Can't get the thoughts to stop

I cried to my partner again today about everything, she mentioned feeling scared that I'd force her to break up with me over how unhappy I am. Can't stop feeling like my depression is causing my relationship harm, and me not being happy rn will extend indefinitely into the future and cause the relationship to end. I have therapy tomorrow, but I know talking about this for 45 minutes will lead to the day being consumed by the same thoughts I'm having now. I'm a week into taking Bupropion, trying to convince my OCD to acknowledge side effects and my other mental issues as real things that impact me. Bc rn it's like I'm a fake person with no real identity wasting my partner's time by wanting to make it work in spite of my OCD. I don't think this app takes my insurance, does anyone have ocd support groups or something they know about? I can't keep crying to my partner every morning

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w ago

OK!! firstly, everyone with rocd goes through this, it’s torture. i know it and i got to a point that i think you’re at where i thought that: my partner didn’t deserve me bc of my thoughts, im just torturing myself, im lying and i know it and more. (also this is good script lol) anyways, ive realized three things tbh at i’ll actually go into detail about: 1. accepting uncertainty means going to a place where you’re mind is a river. our brains have over 1,000 thoughts going through them daily it’s highly unlikely that someone with ocd or even a nonsufferer would agree with everything that comes to mind. the trick is not leading with fear. understanding that the beauty of our mind is that we have so many thoughts. think about it, we have a superpower where ocd people are the most creative and attentive and caring people ever. we beat ourselves over these thoughts when having them is normal and sincerely don’t mean anything. the reason you’re upset is quite literally because they don’t align with your values. 2. when in doubt, choose the relationship. you’re afraid of it ending, if you actually wanted it to end or loose it you wouldn’t be obsessing over it and suffering from rocd in this way. the best exposure, chance of recovering and chance at being happy in your relationship is CHOOSING it. even when you’re in a spiral, a lull, a state of numbness and not feeling so lovey. 3. Understand your ocd and the symptoms it gives you. for me this is realizing somatic anxiety symptoms affect and spiral me. reminding myself that this is my body reacting to something non threatening because my ocd has dysregulated my nervous system is crucial. i also work to do breathe and self alignment, journaling and more. you may feel stuck or inpatient, but again it takes time because you’re working to require your brain. in time you’ll see that it truly is enlightening to live presently. seeing yourself as the priority and others as the people you love and choose to surround yourself with will change your life. lead with love and openness not fear. you got this💗😌

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 18w ago

Thank you, sincerely. I am gonna reread this comment when I really need to. The river analogy works, freaking out over a thought is likely to cause you to get caught in the current. I actively choose my partner over the narrower and more fearful world my OCD would lead me into. Just gonna put that script here for when I come back to read this.

Username: Winona Winona

Date posted: 18w ago

@bdads27 This was so helpful to read. NOCD does not accept my insurance either, and I am scrambling to find an ERP specialist. I feel confused often. I fell deeply in love in 2021 and we are getting married now, getting dresses for our engagement shoot. Starting last summer, I began asking myself how we got here, if she made me laugh enough; I feel like since the beginning we didn’t talk at dinner for hours on end like my other relationships, or on the phone. I’ve never been so in love and I know we laugh all the time. But I ask myself, does she make me laugh or do I just like that I make her laugh? But I do laugh all the time. She is the love of my life and I’m terrified of ruining everything. I also don’t even know if this is ROCD, how I would know the difference. My life with her is easy and joyful, we see the world the same. But I ask myself if someone could possibly accidentally be with someone for this long based on attachment or, like, oxytocin.

Username: bdads27bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w ago

@Winona being in a relationship as a queer one i totally get it too! it’s confusing bc some days you’re like omg i’m in love i’ve never felt more enthralled and others you’re like omg what happened. the truth is, we cannot have that feeling all the time, if we did we’d get used to it and then not get it at all! reflection is great and doubt is normal especially when it comes to bigger decisions like engagements and marriage. there will always be a better something, this is true, but actively choosing and loving you’re person makes it far more profound and deeper than anything else. active choice is key especially when you’re getting urges to breakup or leave. that will only subside anxiety, give you plenty more thoughts and obsessions and lead you in a much narrower world full of fear. cbt is essential as well. writing your fears and thoughts and turning them into turnaround statements of why this needs to be true can help or also rereading them and actively looking at the warped thinking.

Username: Winona Winona

Date posted: 17w ago

@bdads27 @bdads27 Thank you so much for your feedback (and I love my fellow queers!). Reading your experience and others’ comments is immeasurably helpful, especially in feeling less alone. I’m sorry this is coming a week late; I kind of fell into a rabbit hole of my mind and am trying to be more present. It felt important to circle back and tell you your response meant a lot to me.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 6w ago

@bdads27 I love this. Thank you for sharing. Especially appreciate your insight on #3 🙏🏽

Username: Polar30xoPolar30xo

Date posted: 18w ago

100% I'm with you on this. I feel like a fake, an imposter most days like I have this big bad side that no one knows about and I'm just going about manipulating everyone around me that I'm ill but infact I'm.not ill I'm just screwed up and don't know how to fix my issues. Literally stuck in my head 24/7 and my husband must be so down with it all. I break down every few days convinced I'm this horrible person seeking reassurance that if it's true will he stay will he help support me to get rhe right help but even that's not enough I'm so tired of it all. You are not alone xxx

Username: FloralEnvoyFloralEnvoy

Date posted: 18w ago

It's gotta feel like it's not enough because it's not actually addressing the OCD, right?

Username: monica<3

Date posted: 25w ago

ocd is controlling my life

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

Anyone else drowning lately ?

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Username: marcygirl23

Date posted: 20w ago

My story! Please give advice

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

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Can't get the thoughts to stop

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