Real and not ocd

Hi everyone, I am 20 years old with ADHD and i need some help. Recently, i got diagnosed with OCD; and i am dealing with Real event OCD/intrusive thoughts. When i was 16, i said something out loud (i think that was impulsive/intrusive) that was immorally wrong and against my morals. I was aware of my wrong doing, yet i still said it because i announced it in a “jokingly way” i completely regret it and ashamed of it. i don’t want to go into detail on what i said, because i don’t feel comfortable. But anyways, at the time i didn’t think what i said was “bad” and i just brushed it off to the side. then 1-2 months later, i came to the realization, that what i said was wrong. Since then, i have been fixated on the event as i feel like a “bad person”. What is wrong with me? Why would i say that? I feel like i don’t deserve pity or forgiveness. I don’t know what to do. I am not trying to find reassurance. I just want to find people who share similar experiences.

I think I just need to vent about this and hopefully I’ll feel better. When I was a teen (somewhere between 12 and 18, fuzzy about when exactly) I found some weird fetish porn. I didn’t even know what I was doing because my sex ed was terrible, but I ended up getting off to it. I remember being confused, scared, and VERY secretive. I ended up being funneled into a community that ultimately was very harmful for me as a young teen, one that I don’t think I would have been anywhere near if I hadn’t stumbled onto it. Now that I’m in my late 20s, I recognize that this was not a good situation. I think I was into it because it was paired with things I do like, because of the secrecy and anxiety, and just sheer exposure. But that doesn’t stop me from every once in a while being absolutely terrified that I secretly like it. It’s nerve wracking, because I wonder if I just convinced myself I didn’t like it because I assigned moral value to it. I had friends that thought it was disgusting. But at the end of the day, I didn’t stop because of other people, I stopped because I found myself not wanting it anymore. I just stopped wanting it. Now, I don’t want it. Even though I’ve done my best to remove the moral quantity to it, I just don’t want to do it and the thought makes me uncomfortable and icked out. So… yeah. I’ve talked to my therapist before. It was the first time I ever cried in therapy. I think I need to talk through it more. I’m comforted knowing I don’t want to act on any of the intrusive thoughts I get about it, but knowing that I did things when I was a teen makes it hard. I just have to remind myself I was a child, I know what was happening. But it’s hard

I have pocd and am dealing with a real event situation with it. I did something really really odd when I was 18, like really weird. It kinda involved a child but no one was hurt and nothing s*xual really happened. What I did tho was really weird and although I’m kinder to myself and not calling myself a p*do anymore I still can’t shake how weird what I did was. Im not talking something cute and quirky weird like im talking weird weird and strange like mentally not with it. I feel like I’ve ruined everything and base my life on this thing I did. How do I stop feeling like this when I feel like I deserve to be put in an asylum.