vent

i feel like if i died right now i would go to hell. i believe in Jesus, but i know that faith and belief are two different things, and right now i’m not sure that i have any faith my ocd makes it so hard to connect with God. and other parts of my identity too, ranging from the fact that i’m queer, to the music that i listen to. i feel like i’m not living the life that a christian is “supposed” to live. i don’t see how i fit into christianity and sometimes i wonder if i should just stop trying. when i became a christian it was like everything suddenly made sense. i was really happy, i felt peace. i felt like no matter what was scaring me, i had God on my side and that meant i would be okay. but then my ocd and depression got worse. i couldn’t leave the house, i became suicidal, and i couldn’t understand how i could have been so happy before, when suddenly i was so miserable. even though i’m better than i was, i still struggle with this. God feels so far away and i feel like i can’t reach Him anymore. i know this is my fault, not His, but it’s hard and i wish He could explain all this to me. i do all this sinful stuff like getting drunk, being lazy, etc, and i can feel it’s bad for my soul, but i’m in such a drought spiritually that at least those things make me feel something. and i know these things just bring me further and further away from God, but i don’t know what else to do. i pray but it’s pretty much just “please make everything okay again” and i feel like i’ve forgotten how to really talk to Him. there’s nothing that i like about myself, i feel like i’m a waste of a life, and i wish God would prove me wrong :(

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Username: Jesuslover28Jesuslover28

Date posted: 4w ago

Well here is some good news, when Jesus died on the cross he forgave you of your sins. As he was being beat and tortured for our sake he was thinking of us, we were the first thing on his mind. He loves us very much. When Jesus says he forgives you he means it because he can not lie. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. God loves you and he died for all of creation so we can be with him for eternity. The devil loves making you feel like your a failure and your destined for hell, but God loves you he is there, it's OCD making it hard to hear God because of all the mental noises. But if you are ever wondering if it's God or not, look for comfort, peace, hope and joy. If it leads you closer to God it's the holy Spirit, if it leads you further away from God it's condemnation from the enemy. God bless you♥️

Username: wren <3wren <3

Date posted: 4w ago

@Jesuslover28 thank you so much, this has really helped 💗

Username: HavilahismynameHavilahismyname

Date posted: 4w ago

Jesus lovrs.you very very much. I was told that when you have OCD, it is really hard to know.what God wants you to do. But he is listening. He really is.

Username: wren <3wren <3

Date posted: 4w ago

@Havilahismyname thank you 💗💗

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 29d ago

It can be really helpful to talk to someone who is a Christian whom you trust who can counsel you and help you. This a point in your life where you need mentorship. If you can seek out someone to talk to about spiritual things, that could be really good :):) We weren’t meant to walk our Christian lives alone. We were meant to be connected to others who can help us

Username: MalisimoMalisimo

Date posted: 29d ago

You sound like you have a spiritual malady. How can you believe in a God and in hell and then expect to connect emotionally to that idea. You are judging yourself very harshly. We all have ups and downs spiritually, this is there to drive you forward to new thoughts and higher spiritual development. I would suggest you challenge what you believe you know because it doesn’t seem to be working for you.

Username: 🫶

Date posted: 22w ago

religion

i’ve recently been getting a lot of religious videos on youtube and i watched some and i feel so scared. i can’t mess up or else im going to hell. i can’t say “omg” or else i feel so much guilt and i start freaking out. i also get intrusive thoughts that question christianity and that are very explicit/sexual images. i also feel so guilty because i don’t have true faith. i try to be religious to save my own skin, not out of being grateful for jesus dying for me. i feel nothing. i just don’t feel thankful and i don’t know why. i know i should but i just can’t. and i don’t wanna go to hell because i can’t feel thankful for anything and i just keep on sinning. i keep having to repeat “gosh dang” under my breath to get the right feeling and so i don’t use the lord’s name in vain. please help me. i want to be religious and grateful but i just can’t be truly faithful :(

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Username: katiscool

Date posted: 16w ago

religion doubts

i am a christian. i am constantly terrified of offending God and going to hell. i love God so much but this so scary. i feel like a really bad person. i have to pray in specific ways at specific times of the day in a specific order and sometimes it feels like a chore. i feel so bad about this. the reason i became a christian in the first place was mostly out of fear. i feel so bad admitting all of this but i really need help. i wanna continue being a christian i think but it’s all so scary and stressful. praying has become a compulsion, i feel like a terrible person with every sin, and it’s so exhausting. also, i’m a lesbian and i’m so scared God will send me to hell for that. i can’t change my identity. i’ve tried, but i just can’t like boys. i’m so scared and sad and terrified and stressed. i have no clue what to do.

Username: AnonCat227

Date posted: 11w ago

Feeling Distant From God

OCD often makes me feel distant from God. I often feel unforgiven, unloved, and even hated. In my head I often view God as someone who hates me and who is always constantly disappointed in me. My relationship with him feels like an Obligation now more than a relationship. I’m always on the cusp of becoming an atheist, but I always draw myself back because I don’t want to give up my faith so fast, even if it’s been 4-5 years of living like this. I’m often at war with myself daily. There is never a day that I feel as though if I do one small thing whether it be buy something or eat something that I’m going to end up in eternal damnation. And even though I know it’s only OCD and it’s cognitive distortions, I still feel uneasy.

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