You sound a lot like me. Growing up I was the exact same way, and it also frustrated me to no end. I understand that feeling of NEEDING to agree with people and needing approval, as well as the intense fear of disappointing someone or having someone dislike me.
I always knew logically that it doesn't really matter what people think, but at an emotional level it always felt so scary to have an opposing opinion to anything. If I saw a single negative comment about a band I liked, I would stop listening to them. Not because I agreed with the negative comment, but because I wanted to avoid the intrusive thoughts that would inevitably arise if I dared to like something that other people have criticized. The same thing would happen for foods that people criticize, TV shows, clothing...it was madness.
At the end of the day, this is only a problem because we THINK that something terrible will happen if we disagree with someone, or that we won't be able to handle the judgement/anxiety/whatever. So we avoid it all-together. The problem with avoiding is that we're literally training ourselves to be MORE afraid of this trigger.
What eventually helped me the most was ERP. If you aren't practicing that with a therapist, I highly suggest looking into it. But the basic idea is to very slowly and gently expose yourself to triggering scenarios that you would normally avoid. You then allow yourself to fully feel the anxiety that arises, and don't try to push any of the thoughts or feelings away. You let it all come and go on its own, without judgement or intervention.
A good exposure is one that is just outside of your comfort zone. Perhaps you can listen to a song by an artist that gets a lot of hate, or watch part of a show that's been slammed on Reddit. If that's too much, maybe start out by simply writing, "I like [insert hated thing here]" and reading it back to yourself a few times, just noticing how it makes you feel.
Eventually you might start finding very minor ways to disagree with people. Maybe you have dinner with a good friend, and they dislike the decor of the place, so you say, "nah I think it's pretty nice."
Or maybe you can respond to a comment on Reddit/YouTube/whatever with an opposing viewpoint. It's all a matter of finding that thing that is just outside your comfort zone, and giving it a shot.
The important thing is that you need to do your best not to compulsively react. You need to teach yourself that it's okay to feel anxious. Just be mindful about it and notice how it physically feels.
The idea is that over time, you will demonstrate to yourself that it's okay to disagree with others. The key word here is "demonstrate," because this is something that you need to experience first-hand. The part of your brain that is ringing the alarm bells doesn't understand logic, reasoning, or language, it understands experiences and feelings. That's why exposure therapy is so effective for this kind of thing.
Glad to talk more about this if you want. Good luck out there!
