them to be there without engaging? Acknowledging them with something like, "Oh, there’s that thought again. It’s okay, I don’t need to do anything about it," can help take away their power over time. I know it’s not easy, but you’re not alone in this! Have you tried any ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) strategies to help with the repetition?

That’s a really thoughtful perspective, and I appreciate how you’re reflecting on your experience with both self-compassion and growth. One of the hardest things about moral scrupulosity OCD is that it convinces you that every mistake is a reflection of your character rather than just a part of being human. But the truth is, no one is perfect, and mistakes don’t define our worth. Learning to recognize when OCD is distorting what it means to be a good person is an essential part of ERP. It’s possible to hold ourselves to strong values without letting OCD turn every misstep into a moral crisis. A big part of recovery is learning to accept that we can’t control everything, that we will have disagreements, and that we can repair and move forward without needing to overanalyze every mistake. You are already showing insight and self-awareness, which is huge. Be kind to yourself—growth happens in the moments when we allow ourselves to learn rather than punish ourselves for not being perfect. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

That actually makes a lot of sense in the context of moral scrupulosity OCD—OCD often latches onto fairness, integrity, or a sense of “deserving” and turns them into rigid, distressing rules. What you’re experiencing isn’t crazy at all—it’s OCD twisting a completely normal behavior (learning from free resources) into something that feels morally wrong or unjustified. The truth is, free content is meant to be used—that’s why it’s shared publicly. Most creators put their work out there to help others, and they don’t expect you to repay them in order to benefit from it. But OCD makes it feel like you’re doing something dishonest or unfair, and it creates that compulsion to “make it right” through mental review, guilt, or even imagined obligations. One helpful way to approach this is to notice the guilt without acting on it. You might say to yourself, "I’m feeling that OCD guilt, but I don’t need to do anything about it right now." Resisting the urge to mentally fix or compensate is a form of response prevention, and the discomfort will lessen with practice. You’re definitely not alone in this—many people with OCD struggle with this kind of distorted responsibility. You’re doing a great job recognizing the pattern, and that awareness is a huge step toward taking your power back from OCD.